Bezos crowd bezos bezos hello, bezos. You can take your Fulfillment Center and fulfill it right up your ass you see, theres one thing you didnt count on, and thats tegridy. Just look in the eyes of these people. Everyone has tegridy now tegridy that you will never understand. We arent just different classes of people anymore. We are a town. [ thinking ] are you all high . All no. No. Why do you ask that . Jeff bezos because im over here. Oh. Hang on. Hold on. Okay, i got it. Anyways. You see, tegridy is something that cant be understood by big corporations. Oh, theyll try to package tegridy, but only i can really package tegridy. I got more money now cause of tegridy. Thats cause i figured out how to get tegridy to everyone. And thats now everyone is in this state of tegridy thats impenetrable. Am i making sense . [ thinking ] no the point is, nobodys coming to work for you. So you can take your whole plan and fulfill it somewhere else [ cheering ] [ thinking ] damn you, tegridy ice cold beer, downhome days Country Music and bike parades we got tegridy all around round round thats life livin in our colorado town [ babies crying ] i guess they are offensive. We dont need nothin from big corporations we dont need progress or fancy educations maybe our tegridy keeps us down down down but thats life livin in our colorado town hey, mom. Hi, dad. Sure are, butters now, we gotta learn to live without boxes every day we might wake up tomorrow and wonder why they went away guess you might call us a bunch of white trash Hicks Hicks Hicks but at least we aint suckin no bezosian dicks tegridy weed. Coming soon to a giant online retailer near you. And then what happened . They counted all the votes, and even though she got 3 million more, the orange man still got into the house. But how . The Electoral College screaming laughter from comedy centrals world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with trevor noah. cheers and applause trevor thank you so much for tuning in and thank you for coming out welcome to the daily show. Happy halloween, everybody lets do it our guests tonight Hillary Rodham clinton and Chelsea Clinton are on the show, everybody they have a new book. Also on the show, the world is burning down, the white house is going to the dogs and donald trump is getting impeached. cheers and applause yeah, thats right give it up for the dogs lets catch up on todays headlines cheers and applause lets begin with the most Important News out of washington today the nationals have won the world series. The Washington Nationals took home their first world series last night with a riveting 62 victory over the Houston Astros in game number 7. Back in d. C. The fans celebrated in the rain. The one guy that ripped off his shirt yeah, and what are you feeling tonight . Oh, my god dad, i wish you were here i love you so much i know youre watching go nats amazing tell me what your thoughts are about this world series win . I think this is huge for d. C. d. C. Needed this. Weve got some asshole in the ~bleep white house right now trevor oh, wow laughter yo, that is hilarious. D. C. Is so liberal the drunk sportsman get involved. I wonder if theres a bar fight where, you stepped on my sneaker im going to beat you like brown vs. The board of education thats the face where you realize you didnt clear your browser history screaming the man who ripped off his shirt and jumped in the dugout is my hero wouldnt it be great if we could express ourselves . Just rip up you are shirts at work, im getting a promotion, aaahhh and your boss would be, like, i gave you the promotion, yeah moving on, while last night washington celebrated together, this morning it was back to the fight. Historic breaking news, the house of representatives in a near Party Line Vote approving a resolution formalizing the impeachment inquiry into President Trump and setting the stage for it to go public. Todays resolution permits public hearings, allows staff attorneys to question witnesses, and enables the president or his counsel to participate in the proceedings. Trevor thats right, the house of representatives just took a big step toward impeaching President Trump, and adam lowitand schiff was so hape off his shirt and did a body slam down the table. laughter before you get too excite, this is just a vote to define the rules of the process of impeachment. They still have to vote on impeachment. Then vote on the rules for the impeachment trial, then they vote important to convict. By the time this is over, the democrats will march into the white house going, like, where is mr. Trump . His term ended 20 years ago. Were so sorry to bother you kim kardashian. So sorry. Goodbye. laughter congress impeaches president s like white parents discipline their kids. Young man if you dont listen im going to tell you again and if you dont im going to talk with your father and then well talk with our therapist. All the white kids grow up around the country. So maybe its the right approach. I dont know. Finally, we may not know how much longer trump will be in office, but if he makes it to next week hell get a chance to meet a very good boy. The military dog wounded in the raid on al baghdadi is headed to the white house. President trump tweeting this photo shopped picture of the dog in the raid. The dog is supposed to be in washington sometime next week. Trevor conan the hero dog is headed to white house and that is going to be amazing. It might get awkward if he sniffs out someones secret stash of weed. How else am i supposed to make it through the day . Be baked. laughter but im not surprised trump invited the dog. Trump probably loves the dog because the dog has all the traits trump values, completely loyal, wont leak to the press and both like giving surprise leg humps laughter lets move on to the top story. cheers and applause if you have been keeping up with international news, you probably know that lately the world has been crazier than Rudy Giuliani on l. S. D. To be honest, so