Im Kenan Thompson and for Roy Wood Jr. In the news this week, at a Town Hall with oprah, Kamala Harris said that if someone breaks into her house, they getting shot which is probably why her husband enters the house like this hey, its done building for the Hbo Reboot of Harry Potter especially now that they found there hagrid, we get up pairing get your fat and sat of the counts please join me in welcoming our team captains. Ever referred tonight hes a former congressman from pennsylvania and a moderate republican, which means the only hates women a little bit michel, shes a Writer And Comedian who just shot her new netflix special. Look forward in 2025 and fun Fact Orson welles named his sled after her. Its rose, Bud Baker biggest stories of the week. Heres, tonights first game, and pristine, youre going to be up first. Ill show you a Clip Package representing major News Story from the past week. And youll tell me whats the story . Heres the clip all right, so we got a tinfoil hat man. Hes too ohio, and we got a sexy cat though police oh, this i think is referencing the story of all of the Bomb Threats that were called into various places in ohio because of the very dangerous rhetoric. Theyre eating the dogs, eating The Cats. Youre clothes, and correct . Springfield, ohio, sleepy little town. I get flipped, turned upside down ever since Donald Trump repeated the lie about haitian immigrants eating pets. And last Weeks President ial debate, theyre eating the Dogs Springfield has been the target of over 30 Bomb Threats including Bomb Threats called into Schools Unit Varsity city buildings and hospitals. The fallout forced ohio governor Mike Dewine to rebuke the story on national tv. How did the governor can characterize the story . Bad would be crazy if the governor went on tv. Man are eating cats and dogs. You dont say that heres how Governor Dewine characterize the story. Okay. Theres a lot of garbage on the Internet Kind of a redundancy in my opinion it is the internet its like when you say atM Machine, the M Means machine, you dont have to say be better to say it was a little bit of internet on this garbage j. D. Vance, who is from ohio has refused to back down from his false claims how did he justify continuing to spread a fake story . He likes to lie he said he wanted to create a new story. Or narrative. Heres how vance defended his lies. If i have to create stories so that the american media actually pays attention to the suffering of the american people. Then thats what im going to do. Dana to create a false story thats called a lie do you knowingly doing relied on the story of one constituent who filed a Police Report about her missing cat to back up their line, does anybody know the missing Cats Name . It would be best if The Cat was named dinner, that would actually make a story that missing Cats Name is miss Sassy Richard here earning her name does anyone know what really happened yet to miss sassy . Now, you can tell when you look at that picture, miss sassy, that their house is filthy, nasty and it becomes very easy to understand why there was in the Fec And Basement street journal, miss sassy returned a few days later found safe in her own base like, wheres my cat . It has to be those about lack as neighbors like congressman charlie, when did the lies turn . Because normally american people count on the politicians to create the lie that we all follow. But now j. D. Vance is allowing to constituents create the lie that he its like if The Rat played the flute for the Pied Piper theres a great disconnection between the between the truth these days in dc, its really sad. I dont know how you fix it, but if people dont agree on facts anymore, its hard to have a conversation on a serious issue. I disagree. See that today . According to a recent yougov poll, 52 of likely 2024 trump voters believed that the claim is definitely, or probably true, but we are probably are two very different things we also found out this week that at least one haitian immigrant has a Highprofile Job that President Trump might be interested in. Who is it and what is the Job Lawyer . Hes a us attorney whos investigating. You guys like googling over there attorney. Hes correct points the teaM Member immigrant within important job as Florida Prosecutor MarkenzyLapointe Lapointe is not only the first Haitian Born us attorney, he also just happens to be overseeing the case of trumps wouldbe assassin. Thats right yeah this haitian is going to hammer this case if he can put them cat sandwiches down people. I love you. I dont want to be there was just a joke. I love you now, ohio Law Enforcement their focus has been on all of the craziness thats been happening in springfield, which