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Transcripts For FOXNEWSW The Ingraham Angle 20180728 02:00:00

Laura Ingraham shines a spotlight on everyday Americans and examines how their lives are affected by politics at the federal, state and local level. this is a confusion and an unelected judge trying to supersede and impose his values over the president. that's what the census is for, to count the people in the country. >> laura: they're counting all people. >> count the immigrants. >> laura: hold on, scott. they're counting all people. there's a question about whether you're a citizen or not. now, what is the problem with answering the question? i don't understand that. what is the possible constitutional argument here? >> well, because it's racially offensive, first of all. >> laura: what does it have to do with race? >> it's directed at brown people and black people. >> laura: you're making that up. >> of course it is. >> laura: it's directed at all people in the country. you ask a question. i get asked the question. you get asked the question. we got another case. >> does that mean i'll right? >> laura: out of portland involving trans-gender bathrooms. we've heard the trans-gender case and issue a long time, this is interesting because it's a parent's group gotten together and said we understand that trans-gender kids have rights but we represent families whose students, sons and daughters don't want to share a bathroom with a trans-gender person who is born of the opposite sex. this judge said you don't have any privacy rights here. if you have a problem, leave the district. harmeet, would that take the scrutiny? i know it's the ninth district. it's a harsh ruling against that parent's group. maybe i'm misreading it. >> i agree with you. it's harsh and wrong. trans-gender students who may need a number of supports and medical support are -- they have rights obviously. the vast majority of them are not trans-gender and they have rights, too, including privacy rights. people trans-gender in their youth, they may switchback and forth. the spector has been raised, which is a real one, of people abusing this trans-gender labelling and electing it in order to peep and get into the girl's bathrooms. it's not really -- >> goodness gracious. >> it's not appropriate to look at one side or the other. i can tell you in girls locker rooms, we've been there. everything is showing. it's not really something that you want as a guy to have hooking at your body. sorry to say. >> laura: i don't want anybody looking at my body. i don't like anybody. i'm one of the shy people. >> it's a slap in the face for the judge to say the -- the parents are taxpayers. they have a right to have their kids educated -- >> laura: scott, do the parents have rights here? or just the trans-gender kids? >> not compared to the congratulations also. >> laura: and a bomb shell that was nothing. cnn's reporting surrounding trump's knowledge of the 2016 russian meeting rests on michael cohen. you remember what the media thought of him, right? >> it's a group of scumbags like michael cohen sitting around in cahoots with each other. >> michael cohen, the goon that he is. is he serious about becoming president? michael cohen does him no favors. >> this guy is a thug with a law degree and a billionaire boss. >> he shouldn't be a lawyer. that's not the way you communicate. you don't go to law school to act like a thug. >> laura: so a thug. then you don't take what a thug says to heart, right? the media would have questions about his credibility? no, no, no. what he says now has got to be right. >> if he is willing to talk to robert mueller, which sources say that he is, is that a game changer? >> michael cohen talking to robert mueller. isn't he a gold mine? >> this is collusion. this is an attempt, a fraud on the american people. >> if this is true, this is collusion. they're colluding with a secret kremlin plot. this is it. this is the ball game right here. >> wiley coyote almost has the roadrunner. acme tnt. goodness. we have a lot to get to with two of my favorite people. could this be enough to get the president this time? here to react, sarah carter and the federalist molly hemingway, fox news contributors. molly? >> it's interesting. people on this story day after day, month after month, year after year finally think they found the thing that will bring donald trump down. the idea that michael cohen is the lynchpin to the entire case and everything will crumble is fascinating that people would cling to that. probably if he was so important to this, bob mueller wouldn't today. i thought what is cnn talking about? they're so much news across the globe and all cnn could do is talk about cohen over and over and over again. they pounded this. cohen has to be right. now he has information that, you know, he has on president trump. but they called him donald. >> laura: i noticed that. >> they disrespect that he's the president. they say donald must have known about this meeting with natalia and don jr. and these russians. they were trying to get information from the russians. well, it's something that molly and i talk about frequently. we talked about it before we came to see you. if donald trump jr. went to that meeting and even if they were going to offer him something, why don't we just go back to hell hill -- hillary clinton paying a foreign spy to collect information to the russians to spread this information? >> this is an important point. if you think there's something nefarious about collecting information -- the whole point is trump knew that we were going to bring him down, if you believe that, you should have a problem with hillary clinton and the dnc secretly buying and paying for an operation where you hire a foreign spy and he according to his own claims sourced that to the kremlin. he says he got his information from the kremlin operatives. so if you think this is a horrible thing you should be concerned about the dossier. now we learned the dossier wasn't just used by the clintons. >> laura: that's right. >> it was used by the federal government and used to spy on an american citizen. part of a large -- >> laura: remember when civil libertarians used to care about big brother, big brother spying on us. now suddenly anything goes. if an intel agent or an intel agency says something, it's saying it can never be questioned. >> to the point of laura, they omitted information in the fisa that showed that even christopher steele himself one was bias because we know bruce ohr's testimony proved that and he worked for the department of justice and demoted twice and nellie ohr worked for fusion gps. not only that, christopher steele himself couldn't verify the information that he was collecting from the russians. okay. we're going to believe it, we're going to open a fisa warrant investigation on carter page, water going to spy on president trump and drag the entire administration for more than 1 1/2 years into this mess with robert mueller. >> laura: and this is cohen from 2017. he said in a tweet, i'm so proud of donald trump jr. for being open, honest and transparent to the american people. this nonsense needs to stop. that was at the issue with the meeting came out initially. >> cohen says he has no evidence to support his own claim. you people that say otherwise. this points to the actual issue of cohen's credibility. >> laura: who cares if he knew. >> the point being the entire case of the russia collusion hinges on him going to prague to conspire with the russians. he said he didn't go. if he's a truth teller around denies this central claim that underpins the russia collusion theory, how come it didn't matter? now it matters because -- >> molly is right on that. >> laura: do either of you find it curious that no one in the sort of more mainstream press does any like serious reporting on this? serious reporting on mueller, on what is taking so long and why this attorney client privilege material is dropping out, lanny davis' past associations, the countries and the foreign entities that he's represented over the years? they're going after manafort for ukraine. but what is lanny davis' clients list looks like? >> the most terrifying thing -- >> laura: yeah. >> you have a week like this where all the things we heard about the fisa court being misled are confirmed by documents. the media doesn't report it. they're gas-lighting and making reality seem the opposite of what it is. you have a case like that, the media should -- i get they don't like trump but they need to report on this issue of whether -- not even whether. we know it's established. the trump campaign was surveilled in multiple ways. wiretapped, human informants, national security letters. >> laura: if they were done with hillary, they would be -- >> all the resources, laura, that "the new york times" has, "the washington post" have, with the great history they've had as well which is why people became journalists, to do investigative reporting. they stepped back and let our narrative role -- >> laura: the amazon post is dedicated to one thing. getting trump out of office. they want to recreate the old glory days. >> it's about impeachment. >> laura: they're not going to report on the other stuff. great for being here. trump defies the critics again. the gdp report, wow! just the latest example that the economy is roaring back to life under this president. so why is the media not cheering the results? the white house is here to respond next. around quarter to quarter. >> it's good to see but will it last. >> president trump will take a lot of credit for the numbers. don't believe him. a lot of people that bought things because they're worried about his tariffs and a lot of false growth from tax cuts juicing the economy. >> laura: i heard people saying it was all obama's economy. all of them were really excited about his chance for more american success. here the react, kevin hasett. thanks for being here. >> thanks. >> laura: i know you're not surprised. this number comes out after -- we're going to play the great predictions from last year. and these media types do everything in their power to down play it or give the credit to president obama. it's stunning. >> yeah. after president trump, it's laura ingraham's policy. how long have we known each other? >> laura: 20 plus years. >> the fact is we said if we cut corporate taxes the jobs would come home. if we had energy dominance, there would be exploration and drilling. if we had better trade deals by showing we're tough, we would reduce the trade deficit. so we have a capital spending boom, structures investments sky rockets because of the drilling and the trade deficit went down and contributed to higher gdp growth. everything about the trump agenda is working and that will drive the critics crazy. i'd like to add one last thing. there can be a sugar high in economics. you remember cash for clunkers? they bought a bunch of clunkers and people had to buy a new car. so gdp growth went up a lot in that quarter. after that they had a new car and it went back down. that was a sugar high. what we see is capital spending and capital spending increases supply. so all of those factories being built this quarter will have output in the next quarter and that will sustain the growth. >> laura: some of the doubters are saying, well, a lot of this has been juiced by other countries buying our soy beans in anticipation of the tariffs that are now not going to happen as far as europe goes. so they're stockpiling the soy beans, a huge increase in u.s. exports of soy beans. they say in the months coming, these countries won't need to buy as many soy beans, so that will put downward pressure on our gdp and thus the 4.1% very high level of today is not sustainable going forward. the president says look for higher numbers today. >> you know, i don't know higher numbers, but i don't want to disagree with the president either. the fact is, that we understand farmers and the white house. we know the soy bean crop is about to be harvested in september and prices have gone down. they've gone down recently because the chinese did stockpile lots of soy beans in anticipation of the trade dispute. but there's other things like the reshoring of activity because we're no longer an unattractive tax environment. the biggest news in today's gdp report which will frustrate the democrats, this old thing called inventories. if everybody is decided they're optimistic and they're going to buy stuff, the firms will ratchet up consumption. they're selling stuff off the shelves because production can't adjust so far. so inventory subtracted 1%. >> laura: we turned into doc's business. >> i apologize. we're going to get the 1% back because the shelves are empty. >> laura: yeah. we have some fun things here, this is what paul krugman said. this is after the 2016 election. he said we're looking at a global recession with no end in sight. i suppose we can get lucky. but on economics as if everything else, a terrible things happened. l.a. times. if trump thinks he can get more than 3% economic growth, he's dreaming. nose are just the ones we found in five seconds in our search today. jeb bush is saying yeah, this is great because of the tax cuts. but you now have to do immigration reform and you have to have free trade policies. so he was kicking the tariffs on the way to the praise there, kevin. final comments. >> the president's strong stance on trade has delivered a lot of progress in these negotiations. remember, the objective is to open up european markets, open up other markets for agricultural products. you saw the great news from the e.u. this week. that would have never happened if he didn't stand strong as you've been advising him to do. >> laura: never, never. thanks for being here. i appreciate it. >> great to being here. >> laura: and his response, the same man that worked for the obama administration, austin goulsby. tell us why we should be discouraged by a good gdp number? to listen to the commentary today, it's like you want to take a prozac. this is great news and so many of the democrats could not deal with the positive news for the country or for trump, which is very sad. >> look, i'm going to agree with you. i find it sad and you can see there were a bunch of democrats just trying to spin it in a partisan way. there's nothing bad about having a 4% gdp growth number. that's good. good for america and the president is entitled to say this was a good number. you can see he was beaming with pride. the question now is how can we continue to sustain that. it's worth remembering just last quarter was a mediocre number. so we had around 2%. now we got 4%. let's hope we get more 4%s and not reason to the 2%s. i don't think there's anything that you should convince yourself that was bad about this number. it wasn't bad. >> laura: we aren't saying wages rise as we want, especially with the tight labor market. you'd think wages would begin the uptick that's a problem. >> and i agree. >> laura: we haven't seen real wages. we're seeing bonuses though, which is nice to see. but people want to make more per year and per hour. >> we're not seeing it as we should. but that's the toughest part of the recovery. it has been true for a long time. it's not like this is just the fault of the trump administration. it's been a long period that we haven't had enough wage growth for ordinary workers in the middle of the wage distribution, if you want to think about it. that doesn't take away from the gdp today. it's very good. but just be a little careful. there's several aspects of the gdp number today that looks like they're probably temporary. we're still growing well, but there's some parts of it that 4% -- >> laura: remember the increase in trade hasn't kicked in yet. when this european deal gets done, i understand nafta is going to get done now my sources are telling me. if nafta gets done and looks much more likely now, which i can't believe i'm saying that, but -- >> i hope you're right. every day we don't have a trade war is a good day for america. >> laura: i am right on that. let's play this. bob lightheiser was on capitol hill. critics on both sides about the tariffs and how we're trying to take on china, this is brian schatt, democrat from hawaii. watch. >> first of all, you say the chinese are clever because they have a 50-year view. we should be clever and have a two or three-year view. that doesn't make sense to me. >> no. i'm saying we're a democracy, so we take a shorter-term view because we're responsible to our voters periodically. >> so does that mean that democracies always lose to authoritarian governments? does it mean -- >> sir, it means you don't pick stupid fights. >> if your conclusion is that china taking over all of our technology and the future of our children is a stupid fight, you're right. we should capitulate. my view is that's how we got where we are. i don't think it's a stupid fight. >> laura: that doesn't get enough play. that encapsulated so much of what the trump economic agenda is all about. don't cede. fight for every tight. and lightheiser is an underrated rock star in this administration. close it out. >> all i say is if your main thing is about confronting china, don't pick seven fights while carrying a six shooter. that's been our problem. our natural allies to stop chinese intellectual property violation would be the very country that we're threatening trade wars with. >> laura: they're working with us, austin. the e.u. is working with us. korea cut a new deal. >> they're not all working with us. >> laura: korea cut a new deal months ago. they did. europe is renegotiating with us. mexico is about to renegotiate nafta. canada is realizing what is going on with the steel. >> and the europeans are joining with the chinese -- >> laura: that's nonsense. we're out of time. >> we have to find a way to confront china to help us. >> laura: we tried. we're out of time. we'll roll. >> great to see you. >> laura: great having you on. and it's is not snakes on a plane but socks on a plane. are you confused? i am. you don't know what you're going to get on "the ingraham angle." stay there. ♪ keep it comin' love. if you keep on eating, we'll keep it comin'. all you can eat riblets and tenders at applebee's. now that's eatin' good in the neighborhood. scorching temperatures and strong winds and drought are fuelling the fire. forecasters don't expect a break in the weather soon. sky gazers around the world were treated to a rare sight. a blood moon. this lunar eclipse was the longest of the century. the exception of north america, much of the world caught a glimpse of the red moon. australia, europe and asia had the best view. i'm jackie ibanez. now back to "the ingraham angle" for your headlines, go to foxnews.com. have a great night. >> laura: it's friday. you know what that means. one grounded plane and the biggest documentary in the country? where to begin. for more, raymond aroyo. okay, raymond. more reboots announced this week. it's like the 90s have returned. what is the latest? >> the 90s are back with a vengeance. "fraser" may be rebooted. remember "charm?" with the witches. and "buffy the vampire slayer." you remember that show? >> laura: no. never watched it. >> it was huge -- in the 90s, this is one of those seminole shows that -- it was a girl fighting back that could be beautiful and tough. a lot of blow-back. they want to recast buffy as a black actress, have her play the lead role, this is a tweet of what is happening on social media. this is a staff writer for vulture. angelica jade. she's an african american writer. she says i'm not interested in seeing a black slayer taking on buffy and gender and race reboots. we deserve our own mythology. that is a great important take on this. remember a few years ago, they trade to relaunch "murder she wrote" with octavia spencer. that went nowhere. >> laura: a flop. >> angela lansberry said i can't see it. the fan as greed with her that reboot died. >> laura: is angela lansberry still work something. >> yeah. >> laura: she's unbelievable. >> my problem with the reboots and trying to recast them, tell new stories for this generation. you're depriving this generation of their characters, their stories by trying to squeeze them in these old sitcoms in this case. i've had it with the reboots. >> laura: it's just -- >> if you're going -- >> laura: like star wars. they're the worst. >> "everybody loves raymond" would make a great reboot. start writing. i love that show. speaking of reboot -- >> laura: i didn't watch any of those. >> this is a curious story where we need a reboot from last night. a spirit airplane was grounded over what people on the plane were calling a stinky sock smell. the plane going from new york to ft. lauderdale was diverted to myrtle beach. i'm not making this up. >> laura: spirit is the worst -- it's the worst experience. i'm sorry. i've been on spirit air lines before. they charge you for air, for god's sake. don't breathe. it's $25. >> i'm bringing a camera next time. >> laura: