Rex is extremely rare. But friends dont have to be. When you are connected you are not alone. Cox along with these Television Companies support cspan2 as a public service. I am Kevin Butterfield director john w center the library of congress it is my great pleasure to introduce todays speakers. The center by the way is one of the sponsors of this years festival part we are proud to help bring americas most beloved writers here to join us. The center it works to bring scholars to work in the collections of the library of congress for up to a year. To study intensively and extensively and to produce great works. The sort you get to hear about at the National Book festival. Welcome to have when joining us live on cspan today but we aren proud to partner cspan again this year for todays event. Our next Program Features rk wrestling conversation rusmac history 2019 becoming the first active nfl player to identify as bisexual. His new book is titled the yards between us a memoir of life, love, football. Is the chief Communications Officer at the library of congress. Please join me in welcoming them up. [applause] thank you kevin. I finished your book this week it is such a beautiful memoir. Ver profound. I see its a little bit of a love letter to the relationship in your life your mom i think especially the men and your life. I mean your stepfather, your biologicalur father, your childhood friend your best friend joe and of course of your team mates. How did your relationships with these men impact you . Approximately that was the foundation i what i built my manhood off my masculinity my identity is very much a culmination of all of these people my stepfather for example, i lost him at a very young age but still his messages ring true with me today by the character of a man is not how big you are, how strong you are, how intimidating you are but f of your word in your character. Saying things and following through her being dependable and accountable and to the state hoops, my childhood friend who i consider a brother now is someone who has taught meet resilience. To survive heartache and loss and be abandoned by his own family for becoming a part of mine and my best friend joe. About the heart and morality and seeking out to be thele change n peoples life to be a lights people can lean on. Life, examps may be not to do, the false steps we can all take as youve met and the heartache and the importance of healing from that, so you do not continue those cycles. All of these men, teammates as well have taught me about the things that it truly means to be a man and those things have nothing to do with sexuality or how much money you make or how big you are being a Football Player and Football Player or not its about how you affect people and show up in peoples lives. The things they tell you when you are not in the room and the things they will say when youre gone. You talk a lot in the book about the struggles. How did youou get through that d who did you lean on to make sure you could get through it . My mother first and foremost its funny because i do talk a lot about them in my life but the constant throughout all this is my mother. Shes my best friend to this day and she taught me so much just by being herself in who she is that there are no limits in what you can do as a person in this world. She had me at a very young age. A pregnant at 19 and had me as 20 as a single black mother in america a lot of what she heard as the things she couldnt do, the person i she couldnt speak. The statistics we fell into and we exceeded all of them. She was never to woman for something or limited. She got her masters while raising me as a single mother and was there in my life even when i was drafted by the cowboys the first thing i did is move my mother in with me because i knew she would be that foundation and that rock for me. Its funny because i learned i think the most about being the man also from a woman and i think that is pivotal because with of a multiplicity of women we need to understand how we fit the mold and how we should break these molds at times and coexist with people. You also mentioned sports has given me a lifeline. Do you mind if i readd apart frm the book . You wrote football is how i found peace in high school, how i obtained a scholarship to a Top University and attracted most of my Love Interest seemed made friendships that became brotherhoods and when no oneot else wanted me, football was home. Theres so much, a young age i benefit to my detriment. Football especially growing up in texas is a pivotal part i of culture. I think its family, faith and football and though my family a lot of times didnt look like othery peoples, i didnt attend church regularly like others did, football is something i could lean on and proceed when they saw me in the something that asfo the outside world begn to value i began to do the same. I try togi tell Young Athletes d all people in general that of course it is okayse to sacrifice things to achieve your dreams and to succeed in the proportionate interest of the creative hobbies or activities that you love but its never okay to sacrifice yourself and that is in mind with walking the lineup football that becomes so obsessive and i think that as much as i love football and as much as it gave me brothers in the shape of teammates and mentors in the mail figures and coaches and family purpose, education, i also lent it to take things from me like my uniqueness and my individuality, the ability to challenge the things i was told about being a man or a black man in america, and i let it encompass all of me. Its okay for it to be a huge part but its not all im and it took a long time to learn that. You received asc scholarshipt purdue and played for their football team. For those that do not know, can you explain what is taught you and what life lessons . Essentially when you commit to a college and play on their team for whatever reason the first year you have to sit out. For me its because i was a bit undersized, tall and athletic that kind of small to be defense man. So it was basically the coach telling me that i