December 10, 2020
MENLO PARK, CA – In response to twin antitrust lawsuits launched by dozens of states and the federal government, social media giant Facebook has purchased the United States Justice Department.
“We’ve been eyeing purchasing the Justice Department for some time,” explained Facebook CEO and Founder, Mark Zuckerberg. “There’s a lot of overlap in the work the DOJ does shaping the nation’s laws and the work Facebook does shaping the nation’s elections, so it just made sense for us to absorb the competition.”
While the Federal Trade Commission sought a permanent injunction to break up Facebook, forcing it to divest assets like Instagram and WhatsApp, Zuckerberg instead chose to expand his company into federal executive politics. “I’ll be sitting down next week with my new employee (attorney general) Bill (Barr),” Zuckerberg explained. “I’d like us to look at opportunities for growth – for example the Justice Department’s Asset Forfeitur