sorry. no can do. >> the passengers started complaining. they got nauseous. they grounded the plane in myrtle beach. when people went aboard, they couldn't find the smell. i said why didn't you check the passengers? you have a stinky sock smell. have you traveled when these people -- >> laura: no, no. >> -- take their shoes -- >> laura: no, no. i took a photo of a flight from chicago. >> not you. >> laura: i didn't -- not the face but a 20-something. had bare feet and putting her filthy bare foot with toe rings on the arm rest next -- okay. i got like a dry heave. >> this is why -- >> laura: here's a message. if you're traveling, it's not your bedroom. >> it's not your bathroom either. clipping the nails. >> laura: oh, no! >> clipping the toenails -- >> laura: changing babies on the pull-down tray table. >> you have to change them somewhere. every time i travel, i break out the lysol wipes. you call me felix unger -- >> laura: and now it's to the point that people ask raymond -- >> guilty as charged. >> laura: raymond is like don't move. he's like -- >> don't touch anything. you have to clean it. >> laura: all right. before we go though, before we go, there's a movie that is about to become the highest grossi grossing bio graphic document in history. has to be -- what is it? >> laura, ♪ it's a beautiful day in the neighborhood a beautiful day for a neighbor ♪ ♪ would you be mine >> laura: i hated that. >> look what i'm doing for you today. i'm putting my cardigan on for you. >> laura: the whole little village -- >> let's make believe. i already feel better. i feel warmer -- >> laura: you're either a cardigan person or you're not. i'm not one. i'm messing -- >> the new mr. rogers movie, "would you be my neighbor" -- >> laura: no, no, no. no turtleneck. >> this movie -- >> laura: men with turtlenecks doesn't work. >> this movie is about to make $25 million at the box office. the biggest documentary in the last five years to give you an idea, al gore's movie, "the inconvenient truth" made $3.7 million. and the pope francis, 1.7 million. >> laura: bomb. >> why are people going to the mr. rogers movie? >> laura: innocence. >> decency. someone uplifting people and using the media for good. people just like you, laura. >> laura: none of the satire on cheap cynicism. this is a beautiful town and -- >> mr. rogers was a presbyterian minister that used the medium for good. >> laura: he was amazing. >> he helped people through difficulties. i discovered watching the movie a life-long republican you'll be happy to know. >> laura: i got a sense of that. did he have slip-on shoes or tie shoes? >> he had the slip-ons and put the sneakers on. >> laura: i wasn't a mr. rogers. >> children were captivated by him. >> laura: they were. >> we need more of that tenderness and nonpolitical warfare. >> laura: banish that from your wardrobe. >> you don't like the cardigan? >> laura: no. we exposed them and the democrats craven attempts to get the immigration high ground? stay right there. prostate, bladder, or urinary problems. these may worsen with anoro. call your doctor if you have worsened breathing, chest pain, mouth or tongue swelling, problems urinating, vision changes, or eye pain while taking anoro. ask your doctor about anoro. ♪ go your own way get your first prescription free at anoro.com. >> laura: remember when michelle obama said when they go low, we go high? well, democratic leadership looks to be employing a new messaging strategy. when they win on policy, we lie. i give you nancy pelosi with an interesting take on immigration. >> we have a responsibility to protect our borders. let's make no mistake about that. democrats have been strong on that point, all of our borders. in fact, i said to some of you before, that when we had the 9-11 incident and the commission was formed and they made the recommendations, they made recommendations to protect america. but the republicans would never take them up and some of it was about our borders. >> laura: is she saying 9-11 was an incident? democrats are tough on immigration. well, to debate that, let's bring in michael cutler, special agent at ins, predecessor to ice and francisco hernandez. great to see both of you. francisco, how are democrats tougher on immigration than republicans? when she's trying to convince of that, leads me to believe she knows they're losing on this ice issue. she's making a bold proclamation that the democrats are for border enforcement. how? >> we want to get our feelings hurt and what she says or call her bluff? prove them wrong. let them show their cards. we're sending them back because they hurt our feelings. what she forgot to say is to point out, all of the 911 terrorists were here legally. >> laura: no. one overstayed a visa. one shouldn't have been on the visa. so originally on an overstayed visa. but calling 9-11 an incident as an american citizen, i know nancy has been slow lately, but that's just abhorrent. it's beyond outrageous. michael, this argument about abolish ice, which undergirds what she's talking about her, it's exploded across the country. protests, whipping up people. they feel bad because of separated kids. i understand that. but they backfired. the protests have backfired and most people think we need ice because they do human trafficking work, they do the great drug intradiction work. the democrats thought it would be nirvana. i don't see it. it's a disaster. >> it's interesting. she brings up 9-11. i arrested terrorists. most people don't realize that. i provided testimony to the commission. when she said well, one of the things is border security. she was right. the other part of it was immigration fraud. that's the bailiwick of ice. the same agency that she was demanding be disbanded. so how in the world can you be in two places at one time except washington, with the idea that we'll take immigration out of the equation when the 9-11 commission found that multiple failures of the immigration system, particularly interior enforcement, that was the key words in the 9-11 commission report. how do you eliminate interior enforcement and say you're following the recommendations of the 9-11 commission? it's crazy. >> laura: and jeff sessions was up in boston yesterday. he announced arrests in this major identity fraud operation where 25 individuals are now standing accused of stealing social security numbers and about $250,000 in benefits. if you're not outraged by that, listen to this. >> out of 28 charged,21 are in custody and 22 of the total are in this country illegally. 19 have arrest records for everything from breaking and entering, assault and battery on a police officer. >> laura: francisco, you have this deal with identity fraud, social security fraud. collecting benefits. >> and you and i -- >> laura: and sessions says look, this is just the tip of the iceberg. $250,000 just in boston. >> yes. why don't we give these folks a reason to come out of the shadows and identify themselves so we can separate the ones t t that -- >> they don't -- >> we have no incentive to find out who they are. they're sitting out there using your social security number and my social security number. ice can only do what congress tells it to do. ice is dependent on the ina law. congress is blaming ice. both parties are blaming ice and dhs for the failure to act for the last -- >> laura: we're not failing to act. be very clear about that. sessions is not failing to act. i interviewed andrew lulling today on the radio. >> congress. >> laura: there is great enforcement going on. michael, you can speak to this. >> sure. >> francisco -- >> laura: they're mapping out medicaid applications with the social security numbers and find out there's rampant fraud. it's not just people that committed crimes. food stamp, medicaid fraud across this country by people that came here illegally. it happens every day. michael, go ahead. >> sure. francisco, wait a second. wait a moment. first of all, none of them came in legally. they haul committed visa fraud. they all lied to the inspectors at the airport. >> they came hear legally -- >> you had your turn. this is my turn. the laws are adequate to go after terrorists and criminals that defraud the immigration system. >> you're right. >> the bad guys won't come out of the shadows if they know they're wanted. >> you're right. >> all you're doing is legalizing illegal aliens and giving them -- >> laura: very few people are covering this fraud that intersects illegal immigration. we'll be on it and dig deeper what's happening just in new england and fentanyl is involved, too. we'll stay involved. thank you. up next, it isn't just twitter that is trying to snuff out conservative voices. wait till you hear what facebook did regarding a candidate running for congress in florida. that and peter teal's message for silicon valley next. >> laura: boy has it been a rough week for silicon valley. twitner hot water for shadow banning users. facebook's stock has cratered after they missed their earning estimates for the first time in three years. to make matters worse, the social media giant is accused of banning this ad from a florida republican because of the second amendment message. watch. >> i'm mack caldwell. i like guns. i love the second amendment. i support our president. that's why i'm endorsed by the nra. i'm matt caldwell. that's all there is to it. >> laura: i like that ad. here to respond, the candidate himself, state representative matt caldwell. he's running as a candidate for the commissioner of agriculture. representative caldwell, how did you find out this was, you know, banned on facebook? >> yeah, absolutely, laura. we have been obviously running statewide over a year now and running multiple ads every day just run of the mill stuff. like this, like that. we post this mom and apple pie pro president trump, pro nra endorsement ad and gets flagged immediately. we do what it tells you to. appeal it. let us know why you don't think it should be flagged. we wait and wait. no response. here we are five weeks out from the primary, two million voters and we're losing time while they review it. it gets lost in the black hole. we called them out in the media. put out a release and said we've been blocked from talking about this straightforward message that i've been sharing 1 1/2 years. until we called them out for it, they didn't take any action. once we did that, the bad publicity, they called it out, apologized and allowed it. but it's precedent. you go through facebook's policies. anything that deals with guns or ammunition, it gets flagged. i'm running for office. i have a platform. they paid attention to me. what about private citizens? the person using -- >> laura: yeah, they don't have the same opportunity that you have. certainly as you said, the platform. makes you wonder how often this happens in the course of a day. there's a lot of stuff on these social media platforms that most people find objectable but doesn't get flagged. whether it's nudity, semi nudity or violence from film clips. so how do you make that judgment? this is where i prefer the free market. someone being mutilated or an incitement to violence. but thus far, there's no other problem with facebook today, right? >> no. they're running our ads now and have told us we shouldn't have anymore problems. but shows you where their mindset is at. why are guns automatically flagged? but you have things likes abortion. you can run an abortion ad -- >> laura: representative caldwell, we're out of time. we'll keep an eye on it. we'll be right back. ♪ ♪ ♪ keep it comin' love. ♪ keep it comin' love. ♪ don't stop it now, ♪ don't stop it no. ♪ don't stop it now, ♪ don't stop it. ♪ keep it comin' love. ♪ keep it comin' love. ♪ don't stop it now, if you keep on eating, we'll keep it comin'. all you can eat riblets and tenders at applebee's. now that's eatin' good in the neighborhood. if yor crohn's symptoms are holding you back, and your current treatment hasn't worked well enough, it may be time for a change. ask your doctor about entyvio, the only biologic developed and approved just for uc and crohn's. entyvio works at the site of inflammation in the gi tract and is clinically proven to help many patients achieve both symptom relief and remission. infusion and serious allergic reactions can happen during or after treatment. entyvio may increase risk of infection, which can be serious. have sale champagne this condition has not been reported with entyvio. tell your doctor if you have an infection, experience frequent infections or have flu-like symptoms or sores. liver problems can occur with entyvio. if your uc or crohn's treatment isn't working for you, ask your gastroenterologist about entyvio. entyvio. relief and remission within reach.

Transcripts For FOXNEWSW The Greg Gutfeld Show 20180729 08:00:00

A show featuring parodies of current events, commentary on significant issues and interviews with newsmakers, culture critics and media personalities. A show featuring parodies of current events, commentary on significant issues and interviews with newsmakers, culture critics and media personalities. A show featuring parodies of current events, commentary on significant issues and interviews with newsmakers, culture critics and media personalities. a centerfold who had consensual relations with the rich dude who later became our president. i know what you are thinking. where is the honor among playmates? [laughter] granted it's not the sort of deal most of us will make our lives but to paint a centerfold to keep quiet, i believe that's called tuesday. [laughter] petty cash for playmates to trump is his swear jar. i would not be surprised if there are more, you are 73, billionaire, three times married, living in manhattan and you don't have to share your apartment, your hanging on models and if you only slept with stormy daniels and this other playmate you might be gay. [laughter] if he is, i still do not care. you know what i care about? those new applicants shakes. i love them. they are delicious. i wonder sometimes if i love that too much. with women. could it be that all of this good news is due to that? i know correlation is not causation but maybe his tex-mex life has made us all better off. i feel bad for the media. the invent so much time in the scandals. why? because democrats are hopeless at understanding sex. raising income taxes is their pillow talk. redistribution is there for play and that is why they're good at screen people. [laughter] which is why -- thank you very much. [cheering and applause] this is why it's good news that the democrats would rather get drunk on tawdry tales and i thank you should do because of my god, he lied to. >> whether we know what happened or not, whether the payment happened or not we know he lied. >> it shows that trump line once again. >> the white house lied about it. when this first came out hope said that donald trump knew nothing about it. >> the president had no knowledge and you know and giuliani knows that is a flat out lie. he had an affair with her. greg: oh my god, he lied, he lied about in affair. how is this surprising accusing a rich old new yorker about lying about an affair is accusing michael moore splitting his pants. [laughter] is to be expected. i hate to tell you this is why line was invented. do you remember the first lie? the garden of eden, the snake, no, no, he's just a friend. as long as there is sex there will be lies and as long as there are lies there will be journalism and politics. i don't condone it but when there's so much good stuff happening in this world i just do not care. [cheering and applause] what are your thoughts on this week so far any insight? >> i would not have believed that story if i had not heard it with my own eyes. [laughter] unbelievable. i feel like that parent joke was brutal. the parent was not only missing a mirror and a letter but a punchline in timing to anything stormy daniels -- it's weird that they used one of those porn star name generators. it's like what is your favorite weather and your father drink and stormy daniels. mine would be raining martini in years and maybe sunshine seven jan. greg: nick, what you make of the good news in the scandals? >> pick one. it reminds me of the movie i directed which is coming out october 12th 5 nice plug climax. >> was that too obvious? the thing about the lawyers is the taping thing. the tape of trump talking to his lawyer, is that common practice? do lawyers keep their clients and if so, why? greg: funny that trump lawyer who's a fixer hires hillary's lawyer who's a fixer which would be like lanny davis hiring michael cohen. there's fixer's hiring fixers. i need a fixer. >> no. greg: what are you doing later? , thoughts? kat: i can't even begin to tell you how little i care who anyone has sex with. i don't care. everyone in the media really think that if they can prove that donald trump had sex with these women and lied about it people who support trump are going to suddenly stop supporting him. i think that people care more about things like the economy and more money in their pockets it's not they don't believe it. they're not stupid but it just doesn't matter. you know how much i've been affected by who donald trump has had sex with? not at all. greg: really? kat: yeah, my day has been the same as it would've been if he would not have had sex with those people. greg: is the achievements that affect your life not what he's been doing on his private time elsewhere tyrus, bring it home. tyrus: as far as lying, i'm not going to judge the president on if he's lying or not because i've been known to lie about whether i take the trash out or not. [laughter] white lies, as i was called? that's my thing. i feel like they love the scary movie and it's coming to theaters but it never comes to theaters. even recording somebody is simple and michael cohen, [bleep], can get lower than being a rat but what kills me is he is setting somebody up what he supposed to be a fixer -- he's one of the worst people in the world. if you think about someone who is so rotten that you would trust him with your secrets and he records them and then when he gets in trouble tries to use them against you and i guess he was sitting on the phone while he was recording so you cannot even make out what he was saying. they had to get a rocket surgeon and ophthalmologist to figure out whether he said cash or check. he's a bad black male and then he finds out that it's a desirable offense to record a client. it scans a lot but he broke a all right, coming up, democratic candidates are out of step with the mainstream in other news, chocolate is delicious. [cheering and applause] ♪ a hotel can make or break a trip. and at expedia, we don't think you should be rushed into booking one. that's why we created expedia's add-on advantage. now after booking your flight, you unlock discounts on select hotels right until the day you leave. ♪ add-on advantage. discounted hotel rates when you add on to your trip. only when you book with expedia. b5 like a drunk octopus trying to line dance at his sister's wedding the democrats are out of step. what an intro. like you didn't know that already. according to a new nbc wall street journal poll 56% say today's democratic candidates are out of touch with the mainstream and that's a spike from two years ago when the new number was 42%. that is when bernie sanders was all the rage. and that looked great with a man. [laughter] i was one of the first. bernie sold young voters on socialism and got progressive to take a hard left turn but this poll shows they are not progressive enough. tired of the party that brought you fdr's new deal? you will love super turbo hyper progressivism. the first system for the government pays for everything. universal healthcare, plus, guaranteed basic income you never know when you will meet the enemy in the future and the national anthem is replaced by this. total awesome sanctuary cities and public bathrooms where it's all in the open. the best part about super tumor hyper progressivism, all wars will be fought with finger guns. and if that doesn't work, will hug the enemy to death. [cheering and applause] greg: cap, the polls say the democrats are out of step and they say the republicans are out of step are the libertarians out of step? kat: no one really likes us but we don't really like ourselves. greg: that is true. kat: that is okay. i feel like it shouldn't be surprised that the democrats are out of step as i feel like when you talk to most americans they don't say what that what they want to do is wait in line for toilet paper so i'm not surprised that this old democratic socialist thing is not catching on. people want capitalism we can get toilet paper via amazon prime without getting off your couch and as much as you want you can get 4712 packs and build a fort for you and your cat to sit in. you know, it's not like it always comes down to toilet paper but sometimes it does. greg: if i could have a dollar for every time it does. the big democratic, the new obama, alexandria and she is a socialist what