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Transcripts For CSPAN2 After Words 20131208

we've thought of that as a women's issue. it's not. it's a parents' issue. you know, when men come out as parents, we'll say, this is what i want. of course; women won't get it unless men support it too. i say there's -- this is in the grater gender equality is in men's interest, but greater argument of giving it up, guys, the ship sailed. that may be true, but i want men to be motivated towards this. i think that the quiet accommodation is the biggest trend, and as the most dominant one, there's a rippling effect. i think that that's terrific because he sees that in all over the country that men are far more -- all over the country. this is not a red or blue state or even a purple state thing. this is across the board. they are valuing them. you know, the courts are going to have to recognize this eventually. >> host: ending on that wonderfully on optimistic note,a pleasure, congratulations on the book. >> guest: great, thank you. >> host: sure. >> joining us now on booktv is james restton, jr., the newest book called "the accidental victim: jfk, oswald, and the real target in dallas." what do you mean by "the real target in dallas," it's a story, but there's been 50 years of conspiracy theories on the jfk assassination, and i think all of them are nonsense. i think we have to bring it down to the mind set of lee harvey, the killer. what i attempt to do here is go to the core of the motives for picking up the weapon on november 22. you put two things together, first. the attitude towards kennedy where he had absolutely no an mouse towards the president at all, and, in fact, admired the president for his policy, but being in the car with kennedy, he had a long standing grudge that had to do with his change in the military's discharge from honorable to dishonble. he blamed him for this because he appealed to changes. that was back in 1962, and that hounded him to change in the discharge, hounded him for the next year and a half. i believe he put that on frustrations, so he had a rage and anger, but no such attitude towards kennedy at all. >> host: how did you do the research 50 years later? >> guest: well, i published a biography of john connely in 1989. in fact, i was on booktv back then in 1989. . . >> history of american infrastructure next on book tv. the author, a naturalized u.s. citizen follows in the footsteps of those who aided in its geographic reunification of the country. from lewis and clark's exploration of the american west to civil engineer thomas mcdonald's creation of the interstate highway system. this is about an hour.

Transcripts For CSPAN2 Book TV 20131208

>> well, thank you very much. first of all, the apologies. a slightly weird to be writing a book called the menu united states during its time when given that reason struggles and washington is seems more disunited and it has been prolonged a long time. icons, a very short trip of music at the end. i just hope that there will be no telephones during his presentation. otherwise i will feel like it was altered the -- had to answer actually addressing a huge political concept. so let's hope that does not happen. what i want to try and do tonight is to tell you a bit more of the background of this book which is a big sort of plum pudding of an affair. once i tell you how it all come into being, plums from the putting. the background, quite a complex story. you might be able to tell english. i fell in love with this country quite literally when i first arrived here in 1962. hitchhiking. i basically met at a science fair in london, the delegates, and met a young canadian women, 16. we met at the hospital. and i had taken a year off between high-school going to oxford. i would visitor. so i worked, you know, oddly enough in north london. oftentimes. to earn enough money to go and see her. i arrived in montreal in the early 1952. and then after a little while there was this huge continent beyond. so my parents dismayed when they learned about it, hitchhiking to vancouver. not a very long time, people were very nice. some dispatch. and then i decided to go and have a look at america. been fascinated by any english child, the cisco kid and champion and all of those kinds of programs. so i entered the united states. the time of blame in washington state. the first time i remember seeing , the incident as its i looked bewildered. stopped and picked me up. so would you like to come to seattle. that was the beginning of a series of unbelievable things which -- i visited every single state in the union, well, at least a lie, everyone in the continental u.s. i traveled -- i think it was about 38,000 miles. and everyone, without exception was kind inhospitable and generous. i mean, i remember one occasion to south of san francisco. i was trying to get a ride. good southdown to los angeles, could not get a ride. all night, left standing there. about five in the morning, police car stopped and said, was i having trouble. no problem. don't worry. alicante. he invited me to the squad car and took me out to the police station. the staff sergeant and took my fingerprints. why not read these charming little metal bracelets. he didn't. and then he took me on his family. had a shower, breakfast. he took me in his squad car to a truck stop and ordered in a team with a driver to take me down. and then probably the same day the next guy was a chap who worked for nbc television in burbank. the film industry. it took me to see the filming of to me john frank and hammer, the director. i got to meet lancaster. and in the next day i had coffee with johnny carson. unbelievable really. it just went on and on, this kind. i entered with 200 american dollar bills. and then a nice letter i had 182 of them left. so the entire trip that cost $18. the following year and went back that was more drilling. was not at oxford. i was quite a complete -- quite a keen climber. and much the same thing happened hitchhiking. they picked me up for a different series of reasons. i had a union katzenbach of my website. this was the year -- i doubt the audience will remember this, the scandal. people would decrease to a halt when a summer union jacket and say, did i know christine keeler personally. and i ever met mandy. and then we had the great train robbery. of course there was robert trade. of course i knew nothing of this. also, on the poignant side of things, the opening of a lock on the st. lawrence seaway. pushed toward. and so you can imagine quite a few months later he was assassinated. poignant. so my love affair with this country is based on solid foundation. but then i did not come back for quite a while. i went off and became head geologists' when i graduated, i practiced geology. and a series of reasons which are not relevant, sadly, i ended up not as a geologist but as a journalist. enjoins the guardian i was in ireland for three years. the difficult beginning, the troubles. and i think essentially, i revised the reward. the paper then sent me to washington. i came back professionally to the united states. of course in 1972 this story, i was mostly back in washington at this time. the committee. and then within the white house tonight, however, was occasionally at least in the lab to god look. and sometimes that someone backed by -- backfired the dates that general ford pardoned richard nixon. in washington. idaho covering evil can evil intent to jump over the canyon. and when i found in to the foreign desk with the story they said, well, scandalous not in washington. the business web. have the decency to kill himself which would have been on the front page. now you're buried on page 13. he should have been covering richard nixon the that was it. so my fascination had now moved from adulation to professional fascination. addis i now read a book about america. and so i had this idea. much as you here in chicago, the sympathize group. i was persuaded the essence of america is liquidity lane not on the east coast of the west coast , but in the midwest. so i took six months off and drove up and down and up and down 35 which goes down to the middle of the country to laredo and texas. i wrote a book which was called american crisis, published in the bicentennial era, 1976. and well, i had already written a book and northern ireland a to done relatively well. the dow was infected with this american hubris of youth thinking of this is going to be a success. when i get the root of the statement in 1977 it showed the book has sold precisely 12 copies. so it was not a commercial triumph by any manner of means. few years deal i spoke with an author who wrote a cheering letter said that he initially thought it not a bad book and had bought a copy recently thereby bringing my total sales up to 13. [laughter] so not exactly a moneymaker. anyway, then i sort of -- getting back into journalism, realizing this was not the way that i was going to and living. i went off to various places. india for three years. back in london briefly. and i was sent up for a long stand, 12, 13 years to china. and then 1997 and went to hong kong, converted to chinese rules. then had one of those, was i going to go visit london and establish myself there, or go to the art. and that decided it was not a foot of the coin. it was a deliberate thought, that i would actually get to new york for all sorts of reasons. in my career might take off a little bit more enthusiastically so i settled down in new york. after a few years, realizing that was not paying taxes in america and using the old mantra no taxation without representation, i thought that i should get our try and get american citizenship. so i applied for small for a green card which it did not kid. and you have to wait five years once you get a green card. applying for citizenship. and i finally did that in 27 -- 2011. i was called to my interview there. there are things, into a bride in english. want to make sure you complete. but they turned general knowledge questions about america, the first of which i managed to screw up rarely did he simply wanted to know. and without thinking had plated of america the beautiful and the immigration officer said it will she was not what it is which is the star spangled banner, but i'm afraid that's one wrong. you've only got nine more chances. a distinct possibility vimy denied permission. and then was one man. complicated story helicon about. they have not talked to people to take the oath on the after deck of the u.s.s. constitution which is this wonderful sailing vessel, the oldest commission water should actually in the world. nelson's victory. but this one does. so the of was performed on independence day 2011 during a hot day. it was just magical an incredibly moving paid have to say. i've never seen an immigration ceremony, all people who suddenly were free to do with their waste. and they can vote. they had no fear of arrest. all of it. it was wonderful. the judges on the end was as remarkable woman who has now become a great personal friend. i have lunch with her. she is called marion bolar. she was the judge at the moment in charge of the boston america to the boston marathon bombing case. when that yemen will cut she was there by his bedside in system essentially, your way, do you know where you are, what is your name, where you live? is to amend here is the prosecuting attorney. there any great deal of trouble. but she's a very interesting and wonderful one. toby -- one of the eastern very things she said is, you would be surprised how many immigrants as wherein, about 100 per year. four and a half years that she appeared before -- for a half years later appeared to me in court in trouble. why? they give you this trouble. i got my voter registration card . then i got my passport. travel over. i gather then about a week. no one to say, very moved, but when i returned back and and my passport to the immigration office with a small, welcome home. it was a great feeling to feel i was part of this extraordinary country. become so fond of it. and that they get that moment and decided that i would like to have another go of writing a book. the first attempted fail so dramatically. i could write another book. the lesson i learned a simply that it should not be in any way should perform like a book published in 1976. but then came the vision of what should i write about. this huge country cannot beloved complexities. the first, and i put all of these ideas -- and you have to write a proposal. as it turns out. one of want to write it in this way. the first was simply that i should write something to this country until the story in some detail why had fallen in love with the story in such a dramatic way. i knew that was not a very good idea at all. some -- detrimental. and then because i love real rate twain's i realize that it is possible to cross the entire united states on class three frame rail lines. go all the way from east board in maine to a little town in far northern california. and then i got a ready-made title for the book which was 545 to paradise. the reason for that was back in the -- i think it was the late 70's and early 80's, i had been looking up -- i think it was at the time, paris texas. i was looking up where paris texas was in the atlas. i noticed a column 18 it turn out, all called paradise. i thought it was pretty fascinating. eighteen cities called paradise. why were they called paradise? or they still paribas? so i rang and editor in london at a time when english magazines and newspaper editors spend money like drunken sailors. i said, cannot possibly gun visit. no, no problem at all. so the kind that you would never get today. i said well, the first one was out of florida which was a retirement community. moran gave way. and then -- well, one hopes. and then there was paradise pennsylvania which was just down the road from intercourse pennsylvania which excessively bloody. it was paradise arkansas and paradise montana. all had been ruled in one aspect, except one which was in her northwestern kansas. and therefore knew the geographical center of the continental u.s. so i went there. what turned out to be routine, i went to the post office. the postmaster and a said, i'm writing a piece about all the towns called paradise. she said to wallow, here in this old town of about two under and 50 people you have to stay with the patriarchs. in the village there called john and mary angel. so i stayed with the ages of paradise. mary angel rising to the occasion went to the bottom of the guard and baked me a cherry pie. quite honestly if anything appeals to my love for this country this eating cherry pie in paradise and as it happened there was a union pacific train which would leave in the morning from paris and then come back at about 40 in the afternoon. the house twice had been shopping in the market would get back to the farms in time to cook dinner for their husbands, people who worked on the farm. i was trained 545. title to the book was trained 545 the paradise. well, that did not wash. he said, no, that want to sound to people like trains, not america. add to write another proposal. and this was even more juvenile. it was a series of books, very successful in britain, the anatomy of bread. i thought, might not i write the anatomy of america, this basic structure of gray's anatomy, the television, but the book, which is, i think my published in 1886. so, yes, it was organized, brain, nervous system, cardiovascular system. i thought, this could work. the university's, the creation system, the mayors, the highways, the arteries. the skeleton, all the bridge work in the skin. they did not like that. have was really stumped until one day a couple of years ago i was just looking. i've got to write a book about this country. the united states of america, the word united. how come american managed to keep itself with the exception, of course, the miserable years in the 1860's, keep its of united? no other and larger entity on the planet has managed to keep itself united in any to the coherent way. russia as an example, the soviet union the dissolved into a dozen little. canada, wonderful, though it is, there is a great disgruntled jump in the middle of it. i'm afraid as i get closer to the border the audiences will get more restless. i think i will tell on that bit down. but i mean, where i come from, we have tried desperately ever since the end of the second world war to unify. not fully manifested. the don't use the euro. you try and plug in your shaver in stockholm video plug for the one you use in madrid. they speak different languages. they cleared each other. so that has not achieved unity, but this place, such a mongrel nation full of every color and creed and persuasion, race, linguistic background, all crammed into a country. yet this jewish person in new york, patinas, a fisherman in oregon, they can all feel some sort of mystical feeling that they are all americans. how did this happen? well, you know, it is possible to say that abstract things like language, common language toward giamatti ton chiller free of human rights has helped this unity, but my thoughts are that actually the physical agencies, the real things. it is easier enough if your of the same, region. b.a. in more or less the same manner. my wife is japanese. very easy for japan to unite itself. america, much more difficult. i cannot put this idea that inventions in creations in a diaz, the physical union or actually but familiar in this country. in know, the people than i could think of, they helped weld this country into one nation and kept it. and this list and longer and longer. first of all, familiar people like jefferson and those:00 and so forth, but then a lot more very obscure people. and i mentioned it to my wife one day. she said, you're creating a list of the man who you had to -- united states. i said, my god, that is the title. elected up on the amazon and of the various book catalogs i could find. no one is ever used the title. such an obvious title it also is the title betty essentially gives me into a lot of trouble. i find a very good way of bringing yourself to enter for taking this of town a bigger to is to look and amazon one star reviews. one star reviews, when they say, this is the most boring book and never read in my life. there is 11 star review at the moment from a woman he says, i am an unabashed militant feminist and and so appalled by the fact is called the men who united the rates. so i get no one star of you without even being read. but her view is one that i anticipated. why is it all made? the fact is, the reality is that in the physical united states of america it has been the business, almost entirely, man. there's only one woman who appears in the story, and that is sacajawea analysts in kaj saga. otherwise i'm afraid to say women play and sillery rules. in other an important role and other aspects of america, but not in the physical union of the nation. so it is in establishing this list, i think again about 100 people and it, which may be 75i had never heard of. i was convinced that it played an important part. in you come to the part, how do you organize it. and that, i once taught at the university of chicago for a semester, the university of california system created nonfiction writers. and analysts thought there were three key elements to the writing of a book, nonfiction. one is the idea. the idea, you have to have a terrific idea to write a book. the writing has to be good. it is not the second most important thing. the second most important thing is the structure of the book. you can might lyrically about a wonderful idea, but if the structures of the amount they're going to lose the people's attention. so how do you look at the -- versus a 100 people who played such an important role in the story of the netting of america, how you organize it in a way that will make it readable? well, you can organize it alphabetically. but that would simply be an encyclopedic book that would not be an all interesting. you could organize them chronologically, but i would argue it just does not work. so i was puzzled and monday i was writing a letter to a friend of mine in shanghai. in china for quite a long while. as of their members that in nearly all eastern philosophe the systems there are what is called the classical element which underpins almost all aspects of life. everywhere from india, once you give in to china, and china, korea, japan, nearly all of them have some variation, but essentially it is fine classical elements which underpin every aspect of their lives. in those five elements are would, if, water, fire, and metal. in that fund to get my work that i could corral of these people and their achievements into these headings of these five classical elements. and so i started, first of all, china. i thought, well, how about would be a rethink of lewis and clark, thomas jefferson sitting on the terrace in monticello. here's a man possessed with trees. your to monticello, so many of you have and you look at the gardens, they're dominated by trees that he planted because he regarded them, he love sitting and and, to look at them, the simple majesty of the. so he -- i'm sure you know the story to me was sitting on his terrace with the secretary reading a book, lake 18 and two, maybe 18 to three, which had just been sent to and from london written by men, alexander mackenzie about how he had succeeded in crossing and described his success in subduing on of rock of the town and none is bella, in british columbia. the root of his achievement which was a stellar achievements jefferson was at perplexed that a scotsman had crossed canada in the said, this is entirely well. turn to marry let's -- meriwether lewis and his secretary, and said this cannot be allowed to stand. you must cross our country and feed the achievements of the mere akkadian. no one ever remembers alexander mackenzie, but everyone remembers louis and, of course, lewis and clark. well, to get to the starting point, the real turning point of the expedition they had to hack their way and somehow drive their way through virgin old eastern forest. so woods dominated there journey. they traveled in wooden canoes, build wooden palisades around the forts