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Transcripts For WJLA Jimmy Kimmel Live 20170103

Sweet. Oh, yeah. [ applause ] tonight. Get ready for an episode of Jimmy Kimmel Live unlike anything youve ever seen before. Featuring the most shocking, unbelievable monologue in Late Night Television history. An interview with joel mchale that will leave you speechless, for decades. A conversation with bachelor nick that will change everything you have ever thought about anything in your entire life. And then, kaitlyn and andi sit down with nick and jimmy for a chat so explosive, you will literally die. And finally, one of these men will be going home. Actually, all of them will be going, because they dont live here. Its all happening tonight, on a very special Jimmy Kimmel Live here for the right reasons. And now, here to begin this amazing journey, rosetradamus himself, jimmy kimmel. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy im jimmy, im the host of the show. This is an amazing journey. Welcome to the new year. Thats very nice. We are back to work. I hope your vacation selfies got a lot of lik

Transcripts For WPVI Jimmy Kimmel Live 20170103

As you saw in the opening. [ laughter ] that soft core porn he shot right before he did the bachelor, hell be, like, yeah. Youre pretty, too. I love your dress. Its really great. Its a great dress. Its great. [ laughter ] and a puppet will appear from behind him. Jimmy i havent noticed that, and now i wont be able to focus on anything else now. [ laughter ] its great to be here, and i cant believe it. This is amazing. Jimmy what about the bachelorette . Who is your favorite . Of all time . Jimmy alltime, going back to the 1800s. Okay, im going to go with myrtle no. Im going to go with kaitlyn. There was, like, five named kaitlyn. Jimmy well, i guess, yeah. There must be a lot of kaitlyns. You mean the one here tonight . I dont care. [ laughter ] i want to point out that chris, the host, he is just always on the verge of bursting out laughing. [ laughter ] because theyre, like, this is a real big deal. Jimmy im headed to the golf course. And i saw it because they sent me an advanced cop

Transcripts For WPVI Jimmy Kimmel Live 20170103

As you saw in the opening. [ laughter ] that soft core porn he shot right before he did the bachelor, hell be, like, yeah. Youre pretty, too. I love your dress. Its really great. Its a great dress. Its great. [ laughter ] and a puppet will appear from behind him. Jimmy i havent noticed that, and now i wont be able to focus on anything else now. [ laughter ] its great to be here, and i cant believe it. This is amazing. Jimmy what about the bachelorette . Who is your favorite . Of all time . Jimmy alltime, going back to the 1800s. Okay, im going to go with myrtle no. Im going to go with kaitlyn. There was, like, five named kaitlyn. Jimmy well, i guess, yeah. There must be a lot of kaitlyns. You mean the one here tonight . I dont care. [ laughter ] i want to point out that chris, the host, he is just always on the verge of bursting out laughing. [ laughter ] because theyre, like, this is a real big deal. Jimmy im headed to the golf course. And i saw it because they sent me an advanced cop

Transcripts For KWWL KWWL News At Noon 20161019

Tonight billionaires meg whitman and mark cuban for in las vegas back to you. Something weve been hearing a about this week election rigging. Thats something iowa senator joni ernst was asked about during a republican rally in sioux city. She did talk about the coverage leading up to the president ial election. Coming out right now with that access or that same level of scrutiny as what we are on sh country and not for trump. States are now asking the federal government for help with Voting System cybersecurity. 20states have reported attempted hacks surrounding state election systems. Donald trump claims theres large scale voter fraud happening. Those in charge of the elections say thats just not true. We checked up on how they make sure your vote counts here in eastern iowa. Were told if someone votes absentee, their name is flagged as voting absentee on election day. After election day people who voted in iowa are then compared those in other counties and states to make sure no one

Transcripts For KCRG Jimmy Kimmel Live 20161025

Theres nobody bigger than beyonce. Jimmy yes, there is and ow. Dame oprah, its dame oprah, its her jimmy its not oprah. You got stamos you finally got john stamos on the show. Thats amazing. Jimmy its not john stamos, and hes been on the show a bunch of times. Its not oprah. Its the president of the United States and he needs this woroom. Secret service is here and they have dogs who will bite you if you dont leave. Im going to have to ask you to ea im sorry. Im going to slap you again. Jimmy please dont, it hurt that time too. You got the president , huh . Wow. Its a big deal. Jimmy hes got two months left on the job. Good get, lame duck. Anyway this ones from matt day upon. Damon. I can sign that for you now. Dicky from hollywood, its Jimmy Kimmel Live tonight, president barack obama. And obama mean tweets 2. And now heres jimmy kimmel [ cheers and applause ] . Jimmy hi, everybody. Thank you. Im jimmy. Im the host. Thank you for watching. Thank you for coming. Congratulations on maki

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