you make of her? she's never. >> it's like she's never read a newspaper or book in her life. this young lady is i can't imagine where she gets information and i'm beginning to think that she's a republican plant where they have placed her there to make the democrats look incredibly stupid. greg: tyrus, will it democratic party pay attention to the polls and fix themselves? tyrus: there are too many rules. i don't like rules. when i get by mike is a president and the instructions are this thick, we are winning it. the new democratic world order there are 37 gender so how will i say hello to someone without being afraid of a lawsuit? there's all kinds of give me stuff and i don't want to give anybody jack. i'll keep mine and you get yours and will be fine. there are too many rules and they don't even know -- when they talk -- if you ever have a conversation with a super left person they talk in a person so i don't even know who i'm dealing with. [laughter] everything is a world cost. i just want a coffee. i'm sorry i came in here. i won't do it again. if me forgiveness will kill mike because in the amazon, i'll st stop. greg: to your point about -- your first point, party forgotten -- it's liberals were supposed to be liberal and now they have more rules and conservatives are the ones that don't want rules. the conservatives are the freaks. they are for free everything in terms of thought. tyrus: you have to catch yourself to greet a stranger. if you don't know something about them, don't find out the hard way by asking. [laughter] >> i felt like this is one of those articles where they did need to do the polls. they're like they're out of step but we knew it had of time and i feel like they could've saved money. i don't like any candidate is talking about what i'm worried about. like how do i keep beat my kid at fortnight? tyrus: that's a real thing. dragon ball z, i have to ground him to beat him mid- game. [laughter] connect no one cares what i'm worried about. i'm worried about healthcare. i asked my daughter what she wanted to do and she asked to do a puzzle so i had her go to healthcare .gov. [laughter] greg: should be and on that note or do you have a third joke? >> i don't think i do. [laughter] greg: i think the democratic party needs an intervention. they need to sit down the leaders and say socialism is ruining your life just like with drugs, you said you been doing a lot of socialism and you're losing your friends and running out of money and we are here to help you will fly you to a capitalism center and teach you how to make money. that would be the answer .com, nikki haley has great advice for conservative teens. so do i, listen to nikki haley. [cheering and applause] my father passed this truck down to me, that's the same thing i want to do with you. it's an emotional thing to watch your child grow up and especially get behind the wheel. i want to keep you know, stacking up the memories and the miles and the years. he's gonna get mine -but i'm gonna get a new one. -oh yeah when it's time for your old chevy truck to become their new chevy truck, there's truck month. get 18% of msrp cash back on all silverado 1500 crew cab lt pickups when you finance with gm financial. that's $9,000 on this silverado. plus, during truck month make no monthly payments for 90 days. do this. are you persuading anyone? greg: she said that to students but adults can learn from this. i'll admit it's fun to troll the other side and they make it so easy sometimes. >> don't believe what you see with your own ears. [laughter] greg: i will play that forever. if you go online now there are two sides clashing over nothing. it's vicious into nikki haley's point, no one is persuading anyone. government you try to cross the aisle with an olive branch. you get shunned by your own like actor mark who faced the wrath of the online mob on his side as he had the nerve to complement ben shapiro on twitter. then he had to apologize for being nice. what he was. neither side will win the great twitter war. it's been mutually assured destruction. is that good or bad or both? i don't know what went i do know is i prefer to dance in front of gus the dog. [inaudible] [laughter] greg: the greatest dog ever. he knows a bad answer when he sees with it, your twitter feed is rambunctious, combative and would you join a group of people that say i'm disarming and i'm no longer going to be so negative on twitter? >> absolutely not. i don't think nikki haley has seen my twitter feed she would not have seen it. she says that i know it feels good and it's fun but what are you a composting? what's wrong with feeling good and having fun? not trying to persuade anybody on twitter. the point is i don't think i'm going to persuade them but i want to ridicule them and have other people see how stupid they look. greg: good point you're trying to persuade the person you're insulting your trying to give some kind of energy to the other people that almost teach them how to do what they're doing but it might be considered mean what am i turning into? used to be so mean, tyrus, what is happening? tyrus: i don't think too much about you, greg -- you know what it is, we have believed right now. whenever you are winning it's fun to put phone at the other side and it's great but when you are losing it sucks. it goes back and forth. i had a flashback when nikki haley was talking. i literally thought it was minors at school and some. when i had an embarrassing moment when i had my first -- you know, at school. greg: i don't want to know. tyrus: she was like it's fun and it feels good but don't think about those things at school. greg: oh, i see what you mean. [laughter] it took me a while. [laughter] tyrus: .com and cooling boys in it to be back to that nurse. used to go to the nurse and tell her stuff and she make you feel good and if your mom saw your heart you are a dirty little boy the nurse would tell you it's okay. it feels right. greg: we will move on from this discussion. jamie -- >> when tyrus was talking there were four moments where i felt like i knew what he was talking about and then he said something else and i still didn't know. greg: let's stay on topic about civility online. [laughter] >> thank you. greg: civility online, is it worth it to be the first person online to disarm? >> you don't always have to be leading but you could be having fun but what a great point that you could be rallying troops but i do get tired of the hate sometimes and i don't know if you know but it's an add-on for google chrome and it turns off all politics if you want to break so i turn it on the other day and there was one puppy video left. [laughter] greg: and it was an old right puppy -- exactly. would you ever -- you are on twitter an awful lot and are not meeting on it -. kat: i try to be nice i think that is probably right but i do understand that it can be very tempting sometimes. i will read an article that says yoga is cultural appropriation and that everyone is a certain halloween costumes are cultural appropriation nightly line if i said the first thought that comes to mind was not to post a video of myself doing yoga in a pocahontas costume. [laughter] but i would not be changing hearts and minds that way and if i wanted to try to change hearts and minds you have to be respectful. greg: i had to semi- serious comments on this. this social media behavior might be necessary because were not allowing this behavior anymore in the real world. were not having community for getting together and churches are under attacks and sororities are being gender-neutral and teams are breaking up so maybe twitter is the only place we can insult each other and build each other and make jokes because you can't do that anywhere else. having said that, now people are collecting scalps on twitter. you can't make jokes anymore because you could be the next one. >> you can lose your job. greg: you can lose your job. >> the director of disney, his job is gone because of some joke he made. it could happen to you -. greg: no, no, don't look at my twitter feed. coming up, would you attend your own funeral? science says it's what is possible. by the way, science is my third nipple. [cheering and applause] because your brain would essentially live in the crowd you could switch bodies as often as you like. from where we went to mike and the immortal goat for comment -- >> don't jump. don't jump. don't jump. what is he doing? oh, oh, oh -- he jumped. [bleep] he jumped. [bleep] [laughter] [bleep]. dude, we killed a [bleep] goat. >> dude, he's alive. greg: get with the program. is this realistic and would you do this? tyrus: no, i would go to my funeral and sit in the corner and listen to people talk about me -- my funeral will not be pleasant. there will be a lot of people not on things and plus my note before i go will build real. [laughter] people start turning around the computer laughing in the back in its me what is wrong with dying and i just don't get it? i can't wait. i'm waiting for my testosterone to go way when your time comes, let it go. will you be a robot? b5 you are saying. greg: you are saying let it go. tyrus: you'll have your dream because you can get in with your ai buddies because after a while the robot guys will be jealous of the flash guys so that will not cure racism because we'll have robots attacking anyone with me. greg: it will -- this will be meat and metal and that will be the war because i am the best benedict arnold for metal i would be king of the metal because i don't like meat. i think this would ruin funera funerals? kat: i think that it's a lot of science in trouble and much simpler than that. all you need to do is there yourself a funeral while you're still alive. that's what i'm doing. greg: that's a great idea for a company. kat: i'm doing that in three months for my 30th for the party in a few months. this is not a joke. i'm coming in a hearse end in a casket and i'll have a processional of people they been as i enter and will be a big party. not everyone is invited but you're invited to like the photos when you see i am not joking. greg: i have a feeling you will be doing this. next, i think -- what if you are in annoying unlikable person and people are relieved that you're dead. then oh great, i had to deal with brian because his head is in a new bat? >> why are you asking me this? greg: i don't know. >> i like to be in my own funeral to hear what people say about me. it would work better if i could get that thing started now like if i could get the robot that is me started up now i could get a lot more done. i could direct another movie like my movie which is coming out october 12th climatic. greg: it's a great movie. >> was that too obvious? greg: no, it was a tough movie to make. wherever it is you should find it. jamie, would you do this? >> stupid question, great britain i'm not the smartest guy but if i'm at the funeral why don't we just not have a funer funeral? you know what i mean? jim is on and they say no he's not but he's over there -- did i ever tell you my idea to get a laugh in my funeral i want to have an open casket but when you come up my legs are showing. [laughter] wouldn't that be funny? greg: that's pretty funny. >> i just think in general -- will you write that down? greg: and if something happens i will say you want an open caske. tyrus: open leg casket. >> robots we have to be so careful with building things that we cannot compete with because i had this ex-girlfriend and i bought her this electronic toy and i never saw her again. [laughter] greg: on that note, still to come, it's the most interesting interview you will ever see. i am serious. you don't want to miss this. stick around. [cheering and applause] are you ready to take your wifi to the next level? then you need xfinity xfi. a more powerful way to stay connected. it gives you super fast speeds for all your devices, provides the most wifi coverage for your home, and lets you control your network with the xfi app. it's the ultimate wifi experience. xfinity xfi, simple, easy, awesome. to run the full clip on my very own to take a look. ♪ [animal sounds] greg: thank you for having me. i've always been a fan of your investigative work. it's a pleasure to be here. [animal sounds] greg: i really did this for the fans. everywhere i go to blast me where can they read the monologues from the show. where is one place they can get them so i decided when not give the very best monologues and put them in the book. [animal sounds] greg: i figured it would be different to take a book and criticize it and take it apart and go after the thing you got wrong so i took my monologues and if you look in the book you will see, take a look, i have commentary with my actual monologues and i'm fairly blunt about the things i got wrong. [animal sounds] greg: the one thing i noticed is that i tend to rely on certain clichés like if i'm writing about a liberal i will often say they have a nose ring or a henna tattoo and i find i fall into stereotypes over time which is intellectually lazy. i tried to call myself on that wherever i go. also, i think i was mean on bernie sanders. i should of been nice. [animal sounds] greg: my favorite topic is always going to be hollywood because it's so easy something is always going on in that place that is worthy of ridicule and every day there's an actor or actress things have been stupid and i wake up every morning to write about. it makes my job so easy. [animal sounds] greg: the producer will send me ideas and that's a great question. what i do is pick the ones that are most exciting to me and start writing. i don't like to think about it too much because when you think about it you start to lose the scene. you want to dive right in and before you know it you come up with your own point of view. it's a lot of fun, i think. [animal sounds] greg: i learned that there are a lot of interesting topics that culminated in's presidency. if you look at what i covered law and order, identity politi politics, terrorism, these are the things that donald trump hit on so i'm convinced that he created this entire clinical plank on or off my monologues. [animal sounds] greg: i think the shorter the better, much like me. [laughter] if you can make it under 80 seconds that is perfect. it should be sharp, original and funny it does not have to be funny off the bat. first you write it but then you had the jokes later. short, clear, concise and unexpected and surprising. much like the work you do, don don't. [animal sounds] [cheering and applause] greg: thanks again dolphin and ted next weekend is the start of my book tour. more dates are coming soon go to g gutfeld .com for the latest tour information. don't go anywhere, final thoughts next. [cheering and applause] my name is jeff sheldon, and i'm the founder of ugmonk. before shipstation it was crazy. it's great when you see a hundred orders come in, a hundred orders come in, but then you realize i've got a hundred orders i have to ship out. shipstation streamlined that wh the order data, the weights of , everything is seamlessly put into shipstation, so when we print the shipping ll everything's pretty much done. it's so much easier so now, we're ready, bring on t. shipstation. the number one ch of online sellers. go to shipstation.com/tv and get two months free. greg: jamie, where will you be? i'll be on netflix and check out season to on netflix right now. greg: it's funny and i enjoyed it immensely that, you have a movie. >> [inaudible] opens october 12th. here's a clip. >> a lot of the employees at that clinic have been arrested on drug trafficking charges, why haven't you? >> objection. >> given your personal animosity why should we believe anything? >> your honor -. greg: that's intense. >> i love that guy, he's a great actor. greg: tremendous. thank you jamie, nick, kat, tyrus, in my studio audience. [cheering and applause]

Transcripts For FOXNEWSW The Ingraham Angle 20180728 06:00:00

Laura Ingraham shines a spotlight on everyday Americans and examines how their lives are affected by politics at the federal, state and local level. census. up until 1950, we did have it on the census. the census changes and we didn't ask that question. tell us about the posture of this case and this police judge, jesse furman. >> laura what is happening here is that these judges are, you know, taking these cases and imposing their own judicial philosophy and new standards that are not written into the law into these cases. you saw the exact same reasoning that judge furman used here, which is that wilbur ross, in charge of the census in his department, had made some remarks about the reasoning behind wanting to count citizens that raised an issue of animus. well the united states supreme court recently ruled that this animus theory is bogus and one of the elements that shouldn't be applied. clarence thomas has spoken out on nationwide injunctions. so basically, this is a confusion and we have an unelected judge trying to supersede and impose his values over what the president gets to do, asking a very reasonable question in the executive branch. that's what the census is for, to count the people in the country. >> laura: they're counting all people. >> count the immigrants. >> laura: hold on, scott. they're counting all people. there's a question about whether you're a citizen or not. now, what is the problem with answering the question? i don't understand that. what is the possible constitutional argument here? >> well, because it's racially offensive, first of all. >> laura: what does it have to do with race? whether you're a citizen? >> it's directed at brown people and black people. >> laura: you're making that up. >> of course it is. >> laura: how is it directed at brown people in it's directed at all people. you ask a question. i get asked the question. you get asked the question. >> you couple that with donald trump's -- regardless of the prourt -- -- supreme court -- >> laura: okay. >> can i say this? that case didn't also -- wasn't just rested on discrimination issues. the apa was violated. the court found despite the advisory committees as well as staff ruling against it or recommending against it, wilbur took it upon his own to put it in place. the case is not over. they just got passed a motion to dismiss. it's not the final decision. >> laura: it's not the final decision. but to say it's racial -- so now you can't -- scott, now you're saying a question asked of all people is racist? all americans would have to answer the question. that's unbelievable to me. you're a smart guy. >> it might not be racist but has a racial disparent impact. >> laura: why? >> it's absurd. >> laura: we have to move on. all right. we have to move on. we got another case. >> does that mean i'm right? >> laura: out of portland involving trans-gender bathrooms. we've heard the trans-gender bathroom case and issue for a long time. but this is interesting because it's a parent group that has gotten together and said we understand that transgender kids have rights. but we represent families whose students, sons and daughters do not want to share a bathroom for whatever reason with a transgendered person who is born of the opposite sex. this judge said you don't have any privacy rights here. if you have a problem, leave the district. harmeet, would that take the scrutiny? i know it's the ninth district. anything goes in the ninth circuit. it's a harsh ruling against that parent's group. maybe i'm misreading it. >> i agree with you. i think it's harsh and it's wrong. obviously transgender students who may need a number of supports and medical support, they have rights, obviously. the vast majority of them are not transgender and they have rights, too, including privacy rights. people trans-gender in their youth, they may switchback and forth. the spector has been raised, which is a real one, of people abusing this trans-gender labelling and electing it in order to peep and get into the girl's bathrooms. it's not really -- >> goodness gracious. >> it's not appropriate to look at one side or the other. i can tell you in girls locker rooms, we've been there. everything is showing. it's not really something that you want as a teenager to have a guy looking at your body. sorry to say. >> laura: i don't want anybody looking at my body. i don't like anybody. i'm one of the shy people. >> it's a slap in the face for the judge to say -- the parents are taxpayers. they have a right to have their kids educated fairly. >> laura: scott, do the parents have rights here? or just the trans-gender kids? >> not compared to the protective class that the trans-gender student rests in. look at this way. the judge is following the law. they have no politics here. every federal judge that has looked at this case and similar cases across the country, you check the record. they have sided with the transgendered student because they cannot be discriminated against because they identify with being a woman or identify with being a guy. it's not anatomy that counts. they're in a protected class. this decision