with a stop to. kind of wood fires and so on. well, it seems that one could tell the story of early american exploration under the general loosely, the general heading of would would. remember, i said i used to be a geologist, not a very good 1 billion this seems at what was next guy to happen in the american story involved geology because once you come to understand the extent of it, union now thanks to lewis and clark on their journey at in their journey back, you knew where the rocky mountains or, when the sierra war, the pacific ocean began. rivers and so on and so forth, will you now need to know was what america was made of, not just wireless. and so you sent out the surveyors, the geologists. the first one, i had written a book in 2001 called the man that change the world about william smith and his construction of the first ever geological map. the amount of britain, even though well, and published in london in 1815. i thought it was the first, but it turns out that the first is created in america by a man, william mcclure, a scotsman he did a beautiful, totally inaccurate, but nonetheless beautiful geology of the appellations in 1809. someone publishes back in london , tongue-in-cheek saying, perhaps we ought to amend the title. my book should be the second map the change the world. william mccloy's was the first. so you have mccloy doing a survey. they have various yell is working on the lens -- west coast to discover things which lower out people in the east to come not. they said the wagons to find the gold, to find the farmland, the fine nickel, diamonds, of the geologists looking for. in yet the great force surveys, lincoln with his mind and other things, the 1860's which really finally told america when america was made of. first to seemed to work quite well. water, well, once again, the early american settlers nicely got into the interior of the country. the potomac in the hudson. after ana for your 58 miles of one of them down the rapids. they settled there is towns. they take a piece of the settlement from richmond and fredericksburg and washington d.c. in albany. and once they establish the settlements, trade routes are being -- bring trade rift down, the early canals. so they perfected the business of building canal the senate building more obviously commercial canals, not simply a round rapids. new hampshire which effectively created the vatican as a city of commerce. the most important of all american canals, the erie canal from buffalo and albany, which made new york the center of commerce that is today in in in the canals than in chicago to the mississippi river, the illinois and michigan can now and the chicago sanitary canal, is using important in allowing great lakes comers to go down to the elements. in and day cannibalization of control and taming of the untamable mississippi river. so that part of the story fits neatly into the chapter of water you remember, but it's going and these canals travels slowly. it was about the time the canals had been completed it became apparent to early americans that in applying steam they create devices that would get across america. the railway train in the building of the transcontinental railroad, the motor car and ultimately the state highway system. in an the airplane and transcontinental air journeys. all of these devices which are powered in their hearts by fire. so that worked quite neatly. finally, the fifth colleges metal. it is all seeming to work in this sort of -- not a chronological cents. would predated tariff which predated water which predated fire, all of which predated metal. no, telegraph wire and then the telephone. in in the distribution of electricity. in radio and television and cable television and the internet. so it all seemed to work moderately well. so i put the idea to the publishers. they thought, this will work. this idea we will except pretty off you go. write such a book. so that worked. that level, early on in the publication of the book, the critics, well, mercifully the two major reviews that have come out of the book had been highly positive. whether they will continue to be in not, on no. but to put it in its crudest, when is come up with the study commission check idea. as crude as i think, help that i have done away with it. adelle want you to think that this is a cynical approach to writing. the king of the chinese classical elements, something that some people might find offensive large and check. you will see. what i thought i would do, and i mentioned at the beginning, take a couple of plums from a couple of these categories the mentioned, things that i did not know about when i wrote the book would be very interested know what you know. select one place and one person and a couple of others. the first place which i did not know anything about, so there is no shame if any of you did not, would like to ask, you will be identified and television massively kelleher knows about a town called east liverpool? i would love it if no one knows it. and yet i would argue that it is one of the most important in america, certainly the story of the making of america. you probably all got something in your house that was made in east liverpool. until very recently it was the crockery capital of the country. in so all your resources and that's probably one made in east liverpool. none of the 400 had been reduced to about two. broker downtown on the right bank, the west bank of the ohio river, up north where ohio and pennsylvania and that tiny little sliver of west virginia all need. it is important for no obvious reason except when you drive from east liverpool eastward toward the bridge of the ohio he noticed -- if his past in a heartbeat, an obelisk on the side of the road. that obelisk is use the important because thomas jefferson as an act that he passed before it became president in 1785. hughes the important act in the making of america, and that was the land ordinance of 1785. after that point in the eastern united states is the model of land ownership, the model enjoyed our suffered in the british island command spelunking is where the aristocracy of the church. and ordinary people had no right of business to be and inland. jefferson thought this was entirely wrong. and for this country to prosper everyone should have the right to buy into own land because it gives them a tangible good that they can trade, something. they could build, develop, mine, do all sorts of things. moreover, the government could levy taxes on it and thereby allow itself to a minister. of course, at the time and had many debts to pay. the revolutionary war. it seemed an ideal which everyone was a winner. and it passed in congress. the consequence of it, well, americans will be able to allow to buy land, find out where the land is. surveyors, arranges, townships in ranges in sections. the new flyover the western united states today, nebraska, kansas, arizona, you looked at these lines running north and south and count. the airplane is going. you know there are a mile apart, all pointed north and south. the country is divided into he squares, the 40 acres and a meal and all these things, the measurements that passed in to invest:00. but those lines had to begin somewhere. dismantled thomas hutchinson point to the first-ever jennifer of the united states. the point of beginning would be built in east liverpool ohio, a river at the junction of pennsylvania and ohio, west virginia. and so he put up an obelisk, the obelisk the you will see today. is the point of the beginning. right up to the north pole there is an offline command area east and west, baseline east and west all the way out to them the suppression. the point the beginning is the tremendously important symbol of the development of modern america. and yet the obelisk is covered with graffiti. there is a literal of the place. in my view if this book does anything i hope that it might encourage some people to build it romantic, park, visitors center, a transportation center, and bring every schoolchild in -- school child in the region to see how america was originally survey and laid out thanks to the wisdom of thomas jefferson. so that is one thing i want to mention. another to figure who i think did heroic work and yet, his personal life was quite extraordinary, a fellow called clarence king, part of the geological survey, these lawyers of the 1860's and 70's, basically a slightly dolmen called wheeler is surveyed most of the coast of nebraska, the northern plains. and it was taken. menem at the yellowstone. john wesley, he no at his arm shot off at the battle of shiloh despite the disability manage to get all the way down to the grand canyon. the two of them, incidentally spinning in their graves if they knew what was going on in washington someone ago when for trivial reasons the arguments in congress and the national park, they assess the discovered it had to be shut down. but then there is a fourth man, clarence cain. a fascinating character. to many jews, highly educated, and using. from newport rhode island, and fantastic american was from a very good ones family who went to yale, ph.d. at harvard. the aged 27 he was given charge of the survey of all the lands between sacramento and the west of cheyenne. a hundred miles to the north and south, the 40th parallel survey. to consider years. the books and maps. could cost hundreds of thousand dollars. beautifully, beautifully accomplished. and he had all sorts of amazing adventures while doing the survey, but as a reward for doing so well he was appointed to be the first-ever director of the newly established body count the united states geological survey which, of course, today the country in its entirety. the move to new york, the headquarters of the usgs and he was the first director. the second was john wesley powell. his personal life is what i want to mention briefly. i was astonished when i stumbled across it. help no one will hold this against and, but he was a sexually energetic in man, but he did not like white women. he loved native american women, and he loved black women. so one day in new york when he was well on in years, something like 60 indeed he saw coming toward him a black woman who he -- he thought, this is the creature of my dreams. what he should have done is to have gone up to her and said, good evening, madam, and plans king, director of the message she loved the survey, which you could have dinner. for some extra their reason he went after and said the current thinking very quickly to my good evening, madam. although i mean that quite i am in fact black and i am a supporter of the portland company, a job reserved for black people. no, she agreed. she was from misleading family in georgia. they had dinner, fell in love, married and had five children. in for the next 20 years, the last 20 years of his life, he lived two entirely separate lives, never telling an aside and the idea. tv in example, he settled down in queens in new york, and then every couple of weeks he would say, well, when government, have to go after it to capture the twentieth century limited. i'll see you in two weeks. he would leave the house and walked through queens across the newly built brooklyn bridge to norman and where is offices or. no, no, geology center geologist and will be here for a couple of the shredding of my notes to beat you did write a business and live in a hotel in what is now tribeca. and after two weeks to say, well, it by. and, if another field trip, go back across the brooklyn bridge cannot resume his identity. the heads of the little children, two of them will white and he's in his life. and this perception continued for 20 years. only get into terrible financial trouble. he had to borrow money from the secretary of state, a great friend of his pretty also in very mad. he hit someone quite hard, and inside the lion cage, the central park zoo and had to be put into an asylum for a couple of weeks. and then eventually he fell ill with tuberculosis and was sent down to albuquerque to convalesce, but actually to die. he confessed to is doctor, the only person in never told. he said, i think you ought to send the message to queens. and in his actually mrs. king and that her husband is not even a tiny bit like. he is entirely away from a very good family in the part of thailand and i'm frightfully site where the confusion that may not he had died. the doctor very kindly in no way , it may sound sentimental, but it plays into the book away, he had a certificate of death and the rest of the race of the deceased. he scored to wear black and white and simply go in and read american. said that seemed quite charming. and to fine of things which relate to a chapter donated by metal. the first is that electricity. fascinated. i'm sure they you're aware of the basic ideas beyond the distribution of electricity. everything, the first one to distribute electricity build power stations and norman and tennant distributed deasy palin. deasy, had an advantage. the for the run from the power station the lights of the power. and then tesla invented a c. and then there was this battle of the current, a cdc. and at this and fun than in the to keep d.c. by saying to people that ac was dangerous. one of the things if he did and i don't know whether you have seen it, but there is some michael video clip which you can see on you to. he should that they can be used to elect to keep people and, indeed, elephants. and he electrocuted c'mon phone, the assassination and the electrocution of an elephant, autopsy, colony and the autopsy attack whenever keepers. hardly surprisingly the keeper had fed her a diamond of lit cigarettes. it is said that there would killed her and use electricity. there were not entirely certain of carats placed with cyanide in and put copper boots, big circular boots and each of her legs and maneuver onto a metal plate and then pull the lever. you can see the result which is really quite distressing. the poor thing crashes over, two and half times, dying very quickly and effectively, but despite a c1 the day. won the contract for the chicago fair in the 1890's. you had ac ever since. but not everyone in america had electricity. the city's did. the suburbs did. the fires did not. and so one of the things, eight and a dozen farms in america with no electricity went in the wintertime, particularly the as being melted, the cattle being milked, to do it with an electricity, the amount of funding that is needed, the needs of the huge population committed was wretched for american farmers. and so one of the things and as well did many came into power was to set up the rea, the rural electrification ministration, and farms were eliminated. the irony is that the first farm ever eliminated things to the efforts of roosevelt's new deal, big, big government was in western ohio, specifically a town called miami in what is now the eighth congressional district of ohio. the eighth congressional district yesterday the home of john maynard, so the archetype of into a big government, his district benefited hugely from the biggest government that america has ever known. the final thing i want to say, and this is where i bring in comfort. help it's going to work. cross my fingers. it relates to radial. you will know that video was invented essentially by marconi in 1902, an image which we can all remember from school days, marconi sitting on that had lent him a signal hill in newfoundland, a stormy night with the aerial those of a country of 400 feet above his head listening to nine -- palin possibility of the letter f being transmitted by his colleagues to a dozen miles away . and then at about two in the morning, this magical moment when suddenly he heard and all to ahead with great clarity being broadcast on the way across the land aggression. some radio and transoceanic radio was suddenly reality. no, that was fine. so far is knitting the country together, a conversation in moscow was not of the best. it did not have a great intimacy would you really needed was to be able to transmit the human voice. that was all down to a forgotten man. we'll remember morris and marconi, but we probably don't remember this man, reginald. he was a canadian who worked in america for the national weather bureau. and he came up to fund a very technically adept man, with the means of transmitting voice, the initials the you will know well, a.m. half in, or essentially his inventions. they allow basically hold the microphone on this on to the radio transmitter is set in the tapper and transmit any thing that his microphone could pick up. someone like me speaking with the sound of the window whenever in this changed everything. analysts thought, the way that grady reunites families and unite the country is very emblematic of the technology, at least in the 1930's, 40's, 50's, the image of the nuclear family candid to fund and an iran the radio. mother and father and children and dog and cat and so forth get in front of a radio listening to a, a program from los angeles are play being broadcast from new york, that is radio at its best unifying family in the nation. but it was conducted in voice. now, what -- some -- what he did was run out how to do it, built to huge areas. rather near plymouth rock. of the one his government did he transmitted test messages. he realized that he had done the right. he then sent shortly before christmas in 1900 to six a message by morse code to aid the ships in the western atlantic that belong to the in hanford company in a or bringing bananas of from the places of like an heiress to the east coast port saying quite simply, this now for a broadcast at one minute to midnight on christmas eve. christmas eve 1906 happened to be a dark and stormy night. it was a blizzard blowing of cape cod. ships for lumbering two years in toward the airport. but all of them, the radio operators went to the radio said, switched on a radius, through the static, the signals of other ships talking to one another handsomely heard something quite different that they had never, ever before. they heard this. ♪ f and dusted the national conversation began. a few days after that the radio station in pasadena california, the musical as to mr. roh is still exists, shortly there after the first of a real radio station opened, whan madison wisconsin. america started talking to itself to be that image action which really began on christmas eve 1906. nothing at all to do with americans, but a king in persia and huddling under shade tree. then came on, said the lord spare and a list of the ships to sea at the christmas. that was the beginning of what i think is perhaps the most unifying feature of modern america. thank you all very much indeed. [applause] >> and know that there are some limitations imposed by television, but i would be alerted if there are any questions, china hansen. >> would have been different and he been born in america? do you think you would have had a different perspective because you are going in and of the country? >> i do know what you mean. not too long ago i wrote to the canyon in eastern arizona. i don't know if any have been. it's a wonderful canyon : dwellings. every single person that was there was european. an italian and argentine, non-american. it seems to me that the people that are most curious about this country are outsiders. and the americans to my love, and i am an american now, are somehow condition to bunt genuinely to be as curious about their country has, perhaps, they should be. such a remarkable country dividend as with things like east liverpool, ohio, of lack -- this is going to sound critical. i don't mean to be hostile, a lack of curiosity which had think is an example because i am curious. no one to know. so i think it would have been a great thing indeed if i had been born and bred and educated in this country. more curious about france or africa or somewhere else and not this country. this country is full of wonder. >> i read two or three of your books. i am fascinated, really interesting information. put your ideas to get in. and then i have to think about the research, your caresses the do all researchers cells? your will to rely on others? >> i love doing there research. i was tested with the construction. the conventional view is that eisenhower got the idea once in the audubon's in germany after world war two. that is untrue. the idea is actually generated when he was appointed as an observer on deck transcontinental military convoy with the sense to across america and this young lieutenant. appointed as the observer and kept a diary of what turned out to be a complete shambles. this convoy setting out to 58 days to reach lincoln. west of omaha there would be essentially no roads. the original idea was so quickly we could respond. well, if it took them 58 days the japanese haven't taken california, arizona, new mexico. probably not too bad a thing. .. but became swiftly known as donna reid. i had seen its it's a wonderful life and thought she was mrs. mrs. george bailey the most beautiful creature ever. i wanted very much to go there. i wish i hadn't confess that. i will be in terrible trouble. speedo want to ask you about -- when i read your books i have to surround myself with masks so i can get a sense of where you are and learn via jugaad -- geography. my question is when you are writing these books do you surround yourself with maps? >> they are not in my head and i spent an inordinate amount of money to produce books. i go to new york not akel where they have their chart agent and i'm just about to begin the pursuit to get ocean and the first thing i did was to buy the major charts. i adore maps. i have a huge map cabinet which i bought many years ago and i have a huge number of books but my private joy, these are maps and i adore them particularly the maps of the u.s. geological survey under their topographic maps or the geological maps. a book which probably most of you will not have one of the great legacies of the nixon administration was the national atlas of united states published in 1970 i think and there is a huge very expensive to buy now but if you can find a secondhand copy cheap it's a joy. i love atlases and indeed the london times atlas which is in my view the best atlas in the world i always give