[grunting loudly] you cant just take dances with smurfs and call it Something Else [grunting loudly] [school bell rings] [groans] dude, what happened . Youre not doing the morning announcements anymore . No, because it turns out that by rule, the student body president cant also be the morning announcement reader oh, well. At least as president , you can run the school the way you want. I cant do jack i went to my First StudentCouncil Meeting all we did was talk about what colors to make the stupid Sadie Hawkins dance Student Council is retarded [chime sounding] the sun is up, and the birds are chirping. Im casey miller, and these are the morning announcements. I have a letter from second Grade Student brian felner. Brian writes, dear casey, why is our School President such a fat, stupid dickhead . My desk is broken, and so far, eric cartman has done nothing about it. Will you please let that walking bowl of anus pus know that we are not happy . Well, brian, i couldnt agree more. Our asshole president is a fat, smelly, douche bag milkshake. Im doing the best i can [crying] captioning by captionmax www. Captionmax. Com trevor hey, whats going onk welcome to the daily social distancing show, im trevor noah today is wednesday the 18th of november which mean there is only 53 days left until the white house chefs can cook vegetables again. Anyway coming up on tonights show, new york found the perfect Christmas Tree for 2020. Lewis black predicts Donald Trumps future and olympic star lindsay vonn joins us on the show, so lets do this, welcome to the daily social distancing show. From trevors couch in new york city to your couch somewhere in the world, this is the daily social distancing show with trevor noah. Trevor lets kick things off with christmas. The only day of the year that you hope an intruder will sneak into your home. Yesterday was the official start of the holiday season. As new york city put up its world famous Rockefeller CenterChristmas Tree. And just like Everything Else in 2020, thissiers tree is doing the best it can. The rockefeller Christmas Tree in new york city is usually lifts our spirits this time of year. But this area well lets just say that by 2020 standards, its pretty perfect. The tree was put into place atop of Rockefeller Center. Look at all the holes and it just kind of, i dont know, it kind of loosks look a very, like a Charlie Brown tree, like a large version of the Charlie Brown tree. Trevor into, no, no, no. You leave that poor tree alone. You already killed if, now you are going to make fun of its appearance. Who are you people, do you do this at funerals too, damn, uncle mark, you got fat, look at you, you cant even fit in that casket, anyway, rest in peace, were going to miss you. I mean think about it, that tree has been through a pandemic, a race war and a contested election. I think it deserves a round of applause for just staying upright. And by the way, its not like that tree asked to be displayed to the world right now. It clearly needed more time to fill out, to look good. That tree wasnt prepared imagine if you are going to a big party but they grabbed you while were you getting dressed and everyone at the party is like wow, just an undershirt and socks . You guys didnt give me time, i was going to president on spanx. And besides i think putting up a tree like this is actually very responsible of new york city. The last thing we need in the mid evil a pandemic say big Beautiful Tree that draws a giant crowd. With this tree, it is easy for everyone to be six feet apart. But lets move on to the human version of that tree. Donald jiggy with a trump. In his continuing effort to find an alternative result to the 2020 election trump on twitter has already claimed victory in both pennsylvania and michigan. Congratulations, trump, youre president on twitterment but in reality, both of those states are making like melania and slapping his grubby little paws away. The Pennsylvania Supreme Court ruled that republican observers in philadelphia were given proper access under state law to view vote counting. It is the latest in a string of legal defeats for President Trump and his lastditch effort to challenge results in states that hes lost. New election drama unfolded in michigan. A public zoom call turned tense after two republican canvassers in wayne county which includes detroit initially dropped the move to certify election results. Shame on you. Shame on you for leading to this level of corruption. You talked about not certifying detroit even though you acknowledge that livonia, a city by the way i know you know is 95 white has bigger var yanses than detroit which is 80 black. President trump praised the attempt to challenge certification, tweeting having courage is a beautiful thing. But minutes later the panel changed course, unanimously certifying the president ial result. Trevor whooo, what a roller coaster. Basically what happened was the republicans on this commission tried to disenfranchise detroit voters. But people on the zoom call shut that down by exposing their hypocrisy. An just think about how 2020 has changed everything. Like it used to be that someone would say oh, i saw Martin Luther king, jr. Speak tow lincoln memorial. But in 20 years it would be like i saw this dude in an orange pole yet yell at a racist, i think it was ted or ed, it was so good. And it is especially impressive that that guy could be so morally compelling because it is not easy to be earn gaging on the gloonl. You are lose all emotion. I bet you if mlk had been on zoom he wouldnt have been as impressive. I have a dream i have a dream that one day we will oh dammit, my cat has pee dd on the bed again, whiskers what did i tell but jumping on the bed and doing that when you got your litter box. So on the one hand