Page 18 - Fat Guy News Today

Jimmy thank you. Welcome. Thanks, its embarrassing. Hi, everyone. Im jimmy. Thank you, thank you. Thank you for watching. Thanks for coming. [ cheers and applause ] i dont know if you know this, i hosted the oscars last night. [ cheers and applause ] ill admit i was fishing. What a weird thing though. Have any of you ever hosted the oscars before . Well, let me tell you about it. Except for the end, it was a lot of fun. [ laughter ] went very well. We were chugging along. Then all of a sudden ou...

You see, when i was younger, i had an affair with doikk nats. Hes a member of the cantina band. Oh, yeah, thats right. You know that guy. Stephen know him, paul . I loved him. There he is, holding his dorenian beshniquel. And lets just say, that wasnt the only thing doikk knew how to blow. When i first heard doikk play at the mos eisley cantina, he made love to that instrument, and then he made love to me. It was an experience ill never forget, because i had no idea what sex he was or how he did...

For instance, i heard president obama tapped your phones. Just tweet that and the hounds are off your trail obama i knew he was up to no good how low has president obama gone to tap my phones during the big sacred election process . This is nixon watergate. Bad. Boom donald, stop abe maam lincoln . Dont listen to nixon he was the one who tapped the phones in watergate. Shut up, abe dont you have tickets to the theater tonight . Donald, nixon had to resign for lying. Oh, damn it president lincoln...

Stephen hey whoo jon hey stephen hey, everybody cheers and applause audience chanting stephen hey, thanks, everybody thank you, mark piano riff whoo cheers and applause yeah welcome to the late show thanks so much, everybody youre very kind. Very kind. Thank you very much listen cheers and applause thank you, everybody. Lovely. Yeah stay strong, be brave look folks, im not going to lie to you, this is the late show and im stephen colbert. laughter last week, i dont know if you were paying attent...

For instance, i heard president obama tapped your phones. Just tweet that and the hounds are off your trail obama i knew he was up to no good how low has president obama gone to tap my phones during the big sacred election process . This is nixon watergate. Bad. Boom donald, stop abe maam lincoln . Dont listen to nixon he was the one who tapped the phones in watergate. Shut up, abe dont you have tickets to the theater tonight . Donald, nixon had to resign for lying. Oh, damn it president lincoln...

Corporate tax reform, but before they can get to that Senate Majority leader Mitch Mcconnell said today Congress Needs to resolve health care reform. Listen. I think finishing on tax reform will take longer, but we do have to finish the Health Care Debate, up or down, win or lose, before we go to taxes. Kayla tausche is on capitol hill with whether the gop leaderships plan to repeal and replace obamacare is gaining any traction. I think they got it through committee, didnt they . Yeah, after 28 ...

Taking any chances saying youve got to change up your routine even make sure you tell someone where youre going and when youll be back. Good evening, im lucy noland. Im iain page. People in a Quiet Community are scared tonight. Fox 29s Dave Schratwieser is live in New Castle County with new information and, dave, cops hope this guy is caught before he strikes a fourth time. Reporter Police Looking for that suspect but theres no doubt tonight that folks in this area are on edge with three of thes...

Why this micro pit bull has one big price tag. Thats a condo. Im sorry. Thats so crazy. Well, it may be warming up for some of us, other parts of the country and canada can expect more of this in their future. That looks nasty. According to the poster of this video, this part of the transpacific in canada was closed for various reasons. You can barely see what is happening, but a couple snowmobilers happen along to assist drivers that become trapped on the side of the road. They brought blankets...

Why this micro pit bull has one big price tag. Thats a condo. Im sorry. Thats so crazy. Well, it may be warming up for some of us, other parts of the country and canada can expect more of this in their future. That looks nasty. According to the poster of this video, this part of the transpacific in canada was closed for various reasons. You can barely see what is happening, but a couple snowmobilers happen along to assist drivers that become trapped on the side of the road. They brought blankets...

My brood is on your hands, cbs its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight, stephen welcomes Neil Degrasse tyson and todd barry. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause stephen hey hey theer cheers and applause thank you very much. Thanks, everybody. Welcome to the late show, everybody. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. These people are incredible. These people are here through an absolute...