Shh. But its okay. You cant help it. Its how you were raised. What you were taught. My heritage is irish, so im prone to being moody. And youre heritage. Well, you know. You can be a little sneaky sometimes and not even realize it. Im sorry, kyle, but. Everybodys trying to live life the best they can. Its hard enough without your people always trying to get ahead. Dude. Did she just call me a dirty jew . Happy anniversary to you. Cha, cha, cha. Happy anniversary to you. Cha, cha, cha. Happy anniversary, mr. President. Happy anniversary to you [ applause ] congratulations, mr. President. Looks like many more years of the same are to come. Oh, i dont think so. I think the next three years are going to be even better. [ laughs ] [ nervous laughter ] captioning sponsored by Comedy Central news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with trevor noah. cheers and applause trevor welcome to the the daily show, everybody. Thank you so much for tuning in. Thank you for coming out. Yeah im trevor noah. Our guest tonight, our guest tonight stars in the new movie men in black international, Tessa Thompson is here, everybody cheers and applause so excited for that also on tonights show, biden and trump go head to head. You can now uber in the sky. And the u. S. Womens soccer team is under fire for being too good. So, lets catch up on todays headlines. Lets kick it off with some international news. You may remember last year, french president Emmanuel Macron and President Trump were besties. They attended events together, they shared secret handshakes, and macron even gave trump a friendship tree as a symbol of how their friendship would grow and prosper for many years to come. Well, a year later, the relationship has soured. And get this the tree died. laughter but macron, being french, refuses to give up on love. President trump is set to receive a New Friendship tree from french president Emmanuel Macron. Macron promised to send the new oak tree after the tree he gave him during last years state visit died. He says the death of the tree does not symbolize the topsyturvy relationship between the two countries. Trevor unuh, macron. You said that tree was a metaphor, so then its a metaphor. Yeah. You cant now say the tree was just a tree. Thats not how symbols work. Its like in grade school, when you and your best friend get friendship bracelets, yeah, and 10 years later, hes not wearing it because he got married and his wife thinks its weird. You know whats weird, kevin . You deserting your best friend laughter and, yeah, it is a little sad the friendship tree died, but at the same time, it did last longer than most people do in trumps white house. So thats impressive. cheers and applause yeah, give it up for that tree. I bet i bet this time macrons going to give trump better instructions on how to keep the tree alive. Hes going to be like, okay, this time, donald, you must use water, not diet coke, okay . laughter and real sunlight. The tanning bed is not enough, all right . And trumps like, i was so good to that tree. It ate exactly what i eat three cheeseburgers a day. Please, donald, if you dont look after the tree and care for it, it will die. Thats what they said about eric, but it didnt work. Hes still here also, why is macron giving trump another tree . You know its just going to die again. He should give trump something simple, something easy to take care of, like a friendship rock. laughter although, knowing trump, i wouldnt be shocked if he found a way to kill that, too. I dont know what happened. I came outside, and it was just dust. It was dust in other news, as the debate over abortion rights rages on in america, things have gotten a little testy on capitol hill. It is tiring to hear from so many sexstarved males on this floor talk about a womans right to choose. Mr. Speaker, i would just like to ask my friend if she would like to change her last her last statement. If it pleases my colleague on the other side, i will withdraw my statement about sexstarved males on the floor. laughter trevor goddam all right, that was gangster. That was really gangster. Because those guys are so mad, but they dont know what to do. Mr. Speaker let the record show that i smash, i smash. I actually feel bad for those guys because its a trap, right. You dont know what to do. If you dont get mad, it looks like shes telling the truth about your sex life. But if you get mad, it looks like she hit a sore spot. Like, what do you do . laughter although, it would be funny if this whole thing ended up with republican congressmen testifying about how much sex they have. Im just waiting for Mitch Mcconnell to come out on cspan i bust a nut in the morning. And for good