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Amid their constant concern that the feminization of society is causing a decline in male fertility, The Onion asked men’s rights activists to explain how they increase their sperm count, and this is what they said.

Oug krisselJoe roganAulo renwaldAm wheelanSimon behrJames emmersonTheo andersonWomen x27s healthEonard quaidAnthony jamesonBaylor carterThan grangerFertility medicineAlex davisHomas foxxUstin ziolkowski