Page 2 - Trash Report News Today

Hello, my sweet baby Trash Pandas! If nobody has told you yet today, you are a darling goblin whose mere existence dramatically increases global average human sexiness by several points, and I cherish you. Welcome to my column, The Trash Report, where I will try (and probably fail) to deserve your time with the rottenest gossip I could find here on Al Gore's internet. Short Foes and Legal Woes In our divided nation, where such...

Hellooooo, Trash Pandas! It's me, your best friend Elinor Jones, coming at you with a steaming hot pile of gossip, news, and nonsense. I'm writing it while on every over-the-counter allergy medicine I could get my dexterous little paws on, so if the quality is worse than you're used to, blame this lush and verdant hellscape we call home. Ready? Okay! Coronation Day One thing that's happened to me since becoming a parent is I...

Hiyeeeee. It's me, Elinor Jones, hoping you've all had a great week. If you're reading this, it means you survived, which is high praise in this gun-ridden shithole of a country. If your heart's been aching and you're too shy to say it, I hear you, I love you, and I've prepared for you this beautiful TRASH REPORT. She's No Stranger to Love Pamela Anderson is about to release a pair of projects about her...

The Mercury provides news and fun every single day—but your help is essential! If you believe Portland benefits from smart, local journalism and arts coverage, please consider making a small monthly contribution, because with you, there is no us. Thanks for your support! Good afternoon, Portland! I know you're used to seeing me over at The Trash Report, but someone forgot to lock up the serious area of the website and I'm the captain now....

What's happening, hot stuff? Happy Martin Luther King, Jr. day to everybody! It's Elinor Jones, back at ya with another Trash Report, where my vibe is very Oscar the Grouch in reaction to all the garbage that's piled up this week: 😍 https://t.co/b6z543FfOE — Oscar the Grouch (@OscarTheGrouch) January 12, 2023 The Overserved Globes The Golden Globes ceremony was last week and from it has sprung a deep well of gossip, so buckle up! (Or...

Hi there! I think we all had a good time with the inaugural Trash Report last week, so I’ve written another one and I hope it puts a little zig in your zag. A little cream in your coffee. A little button on your snowman, if you know what I mean. To enjoy, simply place this window over your Zoom screen window and pretend to be completely focused on your meeting. Good luck! My brain...

Hello, sweet baby Trash Panda angels! It's me, Elinor Jones, and this is my column, The Trash Report, which I've written from the inside of a gigantic mound of blankets. My hands are wearing several pairs of gloves so typing has taken a very long time. I hope it's worth it! I think it will be. Where else on Al Gore's internet could you find such a gorgeous collection of links to other places on...

The Mercury provides news and fun every single day—but your help is essential. If you believe Portland benefits from smart, local journalism and arts coverage, please consider making a small monthly contribution, because without you, there is no us. Thanks for your support! GOOD AFTERNOON, PORTLAND! Hey, lookit this weather! Bright, sunny, and breezy alllll week long with highs around 50. (And hovering just above freezing at night.) Now let's hop into a bit of...

Hello, Trash Pandas! Welcome back to the Trash Report. It's me, Elinor Jones, who some have said is just three raccoons in a trench coat, but if that were true, could I do this: *opens a jar using my opposable digits.* I've done my best to find garbage for you that will be fun to read. Would you like to proceed? If yes, scroll down a little bit! Puttin' the Mid in Midterms Guys. Guys....

Hiyeee! Welcome to another week with me, Elinor Jones, and this content known as The Trash Report, which is so-named because it's just a bunch of crap that fell off the back of the internet truck, gathered by my dexterous little raccoon hands, and compiled into something that might take your mind off something else for 10 or so minutes—so let's get to it, mmkay? Joe Biden Did Something Cool Again? This is the second...