is based on the law. you don't like it but you have to live with it. >> laura: harmeet, last word. >> anatomy does count and it's relevant and the other students have privacy rights too. >> laura: there has to be some balance. >> the judge said that was conjecture. pure conjecture. you're going to be naked. come on, stop it. >> maybe the judge is not living in reality. give me a break. >> laura: scott, the fraternity brothers where i -- when i went to college, the fraternity brothers are like pranksters. okay, i identify as this today and tomorrow -- and people playing jokes all the time too. it's a serious matter. then there's pranksters out there that take advantage of it. >> i don't think you and your guests take it seriously the plight of these young people who identify with a different gender. >> laura: come on. >> they're in a protected class. >> i have friends who are transgender. >> laura: read the research -- >> i read the opinions on both of these cases and their accurate -- >> laura: harmeet, i want to congratulate you on the ninth circuit ruling that your civil rights case, the people that beat up the trump supporter and you represented them and pro bono the whole way. they said your case can go forward. we're going to watch that closely. you had a great argument. thanks for being here. no thank you. congratulations also. Laura Ingraham shines a spotlight on everyday Americans and examines how their lives are affected by politics at the federal, state and local level. actual issue of cohen's credibility. >> laura: who cares if he knew. >> the point being the entire case of the russia collusion hinges on him going to prague to secretly conspire with the russians. he said he didn't go. if he's a truth teller around denies this central claim that underpins the russia collusion theory, how come it didn't matter? now it matters because something he said might somehow be -- >> molly is right on that. >> laura: do either of you find it curious that no one in the sort of more mainstream press does any like serious reporting on this? serious reporting on mueller, on what is taking so long and why this attorney client privilege material is dropping out, lanny davis' past associations, the countries and the foreign entities that he's represented over the years? they're going after manafort for ukraine. but what is lanny davis' clients list looks like? let's look at that. >> this is one of the most terrifying things about this story. >> laura: yeah. >> you have a week like this where all the things we heard about the fisa court being misled are confirmed by actual documents. the media doesn't report it. they're gas-lighting and making reality seem the opposite of what it is. when you have a case like this, we should have the media pouring all its -- i get they don't like trump but they need to report on this issue -- we know it's established. the trump campaign was surveilled in multiple ways. wiretapped, human informants, national security letters. >> laura: if they were done with hillary, they would be -- >> all the resources, laura, that "the new york times" has, "the washington post" have, with the great history they've had as well which is why people became journalists, to do investigative reporting. they stepped back and let our narrative roll because we -- we came up with the narrative. >> laura: the amazon post is dedicated to one thing. getting trump out of office. they want to recreate the old glory days. the big anniversary of starting the impeachment today. >> it's about impeachment. >> laura: they want a pulitzer prize for that reporting. they're not going to report on the other stuff. great for being here. trump defies the critics again. the gdp report, wow! just the latest example that the economy is roaring back to life under this president. so why is the media not cheering the results? the white house is here to respond next. ♪ keep it comin' love. if you keep on eating, we'll keep it comin'. all you can eat riblets and tenders at applebee's. now that's eatin' good in the neighborhood. around quarter to quarter. >> it's good to see but will it last. >> exactly. >> president trump will take a lot of credit for the numbers. don't believe him. he's -- a lot of people who bought things because they're worried about his tariffs and a lot of false growth from the tax cuts juicing the economy. >> laura: i heard people saying it was all obama's economy. all of them were really excited about his chance for more american success. here to react is the chairman of the white house council of economic advisers, kevin hasett. ' thanks for being here. >> thanks. >> laura: i know you're not surprised. this number comes out and -- we're going to play the great predictions from last year. and these media types do everything in their power to down play it or give the credit to president obama. it's stunning. >> yeah. after president trump, it's laura ingraham's economy, right? because he pursued the policies you have been advocating for years and years. how long have we known each other? >> laura: 20 plus years. >> the fact is we said if we cut corporate taxes the jobs would come home. we said if we pursue energy dominance there will be exploration and drilling. if we had better trade deals by showing we're tough, we would reduce the trade deficit. if you look at the numbers that came out. we have a capital spending boom. structures victims skyrocketed because of all the drilling. and the trade deficit went down and contributed to higher gdp growth. everything about the trump agenda is working and that will drive the critics crazy. i'd like to add one last thing. i promise not to filibuster. there can be a sugar high in economics. you remember cash for clunkers? their brilliant idea? they bought a bunch of clunkers and people had to buy a new car. so gdp growth went up a lot in that quarter. but then after that, they had a new car and it went back down. that was a sugar high. what we see is capital spending and capital spending increases supply. so all of those factories being built this quarter will have output in the next quarter and that output will sustain the growth. >> laura: some of the doubters are saying, well, a lot of this has been juiced by other countries buying our soy beans in anticipation of the tariffs that are now not going to happen as far as europe goes. so they're stockpiling the soy beans, a huge increase in u.s. exports of soy beans. just because they were stock piling. >> they were, yes. >> laura: they say in the months coming, these countries won't need to buy as many soybeans and that will put downward pressure on our gdp so thus, the 4.1% very high level of today is not sustainable going forward. the president says look for higher numbers today. >> you know, i don't know higher numbers, but i don't want to disagree with the president either. the fact is, that we understand farmers and the white house. we know the soy bean crop is about to be harvested in september and prices have gone down. and in part they've gone down recently because the chinese did stockpile a lot of soybeans in anticipation of a trade dispute. that is true. but there's other things like the reshoring of activity because we're no longer an unattractive tax environment. the biggest news in today's gdp report which will frustrate the democrats, this old thing called inventories. right? so if everybody decided they're optimistic about the country and they're going to buy stuff, firms will ratchet up their consumption. they're selling stuff off the shelves because production can't adjust so far. so inventory adjustment subtracted 1% from gdp growth this quarter. >> laura: we turned into fox business tonight somehow. >> i apologize. we're going to get the 1% back because the shelves are empty. >> laura: yeah. we have some fun things here, this is what paul krugman said. this is after the 2016 election. he said we're looking at a global recession with no end in sight. i suppose we can get lucky. but on economics as if everything else, a terrible thing has just happened. may of 2017, l.a. times, if trump thinks he can get more than 3% economic growth, he's dreaming. those are just the ones we found in five seconds in our search today. jeb bush is saying yeah, this is great because of the tax cuts. but you now have to do immigration reform and you have to have free trade policies. so he was kicking the tariffs on the way to the praise there, kevin. final comments. >> the president's strong stance on trade has delivered a lot of progress in these negotiations. on the trade deals. remember, the objective is to open up european markets, open up other markets for agricultural products. and other products from the u.s. you saw the great news from the e.u. this week. that would have never happened if the president hadn't fought for america's workers. you've been advising him to do. >> laura: never, never. thanks for being here. i appreciate it. >> great to being here. >> laura: and his response, the same man that worked for the obama administration, austin goulsby. an economics professor at booth school of business. tell us why we should be discouraged by a good gdp number? which to listen to some of the commentary today, it's like you want to take a prozac. this is great news and so many of the democrats could not deal with the positive news for the country or for trump, which is very sad. >> look, i'm going to agree with you. i to find that sad and you could see there were a bunch of democrats trying to spin it in a partisan way. there's nothing bad about having a 4% gdp growth number. that's good. good for america and the president is entitled to say this was a good number. you can see he was beaming with pride. the question now is how can we continue to sustain that. it's worth remembering just last quarter was a mediocre number. so we had around 2%. now we got 4%. let's hope we get more 4%s and not return to the 2%. i don't think there's anything that you should convince yourself that was bad about this number. it wasn't bad. >> laura: we aren't saying wages rise as we want, especially with the tight labor market. you'd think wages would begin the uptick that's a problem. >> and i agree. >> laura: that's been flat lining for 18 years. we're seeing bonuses though, which is nice to see. but people want to make more per year and per hour. >> we're not seeing it as we should. but that's the toughest part of the recovery. it has been true for a long time. it's not like this is just the fault of the trump administration. it's been a long period that we haven't had enough wage growth for ordinary workers in the middle of the wage distribution, if you want to think about it. that doesn't take away from the gdp today. the gdp today is very good. but just be a little careful. there's several aspects of the gdp number today that looks like they're probably temporary. we're still growing well, but there's some parts of it that -- >> laura: remember the increase in trade hasn't kicked in yet. i mean, when this european deal gets done -- >> yeah. >> laura: i understand that nafta is going to get done now, my sources are telling me. if nafta gets done and looks much more likely now, which i can't believe i'm saying that, but it does -- >> i hope you're right. every day we don't have a trade war is a good day for america. >> laura: i am right on that. bob lightheiser was on capitol hill. he was in front a of the senate committee. critics on both sides about the tariffs and how we're trying to take on china, this is brian schatt, democrat from hawaii. let's watch. >> first of all, you say the chinese are clever because they have a 50-year view. we should be clever and have a two or three-year view. that doesn't make sense to me. i believe that -- >> no. i'm saying we're a democracy, so we take a shorter-term view because we're responsible to our voters periodically. >> so does that mean that democracies always lose to authoritarian governments? does that mean the state capital -- >> no. sir, it just means you don't pick stupid fights. >> if your conclusion is that china taking over all of our technology and the future of our children is a stupid fight, you're right. we should capitulate. my view is that's how we got where we are. i don't think it's a stupid fight. >> laura: that doesn't get enough play. i thought that -- that encapsulated so much of what the trump economic agenda is all about. don't cede. fight for every job. fight for every opportunity. and lightheiser is an underrated rock star in this administration. close it out. >> well, all i will say is if your main thing is about confronting china, don't pick seven fights while carrying a six shooter. that's a gunfighter's credo and that's our problem. our natural allies to stop chinese intellectual property violation would be the very country that we're threatening trade wars with. >> laura: they're working with us, austin. they're all work with us. the e.u. is working with us. korea cut a new deal. >> they're not all working with us. >> laura: korea cut a new deal months ago. they did. they cut a new deal months ago. europe is renegotiating with us. mexico is about to renegotiate nafta. canada is realizing what is going on with the steel. >> and the europeans are joining with china to file grievances against us -- >> laura: that's just nonsense. we're out of time. >> we have to find a way to confront china to help us. >> laura: we tried. we're out of time. we're going to roll to black here. it's great to have you on again, it's not snakes on a plane but socks on a plane. are you confused? i am. you don't know what you're going to get on "the ingraham angle." stay there. or break a trip. and at expedia, we don't think you should be rushed into booking one. that's why we created expedia's add-on advantage. now after booking your flight, you unlock discounts on select hotels right until the day you leave. ♪ add-on advantage. discounted hotel rates when you add on to your trip. only when you book with expedia. the risk is unknown in copd. anoro won't replace rescue inhalers for sudden symptoms and should not be used more than once a day. tell your doctor if you have a heart condition, high blood pressure, glaucoma, prostate, bladder, or urinary problems. these may worsen with anoro. call your doctor if you have worsened breathing, chest pain, mouth or tongue swelling, problems urinating, vision changes, or eye pain while taking anoro. ask your doctor about anoro. ♪ go your own way get your first prescription free at anoro.com. live from america's new headquarters, a deadly shooting at a texas nursing home in texas on friday night. two men and one woman were killed including the suspected shooter. police responding to a call at the suspect's home where they found two other men dead. the carr wildfire in northern has turned deadly and is covering up 5 squa75 square a dramatic scene on chicago's lake shore drive. a plane making an emergency landing in traffic during the evening rush hour flying under a pedestrian bridge on the way down. luckily, believe it or not, no one was hurt. now back to "the ingraham angle." >> laura: it's friday. you know what that means. one grounded plane and the biggest documentary in the country? where to begin. for more, raymond aroyo. okay, raymond. more reboots announced this week. it's like the '90s have returned. what is the latest? >> the 90s are back with a vengeance. "fraser" may be rebooted. remember "charm?" with the witches. and the biggest one that is causing so much blow back. and "buffy the vampire slayer." you remember that show? >> laura: no. never watched it. >> it was a huge -- in the '90s this is one of those seminal shows that captured the zeitgeist of the time. it was a girl fighting back that could be beautiful and tough. a lot of blow-back. they want to recast buffy as a black actress, have her play the lead role, this is a tweet of what is happening on social media. this is a staff writer for vulture. angelica jade. she's an african american writer. she says i'm not interested in seeing a black slayer taking on buffy and gender and race reboots. it's boring and insulting. we deserve our own mythology. that is a great important take on this. remember a few years ago, they trade to relaunch "murder she wrote" with octavia spencer. that went nowhere. >> laura: a flop. >> angela lansberry said i can't see it. this character is so particular to that time and place. the fans agreed with her. the reboot died. >> laura: is angela lansberry still work something. >> yeah. >> laura: she's unbelievable. >> my problem with the reboots and trying to recast them, tell new stories for this generation. you're depriving this generation of their characters, their stories by trying to squeeze them in these old sitcoms in this case. i've had it with the reboots. >> laura: it's all the benetton approach to casting. >> however, if you're going to do a -- >> laura: the "star wars" things are the worst. >> "everybody loves raymond" would make a great reboot. start writing. i love that show. speaking of reboot -- >> laura: i didn't watch any of those. >> this is a curious story where we need a reboot from last night. a spirit airplane was grounded over what people on the plane were calling a stinky sock smell. the plane going from new york to ft. lauderdale was diverted to mirkle beach. i'm not making this up. >> laura: spirit is the worst -- it's the worst experience. i'm sorry. i've been on spirit air lines before. they charge you for air, for god's sake. don't breathe. it's $25. >> i'm bringing a camera next time she tries to get on a spirit flight. >> laura: sorry. no can do. >> the passengers started complaining. they got nauseous. and not just a few of them. they grounded the plane in myrtle beach. when people went aboard, they couldn't find the smell. and i was thinking, why didn't you check the passengers? you have a stinky sock smell. have you traveled when these people -- >> laura: no, no -- >> take their shoes and socks -- >> laura: no, no. i took a photo of a flight from chicago. >> not you. >> laura: not the face but a 20-something had bare feet and putting her filthy barefoot with toe rings on the arm rest next -- okay. i got like a drive heave when i saw -- filthy -- if you're traveling, it's not your bedroom. otherwise just show up in an adult diaper and call it a day. >> it's not your bathroom either. clipping the nails. >> laura: oh, no! >> clipping the toenails -- >> laura: changing babies on the pull-down tray table. >> you have to change them somewhere. every time i travel, i break out the lysol wipes. you call me felix younger. >> laura: and now it's to the point that people ask raymond -- it is the odd couple. >> guilty as charged. >> laura: raymond is like don't move. he's like -- >> don't touch anything. you have to clean it. >> laura: all right. before we go though, before we go, there's a movie that is about to become the highest grossing biographic documentary in history. it has to be churchill, reagan. what is it? >> laura, ♪ it's a beautiful day in the neighborhood a beautiful day for a neighbor ♪ ♪ would you be mine >> laura: i hated that. >> look what i'm doing for you today. i'm putting my cardigan on for you. >> laura: the whole little village. >> let's make believe. i already feel better. i feel warmer. >> laura: you're either a cardigan person or you're not. i'm not one. i'm messing�-- i'm messing up my -- >> the new mr. rogers movie "would you be my neighbor" >> laura: no, no, no. no turtleneck. >> this movie is the biggest documentary in the last 25 years. >> laura: men with turtlenecks doesn't work. >> this movie is about to make $25 million at the box office. the biggest documentary in the last five years to give you an idea, al gore's movie, "the inconvenient truth" made $3.7 million. and the pope francis, 1.7 million. >> laura: bomb. >> why are people going to the mr. rogers movie? >> laura: innocence. >> decency. someone uplifting people and using the medium for good. people just like you, laura. >> laura: none of the satire on cheap cynicism. of our segments. this is a beautiful little town and -- >> mr. rogers was a presbyterian minister who used the medium for good. >> laura: he was amazing. >> he helped people through difficulties. i discovered watching the movie a life-long republican you'll be happy to know. >> laura: i got a sense of that. did he have slip-on shoes or tie shoes? >> he had the slip-ons and put the sneakers on. he would put the sneakers on. >> i wasn't a mr. rogers. >> children were captivated by him. >> laura: they were. >> we need more of that tenderness and nonpolitical warfare. >> laura: banish that from your wardrobe. >> you don't like the cardigan? >> laura: no. we exposed bad cardigans and the democrats craven attempts to get the immigration high ground? stay right there. 