Page 2 - Tis Greg News Today

Heres pelosis try. >> build back better is climate. health, job security and moral responsibility. healthcare. the issue tas relate to the affordable care act medicare and medicaid and family care. >> laura: 3 or 6. whatever. "gutfeld!." >> [cheers and applause]. >> greg: happy tuesday. the greatest tuesday in the history of tuesdays. why? i woke up this morning to find out the new super man is bisexual.

A 10-year-old reading comic books were who the characters were attracted to. i needed to know who batman was sleeping with other than robin. calling him the boy wonder made we wonder. >> [laughing]. >> greg: he could not be sliding down that bat pole just for fun. i wanted to know if aqua man was into water sports thus the rubber sheets. i have not reached puberty. but it pained me to think they were trapped in traditional sexual roles. spider man could not swing both ways. sad. ever since was a...

>> what a long day. [sighing]. >> ♪ ♪ >> hi, cat? >> greg would you like this cup of poison? >> thats odd. i wonder if i am in somebodys dream. it tastes pretty good. >> [applauding]. >> greg: kat, do you have dreams like that? >> no, of course not. >> greg: what are your work dreams? >> i dont have work dreams. i am trying to think. i get really weird dreams. i think what is appropriate and wont get me fired if i talk about it. i get dreams that my husband cheats on me and i get mad at him ...

>> greg: this is another white man problem? >> no, because i have a lot of broke white friends. its a first world problem. this is stupid stuff that we will call them journalists have nothing on the table. what have we got? anyone got a bad dream about having a job. thats like telling somebody its just hunger pains in cambodio. >> greg: jesse watters said talking about talking about your dreams makes you soft. >> thats not true. i also have work related dreams involving kats husband. we drive ac...

Finally. as powerful as a locomotive, able to leap from women to men in a single bound. >> [laughing]. >> greg: i have not been this excited since i learned the true identity of the york. >> [laughing]. >> greg: thats scary. its not really the original superman. this john kent, super man and lois lanes son. dad said time to become a man and got cancelled for using gender stereo times and became super man and hooks up with a young male journalist. super man is bye. -- bi. it was a long time comin...

The mainstream media is uninterested in any of this. this should be one of the biggest stories. they investigated when don jr. sneezed 2 years ago. they are not paying attention to this. he is a scum bag. >> greg: yes, he combined different things. he used the "n" word regularly talking to his drug dealer. that sank like a stone. no one ever talks about that. i dont understand this. tyrus. >> from there is nothing amazing about this. this is disgusting and everybody in this room knows somebody w...

I have hygiene. i am always trying to find a toilet. those are my nightmares. running through a weird house and i go to every bathroom and every toilet is filled with filth or missing a toilet seat. >> oh, man. >> greg: i am running around. >> i used to have football dreams where i forgot my helmet and run on the field. your entire life, the only thing you are worried about is finding a toilet? i think you have had a great life. >> greg: you dont know what that is like. you need a toilet. >> you...

I have tragedies and successes and then wake up and think why cant i write one novel? >> greg: thats a good point. there is the uncharted deposit in your brain with plots. i wake up in the morning and then its forgotten. thats the weird thing about dreams. they are so rich. your mind wont cling to it because its not real, rob. >> have you ever had had a dream with you won the lottery and you wake up sad. man, that was a dream. this is a function of people that work too much. this is what i think...

>> greg: if she ran again? >> i would not be excited. complete sentences she can answer questions, but shell be investigating a lot more people. 6 of one and half a dozen of the,s. >> greg: thats true. tyrus? >> i look at it differently. somebody trying to sell her services. i am not running for election but i am still political. hire me and i will advise you for a mere $10 million and your first born. i will help you run for office. give me a job to get my charity company back up off the ground...

[bleep] it is. turn super man into political theater. when you expect me to care, i will crap all over you even if you didnt pay me first. in a fair world it is not of our business. i dont need to know what you do sexually anymore than you need to know what turns me on and why it requires a sock full of batteries. welcome tonights guest. fought for our freedom and looked damn good. rob smith! >> [cheers and applause]. >> greg: his voice cracks more than the liberty bell, comedian, joe machi. >> ...