many protests going on around the world now that we just dont have the time to cover them all. Luckily for us, not enough time is just the right amount of time we have for a segment called aint nobody got time for that. cheers and applause lets kick it off in hong kong where the pro democracy protesters are also getting into the halloween spirit. To hong kong where police fired tear gas to break up protests on the halloween holiday. The antigovernment administrationings targeted a Popular Party district in the city for the first time. Well, at times the protesters blended in with people wearing halloween costumes. Protesters and party gorse alike were not deterred by a citywide ban on gays face masks. Trevor pretty genius move for the protesters to blend in with regular people celebrating halloween because the police cant tell the difference between protesters and trick or treaters. Sort of like starting a fight club in the middle of boston. Dont know, is this an illegal fight or just the usually dunking donuts parking lot fight . You dont know. laughter whats interesting is the protests in hong kong began because of an extra bigs bill and snowballed into a protest over chinese rule over hong kong in general because protests are like arguments in relationships, you say its about the dishes but its about something bigger, like you continue communicate well or you hooked up with your motherinlaw, you know. Yeah, you said i should get along with her laughter if we had more time, we could talk more about the difficulty they had reintegrating postcolonial hong kong into china but we dont have time haws hong kong is not the only region trying to move out of its parents house. Bars loania spain, half a million protesters last week frustrated oarcht jailing of nine politicians for their role in the Catalonia Independence Movement two years ago. They dont speak for the majority because the support for independents is not majority. Trevor spain is in turmoil because the region of catalonia is demanding its independence and the chaos has been nonstop, though it is spain so they take a little siesta in the middle of the fight. Ill be protesting in my dreams aaahhh snoring aaahhh laughter barbarcelona experiences these protests every couple of years. Independence movements are like movies about the joker. You think theyre over then a new one about a guy who hates climbing steps. I havent seen it, i think thats what this is about. With more time we could get into how the movement is driven by catalonias feeling about how they pay more tax than they get back from the Central Government because over in the caribbean the country of haiti is running out of gas and patience. A crippling fuel shortage protesting fueling protests in hateys. Thousands taken to the street to demand the president stand own. Catholic church joined protesters rallying for political reform, thousands in the peaceful capitol of portauprince. Trevor in haiti a severe fuel shortage has sparked one of the nations largest protests and although the music and dancing may confuse you, this is a protest, because theres at least one white couple on vacation saying look, honey, it must be carnival throw me some beads thats what i love about being black, even though our protests have rhythm, the people are fighting, humming yeah, a lot of people dont know this but soul train started as a protest against bike lanes, thats how it all began. By the way, if i were in hate yps government, i would be very afraid that the Catholic Church has now joined this protest because nobody holds a grudge like the Catholic Church. Its been, like, 6,000 years and theyre still mad at that snake. They dont play around out there. He gave someone an apple. Move on, already on a day with more time, we could delve into how the protests in haiti arent just about fuel but rampant corruption across the government but we dont have time because antigovernment protests are even hitting one of the most stable countries in latin america, chile. In chile, a 4 rise in subway fares was enough to bring a Million People to the streets. Stores and subway stations torched, a government forced to declare a state of emergency. The chilean president was seen dining at an upscale restaurant, these are the type of things that seem to make people crazy. Trevor why the chilean people are protesting not affording basing services, the president is dining at a fancy restaurant. Talk about tone deaf, cant be eating fancy food in front of your struggling people. Use uber eats, get it delivered. laughter a tipple point when the government announced an increase in subway fares. Makes sense, these type of moves always affect the working class more because rich people dont need public transportation. They dont know what its like to be stuck on a hot crowded train sitting next to a subway masturbator. Rich people take fancy limousines with air conditioning and sit next to a fancy limousine masturbator. We cant get into inequality because we have to make time for the biggest protest in the middle east where the people of lebanon took to the streets for the removal of their Prime Minister because he enriched himself at the expense of the citizens. The common traitions are so intense that the Prime Minister stepped down. A mother and a child found themselves surround bid the protesters and the protesters noticed the child in the car was freaked out and they worked to make things right. Protesters outraged over the economy changed their tune when they encountered a moth who are said her 15monthold son was scared. singing singing baby shark right in the middle of a protest a spontaneous rendition of baby shark. Trevor oh, man that is so adorable the only problem is now that song is going to be stuck in the protesters heads. Its going to ruin the rest of the protest. Like lebanon, do do do do we forms, do do do do, dont want tax do do do do, youre corrupt laughter these protests all over the globe have things in common, corrupt government, social inequality and ineffective leadership which might be a warning to all the leaders of the world, if you dont start listening to your people soon, they might no have time for you either. Well be right back. cheers and applause Wireless Network claims are so confusing. Americas best network. The best network is even better. The best deals on the best network. How can everyone be the best . Well, sprints doing things differently. 