it is great that this election board scheme was stopped. But on the other hand you know things are going bad when an election board is making National News am because i will be honest, before yesterday i had never heard of a fourperson canvassing board or wayne county or michigan. Now while its true that no unwith has turned up evidence of widespread fraud, georgia just finished recounting its votes. And they found 2600 ballots that had not been counted. With most of those votes being votes for trump. That means trump could lose georgia by around 13,000 votes instead of 14,000 votes, all right. But it still shows you two things, one, elections arent perfect and mistakes can end up costing candidates votes. But two, it shows that donald trump is so far behind that nothing he can do will help him. Here is the truth, whether you agree with donald trump or not, you cant deny that discovering thousands of votes werent counted is definitely makes some people doubted the validity of an election. Especially if your side lost. Imagine if after hillarys loss people found out that wisconsin didnt count thousands of votes. Liberal twitter would have lost its mind. So dont be surprised that the magazineaverse is doing it now. And yes, yes, donald trump made up these voter fraud claims. I dont deny that. But uncounted ballots for joe biden as well, by the way, makes trump look right. You know it is like if your partner accused you of cheating and you werent, but then tinder sends you a notification saying it found you a match, would you loose your shti, baby this was from two years ago, i updating i dont use tinder, please dont leave me. But lets move on to our big story. Because whatever he thinks on twitter, i think donald trump understands that in real life hes not going to be president after january 20th. And the reason i think that is because ever since election day, he and his administration have been working overtime to rush through polingsees an regulatory changes as fast as they can. So lets take a look at some of the things trump is trying to squeeze in on his way out. In our new segment, donald trump go big and go home. First up, in trumps lame duck flameout military action, the president is getting out of wars that he doesnt want to be in and maybe getting into one that he does. U. S. Military commanders being given their orders moments ago. Acting defense secretary Christopher Miller announcing that the majority of troops will be pulled out of the region just five days before joe biden is inaugurated. There will still actually though be 2500 troops in both iraq and afghanistan. The decision from President Trump comes despite warnings from military leaders like recently removed defense secretary mark ease per that esper that continues havent been met for withdrawal. President trump considered a military strike against iran during a peting just last week. Sources confirmed to abc that trump asked his Top National Security advisors what options were available to take out those Nuclear Sites but trump was talked out of military action with those top aides warning him it could lead to a bigger conflict. Trevor hold up. Trump wants to end a war in iraq but start one in iran . I dont know if he can pull that off, guys. First off, there is no way trump knows the difference between iraq and iran. And secondly, hes only got two months left in office. So if he goes to war with iran he will have to speed run it, you know, he will be par chuting into tehran like go go go, bomb bomb bomb, we were step, step, jump, jump, done. And no matter what anyone says, this is going to be whiplash for those american troops. Because this is a conflicting message, right. Yay, were going home, wait, why are we going to tehran, is waze acting up again. Here is the thing, even if you think it is a good idea to end wars, it is very stressful when it is donald trump and hes on a two month time line. I mean Donald Trumps whole career has been a failed game of monopoly so i dont feel great about him playing a speed version of risk. Moving on to alaska. Americas hard to reach top shelf. The state is home to the largest area of untouched wilderness in the united states. And donald trump has just two months left to change that. With his days numbered in the white house President Trump is rushing to auction off Oil Gas Drilling rights to the Arctic National refuge in alaska. The president is trying to lock in the drilling lights for this National Wildlife refuge of before president elect Joe Biden Takes Office in 65 days, what is the Trump Administration did today is they started the process of leasing off tracts of land in that wildlife refuge known as anwar asking drillers to take tracts of land where they would like to drill on and that sets off a 30 day clock before a sale date is actually announced. Hell ya yeah bashee, donald trump lost the election, all hell no, guess what, none of us are going to be breathing easy, ha ha, this is a bad thing, right. At this point trump is just stripping america for parts. He just there in his yard like throw in another 50 bucks and i will give you the constitution. Between you and me it barely workings any more. But i think it is obvious what he is doing. Trump thinks if he sells off enough of america, in wont be anything left for joe biden to be president of. He is going to be like heres the key, joe, youve got the white house, youve got the sidewalk and Everything Else belongs to exon. And finally, chicken. Birds that always look like they just some shit. Americans eat 9 9 billion chickens every single year and President Trump apparently wanters one of his last acts in office to be meeting that demand. The Trump Administration is proposing a new rule that will allow chicken slaughter houses to process bird morse quickly. The