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Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 20120425

jon: i thought somebody cool just walked out. look, denying interest in being the vice president is pro forma in politics. everybody does it but the tone that these folks are using. not me! it is what you say when someone shouts who wants free ticket to its puppet ree of the penis. (laughter) by the way, the guy underneath there, you think that is a guy tlarx is his scrotum that is how good they are. that is how good they are in this show. (laughter) i m taking myself off the list. come on pawlenty that is what you tell a telemarketer who calls you during dinner, and thank you but no that is how rich people turn down finger food. (laughter) please, a yale man doesn t eat miniquiche. if are you going to pass on the job, at least recommend someone else to fill it. you ve got a lot of really talented people out there that mitt romney is going to get to pick from i think a lot of them, senator rob portman would be phenomenal choice for vice president. jon: that does t that

Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20120424

that s our show. join us tomorrow night at 11:00, madeleine albright. whooo! jon: i think i m in love with you people. very few crowds will whooo a former secretary of state. (cheers and applause) here it is, your moment of zen. in the president s book, he admitted eating dog when he was growing up in indonesia and grasshoppers, and i didn t make that up. sean, you know, i m going to talk about jobs and stephen: tonight mitt romney makes a gaffe at a pennsylvania picnic, he told the achish his wife drove a couple of buggies. a and my guest don mcelroy was the head of the texas school board who o posed the teaching of evolution, or maybe he wasn t, the science isn t in yet. neil diamond has married 29 years his junior, don t worry, she ll be a woman, soon. (laughter) this is the colbert report. captioning sponsored by comedy central (cheers and applause) stephen: welcome to the report. stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, step

Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20120424

stephen: tonight mitt romney makes a gaffe at a pennsylvania picnic, he told the achish his wife drove a couple of buggies. a and my guest don mcelroy was the head of the texas school board who o posed the teaching of evolution, or maybe he wasn t, the science isn t in yet. neil diamond has married 29 years his junior, don t worry, she ll be a woman, soon. (laughter) this is the colbert report. captioning sponsored by comedy central (cheers and applause) stephen: welcome to the report. stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! (cheers and applause) stephen: thank you, ladies and gentlemen. thank you so much. you re very kind. (cheers and applause) welcome to the report. glad to have you with us. folks, i got to tell you, the general election campaign is barely under way. and president obama is already resorting to ad homonym attacks trying to divide the country just when the republicans are trying to unite us against him. (laught

Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20120424

captioning sponsored by comedy central (cheers and applause) stephen: welcome to the report. stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! (cheers and applause) stephen: thank you, ladies and gentlemen. thank you so much. you re very kind. (cheers and applause) welcome to the report. glad to have you with us. folks, i got to tell you, the general election campaign is barely under way. and president obama is already resorting to ad homonym attacks trying to divide the country just when the republicans are trying to unite us against him. (laughter) fortunately fox & friends chief friend steve doocy isn t letting him get away with it. talking with mitt romney on thursday, doocy quoted the president s blatant attack on mitt. he said unlike some people, i wasn t born with a silver spoon in my mouth. (laughter) stephen: unlike some people, oh gee, who could obama possibly mean. we all know when are you talking about someone being born into

Detailed text transcripts for TV channel - FOXNEWS - 20100516:19:43:00

consisted of teachers and content specialists. a state board of education appoints expert reviewers and we go through and make the recommendations and then the state board of education will vote on what changes they want to make. and in history you have different interpretations. one person s view might be different from somebody else. those are at the core of the battle pitting democrats against republicans. this allows the students to learn about transvestites and transsexuals. i take the bible seriously. seven, including don mcelroy are said to be part of a conservative block that critics allege are imposing their political views and their religion values. we don t always vote together as a block. they very seldom break away from one another and you create the impression you are more

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