9/11 incident and the commission was formed and they made their recommendation, they made recommendations to protect america. but the republicans would never take them up and some of it was about our borders. >> laura: is she saying 9/11 was an incident democrats are tough on immigration. well, to debate that, let's bring in michael cutler, special agent at i.n.s., predecessor to i.c.e. and francisco hernandez. great to see both of you. francisco, how are democrats tougher on immigration than republicans? which, when she's trying to convince us of that, it leads me to believe she knows they're losing on this i.c.e. issue. she's making a bold proclamation that the democrats are for border enforcement. tell us how? >> we want to get our feelings hurt and what she says or call her bluff? prove them wrong. make them filibuster. at least let them show their cards. we're sitting back because they hurt our feelings. what she forgot to say is to point out, all of the 911 terrorists were here legally. >> laura: no. one overstayed a visa. it was on the wrong type of visa. one shouldn't have been on the visa. so originally on an overstayed visa. but calling 9/11 an incident, as an american citizen. i know nancy has been a little slow lately. but that is abhorrent. it's beyond outrageous. michael, this argument about abolish i.c.e. which undergirds what nancy's talking about here. it's exploded across the country. protests, whipping up people. they feel bad because of separated kids. i understand that. but they backfired. the protests have backfired and most people think we need i.c.e. because they do human trafficking boric and all this great drug interdiction work. the democrats thought it would be nirvana. i don't see it. it's a disaster. >> it's interesting. she brings up 9/11. i arrested terrorists. most people don't realize that. the second largest con ting gent of agents assigned to the terrorism task force were immigration agents. i provided testimony to the commission. when she said well, one of the things is border security. she was right. the other part of it was immigration fraud. that's the bailiwick of ice. the same agency that she was demanding be disbanded. so how in the world can you be in two places at one time except of course, washington, but the idea that we're going to take immigration out of the a equation when the 9/11 commission found that multiple failures of the immigration system particularly interior enforcement. that was the keywords in the 9/11 commission report. how do you eliminate interior enforcement and say you're following the recommendations of the 9/11 commission? it's crazy. >> laura: and jeff sessions was up in boston yesterday. he announced arrests in this major identity fraud operation where 25 individuals are now standing accused of stealing social security numbers and obtained about a quarter million dollars in government benefits. if you're not outraged by that, wait until you hear the stories connected to the border. >> out of 28 charged,21 are in custody and 22 of the total are in this country illegally. 19 have arrest records for everything from breaking and entering, assault and battery on a police officer. >> laura: francisco, you have this deal with identity fraud, social security fraud. collecting benefits. >> and you and i have been -- >> laura: and sessions says, look, this is just the tip of the iceberg. >> it is. why don't we give these folks a reason to come out of the shadows and identify themselves so we can separate the ones that want to -- from the ones that want to harm us. >> they won't. >> we have no incentive to find out who they are. they're sitting out there using your social security number and my social security number. i.c.e. can only do what congress tells it to do. i.c.e. is dependent on the ina law. congress is blaming i.c.e. both parties are blaming i.c.e. and dhs for their failure to act -- >> laura: we're not failing to act. be very clear about that. sessions is not failing to act. i interviewed andrew lulling today on the radio. >> congress. >> laura: there is great enforcement going on. michael, you can speak to this. >> sure. >> francisco -- >> laura: they're mapping out medicaid applications with the social security numbers and find out there's rampant fraud. it's not just people that committed violent crimes. food stamp, medicaid fraud across this country by people who came into this country illegally. it happens every single day. michael, go ahead. >> sure. francisco, wait a second. wait a moment. first of all, none of them came in legally. they all committed visa fraud. they all lied to the inspectors at the airport. wait a moment. >> they came here legally. >> you had your turn. this is my turn. the laws are adequate to go after terrorists and criminals who defraud the immigration system. >> you're right. >> the bad guys won't come out of the shadows if they know they're wanted. >> you're right. >> all you're doing is legalizing illegal aliens and giving them opportunities to hide. >> laura: very few people are covering this fraud that intersects illegal immigration. we'll be on it and dig deeper what's happening just in new england and fentanyl is involved, too. we're going to stay on this issue. we'll stay involved. thank you. up next, it isn't just twitter that is trying to snuff out conservative voices. wait till you hear what facebook tried to do regarding a candidate running for congress in florida. that and peter teal's message for silicon valley next. ♪ ♪ ♪ keep it comin' love. ♪ keep it comin' love. ♪ don't stop it now, ♪ don't stop it no. ♪ don't stop it now, ♪ don't stop it. ♪ keep it comin' love. ♪ keep it comin' love. ♪ don't stop it now, if you keep on eating, we'll keep it comin'. all you can eat riblets and tenders at applebee's. now that's eatin' good in the neighborhood. any paint can change the way a room looks. but only one can change how it feels. century, from benjamin moore, is the first-ever soft touch matte finish paint. its revolutionary texture unlocks 75 unprecedented colors, each with exquisite depth and richness. it's a difference you can see, touch, and feel. that's proudly particular. century. only at select local paint and hardware stores. >> laura: boy has it been a rough week for silicon valley. twitter in hot water for shadow banning conservatives, something they had to reluctantly admit and their stock is down 20%. facebook's stock has cratered after they missed their earning estimates for the first time in three years. to make matters worse, the social media giant is accused of banning this ad from a florida republican because of the second amendment message. watch. >> i'm mack caldwell. i like guns. i love the second amendment. i support our president. that's why i'm endorsed by the nra. i'm matt caldwell. that's all there is to it. >> laura: i like that ad. here to respond, the candidate himself, state representative matt caldwell. he's running as a candidate for the commissioner of agriculture. representative caldwell, how did you find out this was, you know, banned on facebook? >> yeah, absolutely, laura. we have been obviously running statewide over a year now and running multiple ads every day just run of the mill stuff. like this, like that. we post this mom and apple pie pro president trump, pro nra endorsement ad and gets flagged immediately. we do what it tells you to. appeal it. let us know why you don't think it should be flagged. we wait and wait. no response. here we are five weeks out from the primary, two million voters and we're losing time while they review it. it gets lost in the black hole. we called them out in the media. put out a release and said we've been blocked from talking about this straightforward message that i've been sharing across the state for the last year and a half. until we called them out for it, they didn't take any action. once we did that, the bad publicity, they called it out, apologized and allowed it. but really it's just the precedent. you go through facebook's policies. automatically, anything that deals with guns or ammunition, it gets flagged. i'm running for office. i have a platform. they paid attention to me. what about private citizens? the average person that's trying to use this platform to talk about the things they believe in and want to share. >> laura: yeah, they don't have the same opportunity that you have. certainly as you said, the platform. it makes you wonder how often this happens in the course of a day. there's a lot of stuff on these social media platforms that most people find objectionable but it doesn't get flagged. whether it's nudity, semi nudity or violence from film clips. how do you start making that judgment? this is where i prefer the free market. unless it's someone being mutilated or something that is an incitement to violence. but thus far, there's no other problem with facebook today, right? >> no. they're running our ads now and have told us we shouldn't have anymore problems. but again, it just shows you where their mindset is at. why are guns automatically flagged? but you have things likes abortion. you can run an abortion ad. that would be -- >> laura: representative caldwell, we're out of time. we'll keep an eye on it. i have a feeling this isn't the last time we're going to be dealing with this. we'll be right back.

Transcripts For FOXNEWSW The Greg Gutfeld Show 20180729 05:00:00

A show featuring parodies of current events, commentary on significant issues and interviews with newsmakers, culture critics and media personalities. and world peace. what is not to love? does matter to me. trump's love life is not on my list. but now i realize that it matters. for example, right now in north korea their dismantling rockets sites. why? obviously because trump may have slept around. [laughter] the europeans just stopped skimming us with tariffs but according to cnn before that trump may have slept around. [laughter] the gdp for this quarter just hit 4.1% and to celebrate us steel reopened a plant in illinois but according to sources before that happened, trump slept around. he's got the thousand users relations and we created an economic boom but trump slept around. wait a second, i sense a trend here. what experts call a correlation, here are these amazing achievements and right before them trump had sexual relations. let's welcome tonight guests. like a man who steals your organs to sell them on the black market and he will keep you in stitches, comedian jamie jurek. [cheering and applause] he produces more drama than my pet llama and stars in the new movie out this fall actor nick searcy. [cheering and applause] social interaction gives her an allergic reaction, natural national review reporter captains. [cheering and applause] and the jumbotron is his iphone, former wwe superstar in my massive sidekick, tyrus. [cheering and applause] tyrus: i'm going to get you. greg: i'm scared. i'm shaking in my little boots. tyrus: okay. greg: jamie, how are you doing? what are your thoughts on this week so far any insight? >> i would not have believed that story if i had not heard it with my own eyes. [laughter] unbelievable. i feel like that parent joke was brutal. the parent was not only missing a mirror and a letter but a punchline in timing to anything stormy daniels -- it's weird that they used one of those porn star name generators. it's like what is your favorite weather and your father drink and stormy daniels. mine would be raining martini in years and maybe sunshine seven jan. greg: nick, what you make of the good news in the scandals? >> pick one. it reminds me of the movie i directed which is coming out october 12th 5 nice plug climax. >> was that too obvious? the thing about the lawyers is the taping thing. the tape of trump talking to his lawyer, is that common practice? do lawyers keep their clients and if so, why? greg: funny that trump lawyer who's a fixer hires hillary's lawyer who's a fixer which would be like lanny davis hiring michael cohen. there's fixer's hiring fixers. i need a fixer. >> no. greg: what are you doing later? , thoughts? kat: i can't even begin to tell you how little i care who anyone has sex with. i don't care. everyone in the media really think that if they can prove that donald trump had sex with these women and lied about it people who support trump are going to suddenly stop supporting him. i think that people care more about things like the economy and more money in their pockets it's not they don't believe it. they're not stupid but it just doesn't matter. you know how much i've been affected by who donald trump has had sex with? not at all. greg: really? kat: yeah, my day has been the same as it would've been if he would not have had sex with those people. greg: is the achievements that affect your life not what he's been doing on his private time elsewhere tyrus, bring it home. tyrus: as far as lying, i'm not going to judge the president on if he's lying or not because i've been known to lie about whether i take the trash out or not. [laughter] white lies, as i was called? that's my thing. i feel like they love the scary movie and it's coming to theaters but it never comes to theaters. even recording somebody is simple and michael cohen, [bleep], can get lower than being a rat but what kills me is he is setting somebody up what he supposed to be a fixer -- he's one of the worst people in the world. if you think about someone who is so rotten that you would trust him with your secrets and he records them and then when he gets in trouble tries to use them against you and i guess he was sitting on the phone while he was recording so you cannot even make out what he was saying. they had to get a rocket surgeon and ophthalmologist to figure out whether he said cash or check. he's a bad black male and then he finds out that it's a desirable offense to record a client. it scans a lot but he broke a lot. then he leaked information that i know who happened or what thinking the prosecution would help them and they said no, we will not help you at all. you can't cooperate because re- proven liar. he's had the worst week that a villain -- usually they have a bad week at the end of the movie but this dude started out with here is my plan and got arrest arrested, the worst villain i've ever seen. you would think he'd be better. greg: what drives me nuts is when you watch the other networks they are ignoring what matters and in their snow globe the only thing that matters porn stars, playmates, michael cohen intake. when you're in a snow globe you don't know you're not in one. everyone else in the world is enjoying, their life is getting marginally better everyday but they don't know that at cnn because are too busy chasing tail or tales, tawdry tales. all right, coming up, democratic candidates are out of step with the mainstream in other news, chocolate is delicious. [cheering and applause] ♪ it is such a good time to kiss ♪ [ laughing ] ♪ scoobidoo doobidoo ♪ scoobidoo doobidoo [ goose honking ] ♪ [ laughing ] a bad day on the road still beats a good one off it. ♪ progressive helps keep you out there. b5 like a drunk octopus trying to line dance at his sister's wedding the democrats are out of step. what an intro. like you didn't know that already. according to a new nbc wall street journal poll 56% say today's democratic candidates are out of touch with the mainstream and that's a spike from two years ago when the new number was 42%. that is when bernie sanders was all the rage. and that looked great with a man. [laughter] i was one of the first. bernie sold young voters on socialism and got progressive to take a hard left turn but this poll shows they are not progressive enough. tired of the party that brought you fdr's new deal? you will love super turbo hyper progressivism. the first system for the government pays for everything. universal healthcare, plus, guaranteed basic income you never know when you will meet the enemy in the future and the national anthem is replaced by this. total awesome sanctuary cities and public bathrooms where it's all in the open. the best part about super tumor hyper progressivism, all wars will be fought with finger guns. and if that doesn't work, will hug the enemy to death. [cheering and applause] greg: cap, the polls say the democrats are out of step and they say the republicans are out of step are the libertarians out of step? kat: no one really likes us but we don't really like ourselves. greg: that is true. kat: that is okay. i feel like it shouldn't be surprised that the democrats are out of step as i feel like when you talk to most americans they don't say what that what they want to do is wait in line for toilet paper so i'm not surprised that this old democratic socialist thing is not catching on. people want capitalism we can get toilet paper via amazon prime without getting off your couch and as much as you want you can get 4712 packs and build a fort for you and your cat to sit in. you know, it's not like it always comes down to toilet paper but sometimes it does. greg: if i could have a dollar for every time it does. the big democratic, the new obama, alexandria and she is a socialist what you make of her? she's never. >> it's like she's never read a newspaper or book in her life. this young lady is i can't imagine where she gets information and i'm beginning to think that she's a republican plant where they have placed her there to make the democrats look incredibly stupid. greg: tyrus, will it democratic party pay attention to the polls and fix themselves? tyrus: there are too many rules. i don't like rules. when i get by mike is a president and the instructions are this thick, we are winning it. the new democratic world order there are 37 gender so how will i say hello to someone without being afraid of a lawsuit? there's all kinds of give me stuff and i don't want to give anybody jack. i'll keep mine and you get yours and will be fine. there are too many rules and they don't even know -- when they talk -- if you ever have a conversation with a super left person they talk in a person so i don't even know who i'm dealing with. [laughter] everything is a world cost. i just want a coffee. i'm sorry i came in here. i won't do it again. if me forgiveness will kill mike because in the amazon, i'll st stop. greg: to your point about -- your first point, party forgotten -- it's liberals were supposed to be liberal and now they have more rules and conservatives are the ones that don't want rules. the conservatives are the freaks. they are for free everything in terms of thought. tyrus: you have to catch yourself to greet a stranger. if you don't know something about them, don't find out the hard way by asking. [laughter] >> i felt like this is one of those articles where they did need to do the polls. they're like they're out of step but we knew it had of time and i feel like they could've saved money. i don't like any candidate is talking about what i'm worried about. like how do i keep beat my kid at fortnight? tyrus: that's a real thing. dragon ball z, i have to ground him to beat him mid- game. [laughter] connect no one cares what i'm worried about. i'm worried about healthcare. i asked my daughter what she wanted to do and she asked to do a puzzle so i had her go to healthcare .gov. [laughter] greg: should be and on that note or do you have a third joke? >> i don't think i do. [laughter] greg: i think the democratic party needs an intervention. they need to sit down the leaders and say socialism is ruining your life just like with drugs, you said you been doing a lot of socialism and you're losing your friends and running out of money and we are here to help you will fly you to a capitalism center and teach you how to make money. that would be the answer .com, nikki haley has great advice for conservative teens. so do i, listen to nikki haley. [cheering and applause] esurance. an allstate company. click or call. today for undisclosed reasons. the civil rights icon is reportedly resting comfortably and undergoing routine observation. he played a key role in the civil rights movement. he's expected to be released from the hospital monday. i'm marianne rafferty. greg: now, if i were nikki haley and who says i'm not? i would ask high school kids to raise your hand if you've ever posted anything online quote unquote on the lips. >> razor hand if you ever posted anything online to quote unquote own the liberals. i know it's fun and i can feel good but -- [laughter] but step back and think about you are accomplishing when you do this. are you persuading anyone? greg: she said that to students but adults can learn from this. i'll admit it's fun to troll the other side and they make it so easy sometimes. >> don't believe what you see with your own ears. [laughter] greg: i will play that forever. if you go online now there are two sides clashing over nothing. it's vicious into nikki haley's point, no one is persuading anyone. government you try to cross the aisle with an olive branch. you get shunned by your own like actor mark who faced the wrath of the online mob on his side as he had the nerve to complement ben shapiro on twitter. then he had to apologize for being nice. what he was. neither side will win the great twitter war. it's been mutually assured destruction. is that good or bad or both? i don't know what went