Page 3 - Ehhh Ehhh News Today

[cheers and applause] you know if you go out and you want to buy groceries, you need a picture on a card. You need id. You go out and you want to buy anything you need id and you need your picture. [laughter] something tells me this guy has never been grocery shopping. Like ever. He probably tried it once, but the first thing you see when you walk in is the produce aisle so he just walked right back out. He was like, ew, vegetables. Gross. Oh, grosseries, i get it now. One day ill be president [...

Harris, booker, castro, yang, gabbard, maynard and hartley. And the last two names i made up, but did you notice . No. Because there are too many people. The candidates, i have to say, they really came out swinging tonight. No punches were pulled. Here we go oh gehrig goes in there punching. This is not a good scene at all. Jimmy i think we have the wrong clip. That was not the debate. [ laughter ] that was from the reds and pirates last night. Lets look at it again in slow motion. Because you c...

Theres an organic spore in my head that made me switch cliques so easily. No, you just kind of did it on your own. Oh, my god. This is so embarrassing. Uh, hang on. What i meant to say was, we just infiltrated the emo lair and we torched the plant leader. Oh. Oh [choking] iits me imim me again oh, my god, im all better. Thanks, you guys. Henrietta, i have dinner ready. Shut up, mom leave me alone, you conformist bag of demon jizz fatty. Leave memale announcer formist bafrom comedy centrals world...

And just so you know, we love corporations. Viacom, youre great. Keep doing what you do. Were really big fans here at the daily show, viacom. Mwah, love you. So the answer is obviously to hug these corporations close, and corporations are hugging right back google, kpmg, aetna, lyft not chickfila and here comes the true slay queen, walmart. [all cheering] is walmart gay . Walmart does take pride in their gay associates. As a company, i dont think you can label a company with a sexual orientation...

Theyre a band of boys from south korea. Theyre very popular. Some people have been camping out for five days, which is sad, really, more than anything. Its because they showed up last night, theyd still be in the front row. Theres no need, but anyway, monsta x is a super popular group. The names, im sorry if i mispronounce. Show hh the larrys not one of the guys. One of the things about this band, they wear a lot of makeup. We thought it would be fun to ask the guys to do an monsta x extreme mak...

Lounge music playing on piano singing in dolphin clicks laughing car horns honking thudding hey, move it, buddy. intercom beeps intercom beeps what are you, deaf . intercom beeps oh, you have got to be kidding [trumpet fanfare] from comedy centrals world news headquarters in new york, the daily show with trevor noah presents your moment of them the best of jaboukie youngwhite. Hi, im jaboukie youngwhite, the daily shows senior rust belt correspondent. Jk, im gay, and so is pittsburgh. [upbeat te...

He had the same look on his face that billy joel has when someone yells, play piano man. Why you already know it. [ laughter ] this mornings House Judiciary Committee testimony from special Counsel Robert Mueller ran behind schedule to the point the Committee Democrats were asked to limit their questioning time, because its not like mueller could further limit his answers. Yes no correct. True no correct. Thank you. Yes. [ laughter ] seth in a new interview, Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader gins...

It was a day of recordsetting domination on the world stage for the us women. The defending champions posting the tournaments largest margin of victory ever, shutting out thailand 13 to nothing. Wow 13 to nothing. [cheers and applause] thats not a soccer score. America basically won by a touchdown, a field goal, and a threepointer combined. Like, they were dominating so hard, this was their goalie during the game. And its crazy cause if you ever watch soccer in the world, youre like, this is mad...

Times a year to check out the smoke alarm in the greenroom. Also, jim gaffigan and dave salmoni is here. He brought a menagerie of creatures, including a striped skunk. I think its a skunk, eith that, or im smelling snoops dressing room. He also brought what is called a alligator turtle. I googled it. It should be fighting mothra in japan. Theres dave right there. Hey, dave, whats this animal . This is a fennec fox whose name is bob. Jimmy bob the fox. Does he know how many Instagram Likes he co...

Multiple Sexual Assault charges in a 1992 party at maralago. Trump doesnt care about the video because it doesnt prove anything, and epstein doesnt care about it because its 26 years old. [ laughter ] [ applause ] [ light laughter ] according to a new poll, republican support for President Trump has increased following his racist remarks about minority congresswomen how is that possible were there actually republicans out there going, i dont know, he seems racist, but [ laughter ] i need more pr...