A couple of notes for you, please silence your cell phones as always. Also, if youd like to ask the question this evening, right over here in front of the wisconsin book festival banner there is a microphone, we are joined across the nation on cspan booktv today so please ask your question from the microphone. Also as a special treat, artist will santino is here and will be graphic recording throughout the event. Writing down things they discussed, questions we ask and then his piece of art will be on display after stop here is Angela Batista from a [applause] abi want to give a big thank you to Madison Public Library, the Madison Public Library foundation and all our amazing sponsors for making this whole thing possible. Thank you. And thank you for coming out to the wisconsin book festival to hear adam rippon talk about his new book beautiful on the outside i dont think he needs an intro, everybody in this room probably knows him. If you dont, get a tv. [laughter] check your internet. Or read this book. He is the first openly gay u. S. Male figure skater. He stole all of our hearts and even after that he went on to win season 26 of dancing with the stars because. [cheering] [applause] because why not . Because he couldnt just be good at one thing, you had to go ahead and do other things. Welcome. Thank you so much. The story i wanted to tell was that i know this started at 4 30 p. M. And i thought, i had walked here early in the day, i thought i knew i was going. [laughter] and i didnt. [laughter] then right before we came out here everybody was calling me they are like, where are you . Im like im here so every thought i was dead but im alive and very well now. [laughter] thank god, right . Tell me why did you decide to write a book . I decided that i wanted to write a book because, i know it seems like maybe its a little early, i know i look so young. [laughter] but i felt like in my life my whole athletic career felt like one giant chapter and it feels like that chapter is ending and the new one is beginning. I went through a lot and i learned a lot about myself and about life in general and i really wanted to share this experiences. In this book i share a lot about the failures that ive had because in those moments i feel like i learned the most about myself. Its sort of like ties into the beautiful on the outside title. Can you explain the title a little bit more . Yes i can. Theres like two things to it. The first thing, im not a writer by trade. I do consider myself like a storyteller so i wanted to write something that basically sounded like you were having a conversation with me and we were sitting on the couch together. Then i was trying to think of a title and basically the only thing i wanted to do was to have a title that was like funny and stupid and a picture that was just as dumb. [laughter] but then when you start doing a lot of media they are lit, we know you arent that shallow. What is the real meaning . Im just kind of like, a [laughter] first of all, thank you. [laughter] second of all, what was the question again . [laughter] then i started really thinking about it, like god couldnt have cursed me with this title and blessed me with it at the same time. I was like what is the deeper meaning . For me the deeper meaning is like all the times i failed it wasnt until i embraced those moments and didnt try to put on this beautiful on the outside exterior when i wasnt feeling so hot about myself. When i embrace those things thats really when i was able to be the most successful. I also just want to say the cover is absolutely iconic. [laughter] for something that is wonderfully camp about it. You are so serious yet so silly, and as you say, dumb at the same time. How dumb do you have to be to do this . You have to be very dumb. [laughter] and im. [laughter] so perfect. You have such a really natural and quick wit about you, just even talking with you and seeing you in interviews. It always seemed so effortless. Was it different or difficult for you to distill that in your writing . Sometimes while i was writing i realize i was given too much power. Because in an everyday situation you have like one second and it passes by and i tried to take advantage of that second but when you are writing something, you have more than a second. He go back and make a joke go on for a paragraph, which i tried to throw in as many things as possible because when i was reading different memoirs, my favorite memoir is tina fey bossy pants. You guys have good taste. [laughter] i was thinking, this book had a mother it was be bossy pants. He wanted to be written in the same vein that youd be reading and learn about this person, me, and he would also laugh out loud along the way. I always use humor in my life, i learned it as a coping mechanism for a long time and then i realized it was like a talent of mine. A lot of talent i have. [laughter] were you always this entertainer . Always. I think i feel like the most myself when im in front of a lot of people and when i can make people laugh and i can make people really enjoy a moment. I think were really long time i use my skating as that outlet and it wasnt until the later part of my career that i even realize that i had my best competitions when i just reminded myself and told myself, its just a performance, its just a performance. Its a show. I let everybody else do the competing and i focused on just performing for everyone. I naturally was doing it off the ice but i think as i got older i got more comfortable to do it in interviews, competitions and then at the olympics theres just like interview after interview. Its like how many times can you joke about diarrhea . [laughter] i found out a lot of times. [laughter] and it never gets old. I found myself laughing out loud in a coffee shop multiple times because of diarrhea jokes. Thank you for those moments. You are welcome. [laughter] when i was reading this book i thought, i got the sense that you are very superstitious and he believed in omens, signs, are you into abastrology . Yes. If you read the book you know his birthday is coming up november 11, your scorpio. It makes sense. When i was reading this book i thought, this is just a story of this really wild crazy saturn return for you. Nobody said that out loud. It makes a lot of sense to me. It does. If you arent versed in astrology or have a costar app, theres a time in your life its usually in your late 20s in summary things are changing