Make myself not do that again. And then i give you a very long reading list because im your professor [laughter] go read all this stuff, and then we come back and you write a great paper and you graduate with honors, and then you write a book and you sit, like, on a panel with a writer. See how useful it can the all be. [laughter] you can all be successful. [laughter] straight line, right . On some days i can let myself go that way. For me one of the first collection of essays that i ever read was entitled how to kill yourself and others in america. Me too. That was the first thing that i ever read that i was, like, so i can be my cup self country is self, i can talk in my slang, i dont have to great grammar, e myself on the page. That was one of my first books. I read it, like, twice a year, its an easy read. That book is my favorite book. And also belle hooks born black. Its a memoir, but the way it was written is very, like, every chapter is no more than two pages, and the way that she talks about black girlhood but also, like, feminism and womanism and all these isms, sexism, all those isms, that was one of the first things i read where i was like i want to write Something Like this, i can do Something Like this. I can see myself in this. Even growing up i always say i was in grown folks business all my life. [laughter] so even growing up i would be, like, reading these urban fiction novels that people dont take seriously but they should because theyre fire. [laughter] i would be reading, like, twisted soldier at like 8 years old. Its like Little Pockets of, like, pressure in Little Pockets of racism. And i was subtly learning those things very young, and i would read fly girl by omar tyree all the time. And it just seemed like i love coming of age stories. Like, thats my thing because i cant write one. [laughter] but i like reading them. And, like, i would just find those bigger themes within that family narrative which is back to, like, what we do, like, literally that. But, yeah. Really the biggest influence for me is music. I read music lyrics more than anything. Rap lyrics all the time. I just find myself, what are you talking about . And, like, when i read it, i can see pain or, like, i can see intention in those words, and i want to, like, mimic that in my own work where itll have, like, a sunny feeling but also, like, that literary element as well. Yeah. Theres an essay in the book that you mentioned called you are the second person which i think was i cant remember what magazine it was, i believe its an online magazine, and you can google you are the second person, and i just remember being like, i went out and bought the book immediately. I was completely floored by the power and compassion in that piece. And that also a made me think the other book i was reading in the final edits of this book, i got an advanced copy, but its out now, the Jesse Mcmillan book yeah. Moderator and that and thats up for the National Book award for essays. Thats another please, go read that book. Were all writers that are writing for these themes and collectively you can start to, like, have some thoughts, right . None of us is the one story, right . Theres that danger of, like, oh, i read this, and now i understand what all americans might think about something. The book is actually being like please dont do that, right . The idea and i think were conditioned for that. You go to college, and because we are predominantly white spaces and were invited to represent a whole group. Thats a danger that can happen. I think both of us are working to dismantle that. The minute we got any sort of privilege to do so, we were like lets try to break that down and, like, put take the power of it and do Something Else with it. Yeah. And you do both write very effectively about that in each of your memoirs, each of your essays collections about the problem, the issue of being the person within a white environment expected to represent your race. And, you know, i know that its i know that a lot of people have issues with those kinds of things. So, you know, i did when i got to that part in each one of these novels, i i thought, yes, i know. You know what were talking about. In each of the memoirs,ing you know, i knew what you were talking about. So, yeah, good. My first expose your to that, its sort of a form of microaggression, its called spotlighting. It was actually in my capacity as a counselor working in los angeles and working with First Generation College studentses from different races and classes and sort of hearing these experiences. They would talk about these things happening in class, and i would realize it happened to me as well, and its a form of microaggression, and i didnt know it had a name until years after. Yeah. Im trying to think of i didnt know what microaggression was when i went to school. [laughter] im like i didnt know when i went to college. I just remember, like, the first time my freshman year, and i had, like, a roommate. I was putting on lotion, its in the book. I was putting on lotion, and its cocoa butter lotion because i got that be right. [laughter] but i was putting on lotion, and my roommate asked me, she was, like, [inaudible] you know when Somebody Just disrespects you, it dont click in the moment, like, it click later on . So i was just, like, i had another roommate who, like, corrected her. What . Why would that do that . But then i was sitting in the watching catfish, i remember this plain as day, and i was just sitting there, and i just kept putting my lotion on, and i was like, no. And it took me weeks for me to really realize what happened. And i was, like, im going to have to hit this girl. [laughter] see, thats like a whole other thing. The only space, i already know how its going to be received if i just say anything, then you like shut down on that. And i think thats, like, the power of microaggression. Like having to break through that fear of how youll be perceived and just, like, like i said, theyll go around it. Like going through it. And that takes, like, a lot of, like, time and, like, amping yourself up to do. It sounds like so easy to be like, girl, ill slap you if you say that again. [laughter] its not that easy when youre, like, in the moment. Right. Yeah. Great. We are running out of time, but i did have, i wanted to give you a chance to if you have anything to add about your books or about anything else . I had a question for you because you were saying like, oh, new york, chicago, why did you come here when you could have also im from miami. I live in nebraska now, i lived there, like, i bought a house in that state. Like, im a resident, i had to change my license. Youre like, no. It was a a painful moment. Very painful. So i dont know, even people are like, oh, what are your talking about . I live in nebraska, but im from miami. Have you not encountered that . Ive just never been to maim. I believe you, im just never been. We have a field trip coming up. Cool [laughter]