as a present any couple who gets married they get a copy of the "times" atlas which is huge about the size of this table. i always put the same inscription, may all your travels to all these places be healthy, happy and serene. i am so pleased with the publisher. last year they wrote this on the back jacket of the book so now i don't have to write it at all. i just say with love, see the back cover. thank you for your question because i love maps. >> are you aware of the university. [inaudible] >> well yes and the reason i know a bit about it is because because -- you are the library and they are? >> there was an incredible attempt some years ago to produce what was known as the international map of the world where the entire world would be mapped all at the same scale in the same colors in the same groups and so forth and made in such a way that if you take them all together they would reduce a sphere, 1 millionth the size of the world which is the size of the very large house. they started this in 1890 i think in a produced -- it would be a ton -- 1800 sheets to cover the whole world class the cd and they made the wars intervene because things like america map china. italy map argentina and britain mapped the united states i think and eventually the map started coming out but by 1984 the effort they have produced 1600. it was now under the auspices of the united nations. they said let's not continue it. the only complete collection of the 1600 maps of the world are in that map collection. it's a great great library. if there is nobody else, thank you very much for your time. it's been great. thank you. [applause] >> as you walk and there are tables in front with lots of pamphlets. prior to entering the gun show in the pamphlets are how the government is trying to take away your rights and the government is doing this and obama is doing bad and obamacare is terrible. those were the guys i wanted to talk to because they were the guys with the leaflets so i said to them, they said who are you and i said actually i'm an academic doing research on these organizations in these ideas and trying to understand the guys and the men who believe this stuff. he will looked at me suspiciously and asked me questions and i just said look, here is what i am. i don't get it. but here is my job. i want to understand how you guys see the world. i want to understand your world view. , you will not convince me and i will not convince you. that's off the table. what is on the table as i want to understand why you think the way you do. >> is located on perhaps one of the most beautiful lakes in the country called lakes coeur d' alene on the northern shore up for the spokane river runs out at the lake. most people agree that the name, which would be two french words, cooler and a lien. it's a small leather mall and we think it was first used by some of the french-speaking writers who were with the british company that moved into this area. as the tribes that lived around lakes coeur d' alene would travel near the canadian border for some reason we think because they were extremely -- traders and we say this person is as sharp as a tack, the sharpest tool was this all. and there mounts an uneducated french they started calling the indians when they went to trade they would take days to trade. they somehow referred to them as coeur d' alene which means people with hearts as sharp as the point of and all. for some reason the name that attached to them, they began to call themselves the coeur d' alene's. pretty soon it's on one of the early maps. the lake which they live around this whole basin which they live around became known as lakes coeur d' alene and when the first military ford was killed in 19 -- 1878 he was named fort coeur d' alene in the town which grew up around the fort was coeur d' alene city. the mountains surrounding them was the coeur d' alene mountain and the river was the coeur d' alene river. quite often by the time we get into the early 1870, 1880s the reason people say i'm going to the sub five's region, go back one step into history. the battle of little bighorn in montana. that was lost by general george armstrong custer and his command when that happened this was an embarrassment to the united states government and embarrassment to the president, and embarrassment to the military so general william tecumseh sherman set out to look over the possibilities. he came right on the spot basically where this building is. he looked at the lake and thoughts this is a perfect spot for military front. so when a ford is commissioned, some people know it's a good place to make money. we can set up a saloon, a brothel, a number of things. you have 300 soldiers in spot and so the town started a short distance from here intense and lean to's and log cabins. the year before sherman was formed was in 1878. the actually it's interesting because as the idea of the fort began to take shape there were serious indian conflicts in the region so this was the primary reason for it. that as it town began to take shape next to the ford it didn't have a name to start with. it was just a collection of tents and lean to's and cabins as i said before and pretty soon it was called fort coeur d' alene trade the town took on the city as it began to expand and then once there began to be more people moving into the area as a result of construction, gold was discovered in the coeur d' alene mountains. then it coursed thousands of people came through here so we had hotels in various orting houses and pretty soon you have a general store in the hardware store. coeur d' alene was a transfer point to the gold and silver mines by rail and by steamboat in them by rail began into the mining district. so when you have all these people coming in to go to the district they need things. so that is the origins of the economy. what really changed, major change was when the ford was finally closed in 1898 and when they discovered a different route into the mining districts which people didn't have to go. they were all rail lines. this little town was about to go under but nobody knew this. while all of this was going on there were federal surveys going on in the entire pacific northwest determining what is the marketable timber in this region? right behind me, i don't know if you can see it or not it is basically white pine, william -- millions of acres of white pine. a report was made from a survey in 1898. that report was made public and of course you can guess what happened then. all the major timber companies including the biggest warehouser was diamond international. they came to this area. so that is really what produced the town. when you walk through the town today that was the town that was primarily reduced. the town's population was about 500 in 1900. by 1910 it was almost 8000. coeur d' alene today is a modern progressive city and we depend pretty much not entirely, but tourism is a big part of our economy in this area. the timber industry is still viable. mining has had some problems but our main focus was on diversity. we wanted to have a diverse industry because in the past. [inaudible] so we are very diverse in almost every way you can think of. to me as a historian, i don't think you can truly understand the present unless you know something about the past area of the more you know the better you understand the present and if you understand the present and how it got here you're capable of making some choices about what is going to happen in the future. >> joe scarborough former republican congressman coast of "msnbc"'s warning show presents his thoughts on the current state of the republican party. the author argues that in order for the party to restore relevancy it must look to the likes of presidents dwight eisenhower and ronald reagan. this is about 40 minutes. [applause] >> do you want me on the right of the left? >> he follows directions well. hi everybody. he is on a marathon

Transcripts For FOXNEWSW The Greg Gutfeld Show 20170507

no mistake. >> make no mistake about it, make no mistake. i think most importantly yes, premiums will be coming down. yes, deductibles will be coming down. but very importantly is a great plan. >> a great plan. was it wrong to celebrate a bullet only passed in the house? not if you are schoolhouse rock. they might want to call that up on youtube. >> i was channeling that as well. >> maybe wait on the rose garden and maybe explain to people, we have to get through this as we know. >> not where i came from. we know the bill is not a lot but why not proclaim victory now? >> a big win for the republicans. >> i do not think we can ignore it but this is. >> this is the victory. >> this is the first legislative victory. we absolutely have to say that. >> now, they have a victory. >> they did not seem too thrilled about it. it was like they were making small talk with their exes fianci. the x who dumped them. even more, the whole thing was evil. maroon 5 evil. >> the majority of members of the house of representatives knew this was a bad bill. what we did today in passing this legislation was absolutely inhumane. >> this will be tattooed to them. and they will glow-in-the-dark. >> wait, a tattoo that glows in the dark? that sounds awesome! i want one! does this bill have one? now as the boat was tallied reporters so democrats actually chanting. [video] >> so now we know two things. house democrats are better. keeping the majority and chanting. they are like wasted monks. so does this bill help or hurt? under no i have not read it. but there is anyone else. at least i'm being honest. nobody reads bills because nobody means anything. i just got a few pages accompanying my latest drug prescription and all the side effects. it is pretty important but did i read it? no! and i had time! explain my twitch. that is why they make bills so large so nobody reads it! given the chance that the government will publish a 10,000 page report on how to park and it would still fail! if 1000 years ago government was asked to invest it would look like this. [laughter] government programs of the cafeteria mystery meat. you know it is that when you pray you never have to use it. look at obamacare, everyone knew it was bad at the start but so what let's do it anyway! you know the prank when you freeze a fish and duct tape it to the underside of the seat in your friend's car? so it doesn't start sticking until days later and you are already gone? that is kind of what obamacare was. it stinks! and obama is already gone! [laughter] probably beating up elderly men in a boat. my solution for healthcare, you have to simplify this crap. insurance should cover the big step and that we pay for the rest! after all, car insurance pays for the crash, not for the oil change.which reminds me, why all the commercials for car insurance, but there are so few for health insurance? as we are a captive audience. competition is the only mechanism that forces everyone to cater to the customer. i.e., the patient. but i have to give trump credit. he went back to the drawing board after the initial failure. he really is a salesman trying to turn know into yes.he says guys of the car dealerships, bill of wearing redundancy by the under coating . maybe we got about we just don't know!maybe rachel knows, let's check in. >> the silence of the lambs, the guy who wants to kill us. the president is hannibal lector. [laughter] >> i think she has other things on her mind. [applause] let's welcome tonight's guest. he is so sharpies on all commercial flights. political -- he - he - i've never seen that before! he is bright and funny looking electrocuted his comedians andrew schultz. [applause] she owns eight cats and they all interested in a table. cohost of the boston special --. and google earth classifies him as a city. actor, former bodyguard, are you a myspace model? my sidekick cyrus. let's go down the line here and start with you amy. what do you make of this whole plan. good, bad or indifferent?what are your thoughts? >> like you i do not know the bill. but i do think it was a win and a victory. i think republicans needed it after the budget bill which even rush limbaugh says right vote republican. democratic budget? they had the republican fiasco in march. i am expressing surprise at the presidency. >> and it is so honest he was like i can't believe i am president! it's i-5 be a with the butter. it did not make any sense andrew. >> it made sense to me. >> that's because we think the same thoughts. how have you been? >> i am great how are you? i am great! government programs are morbidly obese men that stick to the bed. he cannot get them out unless you use a crane. >> are you fat shaming? >> no i'm fat! what do you make of this? >> i disagree with you in the healthcare should cover. i think it should cover the little stuff and we should pay for the big. >> how would we afford to do that? >> excuse me -- what i'm saying is i will use the little stuff more. like i have an emotional security when it go to a place like sweden and another girls on birth control. >> right, okay. >> so i want to bring that to brooklyn. [laughter] >> i don't care about the crazy car crash or things like that that might or might not happen. birth control is a monthly thing. and i make mistakes. >> you do? >> birth control is a daily thing. that is one of my mistakes. >> yes! >> but the thing is a cost maybe six dollars a day when a car accident will cost you millions! >> you are the problem! you are the problem! you live on the word if. >> yes that and nuva ring. >> okay what you think about my solutions? catastrophic health insurance only cost about $800, right? >> that is what insurance is supposed to be. the event of something big. it is not supposed to be like diet counseling, contraception. i think birth control should be sold over the counter just like plan b. >> you cannot get over the counter? >> no, you can't. [inaudible] >> but insurance companies, getting them involved inflates places so this plan just gives insurance companies more involvement. i would not be surprised if it inflates prices and that will be a bummer. i know everyone is celebrating but for some reason i am not that excited. >> you know that is you and not tyrus. >> know that what you did like the car insurance protecting health insurance should be like that. maybe i just want, in case something big happens i just have the insurance chlamydia want to cover a couple little things, go through my little list and pick. you want full coverage, partial coverage or oops coverage. why haven't new girlfriend and she scary and i am afraid to sleep at night coverage. >> you should get a lock on you to appear. >> this cannot be a one-size-fits-all. and many aspects of this conversation. yeah. >> speaking of, i want to welcome a new sponsor to the show. tonight sponsor has a cure. >> do you take full responsibility for your own failures and make your mistakes, admit when you are wrong? why suffer in silence? night make your failure someone else's fault. with blameitall. it works with the brain's receptors doubly replace a sense of responsibility with wild accusations. do not live with this. >> just blameitall on the fbi and vladimir putin. >> you certainly interviewed in the election and it was clear he interfered to hurt me and help my opponent. >> this helps you cope with public failure and blameitall. >> affected not happen on the tri-seventh i would be your president. [inaudible] [applause] >> okay. we have a lot coming up against. where there is smoke there is where there is smoke there is always a wiener. oh, how waso good!en house? did you apply? oh, i'll do it later today. your credit score must be amazing. my credit score? credit karma. it's free. that's great! um hm. just whip bam boom, it's done. that apartment is mine! credit karma. give yourself some credit. dry mouth can affect how your mouth feels and how you feel. discover act dry mouth, specially formulated to soothe and moisturize your mouth. and try new act dry mouth spray for relief when you need it. and try new act dry mouth spray i'm leaving you, wesley. but why? you haven't noticed me in two years. i was in a coma. well, i still deserve appreciation. who was there for you when you had amnesia? you know i can't remember that. stop this madness. if it's appreciation you want you should both get snapshot from progressive. it rewards good drivers with big discounts on car insurance. i have news. i've used most of our cellular data. come on, susan lucci! ♪ for years, centurylink has been promising fast internet to small businesses. but for many businesses, it's out of reach. why promise something you can't deliver? comcast business is different. ♪ ♪ we deliver super-fast internet with speeds of 250 megabits per second across our entire network, to more companies, in more locations, than centurylink. we do business where you do business. ♪ ♪ >> like the scent of burnt popcorn in the office medically, hillary clinton still lingers. [laughter] and alone with her rights anthony weiner, the pest that would not leave. this week fbi director james comey defended his decision to reopen the email program just days before the election last year. but he is not saying he would do it different again. and anthony weiner a.k.a. bold. for what reason were they sent to him to do something totally disgusting with them! >> was there classified information on congressman weiner's computer? >> yes. >> who sent it to him? >> is then spouse,, -- >> like i said, gross! who prints out emails? anyway why wasn't she charged? >> we did not have an indication she had a sense that what she was doing was in violation of the law. >> he could not prove any criminal intent. >> in other words she is off the hook because she is stupid. i use the same excuse that many arby's bathrooms. still, it wasn't even the most intriguing part of the testimony. that was later when the junior senator from new kansas, once again discovering an incredible piece of information. >> director calmly, how excited are you to be talking to me today? >> great question senator, thank you.wes i know it is a great question, that is why i asked it. >> bless your heart james. the pleasure was all mine. >> is it true the fbi recently discovered a scientist of the time machine out of the delorean powered by uranium stolen from the libyans? >> in october 2015 we confirmed it existed and said a not another word. >> hypothetically. couldn't you use the said delorean to travel back in time, bet on sports and become ridiculously wealthy? >> it has been done, it has been done in the past. >> did you travel to last year's world series" event on the cubbies? >> yes. >> with you drop something when you were there that prove you were from the future? >> that would be really bad! >> that's what i am saying! we are talking about a chain reaction that could destroy the entire universe. knowing that would you still go back? >> it would not change the decision. everyone that agrees with me has to go back to the 28th with me. >> it was a dope world series. >> you would do the same thing. >> i would not do that! >> i would still make the same decision. >> last question. if he did take another trip back in time say maybe to see a series premier of elf, connecting with you? >> i wouldn't say publicly but i would find a way to let you know. >> and thank you. [applause] >> .do any of that stuff on that specialist show. [laughter] andrew, this story does not cut away. it means killing and anthony weiner - >> first of all i want to know, i thought as democrats we are supposed to care about the environment. so why are we upset that anthony weiner is printing out a rain forest every night? should that be a big deal? does masonic symphony tell your girlfriend when you're cheating on her? >> and she said oh no john used my phone to text. it has nothing to do with me. it's just a little fishy. >> is hillary not have a printer? >> that is very weird. question what universes he made sense to send classified emails to a got his sons out pictures of his private parts? [laughter] >> hold on, hold on, hold on! who knows what he does on his private time and he is thought out? >> when he clocked out he was about you know - [laughter] >> actually incentive from the congressional - >> i am going to say 15, i will be right back. boom! i do not care about pictures or whatever if the letter of the law says she broke the law, i just feel like we have this double standard it seems like when it comes to certain laws. when i was growing up, if one of my homies or something broke the law it was you know they did not even ask me! >> did he not know how to work a printer? none of this makes sense to me. i think printing is a thing you can do for yourself. >> yes and for others! a lot of people print their own greeting cards. >> my parents do not know to double-click! [laughter] if you don't know how to double-click i don't know if you can be president. there is some correlation between your ability right there. >> i think it is all too rare that she is speaking to her husband. i am like why are you communicating with that man? >> this is before the documentary. which by the way was - fast forward to the part we see her hit the pavement. it comes with the heat texture again. and she goes - would have to run through mcdonald's. [ >> you are about to - >> if it was small he would not be sharing it. when it is small you don't send pictures of your private parts to a girl. -- >> this conversation went way off. >> let me just shift away from that arena. i just hope, okay, hillary is going away. bill is going with. you better not unload chelsea on us, okay? she is even more entitled.she is more entitled and her mother without her dad's unbroken charisma. she makes amy carter look like maggie thatcher. >> i'm calling you on this one. so nepotism is cool for one side but not the other? nepotism means we let your family -- so it is cool for one side andthe other? we are going to see a lot of this and as voters we should not put up with it. >> but i do not want to see more chelsea clinton but they will force her, right? she has to be president or she's going to be grounded! [laughter] >> you have to have that printing name go on. quest yes, they do. all right we have to move on. still to come, stephen