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The Signs on a First Date

By Celestial Mistress, Maiden, and Minion    Aries Does meeting up with “Flannelbear” in the Casey’s bathroom count?    Taurus Responds to all their Tinder messages with “wanna go for a walk?” Somehow always ends up on the top of Ahrens Hill not really sure if they’re on a date. Doesn’t really matter either way,...

The Signs as Spotify Wrapped Instagram Stories

by Celestial Mistress, Maiden, and Minion  Aries Top song: Castaways by The Backyardigans Cast. “Love this show!”  Taurus Top artist: Lil Nas X. “No homo”  Gemini Top moods: happy and soft. “SSRIs work!”  Cancer Top artist: Glass Animals. “This is all because of tik tok.”   Leo Top podcast: Red Scare. “It started as a...

Horoscopes: The Signs in a Zombie Apocalypse

By Celestial Maiden, Celestial Mistress, and Celestial Minion Aries Reminds you that you owe them money even though there’s no Venmo. Thrifts off of zombie bodies to sell… somewhere. Gold watches and random wallets will save me, right? Taurus Has prepared an underground bunker for such occasions. Fully stocked on canned vegetables and Nutella (the...

The Signs Stop by The Spencer Grille

By Celestial Mistress, Maiden, and Minion    Aries “The Secret Menu”: Mix two packets of Splenda, one packet of salt, three packets of pepper. Mix with sweet baby ray’s sweet chili sauce. Pour over fruit salad and serve at room temperature.     Taurus “Surf and Turf”: Goldfish and beef jerky    Gemini “The Stemmo”: Spicy...

Horoscopes: The Signs in a Zombie Apocalypse

By Celestial Maiden, Celestial Mistress, and Celestial Minion Aries Reminds you that you owe them money even though there’s no Venmo. Thrifts off of zombie bodies to sell… somewhere. Gold watches and random wallets will save me, right? Taurus Has prepared an underground bunker for such occasions. Fully stocked on canned vegetables and Nutella (the...

The Signs Stop by The Spencer Grille

By Celestial Mistress, Maiden, and Minion    Aries “The Secret Menu”: Mix two packets of Splenda, one packet of salt, three packets of pepper. Mix with sweet baby ray’s sweet chili sauce. Pour over fruit salad and serve at room temperature.     Taurus “Surf and Turf”: Goldfish and beef jerky    Gemini “The Stemmo”: Spicy...

The Signs on a First Date

By Celestial Mistress, Maiden, and Minion    Aries Does meeting up with “Flannelbear” in the Casey’s bathroom count?    Taurus Responds to all their Tinder messages with “wanna go for a walk?” Somehow always ends up on the top of Ahrens Hill not really sure if they’re on a date. Doesn’t really matter either way,...

The Signs as Spotify Wrapped Instagram Stories

by Celestial Mistress, Maiden, and Minion  Aries Top song: Castaways by The Backyardigans Cast. “Love this show!”  Taurus Top artist: Lil Nas X. “No homo”  Gemini Top moods: happy and soft. “SSRIs work!”  Cancer Top artist: Glass Animals. “This is all because of tik tok.”   Leo Top podcast: Red Scare. “It started as a...

The Signs as Makeshift Halloween Costumes

The Signs' Roommate Horror Stories – The Scarlet and Black