Its like im seeing double. I said, get out of my way aahhh [bubbling spatter] [cartman cyborg] ew. Look, i think that infusing with Rosie Odonnell has made trapper keeper sick. [cartman] euhhh. Bad pie, bad pie. This is your chance, kyle, cartman is weakened. Got him. He did it [all arguing] okay, children, the lawyers for ikes side have agreed with the lawyers on filmores side to hold another meeting regarding form 22f. Do we all have that form . Is this the kindergarten classroom . Jesse jackson . Thats right. I believe the africanamerican students in your class were misrepresented. We dont have any African Americans in our class oh bye. All right, so apparently what were gonna do now is hand count each persons ballot. Mr. Garrison, i concede. You you what . I dont wanna play anymore cause this game is stupid. Yeah, it doesnt make any sense. Ike, you could be class president. I pooped my pants can we finger paint now . [together] finger paint ah yes, yes, lets finger paint you did it, kyle. Kyle saved your life, fat ass. Look, im fading it must have worked, i dont exist oh, thats a bitch. Oh, well, i guess everythings fine now. So lets go home. Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, cartman all youve been doing is making fun of kyle and now he saved your life. You at least owe him a thank you. Oh, man. Cartman all right, all right. Kyle. Whats going on . Welcome to another episode of the daily distancing show. Im trevor noah, and today is day 45 of us staying inside to try and ghost corona. Thats right, corona, you dont owe where we be. E. R. At home. But you dont know where we be. And heres your quarantine tip of the day, if youre alone at home and youre getting board, just pick a fight with yourself. That way, you have makeup sex to look forward to. Anyway, on tonights episode. We look at how coronavirus is affecting our dreams. Roy wood, jr. And Michael Kosta catch up on the weird state of sports. And we talk to the founder of shake shack to find out why they took that Small Business money. So lets get into it. We can upum to the daily distancing show. From trevors couch in new york city to your couch somewhere in the world, this is the social distancing show with Trevor Noah Trevor although things may seem dark right now, its important to remember theres some sort of light up ahead and, yes, that light may just be the world on fire, but beyond that light is another lying. And that second light is what i like to call a ray of sunshine. Lets kick it off with the heros of the pandemic. Since black panther and thor and other losers only work in avengers movies, weve come to realize our true heroes are the essential workers who are keeping people alive and fed and, yes, they might not seem as cool as batman and spiderman, but all of that is about to change. Mattel is honoring essential workers on the frontline to have the covid 19 fight with a special edition line of Action Figures. They are called thank you heroes. The 16 collectible Action Figures include doctors, nurses, e. M. T. S driver and a little set that includes a Grocery Store worker. Each set costs 15. Dollar from each sale will be donated to the First Responders initiative. Trevor yes such a powerful message to send to the kids. You dont need to have superpowers to be a hero. You can be a doctor, a delivery person or hawkeye. Plus this is going to make playtime much more interesting. Im Luke Skywalker and im going to save the galaxy. Luc, im the cleaver man, can you buzz me in . By the way, they didnt have the toilet paper thats not true thats impossible you know, i really think this is a great way to show these kids how the real who the real heroes are, but if they likely want kids to play with the toy heroes, toymakers need to know you need to pay them more than minimum wage, or we need the evil guy who only washes his hands for ten seconds. You monster. Another fun story coming out of spain. Thanks to coronavirus, we now do everything at home. Were working out at home. Holding Office Meetings at home, using the bathroom at home. For years, we have been just going to wendys. Just me . Turns out, you can even have an affair at home. Its the whoopsie making world headlines. 41yearold spanish news anchor alfonzo was launching a show from his home when a naked woman walked behind heim . His wife or girl friend. No. Viewers were pointing out that was not only his girlfriend, it was a colleague. Trevor what . Yes. Trevor goddam i need to start watching news from spain. Here its all boring stuff about trade wars and climate change, over there its like atell la novell la. A naked girl in the background . Breaking news i dont know who i am but i know i love you. But this is such an am sure mistake everyone should know you have to be aware about your background when youre working from home. The only thing people should see is books youve read and to haveys from coming in last place in marathons. If you get busted for cheating on tv, theres one thing, channel donald trump and blame the media. Baby, you know you cant trust the press. There was no naked woman in the background. Read the transcript, neighbory, fake nudes with social distancing taking its toll on sports. The International Olympic committee is urging countries to consider esports as a real sport. Somewhere in russia a team of scientists developed thumb steroids so strong, theyll lift up the rest of my hand. Ahha the tables have turned. For years the Olympic Committee looked down on us gamers we will not allow video games into the olympics. These are not real sports you think shooting cartoon characters is a sport . Its an immature way for kids to kill you. You die, come back, they kill you again. Now, esports could be on their way to becoming a real olympic sports, and, man, i cannot wait to watch those medal ceremonies. Please rise for our national anthem. Trevor im sorry, but your metal is in another castle. Thats it for the ray of sunshine. Cinco de mayo is next tuesday. Obviously, with covid 19 still out there, were going to have to celebrate differently