colbert says something shocking about donald trump. yes, believe it or not this is still a story. whoa, this thing is crazy. i just had to push one button to join. it's like i'm in the office with you, even though i'm here. it's almost like the virtual reality of business communications. no, it's reality. intuitive one touch video conferencing is a reality. and now it's included at no additional cost with vonage business. see why 3,000 companies a month are switching to vonage. business grade. people friendly. so we sent that sample i doff to ancestry. i was from ethnically. my ancestry dna results are that i am 26% nigerian. i am just trying to learn as much as i can about my culture. i put the gele on my head and i looked into the mirror and i was trying not to cry. because it's a hat, but it's like the most important hat i've ever owned. discover the story only your dna can tell. order your kit now at ancestrydna.com. click (male announcer) hit escape with great deals on great gear. like our huge selection of shorts for the whole family. only at bass pro shops. yeah, 'cause i got allstate.? if you total your new bike, they replace it with a brand new one. that's cool. i got a new helmet. we know steve. it's good to be in (good hands). be the you who doesn't cover your moderate to severe plaque psoriasis. be the you who shows up in that dress. who hugs a friend. who is done with treatments that don't give you clearer skin. be the you who controls your psoriasis with stelara® just 4 doses a year after 2 starter doses. stelara® may lower your ability to fight infections and may increase your risk of infections and cancer. some serious infections require hospitalization. before treatment, get tested for tuberculosis. before starting stelara® tell your doctor if you think you have an infection or have symptoms such as: fever, sweats, chills, muscle aches or cough. always tell your doctor if you have any signs of infection, have had cancer, if you develop any new skin growths or if anyone in your house needs or has recently received a vaccine. alert your doctor of new or worsening problems, including headaches, seizures, confusion and vision problems these may be signs of a rare, potentially fatal brain condition. some serious allergic reactions can occur. do not take stelara® if you are allergic to stelara® or any of its ingredients. most people using stelara® saw 75% clearer skin and the majority were rated as cleared or minimal at 12 weeks. be the you who talks to your dermatologist about stelara®. [♪] anita: i'm anita vogel. voters in france will elect a new president. either he man well macron -- emmanuel macron or marine le pen. macron is pro european union and le pen is anti-immigrant and wants to close france's borders. over 300 people are dead in venezuela -- 36 people are dead in venezuela. the crisis in venezuela is deepening because of shortages in food and fuel. i'm anita vogel. gutfeld show". [applause] >> all right, last monday stephen colbert tore into donald trump like a breeder. before i roll this tape it is very lewd, turn it up so everyone can hear it. [video] now come of course we had to cut that but you get the joke. was it offensive? i don't know, i have done worse. often for money in a hotel room, just up as peter pan. [laughter] >> predictable outrage ensued saying that he should be fired and two days there he responded. >> if you saw my monologue on monday, you know i was a little upset with donald trump friend something a friend of mine. so the end of that monologue had a few choice insults for the president in return. i do not regret that. so while i would do it again, i would change a few words that were cruder than they needed to be. >> so he did not let the jokes, just the language. again, i don't care! it is jokes, words. if you don't like it don't listen! i hope one day those other guys might say the same thing for me. see stephen colbert is afforded something i will never have. liberal protection.if your heart is in the right place, and mine is always in the wrong! then you can say what you want as long as your job matches the assumptions of your peers. i will never demand an apology but one will be always demented for me. it is painfully obvious that if i made the same joke about president obama i would be marched into the atlantic with - around my neck. that is okay, i will defend those who may never defend me. because i am a nice guy and there are -- [applause] >> andrew, have you ever been in a situation like this before? does this infuriate you? >> everybody is a sissy. it's fine, i am cool with it. this is all the way on twitter is get into these things. >> yes, i have seen this with you! >> it happens. arvid did not care what he says. i'm only offended by things are not funny. but i respect the attempt. a lot of times a look at comedians as like firemen. it's not your job to save them. it is your job to try. so is not our job. you know what i mean? they say you know if they don't save the people in the burning building, you're fired! >> you're comparing comedians to firemen! [laughter] you are the real hero! >> listen, i do comedy every day. the point i'm trying to say, it is funny. i am with going out there. i am with trying to joke. i think that his rent was that funny? no, but go for it. i think posturing is a new turn. i'll use that in my private life. it sounds like a lot of fun and i have agreed not to do anything about male private parts in this segment. [laughter] >> you tell a comedian not to say something and it turns a switch on in their brain that says, now i have to! now i have to! if i went home and i did not than i would have done something wrong. can we say a doodle do holster? >> he missed the point, is not that was crude it was homophobic. he was going through a list of insults for the thing he reached for the heat that would be the real grand slam was to make the comment. remember what we just listened to. he was comparing being gay to having cancer. [multiple speakers] >> it was in the list of insults. >> hosting a foreign leader is bad. which i think we should all agree. >> also the nazi rogaine thing. that made no sense. >> guerrillas are people too! i am often compared to one. -- the last gorilla got shot. not on my watch, okay? >> okay. >> leave guerrillas alone. quest your point how it was a democrat will be different. it was a democratic president. i don't think in somerset donald trump is a republican i think it is more because donald trump is donald trump. he has made it very clear that he is a different kind of dude. and the rules do not really apply as much. >> wait a minute. david schuster and he was at msnbc he made remarks of the clintons were pimping out chelsea. >> but that was not a comedian some joke.>> what he got fired for that. so there is a double standard. >> and you know, andrew you can answer this. without using the p word. people 07 but there is no edgy right-wing comments but it is because edgy as defined in the world comedy is something that stephen colbert would do. would anyone on the right would be crucified.>> of course! mike made a great point about this. he says what the left does advancing this as a liberal. when we don't like someone we make them radioactive. now i don't even have to engage with your ideas. get away from me! >> when you going to make me radioactive? >> right after the holster ring. [laughter] >> i walked into that one. oh yes, i am going to get a call on monday. but you know, is worth it because so far it has been a great show. [applause] >> up next, stephen hawking says we need another earth.i agree! i no longer live with the uncertainties of hep c. wondering, what if? i let go of all those feelings. because i am cured with harvoni. harvoni is a revolutionary treatment for the most common type of chronic hepatitis c. it's been prescribed to more than a quarter million people. and is proven to cure up to 99% of patients who have had no prior treatment with 12 weeks. certain patients can be cured with just 8 weeks of harvoni. before starting harvoni, your doctor will test to see if you've ever had hepatitis b, which may flare up and cause serious liver problems during and after harvoni treatment. tell your doctor if you've ever had hepatitis b, a liver transplant, other liver or kidney problems, hiv or any other medical conditions and about all the medicines you take including herbal supplements. taking amiodarone with harvoni can cause a serious slowing of your heart rate. common side effects of harvoni include tiredness, headache and weakness. ready to let go of hep c? ask your hep c specialist about harvoni. why are you checking i want to see if it changed. credit scores don't change that much do they? really? i'll take it! sir, your credit... is great, right? when was the last time you checked? yeah, i better check my credit score. here, try credit karma. it's free. alright, no more surprises. credit karma. give yourself some credit. >> will a place in space save the planet earth? according to stephen hawking humanity needs to colonize in the planet within 100 years because million 1000 years left before extinction. he says this can come from many different things. the theories part of an upcoming documentary called expedition new earth which will explore the latest market technology that can help humans set up shop on mars. i believe with tip of two astronauts latest test launch. [video] >> so - andrew. second earth is like having a vacation home. only the rich people can afford it. the rest of us will be stuck here on our old earth. our property values are going to drop. >> as a home owner - >> congratulations! >> thank you. relax, relax!i am not there just yet. [laughter] >> what were we talking about, i forgot? >> a second earth. >> here is the whole thing that i hate about this. if you have ever flown from new york to los angeles and look out the window and down, we have room. we don't need a colonized, how about montana? there is plenty of room in montana, wyoming. >> but here is the reason why that not be the issue. what he's really escaping is the rise of artificial intelligence. nonconscious goal oriented thinking what table this plan, turn into a small cement fall. mostly that's the issue is the moment we have knowledge of leaving so artificial! there faster. >> they are! ! >> your. [laughter] i think that we are going to colonize another planet within the next 100 years. because we have a lot of things here that we cannot seem to get together as it is. >> yeah, like what?>> move on to the one planet until you have things worked out on the first planet. >> i disagree. do you ever have an apartment they just trash and you move to a better apartment? >> my apartment is like that now! but how do you go to colonize another planet? >> look like your head is going to explode. or is that normal? >> i would love to go to mars, sounds fun. we need two things it doesn't have. aaron. kind of a big deal. >> listed a second earth. [multiple speakers] >> and isn't it amazing that he came out of this, we have to leave earth in 100 years? and watch my documentary coming out -- it is so hard when someone says something scientific and then use that oath because i have to go see this documentary. and then by his book. they servicing a bunch of american people that start building the rocketship's and trying to make trash cans into space masks. and then you have a reality t.v. show spending all this morning. and then the rich people are going anywhere. they will send up the dumb people. >> i don't know amy. it is the rich people who always go to coachella and that horrible rock concert. >> yes. and they want to freeze themselves. >> i want to do that. that is the only reason why worth. [laughter] >> you really could just step outside. >> i thought it was really irresponsible that we colonize mars because as we know, we bring new microbes to that planet and could end up killing everything on the planet. >> that's what happened with the pilgrims. >> how do we know that stephen hawking isn't part of artificial intelligence? >> you know, he could be ahead of everything. and you know i was thinking i wonder what rachel maddow is thinking? >> -- i have been practicing all day is a mouthful. -- it is hard. i have been practicing all day. siberian energy group. >> well! >> does not actually on t.v.? [laughter] >> excellent question! vehicle anyway. up next you will not see this up next you will not see this up next you will not see this it's happening, it's happening. in the modern world you can control just about anything with an app. your son is turning on all the lights again! you can do the same thing with your car insurance with the esurance mobile app. esurance. click or call. termites, we're on the move.24/7. roger. hey rick, all good? oh yeah, we're good. we're good. termites never stop trying to get in, we never stop working to keep them out. terminix. defenders of home. >> he is leaving the debt in every head peer to speak of thomas mcdonald pouring his buddies ashes down toilets. baseball parked across the country.mcdonald's got the idea, you guessed it, while in the bathroom every ballgame. saint i know what to do because he was the best plumber he ever saw. master pearsall for the ashes have been flushed in chicago, pittsburgh, cincinnati, detroit, baltimore and others. although it is not the greatest thing i've seen a baseball game. [video] >> that was pretty weird. all right! amy, is this how you would like to go? >> you know, i do not know from the plot the five investments that want to force you down toilets. >> yes! >> it is kind of an odd sentiment. >> you are going and you are going! >> that is the ultimate best friend think that he was a plumber but he loves baseball, he made sure he went to every park. salute that! some people won't get that. i am simple. this put me in a can of coffee and dump me in the water. it is very simple. and when his buddy is doing is paying tribute to him. will only get that if you are in the circle of friends. so you commit fun of it, but i respect that and it is really really good best friend. [applause] and he clearly did not have a white grandmother around to stop it. because his wife isn't having it and his mother would not have it. -- >> i am not being cremated but we will get to that. cat? >> ,to be stuck by a taxidermist. then put me on rollerblades in will may pass the bedroom window of everyone i ever dated! [laughter] >> like a wave motion with this. it would be so jealous! >> that is a strange request. >> it is my official request. better make it happen or i will haunt you. >> you already do! >> this is beautiful, right? >> yeah, i don't know. do you really love plumbing that much? [laughter] maybe he did the job but didn't love plumbing and now you're pouring him down. he is not mario. mean if you will mario or luigi then you pouring down the drain. that is where they hang out, you know? >> all the water leads to the ocean. >> that leads to the reservoir. >> pathetic it's mixed in with all of this other stuff. what if he is reincarnated and he is a mutant? >> say it. >> all wanted leads to the ocean. >> i do not want to be cremated. because if we figure out, the silicon valley trainer is going to figure out how to live forever. or you can download that from a program. what if you have been cremated and they cannot find your dna? i want my head in a safety deposit box. and i want one of you to take control of it.>> i have it read.>> thanks! >> -- you will just leave the head in the closet and what is that smell? he did not freeze it. you put it in a portable picnic and you poured some ice on top of it. like it was beer. >> you really want to live forever greg? >> i think marley if they do find out how to live longer the i would to everyone that died to wake them all up. question why? quest let's say you died and then they figure it out, that is on all was that you are dead. that is not fair! >> difficult people die they are just leaving? >> this is the dna thing. because i've actually thought about this. you get the dna and make a clone. it will not be you. it will just be your twin. >> that's right. see you saying you want the same consciousness. >> exactly, you will not have the memories. [multiple speakers] >> move on. >> i hate that! >> maybe turn into a butterfly. final thoughts next. if you leave now you will not see us -- what if we pull customer insights from the data in real time? wait, our data center and our clouds can't connect? michael, can we get this data to...? look at me...look at me... look at me... you used to be the "yes" guy. what happened to that guy? legacy technology can handcuff any company. but "yes" is here. so, you're saying we can cut delivery time? yeah. with help from hpe, we can finally work the way we want to. with the right mix of hybrid it, everything computes. our insurance company may not have a name your price tool [ shouting ] but we got disses for days! your mother is so lame, she never put any notes in your lunch bag. sandwiches o-o-only. yeah! yeah, well if you use progressive's name your price tool, maybe you could use the savings to buy a decent suit. i got this jaime. ♪ you could throw shade all day ♪ ♪ but it'll never land ♪ 'cause we got the name your price tool ♪ ♪ in the palm of our h-a-a-and ♪ mic drop. mime: ouch. what? it was a sweet burn. progressive's name your price tool. word to your wallet. now there's armor all wash wipes with lift and clean technology. extra large wipes that lift and remove dust, dirt and grime. no hose, no bucket, no problem. just wipe, to spot clean bird and bug splatters in seconds or to wash and wax the entire car in minutes. also try new armor all ultra shine wax wipes. for a brilliant shine with that same wipe and walk away convenience. clean, shine and protect, anytime anywhere with armor all ultra shine exterior wash and wax wipes. >> i will see monday at our new time 9:00 p.m. eastern. we are running out of time. amy? >> i would like to say i like maroon 5. [laughter] >> they are the worst man that ever walked the planet. followed closely by the red-hot chili peppers. >> i am on tour right now with stand up. you can check out tickets for that. i will be in sacramento on saturday. then my friend will do a podcast, he just released his first book. it is called black privilege. check that out. >> i will take a read! >> i like maroon 5 to grab. >> no man likes it! no man likes maroon 5. >> this man does! >> i was wearing christmas socks today and someone said why? and that is because my aunt and uncle send me socks every holiday for my whole life. i don't have to buy socks and you should wear every day like it is a holiday. thank you! >> thank you to amy, an now now.hank you to amy, an now >> mr. mr. trump, i love your presidency. i call it d nation. the only thing your mouth is good for is to be vladimir putin's [bleep] pollster. ann coulter react to the late-night political campaign. >> the republican party is enabling the mental illness on a daily basis. jesse: a group of psychiatrists calling mr. trump a monster

Transcripts For FOXNEWSW The Greg Gutfeld Show 20170507