and for you that was going to the olympics. How do you look back on that . I had friends that have gone to the olympics as well and theyve met old and some of them have one and before i ever qualified i thought, i want that moment. What i didnt make the team in 2014 i realized when i had those friends that nothing really changed. They were still the same people i always knew and i felt like this moment was going to define me for the rest of my life. I needed to have this moment and once i realized it was just another event it was just something to go to, i was able to relieve some of that stress. And thats why when i went to the olympics i was able to have this great experience because i had a better understanding of what it was. For many athletes when they medal at the olympics they talk about that moment on the podium like its the moment they waited for their entire life. For me it was an incredible moment, im there with my teammates from the team event, some of whom ive known forever, i can see my family, i can see the flag being risen, i can hear the National Anthem, not ours, we didnt win. [laughter] but i hear a National Anthem and im like oh thats so nice. And we are all there and in that moment i realized that that was like a moment for my family. It was a moment for my coaches and for me the moment was just being at the olympics it was like this whole embodiment of what the whole experience meant to me when i left the olympics and now when i look back i realize the moment i had been waiting for was the opportunity and chance to like introduce myself to the world. I look back on it too and i realized it wasnt that long ago. You kinda burst onto the scene and everyone fell in love with you. Thanks. [laughter] but i didnt realize at the time what that really meant for you to go to the olympics when you were 28. In the journey that you had going up to it. Thank you for writing this book, now i know what it took. I imagine your mom is so proud of you. This book is about as much about your mom almost as it is about you and she made a lot of sacrifices. Can you talk a little bit about that. Shirt. I think to be an olympic athlete it takes a whole team of people behind you to get there. You cant get there on your own and in skating its not like some other team sport where you can be really good and you can be recruited and then you are on this team and the coaches are taking care of the whole staff was there and then if you get traded somewhere, like i really dont know how it works but. [laughter] that happens and they are like, a trade . Oh. Good work . Sometimes its good. In skating its your parent whos in charge of all the decisions and sometimes the parent has no idea what they are doing. A lot of times because they are not skaters and dont have that experience. Sometimes its like the blind leading the blind. The two people are making the decision, who are making a decision for you to find like a world level coach for you to go after your dreams as an adult who doesnt know what they are doing and a 10yearold who feels like they know everything. [laughter] its a winning team for sure. [laughter] i think my mom, do you know the drill . I think that with my mom, my mom was, she did everything she could to make sure i could go after my dreams. We had moments of like, we had our ups and downs but i think we had them because i was becoming an adult and i didnt want to pressure feeling like i was letting my family down. I did want the pressure feeling like my mistakes would hold my family back or my brothers and sisters from opportunities that they had because im the oldest of six kids. I didnt want such a financial burden on my family because of doing something i was doing so there came a point where i said, i have to do this on my own and if i cant do it on my own is just not meant to be. Of course my mom at first thought it was like me throwing everything away but i knew it was something i needed to do and it took my mom and i a minute to get back to a really good place because i think my mom also felt like it was me being like, hey athanks for 20 years. I will call you. [laughter] it wasnt like that. It was me trying to step into my own. It took a while for my mom to see that. You talk about basically breaking off, striking off financially from your mother but that also meant basically starting from bottom for you to stop you had no money at all. How was that . Not good. [laughter] it was like on a scale from 1 to 10, 10 being the best. It was closer to one. I moved out to california seven years ago. At first i moved to the small Mountain TownLake Arrowhead which its like la, i tell people, abthey didnt need to know it was like a Mountain Town in san bernardino. I was living in la and when i was there i had a little bit of money from one competition i had done right before i moved out there and thats basically all i had. I had maybe like 2000. You are like, okay you can make it work. But when you are a skater you have all your coaching expenses, the ice time, to find a gym to work out and thats all before you also moved there on a oneway ticket without a car and no apartment. So you are like 2000 is gone and like one second. Andy scates, you are pointing to your skates. Those too, i guess you need those. I didnt have a place to live. My coach said, hows it going . I was like, not great. He offered to let me live in his basement. I lived in his basement. Then all the sudden, i have a place to live and this town isnt very big so i can walk everywhere. Now i dont really have a lot of money for groceries or anything comes up. I dont have a wiggle room for anything. Also, i started a bank account with b,80 so that i found from random competitions i had gone to. So i go to the bank and im what, do you accept these . [laughter] i had just walked from europe. [laughter] do you accept b,80 . Luckily they did. [laughter] there was two options for banks there was bank of america, which like i had heard of, then the bank of arrowhead. I was like that is a pyramid scheme and are not to go there. I think i made the right choice. I then didnt have a lot of money for food but i realized that i had this loophole that the gym abi was looking pretty good. The gym that i abi cant wait to see that. B,80. The gym i was going to have this huge bowl of apples and taws ot so i had no money so i said i will take all these apples. I might be poor but at least i can be drinking expensive tea. I was well hydrated