yummy, scrumptious bars. hmm? i just wanted you to eat more fiber. chewy, oatie, gooeyness... and fraudulence. i'm in deep, babe. you certainly are. [ male announcer ] fiber one. get these chains off my hands! like i'm jeffrey dahmer. i'm not! >> he is no jeffrey dahmer. still, he is no ordinary perp either. >> i was not a drunk driver! >> the man launching into this drunken tirade on this brimfield, ohio surveillance video is a priest. >> i'll give you a sermon on the mount. your sermon on the mound is this. get these off of me. i'm getting a rash! get these off!