make no mistake about it, make no mistake. >> make no mistake about it, make no mistake. i think most importantly yes, premiums will be coming down. yes, deductibles will be coming down. but very importantly is a great plan. >> a great plan. was it wrong to celebrate a bullet only passed in the house? not if you are schoolhouse rock. they might want to call that up on youtube. >> i was channeling that as well. >> maybe wait on the rose garden and maybe explain to people, we have to get through this as we know. >> not where i came from. we know the bill is not a lot but why not proclaim victory now? >> a big win for the republicans. >> i do not think we can ignore it but this is. >> this is the victory. >> this is the first legislative victory. we absolutely have to say that. >> now, they have a victory. >> they did not seem too thrilled about it. it was like they were making small talk with their exes fianci. the x who dumped them. even more, the whole thing was evil. maroon 5 evil. >> the majority of members of the house of representatives knew this was a bad bill. what we did today in passing this legislation was absolutely inhumane. >> this will be tattooed to them. and they will glow-in-the-dark. >> wait, a tattoo that glows in the dark? that sounds awesome! i want one! does this bill have one? now as the boat was tallied reporters so democrats actually chanting. [video] >> so now we know two things. house democrats are better. keeping the majority and chanting. they are like wasted monks. so does this bill help or hurt? under no i have not read it. but there is anyone else. at least i'm being honest. nobody reads bills because nobody means anything. i just got a few pages accompanying my latest drug prescription and all the side effects. it is pretty important but did i read it? no! and i had time! explain my twitch. that is why they make bills so large so nobody reads it! given the chance that the government will publish a 10,000 page report on how to park and it would still fail! if 1000 years ago government was asked to invest it would look like this. [laughter] government programs of the cafeteria mystery meat. you know it is that when you pray you never have to use it. look at obamacare, everyone knew it was bad at the start but so what let's do it anyway! you know the prank when you freeze a fish and duct tape it to the underside of the seat in your friend's car? so it doesn't start sticking until days later and you are already gone? that is kind of what obamacare was. it stinks! and obama is already gone! [laughter] probably beating up elderly men in a boat. my solution for healthcare, you have to simplify this crap. insurance should cover the big step and that we pay for the rest! after all, car insurance pays for the crash, not for the oil change.which reminds me, why all the commercials for car insurance, but there are so few for health insurance? as we are a captive audience. competition is the only mechanism that forces everyone to cater to the customer. i.e., the patient. but i have to give trump credit. he went back to the drawing board after the initial failure. he really is a salesman trying to turn know into yes.he says guys of the car dealerships, bill of wearing redundancy by the under coating . maybe we got about we just don't know!maybe rachel knows, let's check in. >> the silence of the lambs, the guy who wants to kill us. the president is hannibal lector. [laughter] >> i think she has other things on her mind. [applause] let's welcome tonight's guest. he is so sharpies on all commercial flights. political -- he - he - i've never seen that before! he is bright and funny looking electrocuted his comedians andrew schultz. [applause] she owns eight cats and they all interested in a table. cohost of the boston special --. and google earth classifies him as a city. actor, former bodyguard, are you a myspace model? my sidekick cyrus. let's go down the line here and start with you amy. what do you make of this whole plan. good, bad or indifferent?what are your thoughts? >> like you i do not know the bill. but i do think it was a win and a victory. i think republicans needed it after the budget bill which even rush limbaugh says right vote republican. democratic budget? they had the republican fiasco in march. i am expressing surprise at the presidency. >> and it is so honest he was like i can't believe i am president! it's i-5 be a with the butter. it did not make any sense andrew. >> it made sense to me. >> that's because we think the same thoughts. how have you been? >> i am great how are you? i am great! government programs are morbidly obese men that stick to the bed. he cannot get them out unless you use a crane. >> are you fat shaming? >> no i'm fat! what do you make of this? >> i disagree with you in the healthcare should cover. i think it should cover the little stuff and we should pay for the big. >> how would we afford to do that? >> excuse me -- what i'm saying is i will use the little stuff more. like i have an emotional security when it go to a place like sweden and another girls on birth control. >> right, okay. >> so i want to bring that to brooklyn. [laughter] >> i don't care about the crazy car crash or things like that that might or might not happen. birth control is a monthly thing. and i make mistakes. >> you do? >> birth control is a daily thing. that is one of my mistakes. >> yes! >> but the thing is a cost maybe six dollars a day when a car accident will cost you millions! >> you are the problem! you are the problem! you live on the word if. >> yes that and nuva ring. >> okay what you think about my solutions? catastrophic health insurance only cost about $800, right? >> that is what insurance is supposed to be. the event of something big. it is not supposed to be like diet counseling, contraception. i think birth control should be sold over the counter just like plan b. >> you cannot get over the counter? >> no, you can't. [inaudible] >> but insurance companies, getting them involved inflates places so this plan just gives insurance companies more involvement. i would not be surprised if it inflates prices and that will be a bummer. i know everyone is celebrating but for some reason i am not that excited. >> you know that is you and not tyrus. >> know that what you did like the car insurance protecting health insurance should be like that. maybe i just want, in case something big happens i just have the insurance chlamydia want to cover a couple little things, go through my little list and pick. you want full coverage, partial coverage or oops coverage. why haven't new girlfriend and she scary and i am afraid to sleep at night coverage. >> you should get a lock on you to appear. >> this cannot be a one-size-fits-all. and many aspects of this conversation. yeah. >> speaking of, i want to welcome a new sponsor to the show. tonight sponsor has a cure. >> do you take full responsibility for your own failures and make your mistakes, admit when you are wrong? why suffer in silence? night make your failure someone else's fault. with blameitall. it works with the brain's receptors doubly replace a sense of responsibility with wild accusations. do not live with this. >> just blameitall on the fbi and vladimir putin. >> you certainly interviewed in the election and it was clear he interfered to hurt me and help my opponent. >> this helps you cope with public failure and blameitall. >> affected not happen on the tri-seventh i would be your president. 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[laughter] and alone with her rights anthony weiner, the pest that would not leave. this week fbi director james comey defended his decision to reopen the email program just days before the election last year. but he is not saying he would do it different again. and anthony weiner a.k.a. bold. for what reason were they sent to him to do something totally disgusting with them! >> was there classified information on congressman weiner's computer? >> yes. >> who sent it to him? >> is then spouse,, -- >> like i said, gross! who prints out emails? anyway why wasn't she charged? >> we did not have an indication she had a sense that what she was doing was in violation of the law. >> he could not prove any criminal intent. >> in other words she is off the hook because she is stupid. i use the same excuse that many arby's bathrooms. still, it wasn't even the most intriguing part of the testimony. that was later when the junior senator from new kansas, once again discovering an incredible piece of information. >> director calmly, how excited are you to be talking to me today? >> great question senator, thank you.wes i know it is a great question, that is why i asked it. >> bless your heart james. the pleasure was all mine. >> is it true the fbi recently discovered a scientist of the time machine out of the delorean powered by uranium stolen from the libyans? >> in october 2015 we confirmed it existed and said a not another word. >> hypothetically. couldn't you use the said delorean to travel back in time, bet on sports and become ridiculously wealthy? >> it has been done, it has been done in the past. >> did you travel to last year's world series" event on the cubbies? >> yes. >> with you drop something when you were there that prove you were from the future? >> that would be really bad! >> that's what i am saying! we are talking about a chain reaction that could destroy the entire universe. knowing that would you still go back? >> it would not change the decision. everyone that agrees with me has to go back to the 28th with me. >> it was a dope world series. >> you would do the same thing. >> i would not do that! >> i would still make the same decision. >> last question. if he did take another trip back in time say maybe to see a series premier of elf, connecting with you? >> i wouldn't say publicly but i would find a way to let you know. >> and thank you. [applause] >> .do any of that stuff on that specialist show. [laughter] andrew, this story does not cut away. it means killing and anthony weiner - >> first of all i want to know, i thought as democrats we are supposed to care about the environment. so why are we upset that anthony weiner is printing out a rain forest every night? should that be a big deal? does masonic symphony tell your girlfriend when you're cheating on her? >> and she said oh no john used my phone to text. it has nothing to do with me. it's just a little fishy. >> is hillary not have a printer? >> that is very weird. question what universes he made sense to send classified emails to a got his sons out pictures of his private parts? [laughter] >> hold on, hold on, hold on! who knows what he does on his private time and he is thought out? >> when he clocked out he was about you know - [laughter] >> actually incentive from the >> i am going to say 15, i will be right back. boom! i do not care about pictures or whatever if the letter of the law says she broke the law, i just feel like we have this double standard it seems like when it comes to certain laws. when i was growing up, if one of my homies or something broke the law it was you know they did not even ask me! >> did he not know how to work a printer? none of this makes sense to me. i think printing is a thing you can do for yourself. >> yes and for others! a lot of people print their own greeting cards. >> my parents do not know to double-click! [laughter] if you don't know how to double-click i don't know if you can be president. there is some correlation between your ability right there. >> i think it is all too rare that she is speaking to her husband. i am like why are you communicating with that man? >> this is before the documentary. which by the way was - fast forward to the part we see her hit the pavement. it comes with the heat texture again. and she goes - would have to run through mcdonald's. [ >> you are about to - >> if it was small he would not be sharing it. when it is small you don't send pictures of your private parts to a girl. -- >> this conversation went way off. >> let me just shift away from that arena. i just hope, okay, hillary is going away. bill is going with. you better not unload chelsea on us, okay? she is even more entitled.she is more entitled and her mother without her dad's unbroken charisma. she makes amy carter look like maggie thatcher. >> i'm calling you on this one. so nepotism is cool for one side but not the other? nepotism means we let your family -- so it is cool for one side and not the other? we are going to see a lot of this and as voters we should not put up with it. >> but i do not want to see more chelsea clinton but they will force her, right? she has to be president or she's going to be grounded! [laughter] >> you have to have that printing name go on. quest yes, they do. all right we have to move on. still to come, stephen colbert says something shocking about donald trump. yes, believe it or not this is still a story. good gummies. they're delicious... and a good source of fiber to help support regularity. mmm. these are good. nice work, phillips'! try phillips' fiber good gummies! when this bell rings... ...it starts a chain reaction... ...that's heard throughout the connected business world. at&t network security helps protect business, from the largest financial markets to the smallest transactions, by sensing cyber-attacks in near real time and automatically deploying countermeasures. keeping the world of business connected and protected. that's the power of and. remember when you said men are supeyeah...ivers? yeah, then how'd i get this... ...allstate safe driving bonus check? ...only allstate sends you a bonus check for every six months you're accident free. silence. it's good to be in, good hands. they carry your fans shpassions, hopes, and dreams.s. and maybe, a chance at greatness because shoulders were made for greatness. not dandruff. ♪ ♪ take on the mainstream. introducing nissan's new midnight edition. ♪ i am totally blind. i lost my sight in afghanistan. if you're totally blind, you may also be struggling with non-24. calling 844-844-2424. or visit my24info.com. >> paul's opening hours from now in france's highly contested presidential runoff election. the favorite macron is supposed to be le pen. we will have more after the polls close. and a nigerian schoolgirl held for three years. gary says they were freed in exchange for detained suspects. the students were among a group of more than 200 gross kidnapped by northeastern town in april 2014. contributed legend loretta lynn remains hospitalized tonight after suffering a stroke as they. according to a website for the singer and songwriter she is expected to make a full recovery. now let's take you back to "the greg gutfeld show". [applause] >> all right, last monday stephen colbert tore into donald trump like a breeder. before i roll this tape it is very lewd, turn it up so everyone can hear it. [video] now come of course we had to cut that but you get the joke. was it offensive? i don't know, i have done worse. often for money in a hotel room, just up as peter pan. [laughter] >> predictable outrage ensued saying that he should be fired and two days there he responded. >> if you saw my monologue on monday, you know i was a little upset with donald trump friend something a friend of mine. so the end of that monologue had a few choice insults for the president in return. i do not regret that. so while i would do it again, i would change a few words that were cruder than they needed to be. >> so he did not let the jokes, just the language. again, i don't care! it is jokes, words. if you don't like it don't listen! i hope one day those other guys might say the same thing for me. see stephen colbert is afforded something i will never have. liberal protection.if your heart is in the right place, and mine is always in the wrong! then you can say what you want as long as your job matches the assumptions of your peers. i will never demand an apology but one will be always demented for me. it is painfully obvious that if i made the same joke about president obama i would be marched into the atlantic with - around my neck. that is okay, i will defend those who may never defend me. because i am a nice guy and there are -- [applause] >> andrew, have you ever been in a situation like this before? does this infuriate you? >> everybody is a sissy. it's fine, i am cool with it. this is all the way on twitter is get into these things. >> yes, i have seen this with you! >> it happens. arvid did not care what he says. i'm only offended by things are not funny. but i respect the attempt. a lot of times a look at comedians as like firemen. it's not your job to save them. it is your job to try. so is not our job. you know what i mean? they say you know if they don't save the people in the burning building, you're fired! >> you're comparing comedians to firemen! [laughter] you are the real hero! >> listen, i do comedy every day. the point i'm trying to say, it is funny. i am with going out there. i am with trying to joke. i think that his rent was that funny? no, but go for it. i think posturing is a new turn. i'll use that in my private life. it sounds like a lot of fun and i have agreed not to do anything about male private parts in this segment. [laughter] >> you tell a comedian not to say something and it turns a switch on in their brain that says, now i have to! now i have to! if i went home and i did not than i would have done something wrong. can we say a doodle do holster? >> he missed the point, is not that was crude it was homophobic. he was going through a list of insults for the thing he reached for the heat that would be the real grand slam was to make the comment. remember what we just listened to. he was comparing being gay to having cancer. [multiple speakers] >> it was in the list of insults. >> hosting a foreign leader is bad. which i think we should all agree. >> also the nazi rogaine thing. that made no sense. >> guerrillas are people too! i am often compared to one. -- the last gorilla got shot. not on my watch, okay? >> okay. >> leave guerrillas alone. quest your point how it was a democrat will be different. it was a democratic president. i don't think in somerset donald trump is a republican i think it is more because donald trump is donald trump. he has made it very clear that he is a different kind of dude. and the rules do not really apply as much. >> wait a minute. david schuster and he was at msnbc he made remarks of the clintons were pimping out chelsea. >> but that was not a comedian some joke.>> what he got fired for that. so there is a double standard. >> and you know, andrew you can answer this. without using the p word. people 07 but there is no edgy right-wing comments but it is because edgy as defined in the world comedy is something that stephen colbert would do. would anyone on the right would be crucified.>> of course! mike made a great point about this. he says what the left does advancing this as a liberal. when we don't like someone we make them radioactive. now i don't even have to engage with your ideas. get away from me! >> when you going to make me radioactive? >> right after the holster ring. [laughter] >> i walked into that one. oh yes, i am going to get a call on monday. but you know, is worth it because so far it has been a great show. [applause] >> up next, stephen hawking says we need another earth.i agree! 80 percent of recurrent ischemic strokes could be prevented with the right steps. and take it from me, every step counts. a bayer aspirin regimen is one of those steps in helping prevent another stroke. be sure to talk to your doctor before you begin an aspirin regimen. this is bill's yard. and bill has a "no-weeds, not in my yard" policy. but with scotts turf builder weed & feed, bill has nothing to worry about. it kills weeds and greens grass, guaranteed. this is a scotts yard. more "doing chores for dad" per roll and greens grass, guaranteed. more "earning something you love" per roll bounty is more absorbent, so the roll can last 50% longer than the leading ordinary brand. so you get more "life" per roll. bounty, the quicker picker upper to be a nightmare! does nobody like the future? c'mon, the future. he obviously doesn't know intel is helping power autonomous cars and the 5g network they connect to. with this, won't happen in the future. thanks, jim. there's some napkins in the glovebox. okay, but why would i need a napkin? you could have just told me a bump was coming. we know the future. because we're building it. before you invest in a car, remember, it's not just the car you're investing in. subaru. kelley blue book's most trusted brand and, now, lowest 5-year cost to own. think about what you value most. subaru. i was always "tpeople don't stare anymore. i never joined in. that wasn't fair to any of us. i was covered. i tried lots of things over the years. but i didn't give up. i kept on fighting. i found something that worked. that still works. now? see me. see me. i found clear skin that lasts. see if cosentyx could make a difference for you- cosentyx is proven to help people with moderate to severe plaque psoriasis... ...find clear skin that can last. don't use if you're allergic to cosentyx. before starting cosentyx, you should be checked for tuberculosis. an increased risk of infections and lowered ability to fight them may occur. tell your doctor if you have an infection or symptoms. or if you have received a vaccine or plan to. if you have inflammatory bowel disease, tell your doctor if symptoms develop or worsen. serious allergic reactions may occur. see me to know... ...clear skin can last. don't hold back... ...ask your dermatologist if cosentyx can help you find clear skin that lasts. >> will a place in space save the planet earth? according to stephen hawking humanity needs to colonize in the planet within 100 years because million 1000 years left before extinction. he says this can come from many different things. the theories part of an upcoming documentary called expedition new earth which will explore the latest market technology that can help humans set up shop on mars. i believe with tip of two astronauts latest test launch. [video] >> so - andrew. second earth is like having a vacation home. only the rich people can afford it. the rest of us will be stuck here on our old earth. our property values are going to drop. >> as a home owner - >> congratulations! >> thank you. relax, relax!i am not there just yet. [laughter] >> what were we talking about, i forgot? >> a second earth. >> here is the whole thing that i hate about this. if you have ever flown from new york to los angeles and look out the window and down, we have room. we don't need a colonized, how about montana? there is plenty of room in montana, wyoming. >> but here is the reason why that might not be the issue. what he's really escaping is the rise of artificial intelligence. nonconscious goal oriented thinking what table this plan, turn into a small cement fall. mostly that's the issue is the moment we have knowledge of leaving so artificial! there faster. >> they are! ! >> your. [laughter] i think that we are going to colonize another planet within the next 100 years. because we have a lot of things here that we cannot seem to get together as it is. >> yeah, like what?