Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Trevor Noah 20240712

COM The Daily Show With Trevor Noah July 12, 2024

The end. We want to take you now to a live shot of the bay wear in san francisco. Stop what you are doing and look at your screen t doesnt look real, have wildfires burning on all sides other than the ocean and it create this smokey orange haze that looks like dusk or a mf year on mars or something. One localing forecaster says theyre not expecting to see much blue sky in the bay area until friday or probably the week end. Trevor sweet lord. Did you see that sky . All across the bay area. Wildfires have turned the skies into an apocalyptic orange haze. Which is freaking everyone out. You no he it is not just the fact that the sky looks like gritty exploded in downtown san francisco, what is freaking people out is that Climate Change has turned devastating wildfires into an annual event in california. Its clear, humans have one of two choices. Either we do the hard work we need to reverse Climate Change, or in the next ten years, humans have to rapidly evolve our bitch ass skin to something a all right a lot more fire proof t is weird, because the sky is terrifying but in a weird way, it was really beautiful. And so im begging all of the instagram models out there, please, dont rush out to get photos in front of that orange sky. I know how you people think. Hashtag no filter, hashtag sufficient kateing, hashtag call 911. But lets move on from some bad news to some bad news. 2020 people, this is all we have got. Right now pharmaceutical companies around the world are racing to develop a vaccine for coronavirus that can save countless lives and give us the freedom to treely once again one major vaccine trial has hit a major snag. Breaking news overnight. A setback in the race for a coronavirus vaccine, pharmaceutical giantas tra zeneca pausing phase three of its global trial because of an unexplained illness in one of its volunteers. The company now has to determine whether its vaccine might cause wide spread adverse reactions. Trevor see . This is why we need vaccine trials in the first place. Because right now one person in that trial has an unexplained illness. Possibly from the prototype vaccine. But you realize if they just release this to the public without proper testing, we could all be out on the streets with random diseases and mutations. I mean on the bright side, maybe some of us would develop that fire proof skin but still, now the scientists still dont know yet whether the illness is related to the vaccine trial or not. But i think i know what happened. I think what happened was coronavirus got to the vaccine and said look man, whatever the humans are paying you, i will pay double. Now we have to find a vaccine for the vaccine. I know what is going on. Let me just say, that i am incredibly grateful for all of these people who are injecting themselves with a vaccine without knowing whether it is safe. Because they are doing it for the rest of us. And in a way i know how this feets. It is the same way my family would make me drink the milk in the fridge to see whether or not it had gone bad. Spoiler alert, it was always bad. But until the vaccines are available, we just have to keep Wearing Masks and socially distancing as much as we can. Which is why in the u. K. They have now decided that it is time for the british to party a little less hard. Europe struggles with the surge in new coronavirus case, the u. K. Tightening restrictions. The government says social gatherings could include no more than six people instead of the previous 30 allowed. In england from monday were introducing the rule of six. You must not meet socially in groups of more than six, and if you do, you will be breaking the law. Trevor yes, starting monday in the u. K. , no more than six people can socialize at a time, six. Very specific number. It almost makes me think that bore is johnson has a 7th friend that he is trying to kick out of the circle of friends. I dont understand, bore is, why cant i hang out with the gang . Well, you see, there were already six of us here and Scientists Say that seven is covids favorite number. Well, what if i came early, then i would just be the third person. No, you will always be the 7th pend no matter what time you arrive. Trevor but look, these restrictions are better late than never. Because man those brits can party hard. As someone who has spent quarantine binging all of the Great British bakeoff, i am telling you those people are out of control, they put cocaine on everything. Here is what i dont get, though. If theyre worried about an outbreak in the u. K. , why wait until monday to enforce this rule . Why not just tell peoplenow, to stop socializing in brig groups. Because i know that if in four days i cant hang out with all my friends, well, i tell you what i am doing for the next three nights. Everyone tested positive. Now corona isnt just canceling parties for the living. Because in los angeles, even ghosts and goblins are now being told to stay safe. No trick or treating, thats what Health Officials in Los Angeles County are saying this morning. The department of Public Health there is saying door to door for candy is just too risky this halloween. They say it poses a higher risk for spreading coronavirus. Halloween is still more than a month away but the department is hoping that this will give people enough time to find other ways to celebrate the holiday. Theyre encouraging online parties and contests and maybe some drivethrew activities. Trevor are you serious . Trick or treating is cancelled . This is awful. So what, i am going to have to mail all the kids in my neighborhood razor blades . And i will be honest, guys, i dont know if this is going to, without. First of all i dont think none year olds should be driving. And secondly, no drive thru experience ever ended the way you wanted. Hi, i would like a full size snickers please. Okay, one bag of pennies s that all. Not penny, candy bars. Okay thark is a large bag of rusty old penny, pull up to the next window. In other news rocking l. A. After years of hashtag, the Motion Picture academy announced a major rule change to hopefully make the hashtag so right. The oscars are making inclusion a requirement for best picture consideration, starting in 2024 those movies must meet diversity requirements in two out of four production categories, widening opportunities for underrepresented groups. They include women, minorities and people with cognitive or physical disabilities. Promoters of the Initiative Say the changes will better reflect the diversity of the movie going audience. So this is encompassing the totality of the people that actually work on a film. Trevor oh shit, from now on movies can only be nominated for best picture if they meet certain diversity threshholds . Wherever mr tin scorsese is right know, he is shiting himself. He is probably calling dicaprio bigging him to make a plan. Come on kid, you sure you cant play black, you can do anything, i know you can. Personally i think this opens up a bunch of opportunities. I hope that long running franchises will just switch up the races of people and never address it. Like how dope would it be if in the next batman movie he is just jamaican. I be debatmon, mon. Is what you want bns him cant do that. You no know what is funny, as soon as this story came out, so man people read the head loon and they just started panicking, bitching online, this is censorship, you cant force filmmakers to make whatever you want, how you can make a period piece with diversity, there is no black people back then. If you read the story before chiming in people would realize these new stades which only take effect in 2024 are not that strict. For instance, a movie qualifies if it has just one lead role from an underrepresented group. An 30 of the crew from an underrepresented group as well, all right. Or even if it has just 30 diversity in the Marketing Department for an Internship Program for an underrepresented group. By the way, they de fine underrepresented group as black, asian, hispanic, indigenous people, women, the disable ad community, all members of the lgbtq community, so in other words, its super easy to meet this criteria. I know that some people think that this might be the end of the movie industry. But i dont know guys, i think with the right casting, diversity can add an exciting new perspective to any film. Did i mission anything . Miss anything . But you had this coming. What, arent going to pack me up, russians in front of my house and yall worried about not hurting this weirdos filling. I was against this shit since the beginning. I told yall this dude ask a clown. You dont remember that, you dont remember when i told you we shouldnt take orders from a dude with a little tiny broom for a mustache . No. Nobody want to listen to roy. As a matter of fact, im starting to think yall kind of racist. Getting a vibe. Look where that got us. If i was you i would kill myself. Trevor bravo, bravo. All right, we have to take a quick break but stick around, when we come back well catch up on all the latest trump scandals. Theres more than one, like in a day . Oh lord. Well be right back. Its time to step up. 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Go where love takes you. avo female get 0 apr financing for 63 months on the 2020 Subaru Outback and other select models. Back to the daily social distancing show. Lets take a moment to talk about donald trump. President of the united states, and the main reason that donald signs say billions an billions served. There was some big crazy trump news, we say that every day but this time it is true. I mean it is true everyday, but this time it is also true and it starts with the president and his administration making a shocking legal maneuver. This morning an unprecedented move by the Justice Department, stepping in to replace president trumps private legal team to represent him in a high profile defamation lawsuit it means american taxpayer was foot the bill for the government defending the president in the suit by author e. Jean carroll who says the president raped her more than two decades ago in a dressing room at new yorks bergdorf goodman. The latest move protects the president from any potentially embarrassing disclosures. Jution tis Department Lawyers argue that because the president was quoted acting within the scope of his office at the time of his denial, he could be defended by government attorneys. Trevor wow, wow, we, wow, the Justice Department is now defending trump in a defamation suit against one of his rape accusers. Which means taxpayer dollars are paying for this. Now you know that is going to make a lot of people mad, our taxes shouldnt be going to this. They should be used to fund schools, to build roads, and to drone weddings in afghanistan. In case you are wondering, yes, this is unprecedented for a president. But i cant say im surprised at this point. Because trump has basically turned the government into his own personal consierge service. Like the department of complications does any more is order ubers for