Sergei says, why not. Impulse, but you chose such a man, so i asked you at the very beginning how you feel explained that, in general, you built the relationship, you him took it, and then you built a relationship with him, he was just like such a cotton doll, but this is my feeling now, that even if you dont break up, dont get out, experience this internal suffering, which now happens to me on a regular basis, when i sit and cry for days, and come back again. About a broken dream, that i will not be from the tribe and amazon, like my mother and grandmother, who were divorced, that i can, i can build a family, i can raise children that it will be whole, that it will be alive, thats the first thing moment, the second moment that i couldnt help the person, i couldnt see him, no matter how hard i tried, when in our conflicts, even i screamed that im not your mother, i dont want to raise you, i dont i want to change you, please hear, see me, here i am, he said, im afraid of you, i m afraid of you, can i voice my hypothesis, come on, my hypothesis is like this, it seems to me that your experiences are actually connected and not with your husband, with the fact that you cannot escape from your mother, in fact, this has nothing to do with your husband relationship, with your husband. Everything is predictable, you took, forgive me for saying this about your husband, there is no disrespect there, but you took a lack of initiative person who is just ready to be convenient, and you move on with him, and you and him try what to build a relationship, but in fact your experiences lie on a completely different plane, now this concrete slab is your mother, this is your relationship with your mother, not with your husband, and the experiences of tears about the fact that you never manage to escape, it doesnt work out for you. Yes, and here is just this figure of the mother, which you are joining again, this of course greatly scares you, yes, but at the same time, the deception lies precisely in the fact that this is not your fucking dream, yes, if you, as you say, dream of you had a relationship, a family, as if it were some kind of strong and so on, yes, this is not your dream. Thats when i think that a key betrayal occurs, from which it is very difficult to get out, because you betrayed yourself a little earlier, because if , for example, you want to be happy next to a man, then you still have everything ahead, as if there is no question here at all, he is 30 years old , he turned around, got divorced, moved on, but in general, even with this man you can still be happy, you can probably be with this man happy, but happy is not a question here and one could be happy there and so on, but this is the form. As if it becomes more important than the content for you, because Pay Attention to the fact that, for example, when your mother asks you why you call me and not him, for example, calls her mother, well, im calling, because my husband is not mine , suppose, yes, from where, what kind of question is this , why is she asking you this question, she initially saw that this relationship was dead , what does she think, at least . Well, yes, the last one was when i said that i had spent the whole day, he said, why are you crying all the time, such, you know, severe devaluation that you cry, well, go ahead, humiliate yourself, call him back, that you lived well, yes , the house is dirty, i dont care, he fed the children chips to everyone, whats good for you in this it was, no, why are you crying, mom, well, actually , i loved you, the next day i ask, what . What do you expect from me, well, that you will now begin to conquer the peaks, that you will now go there, move and so on, i forgot how to do this, i could do this when i fulfilled the plan to the maximum, yes, when i needed to get out of the relationship that i had in tashkent, leave all my friends that i had made, move here, start working here to study at the institute, that is, i worked a full eighthour day, i studied at a party at the institute, i slept for 4 hours, 4, 5 hours every day, i lived in a oneroom apartment, their ooze, sleeping on the kitchen sofa, then a year later i moved into a rented apartment, i went through this whole meat grinder, then i and could leave it at that. To move through the pain, now i cant move through the pain, i dont want to conquer again at such a price, thats the way it is, you dont need to do anything like that, here you dont need to conquer anything, because finding yourself is what in general, come to yourself, and here it is very important to see where you are get away from yourself, just learn to answer this question for yourself, and your body will help you in this sense, yes, which tells you psychosomatics, there are some. Clamps, i dont know, nausea, toxicosis, whatever , but it tells you when you are not there, and this feeling is very difficult to confuse with anything, i long ago forgot how to trust my reactions, you know, when you are told from childhood that there is something wrong with you not so, but you think that your intuition is deceiving you, that your body is deceiving you, to believe nothing at all its impossible, and strangely enough, you dont believe anything, but at the same time you allow yourself to be deceived, but thats the point, because. A fairy tale in which everything is absolutely not real. The only time, probably, when you felt real, well, the only one or not, but the most vivid one that you described was right there in delphi, where you felt that yes, i escaped from one, but had not yet entered Something Else, and then you took the train and made a huge circle and returned to the point where you were in this connection with your mother, oksana, remind me how your request sounded in at the beginning of the program . Losing yourself in a relationship, uh, going through . I lost myself, i have an assumption that it would be correct to reformulate it, but i lost myself in the relationship with my mother, it seemed to me that with my husband, having given away, so, and here the husband, you see, he simply performed a certain functionality, as it were, you put him in, you said, so, now im building a relationship with you, so as not to build a relationship with my mother, exactly, he has become a mothers substitute, so in this sense, this is the triggers with you podcast, hosted by tatyana krasnovskaya and sergey nasebyan. Our guest oksana. I dont know if you will return to your hypothesis with a question, tatyana, because i just want to return to