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To all you Valentine's Day procrastinators: This year, consider giving the gift of self-sterilization. You probably have questions, so we mined the Esquire archives for the answers.

Mark Seliger Justin Theroux is ensconced in his Greenwich Village duplex. It’s the middle of February, “the shortest and the cruelest” of months, he says. We’re talking over Zoom. He’s wearing a black T-shirt over his non–dad bod, a black beanie, and, despite the waning daylight, tinted aviators. A russet beard covers his unfrivolous jaw. Behind him, there’s a glass case displaying wax molds of syphilitic mouths. He takes frequent drags from a Juul to supplement a steady supply o...