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I have been teaching elementary school for several years, and I’m moving to a new school next year where the parents are notoriously…. intense. I am all about parents advocating for their kids, and I form strong relationships with families, which helps us all do the best for their student. But, I’m very petite and look quite young. Upon meeting me, parents regularly ask me if I’m a new teacher, and when I say that I’ve actually been teaching for many years, they ask how old I am. I don’t feel like I need to reveal my age to them, but I’m not sure how to respond to this (very rude and inappropriate) question in a way that still communicates that I’m interested in having a positive relationship. My strategy in the past has been to say “older than I look!” It usually works okay. But recently I met some parents at my new school for a summer class I’ll be teaching, and two parents would. not. drop. it. It was extremely awkward. Any advice?
Dear Care and Feeding,
I am in my early 30s and still unsure if I want kids. My partner feels the same. I am career-focused and have an active social life, so while I’ve always wanted a kid theoretically, it’s not something I feel willing to jump into if I’m not 100 percent sure. I think I would be perfectly fine if my life turns out to be childless.
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My mother, however, is absolutely dead-set on a grandkid. My siblings are unlikely to provide her with one, so I get the full 1,000-watt beam of her broodiness. A while back, when we were talking about climate change, I mentioned that it was “another reason not to have a child” and she literally, no exaggeration, burst into tears on the street. Another time I asked her to sit down instead of hovering in the kitchen and she excitedly asked if I’d asked her to sit down because we had “news.” She talks about these fictional children all the time.
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Dear Care and Feeding,
My husband and I are at a crossroads when it comes to having a second child. We have a delightful, funny, sweet 2-year-old, and my husband is pretty happy with the way things are and doesn’t particularly want to go back to Baby Land. And I don’t know that I want to go back there either! I had a rough time postpartum, physically and emotionally. However, my midwife tells me that the physical part is unlikely to repeat itself, and I feel more prepared for the emotional part. But we’re also worried about the cost of two children in daycare. And we have a good rhythm right now of taking turns looking after our son so that we both get down time and who knows if we would have that luxury with two? I feel so close to being at peace with the decision to stop at one…but I always thought we would have two, and it’s hard to let go of that vision. Besides all of my complications after the birth of my son, I loved the tiny baby days and wish I could enjoy that ag