i'm not busy trying to keep myself busy, right? what am i going to do tomorrow? i don't know. so, you know, it's kind of strange to think that, but that's what's going through my mind now. it's weird. >> though lindsay had been through the trauma of losing one parent to murder and the other to execution, she's decided to use the past not as a burden but as a guidepost. >> the past has helped me, because i look back and say i'm not going to do this, i'm not going to be like this, i'm going to make a better life for myself and for my kids. ♪