i do know is i prefer to dance in front of gus the dog. [inaudible] [laughter] greg: the greatest dog ever. he knows a bad answer when he sees with it, your twitter feed is rambunctious, combative and would you join a group of people that say i'm disarming and i'm no longer going to be so negative on twitter? >> absolutely not. i don't think nikki haley has seen my twitter feed she would not have seen it. she says that i know it feels good and it's fun but what are you a composting? what's wrong with feeling good and having fun? not trying to persuade anybody on twitter. the point is i don't think i'm going to persuade them but i want to ridicule them and have other people see how stupid they look. greg: good point you're trying to persuade the person you're insulting your trying to give some kind of energy to the other people that almost teach them how to do what they're doing but it might be considered mean what am i turning into? used to be so mean, tyrus, what is happening? tyrus: i don't think too much about you, greg -- you know what it is, we have believed right now. whenever you are winning it's fun to put phone at the other side and it's great but when you are losing it sucks. it goes back and forth. i had a flashback when nikki haley was talking. i literally thought it was minors at school and some. when i had an embarrassing moment when i had my first -- you know, at school. greg: i don't want to know. tyrus: she was like it's fun and it feels good but don't think about those things at school. greg: oh, i see what you mean. [laughter] it took me a while. [laughter] tyrus: .com and cooling boys in it to be back to that nurse. used to go to the nurse and tell her stuff and she make you feel good and if your mom saw your heart you are a dirty little boy the nurse would tell you it's okay. it feels right. greg: we will move on from this discussion. jamie -- >> when tyrus was talking there were four moments where i felt like i knew what he was talking about and then he said something else and i still didn't know. greg: let's stay on topic about civility online. [laughter] >> thank you. greg: civility online, is it worth it to be the first person online to disarm? >> you don't always have to be leading but you could be having fun but what a great point that you could be rallying troops but i do get tired of the hate sometimes and i don't know if you know but it's an add-on for google chrome and it turns off all politics if you want to break so i turn it on the other day and there was one puppy video left. [laughter] greg: and it was an old right puppy -- exactly. would you ever -- you are on twitter an awful lot and are not meeting on it -. kat: i try to be nice i think that is probably right but i do understand that it can be very tempting sometimes. i will read an article that says yoga is cultural appropriation and that everyone is a certain halloween costumes are cultural appropriation nightly line if i said the first thought that comes to mind was not to post a video of myself doing yoga in a pocahontas costume. [laughter] but i would not be changing hearts and minds that way and if i wanted to try to change hearts and minds you have to be respectful. greg: i had to semi- serious comments on this. this social media behavior might be necessary because were not allowing this behavior anymore in the real world. were not having community for getting together and churches are under attacks and sororities are being gender-neutral and teams are breaking up so maybe twitter is the only place we can insult each other and build each other and make jokes because you can't do that anywhere else. having said that, now people are collecting scalps on twitter. you can't make jokes anymore because you could be the next one. >> you can lose your job. greg: you can lose your job. >> the director of disney, his job is gone because of some joke he made. it could happen to you -. greg: no, no, don't look at my twitter feed. coming up, would you attend your own funeral? science says it's what is possible. by the way, science is my third nipple. [cheering and applause] ♪ ♪ keep it comin' love. if you keep on eating, we'll keep it comin'. all you can eat riblets and tenders at applebee's. now that's eatin' good in the neighborhood. the most highly recommended bed in america just got better. introducing the reinvented tempur-pedic. designed with the most pressure relieving material we've ever created and superior cool-to-touch technology. find your exclusive retailer today at tempur-pedic.com. could help them save money on car insurance? yea,that and homeowners, renters, motorcycle and boat insurance. huh.that's nice. what happens when you catch a fish? gecko: whoa. geico. more than just car insurance. see how much you could save at geico.com. i'm ok! because your brain would essentially live in the crowd you could switch bodies as often as you like. from where we went to mike and the immortal goat for comment -- >> don't jump. don't jump. don't jump. what is he doing? oh, oh, oh -- he jumped. [bleep] he jumped. [bleep] [laughter] [bleep]. dude, we killed a [bleep] goat. >> dude, he's alive. greg: get with the program. is this realistic and would you do this? tyrus: no, i would go to my funeral and sit in the corner and listen to people talk about me -- my funeral will not be pleasant. there will be a lot of people not on things and plus my note before i go will build real. [laughter] people start turning around the computer laughing in the back in its me what is wrong with dying and i just don't get it? i can't wait. i'm waiting for my testosterone to go way when your time comes, let it go. will you be a robot? b5 you are saying. greg: you are saying let it go. tyrus: you'll have your dream because you can get in with your ai buddies because after a while the robot guys will be jealous of the flash guys so that will not cure racism because we'll have robots attacking anyone with me. greg: it will -- this will be meat and metal and that will be the war because i am the best benedict arnold for metal i would be king of the metal because i don't like meat. i think this would ruin funera funerals? kat: i think that it's a lot of science in trouble and much simpler than that. all you need to do is there yourself a funeral while you're still alive. that's what i'm doing. greg: that's a great idea for a company. kat: i'm doing that in three months for my 30th for the party in a few months. this is not a joke. i'm coming in a hearse end in a casket and i'll have a processional of people they been as i enter and will be a big party. not everyone is invited but you're invited to like the photos when you see i am not joking. greg: i have a feeling you will be doing this. next, i think -- what if you are in annoying unlikable person and people are relieved that you're dead. then oh great, i had to deal with brian because his head is in a new bat? >> why are you asking me this? greg: i don't know. >> i like to be in my own funeral to hear what people say about me. it would work better if i could get that thing started now like if i could get the robot that is me started up now i could get a lot more done. i could direct another movie like my movie which is coming out october 12th climatic. greg: it's a great movie. >> was that too obvious? greg: no, it was a tough movie to make. wherever it is you should find it. jamie, would you do this? >> stupid question, great britain i'm not the smartest guy but if i'm at the funeral why don't we just not have a funer funeral? you know what i mean? jim is on and they say no he's not but he's over there -- did i ever tell you my idea to get a laugh in my funeral i want to have an open casket but when you come up my legs are showing. [laughter] wouldn't that be funny? greg: that's pretty funny. >> i just think in general -- will you write that down? greg: and if something happens i will say you want an open caske. tyrus: open leg casket. >> robots we have to be so careful with building things that we cannot compete with because i had this ex-girlfriend and i bought her this electronic toy and i never saw her again. [laughter] greg: on that note, still to come, it's the most interesting interview you will ever see. i am serious. you don't want to miss this. stick around. 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(whistles) it's a burrito filled with plants pretending to be meat. here we see the artist making an attempt to bare his soul. it's just a gray dot. there are multiples on the table: one is cash, three are fha, one is va. so what can you do? she's saying a whole lotta people want to buy this house. but you got this! rocket mortgage by quicken loans makes the complex simple. understand the details and get approved in as few as 8 minutes by america's largest mortgage lender. to run the full clip on my very own to take a look. ♪ [animal sounds] greg: thank you for having me. i've always been a fan of your investigative work. it's a pleasure to be here. [animal sounds] greg: i really did this for the fans. everywhere i go to blast me where can they read the monologues from the show. where is one place they can get them so i decided when not give the very best monologues and put them in the book. [animal sounds] greg: i figured it would be different to take a book and criticize it and take it apart and go after the thing you got wrong so i took my monologues and if you look in the book you will see, take a look, i have commentary with my actual monologues and i'm fairly blunt about the things i got wrong. [animal sounds] greg: the one thing i noticed is that i tend to rely on certain clichés like if i'm writing about a liberal i will often say they have a nose ring or a henna tattoo and i find i fall into stereotypes over time which is intellectually lazy. i tried to call myself on that wherever i go. also, i think i was mean on bernie sanders. i should of been nice. [animal sounds] greg: my favorite topic is always going to be hollywood because it's so easy something is always going on in that place that is worthy of ridicule and every day there's an actor or actress things have been stupid and i wake up every morning to write about. it makes my job so easy. [animal sounds] greg: the producer will send me ideas and that's a great question. what i do is pick the ones that are most exciting to me and start writing. i don't like to think about it too much because when you think about it you start to lose the scene. you want to dive right in and before you know it you come up with your own point of view. it's a lot of fun, i think. [animal sounds] greg: i learned that there are a lot of interesting topics that culminated in's presidency. if you look at what i covered law and order, identity politi politics, terrorism, these are the things that donald trump hit on so i'm convinced that he created this entire clinical plank on or off my monologues. [animal sounds] greg: i think the shorter the better, much like me. [laughter] if you can make it under 80 seconds that is perfect. it should be sharp, original and funny it does not have to be funny off the bat. first you write it but then you had the jokes later. short, clear, concise and unexpected and surprising. much like the work you do, don don't. [animal sounds] [cheering and applause] greg: thanks again dolphin and ted next weekend is the start of my book tour. more dates are coming soon go to g gutfeld .com for the latest tour information. don't go anywhere, final thoughts next. [cheering and applause] are you done yet? in the country. -wait. you have a real motorcycle? and real insurance, with 24-hour customer support. arcade game: wipeout! oh! well... i retire as champion. game hog! champion. [inaudible]. greg: jamie, where will you be? i'll be on netflix and check out season to on netflix right now. greg: it's funny and i enjoyed it immensely that, you have a movie. >> [inaudible] opens october 12th. here's a clip. >> a lot of the employees at that clinic have been arrested on drug trafficking charges, why haven't you? >> objection. >> given your personal animosity why should we believe anything? >> your honor -. greg: that's intense. >> i love that guy, he's a great actor. greg: tremendous. thank you jamie, nick, kat, tyrus, in my studio audience. [cheering and applause]

Transcripts For FOXNEWSW The Greg Gutfeld Show 20180729 21:00:00

let's get after it. i love the media. i love the media. check out these old headlines trump promises 4% growth and economist say no way. or this one. if trump thanks he can get more than the present economic growth he's dreaming. last but not least, hello larr larry,. >> if you use the standard of what the administration has held out hope for, three or 4% growth there is nothing in any data suggesting that we are moving towards that three-4% standard. greg: oh yeah? eat this larry. >> i'm thrilled to announce that in the second quarter of this year the united states economy grew at the amazing rate of 4. 4.1%. [cheering and applause] they like it. so, who could have predicted that? >> i believe it's time to establish a national goal of reaching 4% economic growth. my great economists don't want to say this but i think we can do better than that. greg: the optimist. i wish you find the right sentiment to express how i feel. [laughter] i wish i could remember what i was laughing at but as trump proves the naysayers wrong, what are the naysayers clinging to? a little piece of leaked audio. >> this is the ugly sordid stuff that happened behind the A show featuring parodies of current events, commentary on significant issues and interviews with newsmakers, culture critics and media personalities. >> the white house lied about it. when this first came out hope said that donald trump knew nothing about it. >> the president had no knowledge and you know and giuliani knows that is a flat out lie. he had an affair with her. greg: oh my god, he lied, he lied about in affair. how is this surprising accusing a rich old new yorker about lying about an affair is accusing michael moore splitting his pants. [laughter] is to be expected. i hate to tell you this is why line was invented. do you remember the first lie? the garden of eden, the snake, no, no, he's just a friend. as long as there is sex there will be lies and as long as there are lies there will be journalism and politics. i don't condone it but when there's so much good stuff happening in this world i just do not care. [cheering and applause] A show featuring parodies of current events, commentary on significant issues and interviews with newsmakers, culture critics and media personalities. that donald trump had sex with these women and lied about it people who support trump are going to suddenly stop supporting him. i think that people care more about things like the economy and more money in their pockets it's not they don't believe it. they're not stupid but it just doesn't matter. you know how much i've been affected by who donald trump has had sex with? not at all. greg: really? kat: yeah, my day has been the same as it would've been if he would not have had sex with those people. greg: is the achievements that affect your life not what he's been doing on his private time elsewhere tyrus, bring it home. tyrus: as far as lying, i'm not going to judge the president on if he's lying or not because i've been known to lie about whether i take the trash out or not. [laughter] white lies, as i was called? that's my thing. i feel like they love the scary movie and it's coming to theaters but it never comes to theaters. even recording somebody is simple and michael cohen, [bleep], can get lower than being a rat but what kills me is he is setting somebody up what he supposed to be a fixer -- he's one of the worst people in the world. if you think about someone who is so rotten that you would trust him with your secrets and he records them and then when he gets in trouble tries to use them against you and i guess he was sitting on the phone while he was recording so you cannot even make out what he was saying. they had to get a rocket surgeon and ophthalmologist to figure out whether he said cash or check. he's a bad black male and then he finds out that it's a desirable offense to record a client. it scans a lot but he broke a lot. then he leaked information that i know who happened or what thinking the prosecution would help them and they said no, we will not help you at all. you can't cooperate because re- proven liar. he's had the worst week that a villain -- usually they have a bad week at the end of the movie but this dude started out with here is my plan and got arrest arrested, the worst villain i've ever seen. you would think he'd be better. greg: what drives me nuts is when you watch the other networks they are ignoring what matters and in their snow globe the only thing that matters porn stars, playmates, michael cohen intake. when you're in a snow globe you don't know you're not in one. everyone else in the world is enjoying, their life is getting marginally better everyday but they don't know that at cnn because are too busy chasing tail or tales, tawdry tales. all right, coming up, democratic candidates are out of step with the mainstream in other news, chocolate is delicious. [cheering and applause] ♪ ooh, heaven is a place on earth ♪ uhp. i didn't believe it. again. ♪ ooh, baby, do you know what that's worth? ♪ i want to believe it. [ claps hands ] ♪ ooh i'm not hearing the confidence. okay, hold the name your price tool. power of options based on your budget! and! ♪ we'll make heaven a place on earth ♪ yeah! oh, my angels! ♪ ooh, heaven is a place on earth ♪ [ sobs quietly ] b5 like a drunk octopus trying to line dance at his sister's wedding the democrats are out of step. what an intro. like you didn't know that already. according to a new nbc wall street journal poll 56% say today's democratic candidates are out of touch with the mainstream and that's a spike from two years ago when the new number was 42%. that is when bernie sanders was all the rage. and that looked great with a man. [laughter] i was one of the first. bernie sold young voters on socialism and got progressive to take a hard left turn but this poll shows they are not progressive enough. tired of the party that brought you fdr's new deal? you will love super turbo hyper progressivism. the first system for the government pays for everything. universal healthcare, plus, guaranteed basic income you never know when you will meet the enemy in the future and the national anthem is replaced by this. total awesome sanctuary cities and public bathrooms where it's all in the open. the best part about super tumor hyper progressivism, all wars will be fought with finger guns. and if that doesn't work, will hug the enemy to death. [cheering and applause] greg: cap, the polls say the democrats are out of step and they say the republicans are out of step are the libertarians out of step? kat: no one really likes us but we don't really like ourselves. greg: that is true. kat: that is okay. i feel like it shouldn't be surprised that the democrats are out of step as i feel like when you talk to most americans they don't say what that what they want to do is wait in line for toilet paper so i'm not surprised that this old democratic socialist thing is not catching on. people want capitalism we can get toilet paper via amazon prime without getting off your couch and as much as you want you can get 4712 packs and build a fort for you and your cat to sit in. you know, it's not like it always comes down to toilet paper but sometimes it does. greg: if i could have a dollar for every time it does. the big democratic, the new obama, alexandria and she is a socialist what you make of her? she's never. >> it's like she's never read a newspaper or book in her life. this young lady is i can't imagine where she gets information and i'm beginning to think that she's a republican plant where they have placed her there to make the democrats look incredibly stupid. greg: tyrus, will it democratic party pay attention to the polls and fix themselves? tyrus: there are too many rules. i don't like rules. when i get by mike is a president and the instructions are this thick, we are winning it. the new democratic world order there are 37 gender so how will i say hello to someone without being afraid of a lawsuit? there's all kinds of give me stuff and i don't want to give anybody jack. i'll keep mine and you get yours and will be fine. there are too many rules and they don't even know -- when they talk -- if you ever have a conversation with a super left person they talk in a person so i don't even know who i'm dealing with. [laughter] everything is a world cost. i just want a coffee. i'm sorry i came in here. i won't do it again. if me forgiveness will kill mike because in the amazon, i'll st stop. greg: to your point about -- your first point, party forgotten -- it's liberals were supposed to be liberal and now they have more rules and conservatives are the ones that don't want rules. the conservatives are the freaks. they are for free everything in terms of thought. tyrus: you have to catch yourself to greet a stranger. if you don't know something about them, don't find out the hard way by asking. [laughter] >> i felt like this is one of those articles where they did need to do the polls. they're like they're out of step but we knew it had of time and i feel like they could've saved money. i don't like any candidate is talking about what i'm worried about. like how do i keep beat my kid at fortnight? tyrus: that's a real thing. dragon ball z, i have to ground him to beat him mid- game. [laughter] connect no one cares what i'm worried about. i'm worried about healthcare. i asked my daughter what she wanted to do and she asked to do a puzzle so i had her go to healthcare .gov. [laughter] greg: should be and on that note or do you have a third joke? >> i don't think i do. [laughter] greg: i think the democratic party needs an intervention. they need to sit down the leaders and say socialism is ruining your life just like with drugs, you said you been doing a lot of socialism and you're losing your friends and running out of money and we are here to help you will fly you to a capitalism center and teach you how to make money. that would be the answer .com, nikki haley has great advice for conservative teens. so do i, listen to nikki haley. 