needed to go work out and eat and get bigger if i wanted to play in the league which i agreed and i did do, but there of course our benefits to be like you get to learn the game and be around other athletes and teammates and really be in those big ten starters and things of that nature, seeing what it takes and you get the extra year to kind of prepare and compete and still get four years to play after that which is amazing at it for me vital but it also comes with hardships. Like i moved from texas to Lafayette Lafayette and was told you are good enough to be in the building but not out on the field and the sacrifices they made to that point it comes with its own unique challenges. When your mom surprised you for your birthday, you drove around and landed at the cowboys playoffs, your first nfl game, the Dallas Cowboys versus the philadelphia eagles. Cowboys fans or eagles fans, but your life went fullcircle a few years later you get a call from jerry jones when you were drafted into the nfl. What was going through your mind . That they better call soon and i was stressing. [laughter] but no, its amazing like you said that fullcircle moment, my mother would surprised me though i played football there was such a disconnect in the nfl these were people that were larger than life playing on this tv screen and i assumed everything that they did was something that i could not achieve or couldnt aspire or wasnt in my realm of thinking at the time, but going to see the game and of those huge men that they were still playing on the same hundred yard field i was playing on with the same type of ball into the same rules it made it so much more achievable for me and when i get the call in 2015 to be an Dallas Cowboys and hear that for country accent saying my name its validating. I sacrificed so much in that time period to be a Football Player and achieve the dream by being drafted that most people never achieve in their life but also as a professional then at that point you realize its time to go to work and to show up for all the things youve done up until this point and in terms of my personal journey, college is where i was starting to understand whether it was bisexual because they didnt have a lot at the time that whatever i was was great and thats another thing i just put under the box of sacrifices for sports and getting drafted in my mind validated that. I was like im glad i didnt have a boyfriend or become open because he made it to this point. What people dont realize is ones are in the nfl we assume the money is pouring in and all this hard work paid off. There is a lot of work physically and a lot of mental work that needs to happen because you neverr know if youe going to get resigned or staying with of the team or getting injured. How was it going from the cowboys to the buccaneers . At first it was devastating. They weree my Hometown Team that drafted me where you want to fulfill that. We wanted which he ended up going somewhere else but you want to be that figure in your team and the people that decide to be right you see those expectations and getting cut from the Dallas Cowboys was my moment basically i messed up here if there is something i can even do i went even before going with of the buccaneers i went on several trials that didnt work out. In each i felt a bit of myself being chipped away and to have in my opinion kind of like the least best workout to say we are going to give you a chance to kick it into second gear. Theres no more funny business im not hanging out with friends as much. I cant be the hometown hero. E, i candidate im just going to focus on football. Life has a funny way when you try to shut all these doors and focus, to show you the broad picture and where youre focused. When you were in tampa Something Big happened in football. In this is when cabernet camille during the National Anthem and the witnesses that was happening at the nfl at the time tell me what was happening behindthescenes empower the players deciding if they kneeled it seems probably an easy decision to do it. What were the kind of factors the players were weighing . I think especially in the nfl people have a perception of what it is but honestly we really just talk football or sports. We have moments but we are there some off us almost 12 hours a dy strictly for football and that is the first time there was a discussion in such a large scale about something so much more. I think there was a lot of misinformation. There were players that didnt understand what it was about. There were executives and coaches that didnt understand. I know the first time the owners of the buccaneers came to speak with all of the team and to come up with what they believed to be solutions or to address the problem but also to figure out how we fit and to support the game of football and what the anthem represented so it was a bit of a mess if i have to be honest. It means so much to so many people and also Police Brutality specifically in a social injustice and for people of color also something that affects me and my family and everyone that i know, it affects all of uss whether we are people of color or not and these are very big things. Ive had a family in the military. My brother is in the army, my dad was in the air force, sorry, the navy. My granddad in the air force. It means so much to so many people, but to me the message and the conversations that were being had that is the important part. In i think it was an opportunity for the nfl to jump in on the discussion. I dont think at l that time. Lets talk about the difference. They made some changes. What do you think of them . Its a major culture change, but is the legal in the right path . I think the league is on a good path. I think as we navigate as always there arer missteps and better paths to make. The representation of the lien you have younger people watching football so how do we get the message to them in a way that is both digestible but also meaningful, you know, doing things like putting and racism in the end zone and is seen as okay thats cute but what are we actually doing end of . The nfl s funding the