>> move on to the one planet until you have things worked out on the first planet. >> i disagree. do you ever have an apartment they just trash and you move to a better apartment? >> my apartment is like that now! but how do you go to colonize another planet? >> look like your head is going to explode. or is that normal? >> i would love to go to mars, sounds fun. we need two things it doesn't have. aaron. kind of a big deal. >> listed a second earth. [multiple speakers] >> and isn't it amazing that he came out of this, we have to leave earth in 100 years? and watch my documentary coming out -- it is so hard when someone says something scientific and then use that oath because i have to go see this documentary. and then by his book. they servicing a bunch of american people that start building the rocketship's and trying to make trash cans into space masks. and then you have a reality t.v. show spending all this morning. and then the rich people are going anywhere. they will send up the dumb people. >> i don't know amy. it is the rich people who always go to coachella and that horrible rock concert. >> yes. and they want to freeze themselves. >> i want to do that. that is the only reason why worth. [laughter] >> you really could just step outside. >> i thought it was really irresponsible that we colonize mars because as we know, we bring new microbes to that planet and could end up killing everything on the planet. >> that's what happened with the pilgrims. >> how do we know that stephen hawking isn't part of artificial intelligence? >> you know, he could be ahead of everything. and you know i was thinking i wonder what rachel maddow is thinking? >> -- i have been practicing all day is a mouthful. -- it is hard. i have been practicing all day. siberian energy group. >> well! >> does not actually on t.v.? [laughter] >> excellent question! vehicle anyway. up next you will not see this next story on special report. [applause] olay eyes. ageless. >> he is leaving the debt in every head peer to speak of thomas mcdonald pouring his buddies ashes down toilets. baseball parked across the country.mcdonald's got the idea, you guessed it, while in the bathroom every ballgame. saint i know what to do because he was the best plumber he ever saw. master pearsall for the ashes have been flushed in chicago, pittsburgh, cincinnati, detroit, baltimore and others. although it is not the greatest thing i've seen a baseball game. [video] >> that was pretty weird. all right! amy, is this how you would like to go? >> you know, i do not know from the plot the five investments that want to force you down toilets. >> yes! >> it is kind of an odd sentiment. >> you are going and you are going! >> that is the ultimate best friend think that he was a plumber but he loves baseball, he made sure he went to every park. salute that! some people won't get that. i am simple. this put me in a can of coffee and dump me in the water. it is very simple. and when his buddy is doing is paying tribute to him. will only get that if you are in the circle of friends. so you commit fun of it, but i respect that and it is really really good best friend. [applause] and he clearly did not have a white grandmother around to stop it. because his wife isn't having it and his mother would not have it. -- >> i am not being cremated but we will get to that. cat? >> ,to be stuck by a taxidermist. then put me on rollerblades in will may pass the bedroom window of everyone i ever dated! [laughter] >> like a wave motion with this. it would be so jealous! >> that is a strange request. >> it is my official request. better make it happen or i will haunt you. >> you already do! >> this is beautiful, right? >> yeah, i don't know. do you really love plumbing that much? [laughter] maybe he did the job but didn't love plumbing and now you're pouring him down. he is not mario. mean if you will mario or luigi then you pouring down the drain. that is where they hang out, you know? >> all the water leads to the ocean. >> that leads to the reservoir. >> pathetic it's mixed in with all of this other stuff. what if he is reincarnated and he is a mutant? >> say it. >> all wanted leads to the ocean. >> i do not want to be cremated. because if we figure out, the silicon valley trainer is going to figure out how to live forever. or you can download that from a program. what if you have been cremated and they cannot find your dna? i want my head in a safety deposit box. and i want one of you to take control of it.>> i have it read.>> thanks! >> -- you will just leave the head in the closet and what is that smell? he did not freeze it. you put it in a portable picnic and you poured some ice on top of it. like it was beer. >> you really want to live forever greg? >> i think marley if they do find out how to live longer the i would to everyone that died to wake them all up. question why? quest let's say you died and then they figure it out, that is on all was that you are dead. that is not fair! >> difficult people die they are just leaving? >> this is the dna thing. because i've actually thought about this. you get the dna and make a clone. it will not be you. it will just be your twin. >> that's right. see you saying you want the same consciousness. >> exactly, you will not have the memories. [multiple speakers] >> move on. >> i hate that! >> maybe turn into a butterfly. final thoughts next. if you leave now you will not see us -- i should have read that! isn't it time to let the real you shine through? introducing otezla, apremilast. otezla is not an injection or a cream. it's a pill that treats plaque psoriasis differently. some people who took otezla saw 75% clearer skin after 4 months. and otezla's prescribing information has no requirement for routine lab monitoring. don't take otezla if you are allergic to any of its ingredients. otezla may increase the risk of depression. tell your doctor if you have a history of depression or suicidal thoughts, or if these feelings develop. some people taking otezla reported weight loss. your doctor should monitor your weight and may stop treatment. side effects may include diarrhea, nausea, upper respiratory tract infection, and headache. tell your doctor about all the medicines you take, and if you're pregnant or planning to be. ask your dermatologist about otezla today. otezla. show more of you. working on my feet all day gave me pain here. in my knees. so i stepped on this machine and got my number, which matched my dr. scholl's custom fit orthotic inserts. so i get immediate relief from my foot pain. my knee pain. find a machine at drscholls.com. ray's always been different. last year, he said he was going to dig a hole to china. at&t is working with farmers to improve irrigation techniques. remote moisture sensors use a reliable network to tell them when and where to water. so that farmers like ray can compete in big ways. china. oh ... he got there. that's the power of and. it's about moving forward, not back.t. it's looking up, not down. it's being in motion. in body, in spirit, in the now. boost® high protein it's intelligent nutrition with 15 grams of protein and 26 vitamins and minerals. for when you need a little extra. boost® the number one high protein complete nutritional drink. be up for it i am totally blind. i lost my sight in afghanistan. if you're totally blind, you may also be struggling with non-24. calling 844-844-2424. or visit my24info.com. >> i will see monday at our new time 9:00 p.m. eastern. we are running out of time. amy? >> i would like to say i like maroon 5. [laughter] >> they are the worst man that ever walked the planet. followed closely by the red-hot chili peppers. >> i am on tour right now with stand up. you can check out tickets for that. i will be in sacramento on saturday. then my friend will do a podcast, he just released his first book. it is called black privilege. check that out. >> i will take a read! >> i like maroon 5 to grab. >> no man likes it! no man likes maroon 5. >> this man does! >> i was wearing christmas socks today and someone said why? and that is because my aunt and uncle send me socks every holiday for my whole life. i don't have to buy socks and you should wear every day like it is a holiday. thank you! >> thank you to amy, andrew, kathryn and tyrus. i and trent eight. i rlove you america! your mouths good for is to be vladimirmouths putin's [bleep] pollster. ann coulter react to the late-night political campaign. >> the republican party is enabling the mental illness on a daily basis. jesse: a group of psychiatrists calling mr. trump a monster

Transcripts For FOXNEWSW The Greg Gutfeld Show 20170507

no mistake. >> make no mistake about it, make no mistake. i think most importantly yes, premiums will be coming down. yes, deductibles will be coming down. but very importantly is a great plan. >> a great plan. was it wrong to celebrate a bullet only passed in the house? not if you are schoolhouse rock. they might want to call that up on youtube. >> i was channeling that as well. >> maybe wait on the rose garden and maybe explain to people, we have to get through this as we know. >> not where i came from. we know the bill is not a lot but why not proclaim victory now? >> a big win for the republicans. >> i do not think we can ignore it but this is. >> this is the victory. >> this is the first legislative victory. we absolutely have to say that. >> now, they have a victory. >> they did not seem too thrilled about it. it was like they were making small talk with their exes fianci. the x who dumped them. even more, the whole thing was evil. maroon 5 evil. >> the majority of members of the house of representatives knew this was a bad bill. what we did today in passing this legislation was absolutely inhumane. >> this will be tattooed to them. and they will glow-in-the-dark. >> wait, a tattoo that glows in the dark? that sounds awesome! i want one! does this bill have one? now as the boat was tallied reporters so democrats actually chanting. [video] >> so now we know two things. house democrats are better. keeping the majority and chanting. they are like wasted monks. so does this bill help or hurt? under no i have not read it. but there is anyone else. at least i'm being honest. nobody reads bills because nobody means anything. i just got a few pages accompanying my latest drug prescription and all the side effects. it is pretty important but did i read it? no! and i had time! explain my twitch. that is why they make bills so large so nobody reads it! given the chance that the government will publish a 10,000 page report on how to park and it would still fail! if 1000 years ago government was asked to invest it would look like this. [laughter] government programs of the cafeteria mystery meat. you know it is that when you pray you never have to use it. look at obamacare, everyone knew it was bad at the start but so what let's do it anyway! you know the prank when you freeze a fish and duct tape it to the underside of the seat in your friend's car? so it doesn't start sticking until days later and you are already gone? that is kind of what obamacare was. it stinks! and obama is already gone! [laughter] probably beating up elderly men in a boat. my solution for healthcare, you have to simplify this crap. insurance should cover the big step and that we pay for the rest! after all, car insurance pays for the crash, not for the oil change.which reminds me, why all the commercials for car insurance, but there are so few for health insurance? as we are a captive audience. competition is the only mechanism that forces everyone to cater to the customer. i.e., the patient. but i have to give trump credit. he went back to the drawing board after the initial failure. he really is a salesman trying to turn know into yes.he says guys of the car dealerships, bill of wearing redundancy by the under coating . maybe we got about we just don't know!maybe rachel knows, let's check in. >> the silence of the lambs, the guy who wants to kill us. the president is hannibal lector. [laughter] >> i think she has other things on her mind. [applause] let's welcome tonight's guest. he is so sharpies on all commercial flights. political -- he - he - i've never seen that before! he is bright and funny looking electrocuted his comedians andrew schultz. [applause] she owns eight cats and they all interested in a table. cohost of the boston special --. and google earth classifies him as a city. actor, former bodyguard, are you a myspace model? my sidekick cyrus. let's go down the line here and start with you amy. what do you make of this whole plan. good, bad or indifferent?what are your thoughts? >> like you i do not know the bill. but i do think it was a win and a victory. i think republicans needed it after the budget bill which even rush limbaugh says right vote republican. democratic budget? they had the republican fiasco in march. i am expressing surprise at the presidency. >> and it is so honest he was like i can't believe i am president! it's i-5 be a with the butter. it did not make any sense andrew. >> it made sense to me. >> that's because we think the same thoughts. how have you been? >> i am great how are you? i am great! government programs are morbidly obese men that stick to the bed. he cannot get them out unless you use a crane. >> are you fat shaming? >> no i'm fat! what do you make of this? >> i disagree with you in the healthcare should cover. i think it should cover the little stuff and we should pay for the big. >> how would we afford to do that? >> excuse me -- what i'm saying is i will use the little stuff more. like i have an emotional security when it go to a place like sweden and another girls on birth control. >> right, okay. >> so i want to bring that to brooklyn. [laughter] >> i don't care about the crazy car crash or things like that that might or might not happen. birth control is a monthly thing. and i make mistakes. >> you do? >> birth control is a daily thing. that is one of my mistakes. >> yes! >> but the thing is a cost maybe six dollars a day when a car accident will cost you millions! >> you are the problem! you are the problem! you live on the word if. >> yes that and nuva ring. >> okay what you think about my solutions? catastrophic health insurance only cost about $800, right? >> that is what insurance is supposed to be. the event of something big. it is not supposed to be like diet counseling, contraception. i think birth control should be sold over the counter just like plan b. >> you cannot get over the counter? >> no, you can't. [inaudible] >> but insurance companies, getting them involved inflates places so this plan just gives insurance companies more involvement. i would not be surprised if it inflates prices and that will be a bummer. i know everyone is celebrating but for some reason i am not that excited. >> you know that is you and not tyrus. >> know that what you did like the car insurance protecting health insurance should be like that. maybe i just want, in case something big happens i just have the insurance chlamydia want to cover a couple little things, go through my little list and pick. you want full coverage, partial coverage or oops coverage. why haven't new girlfriend and she scary and i am afraid to sleep at night coverage. >> you should get a lock on you to appear. >> this cannot be a one-size-fits-all. and many aspects of this conversation. yeah. >> speaking of, i want to welcome a new sponsor to the show. tonight sponsor has a cure. >> do you take full responsibility for your own failures and make your mistakes, admit when you are wrong? why suffer in silence? night make your failure someone else's fault. with blameitall. it works with the brain's receptors doubly replace a sense of responsibility with wild accusations. do not live with this. >> just blameitall on the fbi and vladimir putin. >> you certainly interviewed in the election and it was clear he interfered to hurt me and help my opponent. >> this helps you cope with public failure and blameitall. >> affected not happen on the tri-seventh i would be your president. [inaudible] [applause] >> okay. we have a lot coming up against. where there is smoke there is always a wiener. my insurance rates are probably gonna double. but dad, you've got... ...allstate. with accident forgiveness they guarantee your rates won't go up just because of an accident. smart kid. indeed. it's good to be in, good hands. (i wanted him to eat healthy., so i feed jake purina cat chow naturals indoor, a nutritious formula with no artificial flavors. made specifically for indoor cats. purina cat chow. nutrition to build better lives. manait's a series of is nsmart choices. and when you replace one meal or snack a day with glucerna made with carbsteady to help minimize blood sugar spikes you can really feel it. glucerna. everyday progress. the shlike a bald penguin. how do i look? [ laughing ] show me the billboard music awards. show me top artist. show me the top hot 100 artist. they give awards for being hot and 100 years old? we'll take 2! [ laughing ] xfinity x1 gives you exclusive access to the best of the billboard music awards just by using your voice. the billboard music awards. sunday, may 21st eight seven central only on abc. >> like the scent of burnt popcorn in the office medically, hillary clinton still lingers. [laughter] and alone with her rights anthony weiner, the pest that would not leave. this week fbi director james comey defended his decision to reopen the email program just days before the election last year. but he is not saying he would do it different again. and anthony weiner a.k.a. bold. for what reason were they sent to him to do something totally disgusting with them! >> was there classified information on congressman weiner's computer? >> yes. >> who sent it to him? >> is then spouse,, -- >> like i said, gross! who prints out emails? anyway why wasn't she charged? >> we did not have an indication she had a sense that what she was doing was in violation of the law. >> he could not prove any criminal intent. >> in other words she is off the hook because she is stupid. i use the same excuse that many arby's bathrooms. still, it wasn't even the most intriguing part of the testimony. that was later when the junior senator from new kansas, once again discovering an incredible piece of information. >> director calmly, how excited are you to be talking to me today? >> great question senator, thank you.wes i know it is a great question, that is why i asked it. >> bless your heart james. the pleasure was all mine. >> is it true the fbi recently discovered a scientist of the time machine out of the delorean powered by uranium stolen from the libyans? >> in october 2015 we confirmed it existed and said a not another word. >> hypothetically. couldn't you use the said delorean to travel back in time, bet on sports and become ridiculously wealthy? >> it has been done, it has been done in the past. >> did you travel to last year's world series" event on the cubbies? >> yes. >> with you drop something when you were there that prove you were from the future? >> that would be really bad! >> that's what i am saying! we are talking about a chain reaction that could destroy the entire universe. knowing that would you still go back? >> it would not change the decision. everyone that agrees with me has to go back to the 28th with me. >> it was a dope world series. >> you would do the same thing. >> i would not do that! >> i would still make the same decision. >> last question. if he did take another trip back in time say maybe to see a series premier of elf, connecting with you? >> i wouldn't say publicly but i would find a way to let you know. >> and thank you. [applause] >> .do any of that stuff on that specialist show. [laughter] andrew, this story does not cut away. it means killing and anthony weiner - >> first of all i want to know, i thought as democrats we are supposed to care about the environment. so why are we upset that anthony weiner is printing out a rain forest every night? should that be a big deal? does masonic symphony tell your girlfriend when you're cheating on her? >> and she said oh no john used my phone to text. it has nothing to do with me. it's just a little fishy. >> is hillary not have a printer? >> that is very weird. question what universes he made sense to send classified emails to a got his sons out pictures of his private parts? [laughter] >> hold on, hold on, hold on! who knows what he does on his private time and he is thought out? >> when he clocked out he was about you know - [laughter] >> actually incentive from the congressional - >> i am going to say 15, i will be right back. boom! i do not care about pictures or whatever if the letter of the law says she broke the law, i just feel like we have this double standard it seems like when it comes to certain laws. when i was growing up, if one of my homies or something broke the law it was you know they did not even ask me! >> did he not know how to work a printer? none of this makes sense to me. i think printing is a thing you can do for yourself. >> yes and for others! a lot of people print their own greeting cards. >> my parents do not know to double-click! [laughter] if you don't know how to double-click i don't know if you can be president. there is some correlation between your ability right there. >> i think it is all too rare that she is speaking to her husband. i am like why are you communicating with that man? >> this is before the documentary. which by the way was - fast forward to the part we see her hit the pavement. it comes with the heat texture again. and she goes - would have to run through mcdonald's. [ >> you are about to - >> if it was small he would not be sharing it. when it is small you don't send pictures of your private parts to a girl. -- >> this conversation went way off. >> let me just shift away from that arena. i just hope, okay, hillary is going away. bill is going with. you better not unload chelsea on us, okay? she is even more entitled.she is more entitled and her mother without her dad's unbroken charisma. she makes amy carter look like maggie thatcher. >> i'm calling you on this one. so nepotism is cool for one side but not the other? nepotism means we let your family -- so it is cool for one side and not the other? we are going to see a lot of this and as voters we should not put up with it. >> but i do not want to see more chelsea clinton but they will force her, right? she has to be president or she's going to be grounded! [laughter] >> you have to have that printing name go on. quest yes, they do. all right we have to move on. still to come, stephen colbert says something shocking about donald trump. yes, believe it or not this is still a story. ♪ we asked people to write down the things they love to do most on these balloons. travel with my daughter. roller derby. ♪ now give up half of 'em. do i have to? this is a tough financial choice we could face when we retire. but, if we start saving even just 1% more of our annual income... we could keep doing all the things we love. prudential. bring your challenges. i'm 51 years old.m. when i was diagnosed with pneumococcal pneumonia, it was huge for everybody. she just started to decline rapidly. i was rushed to the hospital... my symptoms were devastating. the doctor said, "pam! if you'd have waited two more days, you would've died." if i'd have known that a vaccine could have helped prevent this, i would have asked my doctor or pharmacist about it. at panera, a good salad is so this smuch? more than a bowl of something green. more than an obligation to be good. more than just something you have on the side. more than just one flavor, or texture, or color. a good clean salad is so much more than green. and with panera catering, more for your event. panera. food as it should be. ♪ lauer and we are live from "america's news headquarters." voters in france have elected the country's youngest-ever president, emmanuel macron. thousands of supporters let out a big cheer when the result was announced. macron, a foreman investment banker, won despite a surge of populism, and this eases fears that france would pull a brexit and leave the european union. meanwhile, president trump urging senate republicans to, quote, not let the american people down when it comes to overhauling the u.s. health care system. the president saying the current system is failing as insurers pull out of markets, forcing costs and deductibles up as