this year. Modelo beer wants to help us do that. This tuesday, celebrate Cinco De Mayo at home. Celebrate with friends and family online and raise a glass to all of the healthcare workers fighting for us. Now, if you post your toast with the cincup, motelo will donate a dollar to First Responders first up to 500,000. First Responders First is a fantastic charity devoted to supporting doctors, nurses and everyone on the front lines. I want to thank modelo for stepping up to help and giving us an excuse to day drink. Help cynic up cinco deny myo to help First Responders. The headlines. The first is about apple. Worlds big tion tech giant and smallest producers of apples. A lot of iphone users noticed unlocking your phone with your face doesnt work anymore. Makes sense. The phone cant recognize you with the mask on. Nobody can, except the guy at the bank said he somehow recognized me, and the jury bought his story. Three years later, here we are. Anyway, reported apple is about to launch a new feature to fix this problem by letting people punch in a secret code that unlocks the phone. Yeah. I know what the haters are going to say, oh, we had this technology years ago. Exactly. This is the genius of apple. Theyre trying to take us back in time because if were back in time, theres no corona, and cheryl hasnt broken up with me. Please, cheryl, youve got to take me back. The woman in the background, i swear, i dont know who she was. I think she was, like, a robber. The only reason she was naked is she was probably stealing clothes. Please take me back, cheryl. I didnt know in other news, were going on six weeks of lockdown and its clearly starting to wear on some peoples nerves. People like elon musk, the founder of tesla and man who definitely has an escape hatch. Hes never been a fan of the shutdown in the first place, but last night he pushed the button for inshane mode. Tesla c. E. O. Elon musk is being criticized after he launched into a rant filled with ex playtives on teslas earnings call. Trevor yes elon, finally finally someone decided to call out this fascist American Government thats asking people to please stay in their houses to try and save their own lives. I mean, youre not even allowed to go to the Grocery Store anymore. Actually, you can go to the groamplets but, i mean, you cant go for a walk. You can do that, too. But what about the beach . Youre not allowed to go to the beach except pore the states where you can. But you cant go to h m and that is the definition of fascism. The guy is straight stir up civil unrest so they will buy a bulletproof truck. as elon we need to fight the government with our trucks now available with full auto pilot hes saying were all living in a computer simulation, hey, the universe might be fake but my stock price is real no filter, President Trump a lot of us wondered for a long time if trump actually pays attention to all the tweets that he gets and turns out he does bigly. An engineer in california who tweeted the president was paid 69 million for ventilators that never came. On march 27, President Trump posted on twitter to urge ford and General Motors to start making ventilators now. A man named yaron tweeted back, we can supply i. C. U. Ventilators, have someone call me, urgent. Thats all it took. The guy had 75 followers on twitter, no experience manufacturing, but three days later new york city entered into a 69 Million Contract with the man, new york city says at the direct recommendation of the White House Coronavirus task force. Now new york terminated the deal and is trying to get its money back. Trevor 69 million . Guys, come on, first of all, if someone tells you the price of anything is 69 million, its a joke. 69 is pranking 101, and second of all, nice. But lets go back for a second and just help me figure this out. Some random guy tweeted President Trump asking him for a ventilator contract, and his wish was just granted . Just like that . He said, i want this thing, then he got the thing . I mean, let this be a warning, the next time you tweet at the president telling him that youve got hillarys emails and d. s nuts, dont be shocked if trump shows up to collect. I brought a hammer so lets smash ds nuts and see whats inside them. Finally, seems like the coronavirus has been dominating our every waking moment, and now it turns out its dominating our sleeping moments, too. If you have been having weird dreams lately, frankly, youre not alone. A researcher from Harvard Medical Center is researching people from around the world. She says the most striking change from dreams is the added anxiety. Some show fears from the coronavirus like being out in public and realizing you dont have a mask. Other have shown met forbs to the pandemic. Bug dreams, masses of scrirming wormings and swarms of flying insects and cockroaches running at the treatmenter. Trevor thanks for all of those unnecessary details. I wasnt dreaming about bugs and worms before but now i will. You know whats really wild . How coronavirus is affected every aspect of our lives. Like our old nightmares were about being at work in a meeting with no pants but now thats just work. But i was relieved to read the story because i thought i wasnt the only one whose dreams have been getting weird because of corona. Because when i sleep, my nightmares are totally not normal. Here, ill show you. So many of them oh, so many im so excited to be socially active again welcome, everybody welcome did you learn the words . Imagine all the people oooh i cant wait to get back to sleep thats it for the headlines. When we come back, well catchum on our big story, how coronavirus is changing your neighbors. Stick around. The fighting spirit is one we all share. Amanda nunes wears hers with pride. From standing up for herself against the doubters, to being the only woman in her mma training gym. Amanda refused to let stereotypes get in her way. Whether inside the octagon or out. Since 1925, weve proved that it doesnt matter where you come from, it matters what youre made of. Modelo. The