measure, i bust a nut at night, too. And, finally, in tech news, the future of ride sharing has arrived. Uber is taking its Ridesharing Service to new heights with uber air. On tuesday, the company unveiled its First Electric aircraft prototype, a helicopterplane hybrid that can take off and land from a pad and fly 150 miles per hour. Trevor wow uber is taking it to the next level. And you know what . This makes sense. Because whenever im in an uber and the driver is swerving around through traffic yelling at other drivers while talking on his phone, i always think, man, i wish we could do this 10,000 feet in the sky. laughter i also dont see how flying cars will work with uber pool. Are the drivers going to be like, this is your stop aaaaah i guess on the bright side, uber air will have a much simpler rating system, right. Its either five stars or youre dead. Thats it. laughter but you know what, you know what, i shouldnt hate on them because its actually already been really successful. In fact, heres a video of uber picking up their very first air customer. laughter yeah, that looks like fun. All right, thats it for the headlines. Lets move on to our top story. cheers and applause donald trump. This has been a wild week for the trump presidency, making it the 124th wild presidency week in ary. It started with trump averting a crisis of his own making when deciding not to impose tariffs on mexico because he said he made a deal. However, critics pointed out that many of the things mexico promised to do to stop illegal immigration were the same promises they had made months before. But then trump came back saying that he had a secret deal with mexico, which no one believed. So yesterday he did this do you have an agreement with mexico to become a safe third country for Asylum Seekers . Can you show us . Thats the agreement that everybody says i dont have. So, no, because im going to let mexico do the announcement at the right time. For mexico, they want to go through it. But heres the agreement. Its a very simple agreement. laughter trevor okay. Okay. There are two possibilities here. laughter and neither of them are good. laughter either the president just whipped out a takeout menu and claimed it was a secret agreement with mexico which it could be or its a real agreement, and the president is just Walking Around with secret documents in his pocket. laughter right, the same guy who was worried about hillarys server getting hacked by russians. Meanwhile, he could get hacked by a gust of wind. laughter or even worse, a pigeon. He could be like, here it is, the secret document that aaahhh stop that pigeon stop that pigeon its headed to the kremlin laughter keeping Important Documents in your jacket pocket is so risky because everyone forgets things in that pocket. Weve all done it. Like, one day trumps dry cleaner is going to phone the white house like, hey, mr. Trump, you left the Nuclear Codes in your jacket again, and theres a lollipop in there, too. Oh, thank god my lollipop. laughter so that was President Trump showing off his secret agreement letter that he got from mexico. And i guess yesterday was mail day, because a few minutes later in the press conference, he was telling us about another letter he was even more proud of. For the First Time Since the failed hanoi summit, kim jongun sent the president a letter yesterday, the president downplaying concerns about kims recent missile tests. He kept his word. Theres no nuclear testing. Theres no large, you know, longrange missiles going up. So i see that, and i just received a beautiful letter from kim jongun, and i think the relationship is very well, but i appreciated the letter. Some day, youll see what was in that letter. Some day youll be reading about it. Maybe in 100 years from now, maybe in two weeks. Who knows . But it was a very nice letter. It was a very warm, very nice letter. I appreciated it. Trevor what . laughter maybe 100 years from now, maybe two weeks . The only other time you hear a time range that big is when you order a couch online. Yeah, i guess it will be arriving now or never. But thats pretty incredible. Trump is willing to support kim jongun because the north korean dictator sends him sweet notes. You know, if kim jongun is smart, he would launch a missile at the united states, and then just send trump a letter at the exact same time to keep him distracted. An aide would run into the office, mr. Trump, kim jongun has just fired fired off a beautiful letter to me, i know. Its gorgeous. No, this could devastate devastate melania. Dont tell her. Dont worry. No, people are dying dying to know whats in it. But i cant tell them. Its between me and goddamn you, pigeon goddamn. How did