the bill heads to the senate after clearing the house last week. and in the senate, there are major changes expected. i'm laura ingle. we now go back to gutfeld, and i'll be back with eric shawn at the top of the hour right here on fox news channel. thanks for being with us today. [applause] >> all right, last monday stephen colbert tore into donald trump like a breeder. before i roll this tape it is very lewd, turn it up so everyone can hear it. [video] now come of course we had to cut that but you get the joke. was it offensive? i don't know, i have done worse. often for money in a hotel room, just up as peter pan. [laughter] >> predictable outrage ensued saying that he should be fired and two days there he responded. >> if you saw my monologue on monday, you know i was a little upset with donald trump friend something a friend of mine. so the end of that monologue had a few choice insults for the president in return. i do not regret that. so while i would do it again, i would change a few words that were cruder than they needed to be. >> so he did not let the jokes, just the language. again, i don't care! it is jokes, words. if you don't like it don't listen! i hope one day those other guys might say the same thing for me. see stephen colbert is afforded something i will never have. liberal protection.if your heart is in the right place, and mine is always in the wrong! then you can say what you want as long as your job matches the assumptions of your peers. i will never demand an apology but one will be always demented for me. it is painfully obvious that if i made the same joke about president obama i would be marched into the atlantic with - around my neck. that is okay, i will defend those who may never defend me. because i am a nice guy and there are -- [applause] >> andrew, have you ever been in a situation like this before? does this infuriate you? >> everybody is a sissy. it's fine, i am cool with it. this is all the way on twitter is get into these things. >> yes, i have seen this with you! >> it happens. arvid did not care what he says. i'm only offended by things are not funny. but i respect the attempt. a lot of times a look at comedians as like firemen. it's not your job to save them. it is your job to try. so is not our job. you know what i mean? they say you know if they don't save the people in the burning building, you're fired! >> you're comparing comedians to firemen! [laughter] you are the real hero! >> listen, i do comedy every day. the point i'm trying to say, it is funny. i am with going out there. i am with trying to joke. i think that his rent was that funny? no, but go for it. i think posturing is a new turn. i'll use that in my private life. it sounds like a lot of fun and i have agreed not to do anything about male private parts in this segment. [laughter] >> you tell a comedian not to say something and it turns a switch on in their brain that says, now i have to! now i have to! if i went home and i did not than i would have done something wrong. can we say a doodle do holster? >> he missed the point, is not that was crude it was homophobic. he was going through a list of insults for the thing he reached for the heat that would be the real grand slam was to make the comment. remember what we just listened to. he was comparing being gay to having cancer. [multiple speakers] >> it was in the list of insults. >> hosting a foreign leader is bad. which i think we should all agree. >> also the nazi rogaine thing. that made no sense. >> guerrillas are people too! i am often compared to one. -- the last gorilla got shot. not on my watch, okay? >> okay. >> leave guerrillas alone. quest your point how it was a democrat will be different. it was a democratic president. i don't think in somerset donald trump is a republican i think it is more because donald trump is donald trump. he has made it very clear that he is a different kind of dude. and the rules do not really apply as much. >> wait a minute. david schuster and he was at msnbc he made remarks of the clintons were pimping out chelsea. >> but that was not a comedian some joke.>> what he got fired for that. so there is a double standard. >> and you know, andrew you can answer this. without using the p word. people 07 but there is no edgy right-wing comments but it is because edgy as defined in the world comedy is something that stephen colbert would do. would anyone on the right would be crucified.>> of course! mike made a great point about this. he says what the left does advancing this as a liberal. when we don't like someone we make them radioactive. now i don't even have to engage with your ideas. get away from me! >> when you going to make me radioactive? >> right after the holster ring. [laughter] >> i walked into that one. oh yes, i am going to get a call on monday. but you know, is worth it because so far it has been a great show. [applause] >> up next, stephen hawking says we need another earth.i agree! if you have moderate to severe plaque psoriasis, isn't it time to let the real you shine through? introducing otezla, apremilast. otezla is not an injection or a cream. it's a pill that treats plaque psoriasis differently. some people who took otezla saw 75% clearer skin after 4 months. and otezla's prescribing information has no requirement for routine lab monitoring. don't take otezla if you are allergic to any of its ingredients. otezla may increase the risk of depression. tell your doctor if you have a history of depression or suicidal thoughts, or if these feelings develop. some people taking otezla reported weight loss. your doctor should monitor your weight and may stop treatment. side effects may include diarrhea, nausea, upper respiratory tract infection, and headache. tell your doctor about all the medicines you take, and if you're pregnant or planning to be. ask your dermatologist about otezla today. otezla. show more of you. >> will a place in space save the planet earth? according to stephen hawking humanity needs to colonize in the planet within 100 years because million 1000 years left before extinction. he says this can come from many different things. the theories part of an upcoming documentary called expedition new earth which will explore the latest market technology that can help humans set up shop on mars. i believe with tip of two astronauts latest test launch. [video] >> so - andrew. second earth is like having a vacation home. only the rich people can afford it. the rest of us will be stuck here on our old earth. our property values are going to drop. >> as a home owner - >> congratulations! >> thank you. relax, relax!i am not there just yet. [laughter] >> what were we talking about, i forgot? >> a second earth. >> here is the whole thing that i hate about this. if you have ever flown from new york to los angeles and look out the window and down, we have room. we don't need a colonized, how about montana? there is plenty of room in montana, wyoming. >> but here is the reason why that might not be the issue. what he's really escaping is the rise of artificial intelligence. nonconscious goal oriented thinking what table this plan, turn into a small cement fall. mostly that's the issue is the moment we have knowledge of leaving so artificial! there faster. >> they are! ! >> your. [laughter] i think that we are going to colonize another planet within the next 100 years. because we have a lot of things here that we cannot seem to get together as it is. >> yeah, like what?>> move on to the one planet until you have things worked out on the first planet. >> i disagree. do you ever have an apartment they just trash and you move to a better apartment? >> my apartment is like that now! but how do you go to colonize another planet? >> look like your head is going to explode. or is that normal? >> i would love to go to mars, sounds fun. we need two things it doesn't have. aaron. kind of a big deal. >> listed a second earth. [multiple speakers] >> and isn't it amazing that he came out of this, we have to leave earth in 100 years? and watch my documentary coming out -- it is so hard when someone says something scientific and then use that oath because i have to go see this documentary. and then by his book. they servicing a bunch of american people that start building the rocketship's and trying to make trash cans into space masks. and then you have a reality t.v. show spending all this morning. and then the rich people are going anywhere. they will send up the dumb people. >> i don't know amy. it is the rich people who always go to coachella and that horrible rock concert. >> yes. and they want to freeze themselves. >> i want to do that. that is the only reason why worth. [laughter] >> you really could just step outside. >> i thought it was really irresponsible that we colonize mars because as we know, we bring new microbes to that planet and could end up killing everything on the planet. >> that's what happened with the pilgrims. >> how do we know that stephen hawking isn't part of artificial intelligence? >> you know, he could be ahead of everything. and you know i was thinking i wonder what rachel maddow is thinking? >> -- i have been practicing all day is a mouthful. -- it is hard. i have been practicing all day. siberian energy group. >> well! >> does not actually on t.v.? [laughter] >> excellent question! vehicle anyway. up next you will not see this i thought i was managing my moderate to severe crohn's disease. i didn't think there was anything else to talk about. but then i realized there was. so, i finally broke the silence with my doctor about what i was experiencing. he said humira is for people like me who have tried other medications but still experience the symptoms of moderate to severe crohn's disease. in clinical studies, the majority of patients on humira saw significant symptom relief. and many achieved remission. humira can lower your ability to fight infections, including tuberculosis. serious, sometimes fatal infections and cancers, including lymphoma, have happened; as have blood, liver, and nervous system problems, serious allergic reactions, and new or worsening heart failure. before treatment, get tested for tb. tell your doctor if you've been to areas where certain fungal infections are common, and if you've had tb, hepatitis b, are prone to infections, or have flu-like symptoms or sores. don't start humira if you have an infection. if you're still just managing your symptoms, talk with your gastroenterologist about humira. with humira, remission is possible. >> he is leaving the debt in every head peer to speak of thomas mcdonald pouring his buddies ashes down toilets. baseball parked across the country.mcdonald's got the idea, you guessed it, while in the bathroom every ballgame. saint i know what to do because he was the best plumber he ever saw. master pearsall for the ashes have been flushed in chicago, pittsburgh, cincinnati, detroit, baltimore and others. although it is not the greatest thing i've seen a baseball game. [video] >> that was pretty weird. all right! amy, is this how you would like to go? >> you know, i do not know from the plot the five investments that want to force you down toilets. >> yes! >> it is kind of an odd sentiment. >> you are going and you are going! >> that is the ultimate best friend think that he was a plumber but he loves baseball, he made sure he went to every park. salute that! some people won't get that. i am simple. this put me in a can of coffee and dump me in the water. it is very simple. and when his buddy is doing is paying tribute to him. will only get that if you are in the circle of friends. so you commit fun of it, but i respect that and it is really really good best friend. [applause] and he clearly did not have a white grandmother around to stop it. because his wife isn't having it and his mother would not have it. -- >> i am not being cremated but we will get to that. cat? >> ,to be stuck by a taxidermist. then put me on rollerblades in will may pass the bedroom window of everyone i ever dated! [laughter] >> like a wave motion with this. it would be so jealous! >> that is a strange request. >> it is my official request. better make it happen or i will haunt you. >> you already do! >> this is beautiful, right? >> yeah, i don't know. do you really love plumbing that much? [laughter] maybe he did the job but didn't love plumbing and now you're pouring him down. he is not mario. mean if you will mario or luigi then you pouring down the drain. that is where they hang out, you know? >> all the water leads to the ocean. >> that leads to the reservoir. >> pathetic it's mixed in with all of this other stuff. what if he is reincarnated and he is a mutant? >> say it. >> all wanted leads to the ocean. >> i do not want to be cremated. because if we figure out, the silicon valley trainer is going to figure out how to live forever. or you can download that from a program. what if you have been cremated and they cannot find your dna? i want my head in a safety deposit box. and i want one of you to take control of it.>> i have it read.>> thanks! >> -- you will just leave the head in the closet and what is that smell? he did not freeze it. you put it in a portable picnic and you poured some ice on top of it. like it was beer. >> you really want to live forever greg? >> i think marley if they do find out how to live longer the i would to everyone that died to wake them all up. question why? quest let's say you died and then they figure it out, that is on all was that you are dead. that is not fair! >> difficult people die they are just leaving? >> this is the dna thing. because i've actually thought about this. you get the dna and make a clone. it will not be you. it will just be your twin. >> that's right. see you saying you want the same consciousness. >> exactly, you will not have the memories. [multiple speakers] >> move on. >> i hate that! >> maybe turn into a butterfly. final thoughts next. if you leave now you will not if you leave now you will not see us -- americans - 83% try to eat healthy. yet up 90% fall short in getting key nutrients from food alone. let's do more. add one a day 50+ a complete multi-vitamin with 100% daily value of more than 15 key nutrients. one a day 50+. like finding new ways to be taken care of. home, car, life insurance obviously, ohhh... but with added touches you can't get everywhere else, like claim free rewards... or safe driving bonus checks. oh yes.... even a claim satisfaction guaranteeeeeeeeeee! in means protection plus unique extras only from an expert allstate agent. it's good to be in, good hands. . .. . . . . . . . . . depression is a tangle of multiple symptoms. ♪ that's why there's trintellix, a prescription medication for depression. trintellix may help you take a step forward in improving your depression. tell your healthcare professional right away if your depression worsens, or you have unusual changes in mood, behavior or thoughts of suicide. antidepressants can increase these in children, teens and young adults. do not take with maois. tell your healthcare professional about your medications, including migraine, psychiatric and depression medications, to avoid a potentially life-threatening condition. increased risk of bleeding or bruising may occur, especially if taken with nsaid pain relievers, aspirin or blood thinners. manic episodes or vision problems may occur in some people. may cause low sodium levels. the most common side effects were nausea, constipation and vomiting. trintellix had no significant impact on weight in clinical trials. ask your healthcare professional about trintellix. z282sz zwtz y282sy ywty >> i will see you monday at the. eastern. we are running out off a time. so, what have you set all show that you haven't had a chance to say so here's your chance to sit. >> i want to say that i really like a maroon five. [laughter] >> followed closely by the red hot chili peppers. >> i want to worry right now doing standup. you can check that out and see andrew scholz.com. i will be in sacramento on saturday. we just released a new book, called black privilege, go check that out.! >> i will take a read. tyrus? >> i like maroon 52. can i get a close up real quick. >> no man like maroon five. >> i was wearing christmas socks today and someone said why? that is because my aunt and uncle sent socks for the holiday the whole life. i don't need to buy my ownsh socks. titrate every day like it's a holiday. thank you and uncle. >> thanks to amy, catherine, tyrus, the studio audience. i am greg gutfeld, i love you america. >> hello, i am laura ingle welcome to a brand-new hour. >> good to see you. i am eric, happy news this hour. the story we have been covering, the man of the moment, the political newcomer saying his task is now enormous after he dated right wing a populist. to become the next president of francis. >> in washington, the senate preparing to take up the republican bill to overhaul healthcare. rath

Transcripts For FOXNEWSW Justice With Judge Jeanine 20170507

act. make no mistake about it, make no mistake. >> make no mistake about it, make no mistake. i think most importantly yes, premiums will be coming down. yes, deductibles will be coming down. but very importantly is a great plan. >> a great plan. was it wrong to celebrate a bullet only passed in the house? not if you are schoolhouse rock. they might want to call that up on youtube. >> i was channeling that as well. >> maybe wait on the rose garden and maybe explain to people, we have to get through this as we know. >> not where i came from. we know the bill is not a lot but why not proclaim victory now? >> a big win for the republicans. >> i do not think we can ignore it but this is. >> this is the victory. >> this is the first legislative victory. we absolutely have to say that. >> now, they have a victory. >> they did not seem too thrilled about it. it was like they were making small talk with their exes fianci. the x who dumped them. even more, the whole thing was evil. maroon 5 evil. >> the majority of members of the house of representatives knew this was a bad bill. what we did today in passing this legislation was absolutely inhumane. >> this will be tattooed to them. and they will glow-in-the-dark. >> wait, a tattoo that glows in the dark? that sounds awesome! i want one! does this bill have one? now as the boat was tallied reporters so democrats actually chanting. [video] >> so now we know two things. house democrats are better. keeping the majority and chanting. they are like wasted monks. so does this bill help or hurt? under no i have not read it. but there is anyone else. at least i'm being honest. nobody reads bills because nobody means anything. i just got a few pages accompanying my latest drug prescription and all the side effects. it is pretty important but did i read it? no! and i had time! explain my twitch. that is why they make bills so large so nobody reads it! given the chance that the government will publish a 10,000 page report on how to park and it would still fail! if 1000 years ago government was asked to invest it would look like this. [laughter] government programs of the cafeteria mystery meat. you know it is that when you pray you never have to use it. look at obamacare, everyone knew it was bad at the start but so what let's do it anyway! you know the prank when you freeze a fish and duct tape it to the underside of the seat in your friend's car? so it doesn't start sticking until days later and you are already gone? that is kind of what obamacare was. it stinks! and obama is already gone! [laughter] probably beating up elderly men in a boat. my solution for healthcare, you have to simplify this crap. insurance should cover the big step and that we pay for the rest! after all, car insurance pays for the crash, not for the oil change.which reminds me, why all the commercials for car insurance, but there are so few for health insurance? as we are a captive audience. competition is the only mechanism that forces everyone to cater to the customer. i.e., the patient. but i have to give trump credit. he went back to the drawing board after the initial failure. he really is a salesman trying to turn know into yes.he says guys of the car dealerships, bill of wearing redundancy by the under coating . maybe we got about we just don't know!maybe rachel knows, let's check in. >> the silence of the lambs, the guy who wants to kill us. the president is hannibal lector. [laughter] >> i think she has other things on her mind. [applause] let's welcome tonight's guest. he is so sharpies on all commercial flights. political -- he - he - i've never seen that before! he is bright and funny looking electrocuted his comedians andrew schultz. [applause] she owns eight cats and they all interested in a table. cohost of the boston special --. and google earth classifies him as a city. actor, former bodyguard, are you a myspace model? my sidekick cyrus. let's go down the line here and start with you amy. what do you make of this whole plan. good, bad or indifferent?what are your thoughts? >> like you i do not know the bill. but i do think it was a win and a victory. i think republicans needed it after the budget bill which even rush limbaugh says right vote republican. democratic budget? they had the republican fiasco in march. i am expressing surprise at the presidency. >> and it is so honest he was like i can't believe i am president! it's i-5 be a with the butter. it did not make any sense andrew. >> it made sense to me. >> that's because we same thoug. how have you been? >> i am great how are you? i am great! government programs are morbidly obese men that stick to the bed. he cannot get them out unless you use a crane. >> are you fat shaming? >> no i'm fat! what do you make of this? >> i disagree with you in the healthcare should cover. i think it should cover the little stuff and we should pay for the big. >> how would we afford to do that? >> excuse me -- what i'm saying is i will use the little stuff more. like i have an emotional security when it go to a place like sweden and another girls on birth control. >> right, okay. >> so i want to bring that to brooklyn. [laughter] >> i don't care about the crazy car crash or things like that that might or might not happen. birth control is a monthly thing. and i make mistakes. >> you