the moment when you asked the question, as you explained to yourself, his lack of initiative, please, you, as they say, removed it from language, i have a question, but i would ask the question a little differently, and i want your attention to. Draw your attention, as i promised at the beginning of the program, that i will return to this, you responded very easily to tanyas question, how did you they explained it to themselves there, lack of initiative, yes we call it, now its so, now we know about it, before that you described that the shtir should simply come to the music of the seventeenth of spring, and you responded very easily and began to explain accordingly and with such joy, you know, sat down on such a psychological defense, which is called yes, one of my favorites, of course, i understood it then, i need to explain everything to myself, i understood it then , why i asked the question, why it is necessary to explain, i would still ask the question, how did you feel when a man does not answer, when a man does not insists when a man doesnt do the first thing steps, how did you feel at that moment that you had to rationalize it . Anxiety, what were you worried about . But the fact that there is something wrong with me, and they dont choose me, they dont choose me, yes, so he never chose you. And im afraid that your mother is also not indicative in this regard, because your mother seems to choose you only when everything is fine with you, yes, but you are real, weak there, stupid, sometimes aimless, sometimes lazy, that is, all those qualities that, because i said at the very beginning of your story, i said bye sounds like a dream woman, and you are that, there is a dream woman, a dream man , you are a dream friend, well, you are wonderful, wonderful, only you are very lonely inside, yes, because behind all this beautiful spacesuit, and i see that lonely , a very small girl who really cant cope with whats outside , and its as if you havent been in a real relationship yet, youre already a mother of two children, but its as if youve never been in a real relationship, you have to come out of there, recognizing absolutely everything in yourself quality. All the flaws that are inherent in other people, recognizing, accepting, but moving on, without creating illusions, your task now is to find a way to get out of this scaffold. Cool daughter, cool mom, cool wife, cool friend, cool woman, cool teacher, cool employee, well , you just need to get out of this spacesuit and really feel the pain that you have been avoiding for so many years, and you may not choose, but yes, there is , of course, a risk that they may not choose, but otherwise, who do not choose themselves, yes, but otherwise its as if youre married to yourself, youre everywhere as if in a relationship with yourself, theres no other person there, you dont allow it. Face this reality, you create such a cushion between you and other people, it is closed very much by actions , activity, this contribution, giving , as you call it, support, promotion, all this, in order not to collide, not show your real self, i noticed this in myself, that its easier to mold such a golem, but yes, because im not sure that i can handle it. Because i am not im sure that i can be there for you joyful, happy, satisfied with everything, heres a simular, here you go, i have an assumption that you dont really build such Close Relationships with children, but replace it all with this activity , i m breaking through, im breaking through in this, precisely because of the children, when i realized that my first point was not to cause psychological trauma. And i realized that without causing psychological trauma, it seems that i am causing them, by the fact that i start stuffing the child there with knowledge, i start forcing the child there, more precisely, turning the child into a perfectionist, of course, causing harm, you are simply causing harm even by your absence, because you are not alive, stop the race oksan, really, try not to avoid the pain oksan, find your own way to experience the pain, where is the real loneliness, where is. Really. It hurts that they dont remove you, uh, and in general, in principle, to get to know yourself , you know, then you will only begin to get acquainted, otherwise the creation of this shell, this tool, you will pass on, and it will be with your children there will be more improved, dont pass on this baton, can i ask you what was the most important thing for you today, what you endured, living through pain, growing through pain, i really really dont want to do this, and. What i m faced with now, when well, the relationship ended with the fact that i began to constantly ask, to be constantly in the position of a beggar, the fact that the family has debts, the fact that the financial situation is difficult, and i work for it, its still not enough for a family of two children and two adults, but then he offered to just live separately, but the man decided to disappear, it seems to me, the very beginning is just now, and he disappeared, already at. In a change house , somewhere at a construction site, and i called and said, how is this possible, tell me, you are giving up children, you are giving up everything, i miss you too, i filed for divorce , sad but i expected this from you, i cant resist your decisions, i cant do anything, i dont feel like i can change anything, wait, seriously , you dont care about me so much, i feel that im probably making a mistake, im destroying. You know, for you hes an excellent indicator of how to choose yourself, it seems to me that he is wonderful in this sense of showing, so yes, he is so comfortable, you watched the podcast triggers with you were its host, psychologist, psychotherapist, tatyana krasnovskaya, psychologist, psychotherapist, sergey nasibyan, all projects of the podcast lab you you can watch it on the website of the First Channel 1tv. Ru. This is love, selfdeception, and until the morning i will be drunk, whiskey drugs in the clouds, you are not mine, you are not mine , this love, selfdeception, and until the morning i will be drunk, whiskey drugs and clouds, you are not mine, you are not mine, you are not mine, and i am not yours, our conversation, drunk pain, time has passed, youre cold, now im with someone else, and youre busy. Or maybe it will be better now, i picked up the keys, but didnt open the door, and im so sorry that youre not shining for me. I will accept that you are not mine, this is love, selfdeception, and yes in the