and it was definitely not can have scurvy. You are also allergic to apples. Yes but at the time i was allergic to money too. So i had to choose the lesser of the two evils. [laughter] being and competitive figure skating i imagine it weighs a whole lot under selfworth. How did you handle your failures . It weighs a lot on your selfworth but you also, you cant weigh a lot either. Having all the apples was helpful. I think i used to be really embarrassed by the setbacks that i had and i think for a while i felt defined by those failures. I thought, im this kid from scranton pennsylvania who kind of makes it in skating and is like a good skater but at the end of the day when it comes to really making it, always come so close and then doesnt follow through. That was like an identity that i felt was me and i felt like thats who i was that i would always get to this point and then it just wouldnt, i wouldnt be able to dig take the next step. Then i realized that that was sort of an identity that i made for myself, nobody told me that. I just decided that myself so if i could decide that was my destiny, i could also change it too because if i was that powerful, then maybe i could use my powers for good. Thats what i wanted to do. I had to change my mindset but i wasnt able to change it until i really felt like at rock bottom. Which for me was like not making the olympic team twice in a row. Because at the second time i was already 24, it felt really late for me to try and qualify at 28, four years later, for the first time. Its not something that happens. Its not a normal thing. I just felt really like it was over. I think it took me getting to rockbottom for me to do things that i was scared of. It took me nothing to be afraid to do anything but i didnt feel like i had anything to lose. Its a mindset i still try to keep today because its when i started to have the most success because i wasnt afraid of failure. I think for a long time i was afraid to fail and then when i did, i felt like i was repeating the cycle. Then all of a sudden when i realized that every point that you get to is just another starting point for another opportunity, which is easier said than done its way harder to actually think that way but every time i felt that way anytime i would have some sort of setback i never thought that way and i was able to move forward. Now that you are in your post olympic life. Do you still worry about failures . There are moments of course. I think everybody does. I think its like a normal emotion for everyone to have is to be worried about failures. But the one thing im really grateful for in my sport career, sporting career, i dont know why i had so much trouble saying that, i think the one thing im really grateful is that i saw that when i did have failures i was able to move forward. I was able to still move on. I was still okay. I think it was the fear of not knowing it youre going to be okay. In this different career path ive taken i think that i want to really remember those moments of feeling unafraid and feeling like i had nothing to lose because i just went and i went for it and i didnt worry about what other people thought and its a mindset that still stuck with me. But of course the fears of failure are still there but i think the feeling of being unafraid and just going after it is so much stronger. That voice is so much stronger now. A kind of want to talk about homophobia in figure skating. Because i thought, its figure skating, like . How did that work . How does homophobia work in u. S. Figure skating . I would tell you that in the later part of my career i was really lucky because i think i was such a athat nobody was going to mess around with me. Everybody else was 17, 16, there was a lot of younger kids that were really good. To be 28 and skating your best is normal. Its not normal. When i went to the olympics i was almost 30 and my competitors werent even 20. There is a huge gap and they are on that track that i thought i was on for so long. I think i had to remind myself that everyones success is on a different timeline. Theres not some sort of abthe timeline for success. I think we look to examples of people who have done it and if youve never done it and you havent done it yet maybe its never going to happen and i started talking and i completely forgot what you asked me. [laughter] i just started talking, 17, 18 all of a sudden a [laughter] i wanted to know how homophobia plays out . How did i get today are . [laughter] oh boy. This imagine to be in my head for a minute. [laughter] homophobia. I think that, when i was young, where i grew up i didnt see any gay people. Im sure they were around. But i didnt even know what being gay was. I found out. [laughter] but while i was skating i would sometimes get these little critiques, can you butch it up . Dont skate like a girl. Dont do this, dont try these certain elements. I took that advice and it wasnt until i got a little bit older than i realized that there was like an undertone, you need to change it up. You need to not be what might outwardly be perceived as gay. Nobody said anything to me personally where like, you have to not share who you are or anything like that. It was just these little digs that i got. Like my entire career. On that same topic, i felt that when there were other competitors on athey were really praised for being a normal boy who had a girlfriend and they were more forward putting out this image of what i think they thought would be like more mainstream of what would be more acceptable like if there was a gay person in figure stating it was already the stereotype anyway and it would maybe scare other boys from joining or looking into skating lessons or it would make them not want to be a skater. It was just sort of this vicious cycle where i would have these people sometimes tell me these little things. A lot of times may be 99 percent of the time it was an official who was a gay man telling you this. I think they honestly said these things not from a place of hate, i think they said them abto protect me from may be moments that they had. And different critiques they had gotten in their own life. I think they were saying them out of a place like from man to man, let me tell you switch it up. But i really feel like for me personally i was my best when i was out. Because i think a person who has a comingout experience that so liberating where you have to own who you are in front of whomever you ar