do? >> birth control is a daily thing. that is one of my mistakes. >> yes! >> but the thing is a cost maybe six dollars a day when a car accident will cost you millions! >> you are the problem! you are the problem! you live on the word if. >> yes that and nuva ring. >> okay what you think about my solutions? catastrophic health insurance only cost about $800, right? >> that is what insurance is supposed to be. the event of something big. it is not supposed to be like diet counseling, contraception. i think birth control should be sold over the counter just like plan b. >> you cannot get over the counter? >> no, you can't. [inaudible] >> but insurance companies, getting them involved inflates places so this plan just gives insurance companies more involvement. i would not be surprised if it inflates prices and that will be a bummer. i know everyone is celebrating but for some reason i am not that excited. >> you know that is you and not tyrus. >> know that what you did like the car insurance protecting health insurance should be like that. maybe i just want, in case something big happens i just have the insurance chlamydia want to cover a couple little things, go through my little list and pick. you want full coverage, partial coverage or oops coverage. why haven't new girlfriend and she scary and i am afraid to sleep at night coverage. >> you should get a lock on you to appear. >> this cannot be a one-size-fits-all. and many aspects of this conversation. yeah. >> speaking of, i want to welcome a new sponsor to the show. tonight sponsor has a cure. >> do you take full responsibility for your own failures and make your mistakes, admit when you are wrong? why suffer in silence? night make your failure someone else's fault. with blameitall. it works with the brain's receptors doubly replace a sense of responsibility with wild accusations. do not live with this. >> just blameitall on the fbi and vladimir putin. >> you certainly interviewed in the election and it was clear he interfered to hurt me and help my opponent. >> this helps you cope with public failure and blameitall. >> affected not happen on the tri-seventh i would be your president. [inaudible] [applause] >> okay. we have a lot coming up against. where there is smoke there is where there is smoke there is always a wiener.ways wins. especially in my business. with slow internet from the phone company, you can't keep up. you're stuck, watching spinning wheels and progress bars until someone else scoops your story. switch to comcast business. with high-speed internet up to 10 gigabits per second. you wouldn't pick a slow race car. then why settle for slow internet? comcast business. built for speed. built for business. >> like the scent of burnt popcorn in the office medically, hillary clinton still lingers. [laughter] and alone with her rights anthony weiner, the pest that would not leave. this week fbi director james comey defended his decision to reopen the email program just days before the election last year. but he is not saying he would do it different again. and anthony weiner a.k.a. bold. for what reason were they sent to him to do something totally disgusting with them! >> was there classified information on congressman weiner's computer? >> yes. >> who sent it to him? >> is then spouse,, -- >> like i said, gross! who prints out emails? anyway why wasn't she charged? >> we did not have an indication she had a sense that what she was doing was in violation of the law. >> he could not prove any criminal intent. >> in other words she is off the hook because she is stupid. i use the same excuse that many arby's bathrooms. still, it wasn't even the most intriguing part of the testimony. that was later when the junior senator from new kansas, once again discovering an incredible piece of information. >> director calmly, how excited are you to be talking to me today? >> great question senator, thank you.wes i know it is a great question, that is why i asked it. >> bless your heart james. the pleasure was all mine. >> is it true the fbi recently discovered a scientist of the time machine out of the delorean powered by uranium stolen from the libyans? >> in october 2015 we confirmed it existed and said a not another word. >> hypothetically. couldn't you use the said delorean to travel back in time, bet on sports and become ridiculously wealthy? >> it has been done, it has been done in the past. >> did you travel to last year's world series" event on the cubbies? >> yes. >> with you drop something when you were there that prove you were from the future? >> that would be really bad! >> that's what i am saying! we are talking about a chain reaction that could destroy the entire universe. knowing that would you still go back? >> it would not change the decision. everyone that agrees with me has to go back to the 28th with me. >> it was a dope world series. >> you would do the same thing. >> i would not do that! >> i would still make the same decision. >> last question. if he did take another trip back in time say maybe to see a series premier of elf, connecting with you? >> i wouldn't say publicly but i would find a way to let you know. >> and thank you. [applause] >> .do any of that stuff on that specialist show. [laughter] andrew, this story does not cut away. it means killing and anthony weiner - >> first of all i want to know, i thought as democrats we are supposed to care about the environment. so why are we upset that anthony weiner is printing out a rain forest every night? should that be a big deal? does masonic symphony tell your girlfriend when you're cheating on her? >> and she said oh no john used my phone to text. it has nothing to do with me. it's just a little fishy. >> is hillary not have a printer? >> that is very weird. question what universes he made sense to send classified emails to a got his sons out pictures of his private parts? [laughter] >> hold on, hold on, hold on! who knows what he does on his private time and he is thought out? >> when he clocked out he was about you know - [laughter] >> actually incentive from the congressional - >> i am going to say 15, i will be right back. boom! i do not care about pictures or whatever if the letter of the law says she broke the law, i just feel like we have this double standard it seems like when it comes to certain laws. when i was growing up, if one of my homies or something broke the law it was you know they did not even ask me! >> did he not know how to work a printer? none of this makes sense to me. i think printing is a thing you can do for yourself. >> yes and for others! a lot of people print their own greeting cards. >> my parents do not know to double-click! [laughter] if you don't know how to double-click i don't know if you can be president. there is some correlation between your ability right there. >> i think it is all too rare that she is speaking to her husband. i am like why are you communicating with that man? >> this is before the documentary. which by the way was - fast forward to the part we see her hit the pavement. it comes with the heat texture again. and she goes - would have to run through mcdonald's. [ >> you are about to - >> if it was small he would not be sharing it. when it is small you don't send pictures of your private parts to a girl. -- >> this conversation went way off. >> let me just shift away from that arena. i just hope, okay, hillary is going away. bill is going with. you better not unload chelsea on us, okay? she is even more entitled.she is more entitled and her mother without her dad's unbroken charisma. she makes amy carter look like maggie thatcher. >> i'm calling you on this one. so nepotism is cool for one side but not the other? nepotism means we let your family -- so it is cool for one side and not the other? we are going to see a lot of this and as voters we should not put up with it. >> but i do not want to see more chelsea clinton but they will force her, right? she has to be president or she's going to be grounded! [laughter] >> you have to have that printing name go on. quest yes, they do. all right we have to move on. still to come, stephen colbert says something shocking about donald trump. yes, believe it or not this is still a story.let's take you ba greg gutfeld show". [applause] >> all right, last monday stephen colbert tore into donald trump like a breeder. before i roll this tape it is very lewd, turn it up so everyone can hear it. [video] now come of course we had to cut that but you get the joke. was it offensive? i don't know, i have done worse. often for money in a hotel room, just up as peter pan. [laughter] >> predictable outrage ensued saying that he should be fired and two days there he responded. >> if you saw my monologue on monday, you know i was a little upset with donald trump friend something a friend of mine. so the end of that monologue had a few choice insults for the president in return. i do not regret that. so while i would do it again, i would change a few words that were cruder than they needed to be. >> so he did not let the jokes, just the language. again, i don't care! it is jokes, words. if you don't like it don't listen! i hope one day those other guys might say the same thing for me. see stephen colbert is afforded something i will never have. liberal protection.if your heart is in the right place, and mine is always in the wrong! then you can say what you want as long as your job matches the assumptions of your peers. i will never demand an apology but one will be always demented for me. it is painfully obvious that if i made the same joke about president obama i would be marched into the atlantic with - around my neck. that is okay, i will defend those who may never defend me. because i am a nice guy and there are -- [applause] >> andrew, have you ever been in a situation like this before? does this infuriate you? >> everybody is a sissy. it's fine, i am cool with it. this is all the way on twitter is get into these things. >> yes, i have seen this with you! >> it happens. arvid did not care what he says. i'm only offended by things are not funny. but i respect the attempt. a lot of times a look at comedians as like firemen. it's not your job to save them. it is your job to try. so is not our job. you know what i mean? they say you know if they don't save the people in the burning building, you're fired! >> you're comparing comedians to firemen! [laughter] you are the real hero! >> listen, i do comedy every day. the point i'm trying to say, it is funny. i am with going out there. i am with trying to joke. i think that his rent was that funny? no, but go for it. i think posturing is a new turn. i'll use that in my private life. it sounds like a lot of fun and i have agreed not to do anything about male private parts in this segment. [laughter] >> you tell a comedian not to say something and it turns a switch on in their brain that says, now i have to! now i have to! if i went home and i did not than i would have done something wrong. can we say a doodle do holster? >> he missed the point, is not that was crude it was homophobic. he was going through a list of insults for the thing he reached for the heat that would be the real grand slam was to make the comment. remember what we just listened to. he was comparing being gay to having cancer. [multiple speakers] >> it was in the list of insults. >> hosting a foreign leader is bad. which i think we should all agree. >> also the nazi rogaine thing. that made no sense. >> guerrillas are people too! i am often compared to one. -- the last gorilla got shot. not on my watch, okay? >> okay. >> leave guerrillas alone. quest your point how it was a democrat will be different. it was a democratic president. i don't think in somerset donald trump is a republican i think it is more because donald trump is donald trump. he has made it very clear that he is a different kind of dude. and the rules do not really apply as much. >> wait a minute. david schuster and he was at msnbc he made remarks of the clintons were pimping out chelsea. >> but that was not a comedian some joke.>> what he got fired for that. so there is a double standard. >> and you know, andrew you can answer this. without using the p word. people 07 but there is no edgy right-wing comments but it is because edgy as defined in the world comedy is something that stephen colbert would do. would anyone on the right would be crucified.>> of course! mike made a great point about this. he says what the left does advancing this as a liberal. when we don't like someone we make them radioactive. now i don't even have to engage with your ideas. get away from me! >> when you going to make me radioactive? >> right after the holster ring. [laughter] >> i walked into that one. oh yes, i am going to get a call on monday. but you know, is worth it because so far it has been a great show. [applause] >> up next, stephen hawking says we need another earth.i agree! >> will a place in space save the planet earth? according to stephen hawking humanity needs to colonize in the planet within 100 years because million 1000 years left before extinction. he says this can come from many different things. the theories part of an upcoming documentary called expedition new earth which will explore the latest market technology that can help humans set up shop on mars. i believe with tip of two astronauts latest test launch. [video] >> so - andrew. second earth is like having a vacation home. only the rich people can afford it. the rest of us will be stuck here on our old earth. our property values are going to drop. >> as a home owner - >> congratulations! >> thank you. relax, relax!i am not there just yet. [laughter] >> what were we talking about, i forgot? >> a second earth. >> here is the whole thing that i hate about this. if you have ever flown from new york to los angeles and look out the window and down, we have room. we don't need a colonized, how about montana? there is plenty of room in montana, wyoming. >> but here is the reason why that might not be the issue. what he's really escaping is the rise of artificial intelligence. nonconscious goal oriented thinking what table this plan, turn into a small cement fall. mostly that's the issue is the moment we have knowledge of leaving so artificial! there faster. >> they are! ! >> your. [laughter] i think that we are going to colonize another planet within the next 100 years. because we have a lot of things here that we cannot seem to get together as it is. >> yeah, like what?>> move on to the one planet until you have things worked out on the first planet. >> i disagree. do you ever have an apartment they just trash and you move to a better apartment? >> my apartment is like that now! but how do you go to colonize another planet? >> look like your head is going to explode. or is that normal? >> i would love to go to mars, sounds fun. we need two things it doesn't have. aaron. kind of a big deal. >> listed a second earth. [multiple speakers] >> and isn't it amazing that he came out of this, we have to leave earth in 100 years? and watch my documentary coming out -- it is so hard when someone says something scientific and then use that oath because i have to go see this documentary. and then by his book. they servicing a bunch of american people that start building the rocketship's and trying to make trash cans into space masks. and then you have a reality t.v. show spending all this morning. and then the rich people are going anywhere. they will send up the dumb people. >> i don't know amy. it is the rich people who always go to coachella and that horrible rock concert. >> yes. and they want to freeze themselves. >> i want to do that. that is the only reason why worth. [laughter] >> you really could just step outside. >> i thought it was really irresponsible that we colonize mars because as we know, we bring new microbes to that planet and could end up killing everything on the planet. >> that's what happened with the pilgrims. >> how do we know that stephen hawking isn't part of artificial intelligence? >> you know, he could be ahead of everything. and you know i was thinking i wonder what rachel maddow is thinking? >> -- i have been practicing all day is a mouthful. -- it is hard. i have been practicing all day. siberian energy group. >> well! >> does not actually on t.v.? [laughter] >> excellent question! vehicle anyway. up next you will not see this people would ask me in different countries that we traveled, what is your nationality and i would always answer hispanic. so when i got my ancestry dna results it was a shocker. i'm from all nations. it puts a hunger in your heart to want to know more. if you want to stay on top of your health, one simple thing to do -- is take the pledge to go and get screened for the cancers that might affect you. so stand up to cancer and take the pledge at getscreenednow.org it only takes a minute to take care of yourself, and nothing rhymes with "org"... did you know slow internet can actually hold your business back? say goodbye to slow downloads, slow backups, slow everything. comcast business offers blazing fast and reliable internet that's over 6 times faster than slow internet from the phone company. say hello to internet speeds up to 250 mbps. and add phone and tv for only $34.90 more a month. call today. comcast business. built for business. >> he is leaving the debt in every head peer to speak of thomas mcdonald pouring his buddies ashes down toilets. baseball parked across the country.mcdonald's got the idea, you guessed it, while in the bathroom every ballgame. saint i know what to do because he was the best plumber he ever saw. master pearsall for the ashes have been flushed in chicago, pittsburgh, cincinnati, detroit, baltimore and others. although it is not the greatest thing i've seen a baseball game. [video] >> that was pretty weird. all right! amy, is this how you would like to go? >> you know, i do not know from the plot the five investments that want to force you down toilets. >> yes! >> it is kind of an odd sentiment. >> you are going and you are going! >> that is the ultimate best friend think that he was a plumber but he loves baseball, he made sure he went to every park. salute that! some people won't get that. i am simple. this put me in a can of coffee and dump me in the water. it is very simple. and when his buddy is doing is paying tribute to him. will only get that if you are in the circle of friends. so you commit fun of it, but i respect that and it is really really good best friend. [applause] and he clearly did not have a white grandmother around to stop it. because his wife isn't having it and his mother would not have it. -- >> i am not being cremated but we will get to that. cat? >> ,to be stuck by a taxidermist. then put me on rollerblades in will may pass the bedroom window of everyone i ever dated! [laughter] >> like a wave motion with this. it would be so jealous! >> that is a strange request. >> it is my official request. better make it happen or i will haunt you. >> you already do! >> this is beautiful, right? >> yeah, i don't know. do you really love plumbing that much? [laughter] maybe he did the job but didn't love plumbing and now you're pouring him down. he is not mario. mean if you will mario or luigi then you pouring down the drain. that is where they hang out, you know? >> all the water leads to the ocean. >> that leads to the reservoir. >> pathetic it's mixed in with all of this other stuff. what if he is reincarnated and he is a mutant? >> say it. >> all wanted leads to the ocean. >> i do not want to be cremated. because if we figure out, the silicon valley trainer is going to figure out how to live forever. or you can download that from a program. what if you have been cremated and they cannot find your dna? i want my head in a safety deposit box. and i want one of you to take control of it.>> i have it read.>> thanks! >> -- you will just leave the head in the closet and what is that smell? he did not freeze it. you put it in a portable picnic and you poured some ice on top of it. like it was beer. >> you really want to live forever greg? >> i think marley if they do find out how to live longer the i would to everyone that died to wake them all up. question why? quest let's say you died and then they figure it out, that is on all was that you are dead. that is not fair! >> difficult people die they are just leaving? >> this is the dna thing. because i've actually thought about this. you get the dna and make a clone. it will not be you. it will just be your twin. >> that's right. see you saying you want the same consciousness. >> exactly, you will not have the memories. [multiple speakers] >> move on. >> i hate that! >> maybe turn into a butterfly. final thoughts next. if you leave now you will not see us -- >> i will see monday at our new time 9:00 p.m. eastern. we are running out of time. amy? >> i would like to say i like maroon 5. [laughter] >> they are the worst man that ever walked the planet. followed closely by the red-hot chili peppers. >> i am on tour right now with stand up. you can check out tickets for that. i will be in sacramento on saturday. then my friend will do a podcast, he just released his first book. it is called black privilege. check that out. >> i will take a read! >> i like maroon 5 to grab. >> no man likes it! no man likes maroon 5. >> this man does! >> i was wearing christmas socks today and someone said why? and that is because my aunt and uncle send me socks every holiday for my whole life. i don't have to buy socks and you should wear every day like it is a holiday. thank you! >> thank you to amy, an republicans claim a victory in long crusade to dismantle obamacare democrats insist they will pay darrell for it midterm election, this is fox news. >> the bill to repeal and replace obamacare, now moves to the other side of the capitol republican senators certainly take a red pen to it, or start from scratch, the measure sweeps through the house by two votes with cham yonl paul ryan walking a tight rope between conservatives, and moderates republicans, many confess they are not sure what is in the bill or its impact on american voters. no matter what though president trump viewed passage a big win celebrating with news conference

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