means theyre late to respond to real problems within the state. The resources are imbalanced, so what was the real problem outside of cleveland this week . And does anybody know what serious problem im talking about . Because it involves fentanyl. Everything involves fentanyl at this point. Heres the real ohio crime story. We should have been focusing on this week. Okay, heres something you dont see every day and eightyearold girl drove 11 miles, eight or Mothers Car to go shopping at a Target Store outside of cleveland, drive a Call Police after watching her swerve you see in and out of the lanes. She did admit to hitting a mailbox, but she wont face any Charges Fentanyl was involved. That we know about bombs point. Do you know what the police found her doing . Fentanyl again know what the Beliefs Founder doing at the target playing Candy Crush . Final answer when they girl was located by the police the eightyearold was reportedly enjoying a frappuccino miion. This child calls their mom by her first name absolutely. Okay. So in conclusion, the fake story about legal immigrants cause chaos in springfield. It was debunked by the governor, but trump voters dont care. And miss sassy The Cat is really that ditch Rose Byrne im going to play a clip. Its going to be from the news this week, you watched a clip and you tell me what the story already. Theres an elephant thats a donkey the caution know, yep i know tension a little baby boyds nice the Senate Inability to pass this because i know this is going to be an Ivf Question and i dont know the answer to this does the f in Ivf Stand for fentanyl mean, they gave it to you at The End did you have any yeah yeah, i did Ivf Fentanyl at The End as a tree. Okay. You had a baby ivy. Have you didnt have to Fentanyl Aviv . I did ivf and then i got a baby after ivf, which was a real waste to 20 K, but yeah, this is such a Man Question Number about to ask used to pay for ivf dont work and they just it worked it worked. So we got embryos from it. Then i got pregnant naturally oh, youre like fuck these embryolike 20 K down the drain. We can save, but also, ive got the embryos and then if she acts up, i can be like, hey okay, this photo of the embryo on the wall and the Childs Room like youre right, that footage is essentially the story of the Senates Inability to pass an Ivf Protection Bill for the second time this year . Republicans shut down the democrats attempt to pass legislation that would guarantee federal protections for in vitro fertilization. I just dont get it. Do you want us to have the babies or not . The babies . And we get that shots and we make the a babys or no babies are babies, but we want theM Made in the right way and thats what happens in washington an issue where people supposedly agree on, youll bring up some Side Issue to say, well, this is going to derail the whole thing thats really not central to the main, main point, unsurprisingly, 62 of american support protecting ivf, including a majority of republican voters but gop senators say the bill was only presented as a show vote. It was simply an attempt by democrats to try and create a political issue where there isnt one. I think there is a political issue there am i mistaken . I mean, the whole abortion thing, it was predicated on its a baby at the point of inception. So that is the objection with ivf. If you believe that life begins at conception, you really cannot support ivf. Thats the challenge and there are some who cant reconcile that because youre going to have to create embryos. Youre gonna lose embryos in the process. And if you think an embryo was a Human Being that has all the rights of people like us, well then its kind of hard to support. Ive yes, i support ivf. I expanded it for the va when i was running the appropriations here in the not in office i dont want people think planning for here how often people having babies. Okay even stranger as the republican vote against protecting ivf also goes against President Trump does anyone know how President Trump described himself on the issue of ivf . Hes for it, and he and he wants it to be mandated Insurance Coverage would be free for people who seek it you still be reading the paper every day as i read, i am a News Junkie that its not that no. Yeah. Heres trumps position i have been a leader on fertilization, ivf do know that hes a leader and fertilization. We do know that can anyone tell me why he has this position . On ivf because thats what came to mind at the moment that someone asked him about it lets hear why trump supports ivf because we want more babies to put it very nicely well, at least we know why melania is hiding to put it nicely somehow that made it so not nice dropped at milan