my offffice was lilike a bibig meeting g room, with one d decision after ananother. thisis was aboutut 10:30, 1110 atat night; i i went for a a . i remembmber saying,g, "god, "i"i can't havave a heart t att. just not t time. "i"it's not gogonna happenen . "if you u want to gigive me a a heart attatack, it's gononna happen n later." anand i saw ththe river. it gavave me a treremendous sense e of stabilility. there arare a lot ofof things i don'n't know howow to do, bubut i know h how toto run emergrgencies becacause i've d done soso many of t them. and i saidid to myselflf, "this s is what i i know how t . i knowow how to dodo this." - did yoyou have anynything, yoyou know, sosome way thah, you u know-- some s sense ofof a religioious faith t tt "godod put me hehere for r this momenent"? - i i don't knowow god's wil, and d i don't knknow god's p . but i did d feel-- um-- i i did feel t that, in ththat , i was s in the plalace thatat i guess i i had to be.