Page 2 - Jack Daniel News Today

Think of a number. Im thinking to have the same one. laughter all right, the South Carolina democratic president ial debate has just wrapped up and, guys, it was a little crazy. Tom, i think she was talking about my plan, not yours. I think we were talking about math and it doesnt take two hours to do the math. Lets talk about math. You wrote the crime bill. Where we come from thats called johnny come lately. You didnt write that bill. I wrote the bill. Okay, you did. Took out to have the hands ...

Recess. It is a time when you drink tea and sit on your porch. Nashville became the center of the political universe in the United States for several weeks in the summer ratify the amendment. Tennessee legislature, then women across the country in every state, and every election, election, for the first time. All women would have the right to vote weird it was all coming down to tennessee, and it got really wild. How many women were in america at that point, voting age. 27 million women were vot...

Spoke by phone with President Trump. Was there a quid pro quo . Its the late show live. Tonight not debatable and stephen plays rugly with new zealands allblacks. Plus, stephen welcomes John Heilemann and alex wagner featuring live jon batiste and stay human. And now, live from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause stephen woooo thanks for joining us stephen oh, yeah. Theres nothing like it. There is no feeling like teverybody. Hello, jon you ready . J...

This would also include some punishment. It would include 100 hours of community service, an Education Course about prostitution, and a screening for stds. [laughter] a screening for stds . Like, what is all of this . Rich people get deals that ive never heard of. Admit you would have been found guilty and well let you go . [bleep] outta here, man [laughter] at least make him admit it in a room full of eagles fans, then well see some punishment, you know . This is insane well only let you go if ...

But the reality is, some of us dont even get a look at the basket. Because theres nothing more expensive. Than being broke. Wow. That was beautiful. Hmm. Sometimes in court, i actually learn something, feel something. Today is one of those days. 60 days in jail, sentence suspended based on time served. Go home. But i had a clean record. I dont care. But i do, your honor. [ crowd gasping ] before you render judgment, i have one thing i have to say. Nay, two things. Firstly, i bested adam bethune ...

[cheers and applause] you know if you go out and you want to buy groceries, you need a picture on a card. You need id. You go out and you want to buy anything you need id and you need your picture. [laughter] something tells me this guy has never been grocery shopping. Like ever. He probably tried it once, but the first thing you see when you walk in is the produce aisle so he just walked right back out. He was like, ew, vegetables. Gross. Oh, grosseries, i get it now. One day ill be president [...

Theres an organic spore in my head that made me switch cliques so easily. No, you just kind of did it on your own. Oh, my god. This is so embarrassing. Uh, hang on. What i meant to say was, we just infiltrated the emo lair and we torched the plant leader. Oh. Oh [choking] iits me imim me again oh, my god, im all better. Thanks, you guys. Henrietta, i have dinner ready. Shut up, mom leave me alone, you conformist bag of demon jizz fatty. Leave memale announcer formist bafrom comedy centrals world...

And just so you know, we love corporations. Viacom, youre great. Keep doing what you do. Were really big fans here at the daily show, viacom. Mwah, love you. So the answer is obviously to hug these corporations close, and corporations are hugging right back google, kpmg, aetna, lyft not chickfila and here comes the true slay queen, walmart. [all cheering] is walmart gay . Walmart does take pride in their gay associates. As a company, i dont think you can label a company with a sexual orientation...

Lounge music playing on piano singing in dolphin clicks laughing car horns honking thudding hey, move it, buddy. intercom beeps intercom beeps what are you, deaf . intercom beeps oh, you have got to be kidding [trumpet fanfare] from comedy centrals world news headquarters in new york, the daily show with trevor noah presents your moment of them the best of jaboukie youngwhite. Hi, im jaboukie youngwhite, the daily shows senior rust belt correspondent. Jk, im gay, and so is pittsburgh. [upbeat te...

It was a day of recordsetting domination on the world stage for the us women. The defending champions posting the tournaments largest margin of victory ever, shutting out thailand 13 to nothing. Wow 13 to nothing. [cheers and applause] thats not a soccer score. America basically won by a touchdown, a field goal, and a threepointer combined. Like, they were dominating so hard, this was their goalie during the game. And its crazy cause if you ever watch soccer in the world, youre like, this is mad...