musk, men keep running her mouth on what makes a good mom, but this week, what female politician took a swipe at Vice President harris for being a stepmom somehow 000 Wait I. Can help you with this. You can i can you because i feel like its right on the tip of your tongue. You want initials. What do you want . How do i help you . How do i help you . Help me, help . Are you have the answer . I do. Okay. Just say, Sarah Huckabee sanders Sarah Huckabee sanders to say something worse, it can be hes going to yeah. Well, saying her name isnt a bad thing. He has like say it three times because like a drooping the answer is Sarah Huckabee sanders. Lets see what she said at a Trump Rally in arkansas this week so my kids keep me humble unfortunately Kamala Harris doesnt have anything keeping her humble. I think what Sarah Huckabee sanders said about Kamala Harris is not a fair assertion to say that she has No One at home to keep her humble is not true when she has this person hey Sanders Kids said to help keep her humble, were voting democrat suffer . Take your target. Im back Sarah HuckabeeSanders Kids keep her humble my sweet daughter reaches up, pats my shoulder and says, its ok, mommy, one day you can be pretty too eyes imagine saying that to your Mother Car on my way to target you, say that once i feel like i could play Sarah Huckabee sanders in the Movie Version of Sarah Huckabee sanders time i see her, i think my god, i looked just like her. Do you think Sarah Huckabee sanders was like a yes to fight version of Tom Brady think Tom Brady like that at all this is the kind of astute political analysis that got you elected 13 times yeah now, 13 times undefeated and unindicted and retired Police Petition like the measure of whether or not you succeeded. Its just whether or not you went to jail do you have any votes that you regret . You know, early in my career i voted against Marriage Equality and i corrected myself later in life, but i was that was one i, married a man i did not i did not. But but i dont and when Gas Team my dues republicans and democrats need to quit juggling other peoples eggs because somethings going to break and governor sanders, daughter needs to sign up for a Roast Battle were going to take a quick break and come right back, but warm it up the Task Butter to give michael an embryo of his own pushing the limits of what is capable ready to share the world, how good i am. Ive trained all over the globe, and thats what youre going to see an awol all different bst we Wednesday Night dynamite at 8 00 on tbs bookstores. I read that one i read that one. I read that i didnt read that one. Didnt mean that. Can you get this . Because i love football my back my pleasure because i earned unlimited 2 cashback this is fascinating. Did you know wheels in barnacles have a parasitic relationship oh, i thought parasitic relationship some ships, lets go barnacle on few limited 2 cash back at the Wells Fargo active Cash Credit Card you love this style of shoe. Theyre comfortable, casual stylish, but skechers has topped them and made them even better. Because now they come in Handsfree Sketcher Slip is just slipping and go with no bending down and no touching them try Handsfree Sketcher Slippers its got its just perfect for fall, right . Feet so long. Now to strengthen roots all Winter For Petrillo next spring i didnt know all this says it right there on the back. Yes, it does. Ella, my Lawn App Today from On Tips and customize plans feed the law. Pleaded this is our night. Singles doesnt care but she works protects only shingles has proven over 90 effective. Shade weeks has a vaccine used to prevent shingles and adults 50 years and older, she thinks does not protect everyone and its not for those with severe allergic reactions to its ingredients to a previous dose, an increased risk of Dion Bar a syndrome was observed after getting kingricks fainting can also happen. The most common Side Effects are pain, Redness And Swelling of the injection its like muscle pain, tiredness, headache, shivering, the moment i met him i knew he was my soulmate. Soulmates. Soulmate [giggles] why do you need me . [laughs sarcastically] but then we switched to tmobile 5g home internet. And now his attention is spent elsewhere. But im thinking of her the whole time. Thats so much worse. Why is that thing in bed with you . This is where it gets the best signal from the Cell Tower ive tried everywhere else in the house theres always a new excuse. Well if we got xfinity you wouldnt have to mess around with the connection. Therapys tough, huh . Mmm. Its like a lot about me. [laughs] a Home Router should never be a home wrecker. Oo this is a good book title. Ryan t. Writes, moving is stressful.