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[cheers] 30 grams of protein and 1 gram of sugar. new ensure max protein. in two great flavors. >> live from "americas news headquarters" i am jon scott. california officials the 12,000 firefighters are now fighting 17 significant fires across the state. one of the worst in the redding area 230 miles from san francisco. it is destroyed with a 500 buildings and burned vegetation on nearly hundred 50 square miles.officials say california has experienced considerably more fire activity this year than in the same period last year. and the worst of the fire season is yet to come. three people killed and seven others injured in a shooting in new orleans last night. at this hour police are still looking for two gunmen they say fired into a crowd outside of a restaurant. some three miles from the french quarter. then ran off. investigators are still looking into a possible motive. i am jon scott, back now to the greg gutfeld show. greg: now, if i were nikki haley and who says i'm not? i would ask high school kids to raise your hand if you've ever posted anything online quote unquote on the lips. >> razor hand if you ever posted anything online to quote unquote own the liberals. i know it's fun and i can feel good but -- [laughter] but step back and think about you are accomplishing when you do this. are you persuading anyone? greg: she said that to students but adults can learn from this. i'll admit it's fun to troll the other side and they make it so easy sometimes. >> don't believe what you see with your own ears. [laughter] greg: i will play that forever. if you go online now there are two sides clashing over nothing. it's vicious into nikki haley's point, no one is persuading anyone. government you try to cross the aisle with an olive branch. you get shunned by your own like actor mark who faced the wrath of the online mob on his side as he had the nerve to complement ben shapiro on twitter. then he had to apologize for being nice. what he was. neither side will win the great twitter war. it's been mutually assured destruction. is that good or bad or both? i don't know what went i do know is i prefer to dance in front of gus the dog. [inaudible] [laughter] greg: the greatest dog ever. he knows a bad answer when he sees with it, your twitter feed is rambunctious, combative and would you join a group of people that say i'm disarming and i'm no longer going to be so negative on twitter? >> absolutely not. i don't think nikki haley has seen my twitter feed she would not have seen it. she says that i know it feels good and it's fun but what are you a composting? what's wrong with feeling good and having fun? not trying to persuade anybody on twitter. the point is i don't think i'm going to persuade them but i want to ridicule them and have other people see how stupid they look. greg: good point you're trying to persuade the person you're insulting your trying to give some kind of energy to the other people that almost teach them how to do what they're doing but it might be considered mean what am i turning into? used to be so mean, tyrus, what is happening? tyrus: i don't think too much about you, greg -- you know what it is, we have believed right now. whenever you are winning it's fun to put phone at the other side and it's great but when you are losing it sucks. it goes back and forth. i had a flashback when nikki haley was talking. i literally thought it was minors at school and some. when i had an embarrassing moment when i had my first -- you know, at school. greg: i don't want to know. tyrus: she was like it's fun and it feels good but don't think about those things at school. greg: oh, i see what you mean. [laughter] it took me a while. [laughter] tyrus: .com and cooling boys in it to be back to that nurse. used to go to the nurse and tell her stuff and she make you feel good and if your mom saw your heart you are a dirty little boy the nurse would tell you it's okay. it feels right. greg: we will move on from this discussion. jamie -- >> when tyrus was talking there were four moments where i felt like i knew what he was talking about and then he said something else and i still didn't know. greg: let's stay on topic about civility online. [laughter] >> thank you. greg: civility online, is it worth it to be the first person online to disarm? >> you don't always have to be leading but you could be having fun but what a great point that you could be rallying troops but i do get tired of the hate sometimes and i don't know if you know but it's an add-on for google chrome and it turns off all politics if you want to break so i turn it on the other day and there was one puppy video left. [laughter] greg: and it was an old right puppy -- exactly. would you ever -- you are on twitter an awful lot and are not meeting on it -. kat: i try to be nice i think that is probably right but i do understand that it can be very tempting sometimes. i will read an article that says yoga is cultural appropriation and that everyone is a certain halloween costumes are cultural appropriation nightly line if i said the first thought that comes to mind was not to post a video of myself doing yoga in a pocahontas costume. [laughter] but i would not be changing hearts and minds that way and if i wanted to try to change hearts and minds you have to be respectful. greg: i had to semi- serious comments on this. this social media behavior might be necessary because were not allowing this behavior anymore in the real world. were not having community for getting together and churches are under attacks and sororities are being gender-neutral and teams are breaking up so maybe twitter is the only place we can insult each other and build each other and make jokes because you can't do that anywhere else. having said that, now people are collecting scalps on twitter. you can't make jokes anymore because you could be the next one. >> you can lose your job. greg: you can lose your job. >> the director of disney, his job is gone because of some joke he made. it could happen to you -. greg: no, no, don't look at my twitter feed. coming up, would you attend your own funeral? science says it's what is possible. by the way, science is my third nipple. 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[honk, honk] >> kids: bye! >> tech vo: ...so she can save the science project. >> kids: whoa! >> kids vo: ♪ safelite repair, safelite replace ♪ i'm still giving it my best even though i live with a higher risk of stroke due to afib not caused by a heart valve problem. so if there's a better treatment than warfarin, i'm up for that. eliquis. eliquis is proven to reduce stroke risk better than warfarin. plus has significantly less major bleeding than warfarin. eliquis is fda-approved and has both. so what's next? seeing these guys. don't stop taking eliquis unless your doctor tells you to, as stopping increases your risk of having a stroke. eliquis can cause serious and in rare cases fatal bleeding. don't take eliquis if you have an artificial heart valve or abnormal bleeding. while taking eliquis, you may bruise more easily and it may take longer than usual for any bleeding to stop. seek immediate medical care for sudden signs of bleeding, like unusual bruising. eliquis may increase your bleeding risk if you take certain medicines. tell your doctor about all planned medical or dental procedures. eliquis, the number one cardiologist-prescribed blood thinner. ask your doctor if eliquis is what's next for you. because your brain would essentially live in the crowd you could switch bodies as often as you like. from where we went to mike and the immortal goat for comment -- >> don't jump. don't jump. don't jump. what is he doing? oh, oh, oh -- he jumped. [bleep] he jumped. [bleep] [laughter] [bleep]. dude, we killed a [bleep] goat. >> dude, he's alive. greg: get with the program. is this realistic and would you do this? tyrus: no, i would go to my funeral and sit in the corner and listen to people talk about me -- my funeral will not be pleasant. there will be a lot of people not on things and plus my note before i go will build real. [laughter] people start turning around the computer laughing in the back in its me what is wrong with dying and i just don't get it? i can't wait. i'm waiting for my testosterone to go way when your time comes, let it go. will you be a robot? b5 you are saying. greg: you are saying let it go. tyrus: you'll have your dream because you can get in with your ai buddies because after a while the robot guys will be jealous of the flash guys so that will not cure racism because we'll have robots attacking anyone with me. greg: it will -- this will be meat and metal and that will be the war because i am the best benedict arnold for metal i would be king of the metal because i don't like meat. i think this would ruin funera funerals? kat: i think that it's a lot of science in trouble and much simpler than that. all you need to do is there yourself a funeral while you're still alive. that's what i'm doing. greg: that's a great idea for a company. kat: i'm doing that in three months for my 30th for the party in a few months. this is not a joke. i'm coming in a hearse end in a casket and i'll have a processional of people they been as i enter and will be a big party. not everyone is invited but you're invited to like the photos when you see i am not joking. greg: i have a feeling you will be doing this. next, i think -- what if you are in annoying unlikable person and people are relieved that you're dead. then oh great, i had to deal with brian because his head is in a new bat? >> why are you asking me this? greg: i don't know. >> i like to be in my own funeral to hear what people say about me. it would work better if i could get that thing started now like if i could get the robot that is me started up now i could get a lot more done. i could direct another movie like my movie which is coming out october 12th climatic. greg: it's a great movie. >> was that too obvious? greg: no, it was a tough movie to make. wherever it is you should find it. jamie, would you do this? >> stupid question, great britain i'm not the smartest guy but if i'm at the funeral why don't we just not have a funer funeral? you know what i mean? jim is on and they say no he's not but he's over there -- did i ever tell you my idea to get a laugh in my funeral i want to have an open casket but when you come up my legs are showing. [laughter] wouldn't that be funny? greg: that's pretty funny. >> i just think in general -- will you write that down? greg: and if something happens i will say you want an open caske. tyrus: open leg casket. >> robots we have to be so careful with building things that we cannot compete with because i had this ex-girlfriend and i bought her this electronic toy and i never saw her again. [laughter] greg: on that note, still to come, it's the most interesting interview you will ever see. i am serious. you don't want to miss this. stick around. [cheering and applause] to run the full clip on my very own to take a look. ♪ [animal sounds] greg: thank you for having me. i've always been a fan of your investigative work. it's a pleasure to be here. [animal sounds] greg: i really did this for the fans. everywhere i go to blast me where can they read the monologues from the show. where is one place they can get them so i decided when not give the very best monologues and put them in the book. [animal sounds] greg: i figured it would be different to take a book and criticize it and take it apart and go after the thing you got wrong so i took my monologues and if you look in the book you will see, take a look, i have commentary with my actual monologues and i'm fairly blunt about the things i got wrong. [animal sounds] greg: the one thing i noticed is that i tend to rely on certain clichés like if i'm writing about a liberal i will often say they have a nose ring or a henna tattoo and i find i fall into stereotypes over time which is intellectually lazy. i tried to call myself on that wherever i go. also, i think i was mean on bernie sanders. i should of been nice. [animal sounds] greg: my favorite topic is always going to be hollywood because it's so easy something is always going on in that place that is worthy of ridicule and every day there's an actor or actress things have been stupid and i wake up every morning to write about. it makes my job so easy. [animal sounds] greg: the producer will send me ideas and that's a great question. what i do is pick the ones that are most exciting to me and start writing. i don't like to think about it too much because when you think about it you start to lose the scene. you want to dive right in and before you know it you come up with your own point of view. it's a lot of fun, i think. [animal sounds] greg: i learned that there are a lot of interesting topics that culminated in's presidency. if you look at what i covered law and order, identity politi politics, terrorism, these are the things that donald trump hit on so i'm convinced that he created this entire clinical plank on or off my monologues. [animal sounds] greg: i think the shorter the better, much like me. [laughter] if you can make it under 80 seconds that is perfect. it should be sharp, original and funny it does not have to be funny off the bat. first you write it but then you had the jokes later. short, clear, concise and unexpected and surprising. much like the work you do, don don't. [animal sounds] [cheering and applause] greg: thanks again dolphin and ted next weekend is the start of my book tour. more dates are coming soon go to g gutfeld .com for the latest tour information. don't go anywhere, final thoughts next. [cheering and applause] ♪ whens ♪ it's so hard to believe ♪ but it's all coming back me. ♪ baby, baby, baby. all you can eat is back, baby. applebee's. my mom washes the dishes... ...before she puts them in the dishwasher. so what does the dishwasher do? new cascade platinum does the work for you, .g new cascade platinum. when it comes to strong bones, are you on the right path? we have postmenopausal osteoporosis and a high risk for fracture, so with our doctors we chose prolia® to help make our bones stronger. only prolia® helps strengthen bones by stopping cells that damage them with 1 shot every 6 months. do not take prolia® if you have low blood calcium, are pregnant, are allergic to it, or take xgeva®. serious allergic reactions, like low blood pressure; trouble breathing; throat tightness; face, lip or tongue swelling, rash, itching or hives have happened. tell your doctor about dental problems, as severe jaw bone problems may happen or new or unusual pain in your hip, groin, or thigh, as unusual thigh bone fractures have occurred. speak to your doctor before stopping prolia®, as spine and other bone fractures have occurred. prolia® can cause serious side effects, like low blood calcium; serious infections, which could need hospitalization; . isn't it time for a new direction? why wait? ask your doctor about prolia. . greg: jamie, where are you going to be? >> i'm going to be on netflix, if you have netflix, check out season 2 of my tv show with rob snider on netflix right now. greg: very, very funny, i enjoy it immensely. i mean that, even though i haven't seen it. nick, you got a movie. >> opens november 12th in 750 theaters nationwide, here's a clip. >> a the love the employees at that clinic have been arrested on drug trafficking charges, why haven't you. >> objection. >> given your personal animosity for the doctor, why should we believe anything -- greg: wow, that's intense! >> i love that guy. he's a great actor. greg: he is a great actor. a tremendous -- all right! thank you, jamie, nick, katherine, tyrus, dolphin, the studio audience. [cheers and applause] . [cheering and applause]

Transcripts For FOXNEWSW The Greg Gutfeld Show 20180729 02:00:00

god bless all of you. thank you for watching. i'm advocating for truth, justice and the american way. i'm jeanine pierrot signing off, greg gutfeld is next. see you next saturday. >> man walks into a pet store and sees as a sign, talking parrot and buys if it comes back and says he doesn't talk. dices what letter? tour owner says sorry, the letter is $10. another week and no talking and back to the store. he did not climb the ladder and look in the mirror and talk, another purchase. there becomes a guy comes back to the store and the owner says the parent is dead but before he died he spoke in the store owner says what did he say. though they sell any birdseed at that store you. greg: will be appearing at the comedy cellar all week. [cheering and applause] about. >> this tape shows how the sausage is made. >> i'm hearing to criminal co-conspirators conspiring on making a payment. >> the president of the united states to try to tell you what you are seeing and what you are reading but it's not happening. don't believe what you see with your own ears. [laughter] greg: don't believe what you see with your own ears. that's a fortune cookie that makes no sense. in other words, it is a fortune cookie. the question, did anyone die from this secret conversation? was anyone physically hurt? does anyone care? which leads me to a new sextant. does anyone care? tonight's episode, slimy lawyer secretly takes his client with women. could it be that all of this good news is due to that? i know correlation is not causation but maybe his tex-mex life has made us all better off. i feel bad for the media. the invent so much time in the scandals. why? because democrats are hopeless at understanding sex. raising income taxes is their pillow talk. redistribution is there for play and that is why they're good at screen people. [laughter] which is why -- thank you very much. [cheering and applause] this is why it's good news that the democrats would rather get drunk on tawdry tales and i thank you should do because of my god, he lied to. >> whether we know what happened or not, whether the payment happened or not we know he lied. >> it shows that trump line once again. >> the white house lied about let's welcome tonight guests. like a man who steals your organs to sell them on the black market and he will keep you in stitches, comedian jamie jurek. [cheering and applause] he produces more drama than my pet llama and stars in the new movie out this fall actor nick searcy. [cheering and applause] social interaction gives her an allergic reaction, natural national review reporter captains. [cheering and applause] and the jumbotron is his iphone, former wwe superstar in my massive sidekick, tyrus. [cheering and applause] tyrus: i'm going to get you. greg: i'm scared. i'm shaking in my little boots. tyrus: okay. greg: jamie, how are you doing? what are your thoughts on this week so far any insight? >> i would not have believed that story if i had not heard it with my own eyes. [laughter] unbelievable. i feel like that parent joke was brutal. the parent was not only missing a mirror and a letter but a punchline in timing to anything stormy daniels -- it's weird that they used one of those porn star name generators. it's like what is your favorite weather and your father drink and stormy daniels. mine would be raining martini in years and maybe sunshine seven jan. greg: nick, what you make of the good news in the scandals? >> pick one. it reminds me of the movie i directed which is coming out october 12th 5 nice plug A show featuring parodies of current events, commentary on significant issues and interviews with newsmakers, culture critics and media personalities. movie and it's coming to theaters but it never comes to theaters. even recording somebody is simple and michael cohen, [bleep], can get lower than being a rat but what kills me is he is setting somebody up what he supposed