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Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Trevor Noah 20240711

[grunting loudly] you cant just take dances with smurfs and call it Something Else [grunting loudly] [school bell rings] [groans] dude, what happened . Youre not doing the morning announcements anymore . No, because it turns out that by rule, the student body president cant also be the morning announcement reader oh, well. At least as president , you can run the school the way you want. I cant do jack i went to my First Student Council Meeting all we did was talk about what colors to make the stupid Sadie Hawkins dance Student Council is retarded [chime sounding] the sun is up, and the birds are chirping. Im casey miller, and these are the morning announcements. I have a letter from second Grade Student brian felner. Brian writes, dear casey, why is our School President such a fat, stupid dickhead . My desk is broken, and so far, eric cartman has done nothing about it. Will you please let that walking bowl of anus pus know that we are not happy . Well, brian, i couldnt agree more. Our

Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Trevor Noah 20240712

[ scoffs ] the weirdest. Are you a weirdo . You make everyone around you crazy. People are normal then they hang out with you and then theyre Jack Nicholson in the shining. Im gonna tell my mom you tried to drown me. Its an above ground pool youre like eight feet tall i geh. Common bird. E. Ooh look over here something much better. There it is. Peacock, included with xfinity x1. Remarkable. Fascinating. Very. It streams tons of your favorite shows and movies, plus the latest in sports news and. Huh run the newest streaming app has landed on xfinity x1. Now thats. Simple. Easy. Awesome. Xfinity x1 just got even better with peacock premium included at no additional cost. No strings attached. Just say peacock into your voice remote to start watching today. Well, hello. Another person who cares about the future of our school oh, you bet. I love all the stuff you said about how our School President never does anything and how shes changing everything. Yes, well, now you can read about all t

Transcripts For CNNW The 20240703

Says plans are on to use the military to carry out a mass deportation of millions of undocumented immigrants. Hes indicating hes willing to decide step a law that prohibits using american troops against civilians. He says, quote, while these arent civilians these are people that arent legally in our country. This is an invasion of our country on quo asked about the possibility of political violence. If he were to lose the election to joe biden as he did in 2020, mr. Trump said he was going to win and then quote, and if we dont win, you know, it depends. It always depends on the fairness of an election on quote asked if he would fire a us attorney who refuses to follow his orders to prosecute someone he wants to prosecute. He said, quote, it depends on the situation, honestly asked if he would consider pardoning every single one of the nearly 800 rioters convicted of attacking the capitol on january 6, trumps said, i would consider that, yes. Yes. Absolutely. Joining me now to discuss m

Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Trevor Noah 20170117

No, no, dude. You dont just take one persons story and then add a couple things and call it yours luckily, with the money i made selling the movie rights to my book, ill be okay. You sold the movie rights . To who . James cameron. Go look. The movie came out already. They cant do that im student body president oh, god damn it son of a bitch ideastealing assholes you sons a bitches dances with smurfs was my idea my idea [grunting loudly] you cant just take dances with smurfs and call it Something Else [grunting loudly] [school bell rings] [groans] dude, what happened . Youre not doing the morning announcements anymore . No, because it turns out that by rule, the student body president cant also be the morning announcement reader oh, well. At least as president , you can run the school the way you want. I cant do jack i went to my First Student Council Meeting all we did was talk about what colors to make the stupid Sadie Hawkins dance Student Council is retarded [chime sounding] the sun

Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Trevor Noah 20170117

No, no, dude. You dont just take one persons story and then add a couple things and call it yours luckily, with the money i made selling the movie rights to my book, ill be okay. You sold the movie rights . To who . James cameron. Go look. The movie came out already. They cant do that im student body president oh, god damn it son of a bitch ideastealing assholes you sons a bitches dances with smurfs was my idea my idea [grunting loudly] you cant just take dances with smurfs and call it Something Else [grunting loudly] [school bell rings] [groans] dude, what happened . Youre not doing the morning announcements anymore . No, because it turns out that by rule, the student body president cant also be the morning announcement reader oh, well. At least as president , you can run the school the way you want. I cant do jack i went to my First Student Council Meeting all we did was talk about what colors to make the stupid Sadie Hawkins dance Student Council is retarded [chime sounding] the sun

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