trump, i wouldnt be surprised if the border wall turns out to be one side of trumps new countryhouse. Okay, now we need another wall, and another one. Now lets throw in a roof and a pool and well finally be safe from mexico. Now the Justice Departments justification for defending trump in this case is that when he said he didnt rape her because quote she wasnt his type, end quote, he did that as part of his official duty as president. And i know that sounds wild, but remember what it says in article two of the constitution. The President Shall execute the law, command the military and vehemently deny boning anyone who is less than a ten. Trevor but hey, conservatives wanted someone to run the country like a business, and what is more corporate than a c. E. O. Using company refuser resources to shut down sexual abuse accusations, did you it you did it guys, so once again we have big crazy news that in normal times would be all anyone talks about for a month. But because it is trump, st not even the only scandal that we have to talk about today. Now you might remember back in february and march donald trump was very confidently saying that the coronavirus was not a big deal, and it was basically just like the flu. But since then, we have all learned that that was bull s hit, today has come out that trump privately knew that it was bullshit. Stunning breaking news. President trump in his own words making clear he knew about the dire threat of the coronavirus very early on, at a time he repeatedly told the American People they were safe. He deliberately withheld information from the American People, repeatedly concealed details about the gravity of this threat because in his words, he didnt want to create a panic. It is a very tricky situation. Its it goes through air air bob, that is always tougher than the touch, you dont have to touch things but the air, you just breathe the air, that is how it is passed. It is also more deadly than your, you know, even your strenuous flus. This is five per this is five percent versus 1 percent ang less than 1 percent, you know. So this is deadly stuff. I think bob really to be honest with you. Yeah, i want you to be. I wanted to i wanted to always play it down. I still like playing it down. Yes, sir. Because i dont want to create a panic. Trevor you didnt want to create a panic . You didnt want to create a panic. So what did you want, for people to very calmly be dying in the streets . What is wrong, buddy . Im dying. Just chill, and also since when is donald j. Trump con concerned about creating a panic that is literally his favorite thing. Cities are burning, caravans of antifa mexicans are committing muslim voter fraud. His Campaign Slogan is basically look out behind you . But yes, thanks to audiotapes of Interviews Trump did with bob woodward in february and march, we now know that he was fully aware of how the virus was transmitted and how deadly it could be. And yet in public, he told everyone there was no reason to be afraid. And look, i get that as a leader you dont want people to panic. But you also want to inform the people so they can be safe. So if a plane is crashing i pilot will tell you to remain calm but also tell you to fasten your seatbelts and brace for impact. If trump was a pilot he would be like, everything is fine, seatbelts are for snowflakes and if you want to stretch your legs, now is the perfect time, bye bye. And this is really confusing. Because at first, i thought trump was too stupid to understand what was going on with the virus. But it turns out, that he was actually smart about it in private. But he was also stupid enough to tell bob woodward on tape. Huh. Now i dont know what to think. And trump aside, am i the only one who thinks it is crazy that people keep releasing books where they reveal that they have known the most incriminating things about trump, but they only tell us about it now . I mean imagine if paul revere had this attitude. Are the british coming . Find out by preordering my book on amazon. So trump purposefully obscuring the threat of covid19 was the major revelation that took over the news today. But remember, Bob Woodwards interview trump 18 times for thisk boo. And he recorded trump on tape talking about plenty of other subjects too. Like racism. And believe it or not, it turns out that in private, trump is a lot more aware of racism that he acts like in real life. Do you think there is systemic or institutional racism in this country . Well, i think there is everywhere. I think probably less here than most places, or less here than many places. Okay, but is it here, in a way that it has an impact on peoples lives. I think it is. And it is unfortunate. But i think it is. Whoa. Somebody finally got around to watching get out. It really is interesting how private trump seems to know a lot more than public trump. This whole time i thought there were going to be secret staips of trump saying the n word, instead you is you have secret tapes of him being an epidimiologist in critical race theory. You might be thinking this is good news, it means trump isnt as dumb as we thought. No, this is terrible news because it shows you that donald trump is willfully misleading the public. It is reminded you that he say conman. Elys about coronavirus. To protect his economy, and his reelection. And he ignores systemic racism because he knows it exists but he does it to protect his image with his base. And then when all the bad stories pile up, what does he do, he tries to drown them out with some

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