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Rewarded learn more at the explorer card dot com. cheers and applause trevor welcome back to the daily show. My guest tonight are two remarkable women who, together, have written a book called the book of gutsy women favorite stories of courage and resilience. Please welcome former secretary of state Hillary Rodham clinton and Chelsea Clinton. cheers and applause hi hi hi cheers and applause whoo trevor welcome back to the show. Does this ever get, like, tired, just Walking Around and people cheering for you when you walk into rooms . I cheer for her. Trevor . Why not . Trevor solo standing ovation . It is when night so i think its halloween night so theres a lot of energy in the air. Trevor no, ive seen you walking into restaurants as a family, alone, there seems to be a feeling where people go aaahhh but also like yay its not the presidency, but its a cool consolation prize, right . Thats true. It does make up for it a little bit. laughter trevor chelsea, thank you very much for being here. You came from trick or treating, like, now. Yes. Trevor you just went trick or treating. Literally. Trevor you didnt dress up, you just took the kids. We had a mawana, a clock striking the night from cinderella, and a pumpkin. Trevor oh, i like this. I like this. The pumpkin didnt choose. Trevor if you came to my door on halloween i would be, like, oh, my god you dressed like Chelsea Clinton. I never thought i had a builtin halloween costume. Trevor people are, like, thats good makeup sometimes people will say to us, you know you look just like Hillary Clinton . And ill say, yeah, ive heard that. Trevor let me say first of all congratulations on a phenomenal book. I didnt know what to expect, the book of gutsy women, if it would be a book about american women, political women, but it is a book about women who have changed the world in some way, shape or form. Whats interesting is you wrote it together as a mother and daughter. As someone whos written a book without my mother, i cant imagine what it would be like to write something with my mother. laughter is that what youre staring at me . Trevor what is the process like . It was a loft fun. It also did take some adjustment because my mother still writes longhand. Trevor like writes out the words . I said this at an event, and i could see, like, a teenager up in the rafters turn to his mother and say whats longhand . Im still working through it. Trevor i can feel that. Why did you choose to write this book together . Youve had many opportunities. You could have written about anything your family, politics, your life but this is a specific book and it feels like for a specific time. Why . Because we really believe that, in todays world, the stories of gutsy women and literally there are many millions of them, but we chose 103 to write about because their stories tell us, yes, about the struggles that they endured and their persistence to try to improve their own lives and the lives of people around them, but i think especially in todays world, we need to be reminded of these kinds of stories, and they are historic and contemporary, and even a few fictional, and they were women who inspired me as a little girl and throughout my life and the same with chelsea. In fact, we started talking about, you know, inspirational women when she was a little girl. Trevor its interesting, chelsea, because youve said there was a time in your life when you watched your mom running for president and there were more women in space than running for president. Two. Trevor and now you have a plethora of women, you have six in the race, and youve seen how many women participated in the race in midterms and one as well, do you think there is a shift in society where theres a place in equality . I think were absolutely making progress. I also really appreciate how you framed the question, trevor, because its super important we dont get complacent and that we also understand still how far we have to go. I mean, even if we had an unprecedented number of women run for congress in 2018, we were still less than a quarter of all declared candidates. Trevor wow. You have chosen 103 women in this book who all have different stories of being gutsy, but what would you you find was the Common Thread that made them who they are . One, i think the sense of just deep purpose. Sometimes something that they knew from when they were a little girl. Like jane goodall always knew she wanted to work with animals, and sally ride, the First American woman in space, really became a physicist because she wasnt a good enough tennis player, so she found her passion later in life. But what was so distinctive about these women is they brought others along with them, sometimes consciously breaking down barriers and sometimes just really aware of their example, and i find that powerful and gutsy that it wasnt just for themselves, it was forthoers, too. Trevor a beautiful book. Talking about it and both you have when we come back from the break. Back with more from chelsea and secretary clinton. Dont go away. cheers and applause look what we did we made it thin. How is this possible, you ask . Its not. But we gone done it anyway. Reeses thins. Not sorry. Reeses thins. The holidays are here and so is tmobiles newest, most powerful signal. And we want to keep you connected to those you love, with the new iphone 11. So tmobile is giving you an iphone 11 on us for each new line of unlimited. For yourself, or up to a family of four. Keep your family connected, and hurry into tmobile today, to