Page 2 - John Laverty News Today

Ten years ago this week, life was sweet for Caroline. Miss Wozniacki could barely wait to become Mrs McIlroy, having accepted boyfriend Rory’s romantic New Year’s Eve proposal.

How unfortunate was Northern Ireland to have two Mad Dogs baring their vicious fangs at the same time? The first of these demented canines was Dominic ‘Mad Dog’ McGlinchey, closely followed by Johnny ‘Mad Dog’ Adair.

King Billy was, to borrow the Ulster vernacular, ‘gay as get out’. His fondness for handsome young men — most notably fellow Battle of the Boyne hero and ‘Low Countries’ native Hans Bentinck — was well known in royal circles back in the day.

It’s hardly outrageous to suggest that former Post Office chief executive Paula Vennells is the most despised woman in the UK right now. Co Antrim native Sharon Shoesmith knows exactly how that feels, having held the title in the late Noughties.

It’s no secret that some DUP diehards would rather stick needles in their eyes than welcome a Sinn Fein First Minister at Stormont. That doesn’t mean, however, that it won’t happen.

It’s ironic that Tony Blair’s most enduring soundbite was something he hadn’t planned. For once, the “hand of history” that alighted upon his shoulders at Hillsborough all those years ago didn’t have spin doctor Alistair Campbell’s fingerprints all over it.

It wasn’t the answer I was expecting from Mo Mowlam. Question: “How did it feel, sitting down with those loyalist killers in the Maze?” Reply: “I survived Ted Bundy, so Michael Stone’s hardly going to have me p***ing my pants…”

This time last week, Belfast recruitment researcher Lee wasn’t thinking too much about Christmas. Valentine’s Day 2024 was the key date etched in his mind. That’s when he intends proposing to Sarah, the love of his young life.

Don’t mention the wa**r ch*rges. I mentioned it once (in the headline above, obvs), but I think I got away with it. There are some things you should never utter, lest they’ll summon up those eponymous demons.

“What was that you just said?” barked Winkie Rea, after hearing the phrase ‘everything ends badly, otherwise it wouldn’t end.’