blackowned businesses, social initiatives, hopefully trying to be more proactive about issues instead of reactive so i think once you look at the landscape of things they are doing they are making an effort because they are a huge organization. Will always be room to do more but there is an open discussion listening to people who come to the table and challenge them and what they do and what they think. And other subject matter as you all heard of this years National Book festival theme is everyone has a story and jasons story is a trailblazing story. The library of Congress Loves to say the broad but it also needs to be a mirror to everyones world so they get to see other peoples stories and i think this is where your story comes in very importantly. In your book you mentioned a lot about how you struggled with your sexuality and happiness versus your career. Thats football and the league. You said the questions in my head grew louder and my identity overflowed into worries about the future. There was a bit of irony and how in was shrinking away from a dream even as my hard work had been within reach. The nfl wanted me but only because they didnt know the real me. I dont want to that must have been something hard to wrestle with. You worked your entireur life fr this moment and what do i do. Football is one of those things, those unique things that though it is a job at that level its one of the few jobs where it calls to your manliness or character like who you are as a person. I think thats something we focus a lot on. When you pick up a football at a young age,ge people tell you wht type of person you need to be to play the game and some of it is correct like you kind of need to be a little crazy to hit other people at full speed and get up and do it over and over again. But theres rhetoric specifically of dont throw like a girl. Theresgh being tough which is f course important but not blocking out all the emotions, to get up and rub some dirt on it works in effect to some effect but it doesnt work for all of your lifes obstacles and i think when you focus so much on the f type of people that can play football youre saying what type cant play and i grew up and most of the players on the league as well when i realized i didnt fit the type id been told from a young age what Football Player, the strong masculine, straight, hardnosed not emotional person. I thought do i not belong here. That was the hardest part i think that i was reading from your book you struggled a lot with both depression and maybe binge drinking. How are you today . Not drinking, thank god. Thank you. Four years sober in september. [applause] we wish you well. This month is the 40 Year Anniversary of when you wrote that essay that was published on espn. Im going to read a quick excerpt. You wrote i want to live my dream ofe playing the game. I worked my whole life to play and being open about the person ive always been, those two objectives shouldnt be intw conflict but judging from the fact that there isnt a single openly lgbtq player in the nfl and Major League Baseball or the nhl brings me pause. I want to change that. For me, for other athletes that share these common goals and for the generations of lgbtq athletes thaton will come next. When you were in college, michael came out and then most recently the only nfl player with a free agent who is out. Let me ask you this. What do you think it will take for more professional male athletes to come out . I know its going to be a major culture change. Should start with the league or teammates or owners were the sponsors . Its a major undertaking and is know that youve taken this to task about what do you think needs to change to feel more comfortable . I think it has to come from both sides. I think we have heard a little bit more about how the players have come forward to talk about accepting a player for the merit of their game and their hard work. I think all of that is great. I dont think weve had that same messaging when it comes to marketing and promotion whenin u show and what you see on tv or commercials or in the stadiums what types of people are allowed to be fans let alone players i think is really making sure that you bring inclusion into the base of your foundation and organization. So even if they are not out players as coaches and executives and administrations, all these things as referees. The game in and of itself needs to be more inclusive for people to feel comfortable. You cant ask what will make them feel comfortable if you dont of people around that understand the experience that you are treating a wound instead of the problem and the cause of it. But i personally though i work veryel closely with the nfl and the players in the sports culture, i truly believe that like i was saying, a lot of that is the culture we here at a young age a lot of it is about lgbtq plus athletes growing up because they dont feel included in sports or supported in sports and i think once we fix that problem, thats going to affect more people. More people are going to play at the Public School level and even thee collegiate level. So you think it should start from the very beginning . While kids are playing touch football or little League Baseball games in a start to the culture change their . Its important. My goal isnt to have every professional player thats out and if it is a great goal, but to me it is to have lgbtq plus players getting into the sport young, go into professional leagues already out and already being their true selves and valued for that upfront and face value and being allowed to play the game they love. When you published your essay and did your interview, how did you feel . That mustve been a huge weight off your shoulders. I describe it i think as coming up for air for the first time and not realizing id been drowning my whole life. There are things ive done that to this today im so proud of, this book being one of the top being drafted, going to g collee and graduating, but coming out is still probably my number one because it wasnt about football, it wasnt about other people and what they thought about me and