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December 17, 2020
As millions around the world prepare for a Christmas that will cap off a tumultuous and trying year, Lindt announced that instead of its regular chocolate Advent calendars, it will be offering 25 Xanax pills instead.
“After the year we have had, it is going to take more effort than ever before to get people into the holiday spirit,” said Lindt spokesperson Madison Ealing while maintaining a drug-induced calm. “Rather than giving people a sweet piece of chocolate, we think it would be better to give them something that will take theedge off during these difficulttimes.”
“Honestly I couldn’t have asked for a better way to welcome the holiday season,”said Emily Blanchard. “It’s hard to watch the news these days and still be excited for what the month has to offer. This daily Xan is just what I needed.”