to be a fixer -- he's one of the worst people in the world. if you think about someone who is so rotten that you would trust him with your secrets and he records them and then when he gets in trouble tries to use them against you and i guess he was sitting on the phone while he was recording so you cannot even make out what he was saying. they had to get a rocket surgeon and ophthalmologist to figure out whether he said cash or check. he's a bad black male and then he finds out that it's a desirable offense to record a client. it scans a lot but he broke a lot. then he leaked information that i know who happened or what thinking the prosecution would help them and they said no, we will not help you at all. you can't cooperate because re- proven liar. he's had the worst week that a villain -- usually they have a bad week at the end of the movie but this dude started out with here is my plan and got arrest arrested, the worst villain i've ever seen. you would think he'd be better. greg: what drives me nuts is when you watch the other networks they are ignoring what matters and in their snow globe the only thing that matters porn stars, playmates, michael cohen intake. when you're in a snow globe you don't know you're not in one. everyone else in the world is enjoying, their life is getting marginally better everyday but they don't know that at cnn because are too busy chasing tail or tales, tawdry tales. all right, coming up, democratic candidates are out of step with the mainstream in other news, chocolate is delicious. [cheering and applause] ♪ if you have moderate to severe plaque psoriasis, little things can be a big deal. that's why there's otezla. otezla is not an injection or a cream. it's a pill that treats psoriasis differently. with otezla, 75% clearer skin is achievable after just 4 months, ... with reduced redness, thickness, and scaliness of plaques. and the otezla prescribing information has no requirement for routine lab monitoring. don't use if you're allergic to otezla. otezla may cause severe diarrhea, nausea, or vomiting. tell your doctor if these occur. otezla is associated with an increased risk of depression. tell your doctor if you have a history of depression or suicidal thoughts, or if these feelings develop. some people taking otezla reported weight loss. your doctor should monitor your weight and may stop treatment. other side effects include upper respiratory tract infection and headache. tell your doctor about all the medicines you take and if you're pregnant or planning to be. ♪ otezla. show more of you. your digestive system has billions of bacteria, but life can throw them off balance. re-align yourself, with align probiotic. and try new align gummies, with prebiotics and probiotics to help support digestive health. b5 like a drunk octopus trying to line dance at his sister's wedding the democrats are out of step. what an intro. like you didn't know that already. according to a new nbc wall street journal poll 56% say today's democratic candidates are out of touch with the mainstream and that's a spike from two years ago when the new number was 42%. that is when bernie sanders was all the rage. and that looked great with a man. [laughter] i was one of the first. bernie sold young voters on socialism and got progressive to take a hard left turn but this poll shows they are not progressive enough. tired of the party that brought you fdr's new deal? you will love super turbo hyper progressivism. the first system for the government pays for everything. universal healthcare, plus, guaranteed basic income you never know when you will meet the enemy in the future and the national anthem is replaced by this. total awesome sanctuary cities and public bathrooms where it's all in the open. the best part about super tumor hyper progressivism, all wars will be fought with finger guns. and if that doesn't work, will hug the enemy to death. [cheering and applause] greg: cap, the polls say the democrats are out of step and they say the republicans are out of step are the libertarians out of step? kat: no one really likes us but we don't really like ourselves. greg: that is true. kat: that is okay. i feel like it shouldn't be surprised that the democrats are out of step as i feel like when you talk to most americans they don't say what that what they want to do is wait in line for toilet paper so i'm not surprised that this old democratic socialist thing is not catching on. people want capitalism we can get toilet paper via amazon prime without getting off your couch and as much as you want you can get 4712 packs and build a fort for you and your cat to sit in. you know, it's not like it always comes down to toilet paper but sometimes it does. greg: if i could have a dollar for every time it does. the big democratic, the new obama, alexandria and she is a socialist what you make of her? she's never. >> it's like she's never read a newspaper or book in her life. this young lady is i can't imagine where she gets information and i'm beginning to think that she's a republican plant where they have placed her there to make the democrats look incredibly stupid. greg: tyrus, will it democratic party pay attention to the polls and fix themselves? tyrus: there are too many rules. i don't like rules. when i get by mike is a president and the instructions are this thick, we are winning it. the new democratic world order there are 37 gender so how will i say hello to someone without being afraid of a lawsuit? there's all kinds of give me stuff and i don't want to give anybody jack. i'll keep mine and you get yours and will be fine. there are too many rules and they don't even know -- when they talk -- if you ever have a conversation with a super left person they talk in a person so i don't even know who i'm dealing with. [laughter] everything is a world cost. i just want a coffee. i'm sorry i came in here. i won't do it again. if me forgiveness will kill mike because in the amazon, i'll st stop. greg: to your point about -- your first point, party forgotten -- it's liberals were supposed to be liberal and now they have more rules and conservatives are the ones that don't want rules. the conservatives are the freaks. they are for free everything in terms of thought. tyrus: you have to catch yourself to greet a stranger. if you don't know something about them, don't find out the hard way by asking. [laughter] >> i felt like this is one of those articles where they did need to do the polls. they're like they're out of step but we knew it had of time and i feel like they could've saved money. i don't like any candidate is talking about what i'm worried about. like how do i keep beat my kid at fortnight? tyrus: that's a real thing. dragon ball z, i have to ground him to beat him mid- game. [laughter] connect no one cares what i'm worried about. i'm worried about healthcare. i asked my daughter what she wanted to do and she asked to do a puzzle so i had her go to healthcare .gov. [laughter] greg: should be and on that note or do you have a third joke? >> i don't think i do. [laughter] greg: i think the democratic party needs an intervention. they need to sit down the leaders and say socialism is ruining your life just like with drugs, you said you been doing a lot of socialism and you're losing your friends and running out of money and we are here to help you will fly you to a capitalism center and teach you how to make money. that would be the answer .com, nikki haley has great advice for conservative teens. so do i, listen to nikki haley. [cheering and applause] get your groove on with one a day 50+. ♪ get ready for the wild life ♪ complete multivitamins with key nutrients that address 6 concerns of aging, including heart health, supported by b-vitamins. your one a day is showing. something important. it's not going to be easy. quicksilver earns you unlimited 1.5% cash back on every purchase, everywhere. actually, that's super easy. my bad. wildfires. a 26 year old mother and five of her children die in a motel fire in southwestern michigan for the children were age two to ten years old. the woman's husband in the one -year-old daughter survived. investigators say the fire appears to be an accident. i'm marianne rafferty, now back to the greg gutfeld show. greg: now, if i were nikki haley and who says i'm not? i would ask high school kids to raise your hand if you've ever posted anything online quote unquote on the lips. >> razor hand if you ever posted anything online to quote unquote own the liberals. i know it's fun and i can feel good but -- [laughter] but step back and think about you are accomplishing when you do this. are you persuading anyone? greg: she said that to students but adults can learn from this. i'll admit it's fun to troll the other side and they make it so easy sometimes. >> don't believe what you see with your own ears. [laughter] greg: i will play that forever. if you go online now there are two sides clashing over nothing. it's vicious into nikki haley's point, no one is persuading anyone. government you try to cross the aisle with an olive branch. you get shunned by your own like actor mark who faced the wrath of the online mob on his side as he had the nerve to complement ben shapiro on twitter. then he had to apologize for being nice. what he was. neither side will win the great twitter war. it's been mutually assured destruction. is that good or bad or both? i don't know what went i do know is i prefer to dance in front of gus the dog. [inaudible] [laughter] greg: the greatest dog ever. he knows a bad answer when he sees with it, your twitter feed is rambunctious, combative and would you join a group of people that say i'm disarming and i'm no longer going to be so negative on twitter? >> absolutely not. i don't think nikki haley has seen my twitter feed she would not have seen it. she says that i know it feels good and it's fun but what are you a composting? what's wrong with feeling good and having fun? not trying to persuade anybody on twitter. the point is i don't think i'm going to persuade them but i want to ridicule them and have other people see how stupid they look. greg: good point you're trying to persuade the person you're insulting your trying to give some kind of energy to the other people that almost teach them how to do what they're doing but it might be considered mean what am i turning into? used to be so mean, tyrus, what is happening? tyrus: i don't think too much about you, greg -- you know what it is, we have believed right now. whenever you are winning it's fun to put phone at the other side and it's great but when you are losing it sucks. it goes back and forth. i had a flashback when nikki haley was talking. i literally thought it was minors at school and some. when i had an embarrassing moment when i had my first -- you know, at school. greg: i don't want to know. tyrus: she was like it's fun and it feels good but don't think about those things at school. greg: oh, i see what you mean. [laughter] it took me a while. [laughter] tyrus: .com and cooling boys in it to be back to that nurse. used to go to the nurse and tell her stuff and she make you feel good and if your mom saw your heart you are a dirty little boy the nurse would tell you it's okay. it feels right. greg: we will move on from this discussion. jamie -- >> when tyrus was talking there were four moments where i felt like i knew what he was talking about and then he said something else and i still didn't know. greg: let's stay on topic about civility online. [laughter] >> thank you. greg: civility online, is it worth it to be the first person online to disarm? >> you don't always have to be leading but you could be having fun but what a great point that you could be rallying troops but i do get tired of the hate sometimes and i don't know if you know but it's an add-on for google chrome and it turns off all politics if you want to break so i turn it on the other day and there was one puppy video left. [laughter] greg: and it was an old right puppy -- exactly. would you ever -- you are on twitter an awful lot and are not meeting on it -. kat: i try to be nice i think that is probably right but i do understand that it can be very tempting sometimes. i will read an article that says yoga is cultural appropriation and that everyone is a certain halloween costumes are cultural appropriation nightly line if i said the first thought that comes to mind was not to post a video of myself doing yoga in a pocahontas costume. [laughter] but i would not be changing hearts and minds that way and if i wanted to try to change hearts and minds you have to be respectful. greg: i had to semi- serious comments on this. this social media behavior might be necessary because were not allowing this behavior anymore in the real world. were not having community for getting together and churches are under attacks and sororities are being gender-neutral and teams are breaking up so maybe twitter is the only place we can insult each other and build each other and make jokes because you can't do that anywhere else. having said that, now people are collecting scalps on twitter. you can't make jokes anymore because you could be the next one. >> you can lose your job. greg: you can lose your job. >> the director of disney, his job is gone because of some joke he made. it could happen to you -. greg: no, no, don't look at my twitter feed. coming up, would you attend your own funeral? science says it's what is possible. by the way, science is my third nipple. 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[bleep] he jumped. [bleep] [laughter] [bleep]. dude, we killed a [bleep] goat. >> dude, he's alive. greg: get with the program. is this realistic and would you do this? tyrus: no, i would go to my funeral and sit in the corner and listen to people talk about me -- my funeral will not be pleasant. there will be a lot of people not on things and plus my note before i go will build real. [laughter] people start turning around the computer laughing in the back in its me what is wrong with dying and i just don't get it? i can't wait. i'm waiting for my testosterone to go way when your time comes, let it go. will you be a robot? b5 you are saying. greg: you are saying let it go. tyrus: you'll have your dream because you can get in with your ai buddies because after a while the robot guys will be jealous of the flash guys so that will not cure racism because we'll have robots attacking anyone with me. greg: it will -- this will be meat and metal and that will be the war because i am the best benedict arnold for metal i would be king of the metal because i don't like meat. i think this would ruin funera funerals? kat: i think that it's a lot of science in trouble and much simpler than that. all you need to do is there yourself a funeral while you're still alive. that's what i'm doing. greg: that's a great idea for a company. kat: i'm doing that in three months for my 30th for the party in a few months. this is not a joke. i'm coming in a hearse end in a casket and i'll have a processional of people they been as i enter and will be a big party. not everyone is invited but you're invited to like the photos when you see i am not joking. greg: i have a feeling you will be doing this. next, i think -- what if you are in annoying unlikable person and people are relieved that you're dead. then oh great, i had to deal with brian because his head is in a new bat? >> why are you asking me this? greg: i don't know. >> i like to be in my own funeral to hear what people say about me. it would work better if i could get that thing started now like if i could get the robot that is me started up now i could get a lot more done. i could direct another movie like my movie which is coming out october 12th climatic. greg: it's a great movie. >> was that too obvious? greg: no, it was a tough movie to make. wherever it is you should find it. jamie, would you do this? >> stupid question, great britain i'm not the smartest guy but if i'm at the funeral why don't we just not have a funer funeral? you know what i mean? jim is on and they say no he's not but he's over there -- did i ever tell you my idea to get a laugh in my funeral i want to have an open casket but when you come up my legs are showing. [laughter] wouldn't that be funny? greg: that's pretty funny. >> i just think in general -- will you write that down? greg: and if something happens i will say you want an open caske. tyrus: open leg casket. >> robots we have to be so careful with building things that we cannot compete with because i had this ex-girlfriend and i bought her this electronic toy and i never saw her again. [laughter] greg: on that note, still to come, it's the most interesting interview you will ever see. i am serious. you don't want to miss this. stick around. 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[animal sounds] greg: i really did this for the fans. everywhere i go to blast me where can they read the monologues from the show. where is one place they can get them so i decided when not give the very best monologues and put them in the book. [animal sounds] greg: i figured it would be different to take a book and criticize it and take it apart and go after the thing you got wrong so i took my monologues and if you look in the book you will see, take a look, i have commentary with my actual monologues and i'm fairly blunt about the things i got wrong. [animal sounds] greg: the one thing i noticed is that i tend to rely on certain clichés like if i'm writing about a liberal i will often say they have a nose ring or a henna tattoo and i find i fall into stereotypes over time which is intellectually lazy. i tried to call myself on that wherever i go. also, i think i was mean on bernie sanders. i should of been nice. [animal sounds] greg: my favorite topic is always going to be hollywood because it's so easy something is always going on in that place that is worthy of ridicule and every day there's an actor or actress things have been stupid and i wake up every morning to write about. it makes my job so easy. [animal sounds] greg: the producer will send me ideas and that's a great question. what i do is pick the ones that are most exciting to me and start writing. i don't like to think about it too much because when you think about it you start to lose the scene. you want to dive right in and before you know it you come up with your own point of view. it's a lot of fun, i think. [animal sounds] greg: i learned that there are a lot of interesting topics that culminated in's presidency. if you look at what i covered law and order, identity politi politics, terrorism, these are the things that donald trump hit on so i'm convinced that he created this entire clinical plank on or off my monologues. [animal sounds] greg: i think the shorter the better, much like me. [laughter] if you can make it under 80 seconds that is perfect. it should be sharp, original and funny it does not have to be funny off the bat. first you write it but then you had the jokes later. short, clear, concise and unexpected and surprising. much like the work you do, don don't. [animal sounds] [cheering and applause] greg: thanks again dolphin and ted next weekend is the start of my book tour. more dates are coming soon go to g gutfeld .com for the latest tour information. don't go anywhere, final thoughts next. [cheering and applause] gas, bloating, constipation, and diarrhea can start in the colon, and may be signs of an imbalance of good bacteria. only phillips' colon health has this unique combination of probiotics. it helps replenish good bacteria. get four-in-one symptom defense. guys,but you've got sto be strong.st remember janet? she got cash back shopping with ebates and hasn't been skeptical since. where'd the money come from? stores pay ebates. psh!!! psh!!! then ebates pays you. psh!!! psh!!! psh!!! psh!!! psh!!! psh!!! psh!!! psh!!! psh!!! and they'll send you a check. psh!!!! oohh!! sign up for free. shop your favorite stores. get cash back. ebates. something to believe in. join today for a $10 bonus. chicken! that's right, chicken?! candace-- new chicken creations from starkist. buffalo style chicken in a pouch-- bold choice, charlie! just tear, eat... mmmmm. and go! try all of my chicken creations! chicken! you might be missing something.y healthy. your eyes. that's why there's ocuvite. ocuvite helps replenish nutrients your eyes can lose as you age. it has lutein, zeaxanthin and omega-3. ocuvite. be good to your eyes. greg: jamie, where will you be? i'll be on netflix and check out season to on netflix right now. greg: it's funny and i enjoyed it immensely that, you have a movie. >> [inaudible] opens october 12th. here's a clip. >> a lot of the employees at that clinic have been arrested on drug trafficking charges, why haven't you? >> objection. >> given your personal animosity why should we believe anything? >> your honor -. greg: that's intense. >> i love that guy, he's a great actor. greg: tremendous. thank you jamie, nick, kat, tyrus, in my studio audience. 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