get up to four iphone 11s on us. Only at tmobile. Look its a hmm. Whale. I dont know. Thats it. Suit up haha watch the fur look ahhh. Can we keep him . What do you see in your cheetos . Trevor we can back to the daily show were joined by secretary Hillary Rodham clinton and Chelsea Clinton who cowrote the book of the book of gutsy women. Hillary, i have to ask you a question that has been plaguing me for a while. How did you kill Jeffrey Epstein . laughter because youre not in power but you have all the power. laughter i really need to understand how you do what you do, because you seem to be behind everything nefarious, and yet you tonight use it to become president. laughter what is the game plan . Well, trevor laughter trevor but, honestly, what does it feel like being the boogie man to have the right . Well, its its a constant surprise to me. laughter because the things they say,er and now, of course, its on steroids with being online, are so ridiculous, beyond any imagination that i could have, and yet they are so persistent in putting forth these crazy ideas and theories. Honestly, i dont know what i ever did to get them to upset. Trevor have you ever thought of just like meeting someone who says, hillary you did this, and just looking at them and being, like, yes, i did. laughter i also think its because it is effective. Ill never forget reading an article after the 2016 election where the reporter interviewed someone who had been undecided voter and he said, you know, he thought my mom had won all three debates, she clearly had a greater command of the subject matter, and yet he just kept reading that she had murdered more than 50 people, and he said, somewhat nonchalantly, i dont think that she murdered 50, but, like, what if she murdered two . laughter and, so, you just think its like this constant erosion of truth and sanity. Trevor right. The countrys gearing up for impeachment, and you are in an interesting position where, in your life, you have been literally a part of every single impeachment in some way, shape or form. You had the watergate investigations that you were a part of. You then had your husband who was impeached, and now your political opponent is getting impeached. Do you have the impeachment touch . Is this like a thing . laughter you know, i wasnt part of andrew johnson, but other than that it was a training speer specific to have because i was a young lawyer investigating richard nixon, and i am very pleased that the house today is proceeding in such a deliberative manner. They had the vote today about the procedures, because thats what happened in 1974, so im hoping that, now that this going to move toward public hearings where people can see these witnesses in person, they can be like a juror themselves trying to decide, that the American People will, you know, make a very careful study of what theyre being told because the founders put impeachment in the constitution for a reason. We have elections, but in between elections, if there is behavior that is undermining our country, endangering our National Security as the allegations here are, its an extraordinary remedy, but one that has to be exercised in a sober, careful way. Trevor how would you respond to a trump supporter if they took the time to listen to you and said, hillary, i dont think its fair that trump is going to be impeached for getting information from ukraine when your team engaged in russian information through, you know, the team that worked on that side on the steele dossier. How do you respond to that person when they say you engaged on n foreign information on a political rival, trump did the same, whats the difference . Theres a huge difference. If you look at the power that the president holds, the president is in a position to use american leverage and credibility to achieve the goals of our nation. So i could imagine i could imagine a conversation where a president would say to the president of ukraine, youre new at the job, one of the things that has held you back is corruption, we want to help you fight corruption, but we want evidence that you are really dedicated to fighting corruption. Trevor right. If thats all that had been said, theres nothing wrong with that, but thats not what happened, and we now have not only the whistleblower and the alleged incomplete transcript, we now have a lot of witnesses who are all saying this was about helping the president himself. He is acting as the president. Hes not a political candidate. Trevor right. He is not a private citizen. Hes the president. Trevor that works for the he works for the united states. He works for the united states, and we dont want to squander our credibility. So theres a huge difference. People can gather, you know, information in all kinds of different ways, but when you combine it with that quid pro quo that existed in that conversation which has now been verified repeatedly by people who were in the room, people who were under pressure to deprive the ukrainians of military aid so they could defend themselves, there is an active war going on in eastern ukraine. The russians and their proxies are killing ukrainians, and so what this president has basically done is say i dont care about any of that, i just need some dirt, and i dont care if you make it up. In order to get military aid youve to give me something on joe biden and his son. Trevor thank you for being on the show. Thank you. Trevor the book, the book of gutsy women. Um secretary Hillary Rodham clinton and Chelsea Clinton, everybody. Fast paced hip hop song playing througout whether youre out or here on a wifi hotspot. Xfinity mobile has more coverage to keep you connected to what matters most. Thats because its the only Wireless Network that automatically connects you to millions of secure wifi hotspots and the best lte everywhere else. And now get 250 off when you buy a new Samsung Phone during Xfinity Mobile beyond black friday. Plus, you can save up to 400 a year. Click, call or visit a store today