morning i will be, whiskey drugs, in the clouds, you are not mine, you are not mine, this is love, selfdeception, and until the morning i will be drunk, issky drugs and clouds, you not mine, youre not mine, wopwop, youre so beautiful, clapclap , im leaving the archive, im admiring you, youre a diva, what movie are you from, i really want to hang out with you, i hope i can do it, but you do not mine and i suffer, this is love, selfdeception, and until the morning i will be drunk, whiskey narcos about bye, you are not mine, you are not mine, this is love, selfdeception, and until the morning i will be drunk, whiskey narcos, into the clouds, you are not mine, you are not mine, hello, friends, this podcast is not the format of the place where the magic of music happens with completely unexpected duets, as always, today my wonderful knowledgeable people are here, this is karina cross, vali carnival, behind the band, im anton lavrentip, and today we have fantastic guests, to the tracks of the artist who came to us today, and i i was rocking nightclubs, my hair was growing like this and i imagined that i was in her videos, charming, charming, incredibly impressive, anna pletitneva is our guest today, thank you, they say about him that he is like timothy sholom, but only better, because he is also a musical guest of the uniform, amazing incredible, and the little world, hello, hello, they compare you with those shaloms, absolutely right, why, lets see, no, ours is better, which of them are you, me now doesnt look much like the guy on the right in the photo, who was when i took the photo, it was six months ago, in my opinion, how quickly you are growing, i already managed to cut my bangs the day before yesterday , just in the morning, i got up like this, i want bangs for myself, guys also cut their own bangs, yes, tell me please, are you familiar with each others work, of course, we generally know each other very well , we intersect very often, we actually performed together in yekaterinburg on the same stage, and first amerchik, then i, i warmed up, as stas kostyushkin said, prepared , and by the way, i want to tell you, i dragged myself just from your concert, it was so cool, you started with social networks, right . It all started in general, if you dig to the root, it all started with a construction site, and the quarantine began in order to help my parents, and financially, i then had a very , you know, global goal for me at that time was to get braces for myself, because i had an even more beautiful one smile, so i went, worked with my father from morning to night, for. 900 rubles, if we convert this into rubles, yes, i saved up for braces, helped financially, saved for phone, i didnt have time to save up for a phone, but after quarantine i was on my way to at least ask my friends for their phone numbers in order to shoot some videos, post them on social networks, what did you record your first cover for, the first cover the group nerves, im probably too in love, one of the artists you covered, they somehow played some role in the fate of your development as an artist, and of course, mod matvey . Melnikov, who dropped me off and wrote in his story, immediately suggested, come to moscow, lets talk, get to know each other, maybe well move and work together, how do you like the Younger Generation of artists in general, well, i like this young generation, this boy doesnt fit, by the way, you look fantastic, simply fantastic, please tell me, is your song going through absolutely a second wind, now, yes, im in an unreal high, well, its really some kind of revolution in show business, when a song 15 years later, and which 15 years ago in the same way blew up all the dance floors and turned everything upside down, laws, templates, i dont know, everything, everything has changed in this world, everything is everything, and we became number one, and were in all the charts, only then the charts were different, not digital, but 15 years later, when now i see that our song has been in first place for a whole month in all the numbers, and its directly felt in the air, its also felt because i go out on stage, see a completely new audience, and there really are guys like this that come, like that, but its relevant. What timati shalome there 1000 timothy this is very very very nice, very cool, not fair, even i am very pleased to observe this, because i almost knew sanya, as soon as he moved to moscow and began his career as an artist, lets say, how did you meet, where did you meet . We have one very magical friendcomrades, you know, and my manager, my director elizaveta, her manager is the director of us and one friend between us, i propose to perform a song, maybe with a frivolous name a little, you made a cover of this song by the singer valery, yes, yes, yes, with permission, valery, yes, of course, this is later, later, okay, between the lines of pure sheet, you cannot find the answer to the question, higher than any height, the world to which i took you. Like a crystal dream, a tear has melted in my shining eyes and the distant stars are burning with desire, listening, i want to say, a drop of the sky, i look at your palm, the sky will become dust, the dream will be filled with love, a drop of light will fall on your eyelashes and will take you from winter to summer, a drop sky, i will lie on your palm, palm, the sky will become reality, anyone will be fulfilled, a drop of light will fall on your eyelashes, and in winter i will take the light with me, droplets of the sky, cool, it was so gentle, kind, so beautiful, the way you sing beautifully, ill hug you, and now lets test your musical listening and observation skills, now you will hear your own songs, but they went through our musical meat grinder, and guessing your song will not be so easy and simply, the one who guesses the most of his songs wins, we have to reach there, no, you have to stand opposite each other, yes, but go there, who guesses . Presses a button and says his answer, lets go, as they say, bad boy, so what is love, well look, he didnt even give a chance, he didnt even give a chance, but i wanted to say the sign of aquarius, which means he saved him, well, in general, i mean, its the other way around, yes, right, right, right, well done, moscow, but thats right, but thats your bad girl yes well ill go first okay everything come on lets talk bad girl talk to bad girl next song in the studio and the world has passed cloak cloak dance dance its eva eve eva right right right right right the count goes