it get back from the kremlin so fast . laughter so donald trump has become good friends with mexico, and hes b. F. F. With little kim. But theres one feud the president is not willing to end, and its with americas greatest enemy, sleepy joe. Well, i heard biden, who is a loser. I mean, look, joe never got more than 1 , except obama took him off the trash heap, and now it looks like hes failing. He looks different than he used to. He acts different than he used to. Hes even slower than he used to be. Id rather run against, i think, biden than anybody. I think hes the weakest mentally. And i like running against people that are weak mentally. I think joe is the weakest up here. Trevor really, donald . You want to compete with a mentally weak loser . Then maybe you should hold a debate with a mirror. cheers and applause now, its no coincidence that trump is going after the former v. P. Ever since the polls came out showing biden beating trump all over the country, trump has aimed all of his attacks directly at his numberone threat. And joe biden is loving it, because its setting him up as the presumptive nominee, which is why yesterday in iowa, he delivered a 40minute speech that was all about trump. I dont think the president really gets the gets the basics. He thinks these tariffs are being paid by china, just like he thinks mexicos building the wall. He thinks windmills cause cancer. Now, look, you think im making this up, i know. Quote, i have complete power. No, you dont, donald trump. Or, only i can fix it fix yourself first, donald trump cheers and applause trevor oh, okay, that was weird. I feel like joe biden turned black by the end of that speech. laughter only i can fix it no, fix yourself donald trump. Mike pence, you better come get your man laughter and ill be honest. I dont know if this was an Effective Campaign speech that would convince a swing voter. What i do know is joe biden just got a brandnew special standup deal on hbo. I dont think the president really gets the gets the basics. He thinks these tariffs are being paid by china, just like he thinks mexicos building the wall. Thats President Trump. He denies theres climate change. What did he tell piers morgan in an interview recently . He said, well, weather goes both ways. laughter he thinks windmills cause cancer. Now, look, you think im making this up, i know. He said those california fires, what theyve got to do is rake their leaves. laughter im not joking im not making this up trevor joe biden, everybody well be right back cheers and applause anyone can stick a lime in a beer. At sam adams, we brew with lime, plus lemon, orange zest, summer wheat, and grains of paradise, for a new lighter and brighter summer ale. Sorry, lime wedge. Weve got this. Sam adams summer ale. [tv]yi cant just stop w[door bell]. S. [door bell] [door bell] other places deliver food. We deliver more than that. Delivering happy. Mcdonalds on uber eats. Trevor welcome back to the daily show. In the past few years, theres been a lot of talk about america losing its standing in the world economically, diplomatically, grammatically. But yesterday, the u. S. Showed theres at least one place they can still kick ass. It was a day of recordsetting domination on the world stage for the u. S. Women. As the womens world cup kicks off in france, the u. S. Womens soccer team is showing no mercy and making history. 20, u. S. 30. 40. 60. 90. 100, u. S. Theres the 11th. Shot, goal the defending champions posting the tournaments largest margin of victory ever, shutting out thailand 130. Trevor wow 130 cheers and applause thats not a soccer score. America basically won by a touchdown, a field gold, and a threepointer combined. Like, they were dominating so hard, this was their goalie during the game. And its crazy, because if you watch soccer in the world, youre like, this is madness. America is like, this is how soccer should be i do feel a little bad, though, all right, because this is the worst thing to ever happen to a thai soccer team. And, yes, im including the one that got stuck in the cave. Yeah, because at least the cave wasnt celebrating in front of them. You guys are stuck in me so this was a historic win for the u. S. Womens soccer team. But some people say it might have been a little too much winning. A lot of controversy over how the women are celebrating over that recordbreaking win over thailand. Critics say the team showed poor sportsmanship by continuing to score then celebrate, some calling team u. S. A. s behavior embarrassing, overboard, and disrespectful. That target that they already had on their back as defending champions, that just got a whole lot bigger. They have now painted themselves as villains and