official beer of ufc. The daily distancing show. Usually, when we talk about coronavirus, we focus on the lives lost, the economy and jobs. But the truth is this pandemic is changing our world in a million different ways, and one of those ways is how we interact with our neighbors, and thats exactly what were going to explore in our new segment neighboring in the time of corona. Lets talk about neighbors. Theyre the people who live in an apartment just like yours only everythings backwards. And since the coronavirus locked us all down, weve gotten so desperate for Human Interaction that weve actually started turning to the people who live next door, and the results, well, theyve actually been inspiring. Two young girls in italy put their Creative Minds and talent to work. They took to the rooftop of their respective builds to play tennis. A guy in brazil captured video of neighbors playing street fighter two projected on to the building. A deejay in argentina is bringing the club to his balcony. He sets up outside letting his neighbors enjoy from their own balconies. The deejay spins for about an hour, just enough time to mentally escape and have a bit of fun. Trevor oh, man oh, yeah i love this people are, like, hey lets go to the club hey im at the club its polling tonight so lots of people right now are interacking with their neighbors like never before, but thanks to coronavirus, were learning that jacobs dont just have to be friends, they can also with b our friends with benefits. Jeremy was sitting at home alone when he looked out his window and saw his next door neighbor dancing. Never met per but it was love at first site. He pulled out his drone and flew it over to her to ask her out on a date. He first set eyes on her from his balcony. He tracked her down on instagram and struck up a conversation. The couple havent stopped talking sense. Now they spend their days dreaming about what theyll do when they finally meet. Ill kiss you for an hour. Ill kiss you for two hours. Trevor oh, stop it you two get a room but dont. Social distancing. You know, its amazing how this pandemic has warped our perspective because, if you think about it, before coronavirus, if a guy was staring at his neighbor through binoculars and tracking her with a drone, it would not be romantic, it would be the first half hour of a dateline episode. But i guess this is kind of sweet. The only big problem with dating your neighbor is neither of them can ghost each other. I know youre home i can see you daniella, answer the phone dont get me wrong, coronavirus isnt only bringing neighbors together. For some neighbors, this pandemic has made them go to war. A snitching epidemic, neighbors tattle on people not following shutdown orders. A man said his neighbors chopped down a trustee and used it to block mise road to force him into quarantine. Social distancing shaming has gotten ugly. This is the next door web site created to make neighbors more neighborly. But check out the recent posts. Youre a more ron shut up, yuppy creaking i just listen to people ~bleep all night. Thats cool. Trevor ill never understand why people get so angry when they hear their neighbors having sex. If you want your neighbors to stop having sex, dont get mad get involved. Thats what i to. Whenever my neighbors get too loud, i just press up against the wall and im, like, and me and me and me it works every time. No matter how much tension arises between neighbors, always one thing you can count on to bring people together to weather a storm, happy hour. cheering neighbors in this one culdesac call it trash talk. They started to meet to have drinks on tuesday when they bring out their trashcans for pick up. Neighbors decided to follow the mantra that sharing is caring. Every night at 7 00, neighbors in this apartment share a drink. One of the residents leans out the window to four wine from his bottle down to neighbors below. Trevor yep leave it to alcohol to bind people together. I also love that they were having wine while leaning on trashcans because it combines the classiest drink with the least classy activity next to it. Next they will be, like, caviar served on a limp biscuit c. D. . So, look, before the coronavirus, a lot of us just thought of our neighbors as anonymous weirdoes who cook smelly meals and needed to turn down their music, but, hopefully, this pandemic will help us realize these are real people, man. These are people with names. Thats not your neighbor. Thats gary. And after all of this coronavirus is over, i just hope that well be able to go across the hall and say, turn down the goddam music gary. When we come back, roy wood, jr. And Michael Kosta catch us up on the corona world of sports. So stick around. Hi, its jan from toyota. Many of you still need to be on the road right now. Toyota is here to help. Were offering an incredible 0 on our most popular toyotas. Thats 0 on camry. 0 on rav4. Or 0 on tacoma. Plus toyota will defer your payments for up to 90 days. You can even shop and buy online from the comfort of your home. Were here for you. Contact your local toyota dealer to see how they can help. Toyota staying connected your way youre just a tap away from personalized support on xfinity. Com. Get faster internet speeds with a click. Order xfi pods to your home in a snap. Or change your Xfinity Services with just a touch. All in one place. Youre only seconds away from all of that on xfinity. Com. Faster than a call. Easy as a tap. Now thats simple, easy, awesome. Its that we can get through. Anything. , and that beer sometimes helps. So, coors light is buying. Go to coorslight on twitter to send someone a six pack on us. Cause man, we could all use one right now. phohellongs hi mommy, i won a gold medal. phone rings hello hi mom. I got in laughs hi mom. Hes walking. Hi mom. Surprise. Ive been thinking about you, ive been thinking wont you meet up at a quarter to 5 celebrate mothers day together, even if youre apart, with the perfect gift from pandora the daily distancing show. You know, even though the corona