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Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20141119

[cheers and applause] jon thats our show. Here it is our your moment of sen. These falling temperatures can be tough on drivers taofpl. Theyre coming down here. There goes another one, oh gosh slow the heck down, people. Comel captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org eagle caw captioning sponsored by Comedy Central stephen tonight, obama goes it alone on immigration because there are no other democrats left in washington. Then a victory in class warfare you will never guess which 1 came out on top. And my guest, eva longoria, is here with a new documentary about lowwage farm workers. Or as i call them, lettuce interns. Josee canseco is selling his amputated finger on ebay because, thanks to steroids, hes already grown a new one. This is the colbert report. cheers and applause eagle caw cheers and applause stephen hey, everybody welcome to the report. audience chanting stephen thank you for joining us. cheers and applause weve got to do this first. Thanks so much for be

Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20141125

Democrats left in washington. Then a victory in class warfare you will never guess which 1 came out on top. And my guest, eva longoria, is here with a new documentary about lowwage farm workers. Or as i call them, lettuce interns. Josee canseco is selling his amputated finger on ebay because, thanks to steroids, hes already grown a new one. This is the colbert report. Captioning sponsored by Comedy Central eagle caw cheers and applause stephen everybody, welcome to the report audience chanting Stephen Stephen thanks for being here sorry, folks. Ive got to do this first. Thanks so much for being here. The show will start in just one minute. Sorry, folks, big freeze moving in. Im just putting down some salt. Dont need a lawsuit on my hands. And some pepper. cuz the weather outside is frightful. 200 million americans are in the middle of the cold snap today. 50 of the country blanketed in snow. This Minnesota Lake turned to solid ice a rare prethanksgiving deep freeze. Freezing temperatur

Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20141119

Or as i call them, lettuce interns. Josee canseco is selling his amputated finger on ebay because, thanks to steroids, hes already grown a new one. This is the colbert report. cheers and applause eagle caw cheers and applause stephen hey, everybody welcome to the report. audience chanting stephen thank you for joining us. cheers and applause weve got to do this first. Thanks so much for being here, everybody. The show will start in just one minute. The show will start in just one minute. Im sure if youre watching this, you know a big freeze is moving in all over the country. Im just putting down some salt. Dont need a lawsuit on my hands. And some pepper. cheers and applause cuz the weather outside is frightful. 200 million americans are in the middle of the cold snap today. 50 of the country blanketed in snow. This Minnesota Lake turned to solid ice a rare prethanksgiving deep freeze. Freezing temperatures in all 50 states. Stephen all 50. Even hawaii where aloha now means hello, good

Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20141120

Dont need a lawsuit on my hands. And some pepper. cuz the weather outside is frightful. 200 million americans are in the middle of the cold snap today. 50 of the country blanketed in snow. This Minnesota Lake turned to solid ice a rare prethanksgiving deep freeze. Freezing temperatures in all 50 states. Stephen all 50. Even hawaii where aloha now means hello, goodbye, and my nipples could slice pineapple. And do not confuse this cold snap with last years polar vortex. Its completely different. The recordbreaking polar plunge. Polar plunge. Stephen polar plunge, which is not just a rockin new flavor of capri sun. No, its something even better a reason to ignore global warming. While the president focuses on global warming, more brutally cold weather is hitting across much of the country again today. The prevailing sentiment is weve got to fight global warming. Were freezing. We have record cold. Were not in global warming. Just fix it in your mind, folks. Stephen hes right. When it come

Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20141119

Dont need a lawsuit on my hands. And some pepper. cuz the weather outside is frightful. 200 million americans are in the middle of the cold snap today. 50 of the country blanketed in snow. This Minnesota Lake turned to solid ice a rare prethanksgiving deep freeze. Freezing temperatures in all 50 states. Stephen all 50. Even hawaii where aloha now means hello, goodbye, and my nipples could slice pineapple. And do not confuse this cold snap with last years polar vortex. Its completely different. The recordbreaking polar plunge. Polar plunge. Stephen polar plunge, which is not just a rockin new flavor of capri sun. No, its something even better a reason to ignore global warming. While the president focuses on global warming, more brutally cold weather is hitting across much of the country again today. The prevailing sentiment is weve got to fight global warming. Were freezing. We have record cold. Were not in global warming. Just fix it in your mind, folks. Stephen hes right. When it come

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