proposal raises some maximum line speed by 25 to 175 chickens per minute. St unclear if the administration will be able to get the change approved before President Trump leaves office. Its almost like trump is trying to be the worst president for every species. Humans, wolves and now even chickens. Why does he want to kill chickens faster . I mean it sounds like they made him wait three minutes for kfc order once and he was like this can never happen ever again. And lets be clear. The reason that this there is a speed limit on chicken production lines is to give powl tree inspectors time to make sure the meat is safe and to make sure the workers are less likely to injure themselves. The last thing you want is for your chinger fingers to come with actual fingers. Although it is possible he dont know any of this. He might just assume this is a military decision because he still thinks Colonel Sanders is one of the joint cheefers. But regardless, why is he spending time on this. Doesnt this guy know that corona is out of control right now. Sir, too many people are dying in the streets. Coronavirus is going crazy in america. I hear you loud and clear jaim, we have got to kill more chickens to even it out. Trevor so that is how trump has spent his time since election day. And if trump has decided to do all of this in the first two weeks after the election, can you imagine what else he can do in the next eight we cans . Oh, we should all just pray that he never realizes the Nuclear Football can be used for more than just throwing at eric. All right, well take a quick break but when we come back well check in with lewis black. And dont forget lindsay vonn is coming up, so hello hello there he go, my baby never answers in the room steps outside, or puts it on snooze he just do whatever he do ou ee ou ou ee ou hello hello hello hello hello hello been there, done that. Twice your cousin. From boston. Karen, im just gonna say what everyone here is thinking. You look smokin. Total smokeshow. And they never did find his finger. They had to close the pool for like an hour. I brought a date. Names sam. Dig in. Love is like boston lager. Rich, complex and its over too soon. Right, chrissy . Oh my god. Everything you need, when you need it most. Introducing the toyota venza with standard allwheel drive. Toyota. Lets go places. Whoa someone please help of course. Youre tenacious, ill give you that its ok, im ok. [heavy breathing] where are you . Coming lets do this yeaahh its on woooo whoa. [heavy breathing] rated rp to t. The fighting spirit is one we for eduardo perez, it drove him to thrive in his search for a better life. Immigrating from guatemala at 18, he found work as a dishwasher. A line cook, sous chef, and eventually. Fought to the top of one of the most challenging professions in the world. Proving that there is no challenge that can hold back a fighting spirit. Since 1925, weve proved that it doesnt matter where you come from, it matters what youre made of. Modelo. Brewed for those with a fighting spirit. But to someone whos tired of always ordering delivery hey google, play salt fat acid heat on netflix. Its the google dinein motivator. Nest hub from google. hundred bands in my pocket, its on me on me yeah, your grandmama probably know me know me its a moment when i show up, got em sayin, wow new doritos flamin hot limon. Trevor welcome back to the daily social distancing show. As a Trump Presidency winds down, there are plenty of questions about what happens next to the world of maga. To help us answer some of those questions, lets check in with lewis black for another episode of black in back in black. Lewis, whats going on, my friend, how are you doing . Never better, trevor. I was just out on the street and some guy vaccinated me. Trevor vaccinate, lewis, the vaccine isnt available yet. Oh, look, it was something in a syringe, ill take it. Trevor you are always living on the edge, lewis, you have to be careful. Lets get to the news, with joe Biden Victory becoming clearer and clearer every day it seems like at this point fox news is like the only place where donald trump can still be president. You think so. But actually fox news is bail on trump too. Dont forget they were the first to call arizona for biden. And more and more theyre calling bull shit on trumps bull is hit. Neil vavut corks got away from Kayleigh Mcenany making unfounded claims democrats rigged the election. We want every legal vote to be counted and every illegal vote. I think we have to be very clear, shes charging other side is welcoming fraud and welcoming illegal voting. Unless she has more details to back that up i cant in good couldnt nance continue she you this. S had has been called. Just because cnn or fox news says somebody is president doesnt make them president. So i think everybody wants to know that this was done properly and legally. What is happening. Trevor i never thought i would see this, so fox news is probiden now . Well, not probiden but theyre definitely biden curious. Either way it looks like its splitsville for fox news and donald trump. And i would be worried if i were fox. Because if there is one thing trump actually has experience in it is dumping blonds. Trevor either way though lewis, Trump Supporters cant be happy to see his favorite news network a done ssh abandon him. What do you think Trump Supporters are going to do. Well, theyll take some time to process the loss. Maybe disconnect from the media for awhile. And curl up with a good novel. And consider that maybe they would be happier not living in a constant state of seeting rage and grieveance. Trevor that actually sounds nice, do you think that is really what they will do . No theyre finding somewhere else to guzzle their cocktail of made up bullshit. Right wing fanatics havent b