as bullies. Trevor okay, i get what people are saying. Theyre saying that the u. S. Beat this team so hard they should have been more sensitive, not celebrating every single goal. But at the same time, sometimes showing pity can be worse. Than celebrating. Its patronizing. Imagine in a rap battle, and youre losing it and the emcee is like and another thing are you okay . I thought i crushed you with that line about your momma. Do you want a hug . Do you want a hug . So the big question is, has this tarnished the reputation of u. S. Womens soccer . Well, for more on this were joined by someone who has embarrassed america many times while overseas, desi lydic, everybody cheers and applause desi, people are saying the u. S. Womens soccer team was unsportsmanlike. Do you agree . No, no. They were not being unsportsmanlike, trevor. They were being american. Our slogan is america, bleep , yeah. Not, america, osorry we won. Were the country that won a war 200 years ago, and were still shooting off fireworks and rubbing it in britains face. Trevor so youre saying its not arrogance. Thats just how america rolls. Exactly. Its how we roll on the battlefield. Its how we roll on the soccer field. Its how we roll on our daughters piano recital, which she bleep won, by the way. Trevor desi, i dont think you can win at a piano recital. No, you do if all the other parents cars get their tires slafned and suddenly orchestra night becomes tiffanys night. I love you, sweetie. You made beethoven your bitch. Trevor youre a good mom, i guess, desi. Dont you feel even a little bad for thailands team . What . Thailand . No this has nothing to do with them. Our women werent playing against thailand. They were playing against the patriarchy. Thats what this game was really about. Trevor last time i checked the patriarchy wasnt made up of 13 thai women. No, im talking about this. 28 players are suing their employer, the u. S. Soccer federation alleging institutionalized gender discrimination. According to the lawsuit, the womens team earns just 38 of a male player for the same kind of work. The women scored more goals in one match than the mens team has scored in every world cup appearance since 2006 combined. You see that . The womens soccer team is doing so much more and getting paid so much less than the mens team. Its like finding out tony stark got paid less than hawkeye. One is a superhero. The other is a dad who is into archery. Yesterday was about the womens team trying to prove their worth. They werent just playing to win a game. They were playing to win a lawsuit. And yeah, it sucks that thailand had to get caught in the crossfire but its like i said to the parents at my kids music school, its not personal, and ill pay for your tires. Trevor so youre saying the womens team was just sending a message to u. S. Soccer. Yes, and clearly that message is that they need to be paid more. Oh, and i dont know, maybe u. S. Soccer should pay the men less. Maybe theyd then be motivated to actually qualify for their world cup. Goaaaaal goaaaaal goaaaaal cheers and applause goaaaaal goaaaaal goaaaaal trevor unsportsmanlike. Desi lydic, everyone, well be right back. Its too much thats too much here are even more reasons to join tmobile. 1. Do you like netflix . Sure you do. Thats why its on us. 2. Unlimited data. Use as much as you want, when you want. 3. No surprises on your bill. Taxes and fees included. Still think you have a better deal . Bring in your discount, and well match it. Thats right. Tmobile will match your discount. Is the most dramatic thing you ever heard in your whole life. What youre about to hear the secret life of pets 2 is the number one movie in america. Thats the thing about being awesome. When you are awesome and you just tell the truth, it just sounds like you brave. Boom cheers and applause trevor welcome back to the daily show. My guest tonight is an actor who stars in the new movie men in black international. We are above the system, over it, beyond it. We are them. We are they. We are the men in black. The men in black . Dont start. Ive had the conversation. And they didnt seem to be able to let it go. Its a process. Heres your first assignment. Okay, when do i get my. Its called a neuralizer, and you dont just get it. You earn it. Impress me, and well see about it. Okay. Youre a fan of the truth, arent you, agent m. I like it. I think we may have a problem in london. Trevor please welcome Tessa Thompson cheers and applause trevor welcome back to the show. Hey, thanks for having me again. Trevor and congratulations on yet another blockbuster franchise, men in black international. Like, you are in every big movie right now. You are in avengers. Youre in thor.