FULL TEXT Richmond January 23th 1847 from my own observations I have seen and heard many things which I shall never forget and as I wish to see how the world go while I am in it I have come to the conclusion to notice a few of them for my owne benefit in future years and in so doing I shall first notice my own orrigin from which I sproung and also what I were first Taught when a boy. first then the first thing I can recorlect of any importance to myself or to others is that it appears to me that a child can remember things much earlier than grown persons in the present age seem to think they do—for I know full well that I can remember things that was done comparitively speaking when I was nothing but a very small child and one of those instantes is I recorlect that I was the pet of my mother and indeed of all the family my mother being busily ingage one day in getting the breakfast she took me out of the bed and placed me in one corner of the kichen where she had a large kettle of water on boiling to make coffee which by some means or other got up set and I saw the water all runing under me and being so small I could not get out of the way so I got myself despertly scaulded in consequence of it and I do say that I had been set there by my mother nor was I able to get away until I was taken away by her again this I have only mentioned as a commencemint of my narritive the next thing to be noticed is the manner that I was raised which is very simple as may be suposed as I am of that colore of which it is thought that we are not entitle to much favour being shown us. therefore the reader may judge in what situation I were placed but let me say to you that my case were different from a great many of my colore as I never knew what the yoke of oppression was in the early part of my life for the white and black children all faired alike and grew on togather highfellows—well met untill we were nearly grown when the white boy with whom I had been all my life time entemmately associated with and to whom I had attached the stronges ties of affection and for whom I had often fought with as much ambition as if he had been my brother began (the white boy) to feel some what a man and like the peafowl in the mist of a brude of chickens he began to raise his feathers and boast of the superiority which he had over me and let me here remark that this give a second cause to me to look in to the world through which I had to pass: and of these two great misfortunes which had appeared the worst to me rejection or scaulding I can not at this time tell and I must here remark for the sake of justice to myself and to be candid before an enliten community that if there be anything in the world that is hurtful to one who reflects on such things it is this that after one has formed a attachment to an individual that they should after wards appear to have forgotten all friendship and kindness and treat you with contempt. I have seen such things often in my life time. but I will say no more on this point at present as I have now to retreat back over that part of my life which interveined between childhood and the age of which I am now speaking so I shall again have to associate myself with my friend the white boy who I shall do all the justice which belong to him although he is now dead and I have everry reason to beleave that he is this day setting under the golden alter for I beleave that he not only died a Christian but that he after he imbraced religion did live up to those very duties which the word of god do call for or at least I think if ever there were a true Christian on earth and I certainly beleave there has been and still are that he were one of those good and holy men. well then let us go on with our little rambles when we were boys we were always very found of each other and would most always be together and—oh: what seasons we have seen I have not at this time tongue to express it howsoever there is one thing which I never shall forget and that is this while we were very young there was a very great revival of religion in that part of the country where we lived which had a very great impression upon most of the people about there so we were very small and no one would have thought that we ever thought of such thing as prayer but there is a spirit in man and the inspiration of God giveth it an understanding and that spirit appears to have breathed into both of our breastes at one time so one day as I was walking about the yard and midataing on the subject of religion my friend came out of the house and addressed me with these words—Fields says he I can tell you that there is a great many people getting religion and I think we ought begin to think of our souls too well said I to him that is just what I was thinking about, well said he to me lets us start and try to pray and see which of us will get religion first and so we commenced according to agrement between us and it was right funy to have heard our prayers for you may be sure that they were a composition of our own make which was bad enough I can tell you but as bad as they were we were like the old woman of whom I have heard told who could say nothing but January and febevary which she continued to say until her soul was converted so it was with us and so it will be with all who will bow themselves at the foot of mercy with a broken heart and a contrite spirit and beg for mercy at a throne of grace. but I must proceede with myself and friend it is true that we did not imbrace that blessing in that first attempt but this was seed sown in good ground which took root downwards and has sience sprung upward and brought fourth fruit to the honour and glory of god I trust. but why did we not receive it while we were so egerly engaed in prayer when we were young and tender plants of the lord? it was because we were ignorant of the ways of the lord for though I had even in that early attempt many a manerfestation of the goodness of god and his willingness to forgive me for my sins yet I would not receive it because I had been taught that I was first to see heaven & hell and not only to see them but was actually to go to both places and see all of those departed souls those which was in heaven were to make me welcome home and those in hell were to be laid on a gridiron broiling and unless I could bring this news to the elders of a christian church I was none of his. such was the language which I was taught in the early part of my life which kept me and my friend for years cast down with troble looking for that which god has never promised to give nor would we have beleaved though one had risen from the dead and here let me ask you how many are they who are still in the same gross darkness? who beleaves they cannot go to heaven after they are dead unless they first go to hell while they are a living and see and know all about it and come and tell others that they may go and see the same for themselves, and what shall we say to these things must they remain thus? I leave them for your consideration and recorlect I am not at this time discusing any particular subject but rather giving a scetch of my own life but these things come in on me so fociable that I sometimes forget what I have undertaken to write I hope the reader will excouse me for so doing I must now return to my old tract and take with me my friend for further consideration. You see that I have shown all a long our close connections with each other I shall now show you how we acted in after years: we had gone on in the way we commenced for some years and had grown to be good large boys therefore we had to be some what separated from each other but not all togather he was sent to school and I accordingly was placed into the field to work and I can tell you that this was something new to me nor was I very well pleased with it but I had to comply with the old saying work little pig or die so I got that troble off my mind and went a head at my work what ever that work might be I all ways tried to do it and during this time we both became some what nagligent about our prayers and neglected them very much so one day I said to my friend. you and I ought not to do so about a certain thing which I were doing which I thought was roung in the sight of an all seeing god he said to me. never mind that old mama who was his grandmother—says he she says whosover seek me early shall find me saeth the lord well I noticed the exspression and with what firmness it was made which caused me to ponder it in my heart and to thing of it more than ounce after words but along time after that we were talking over the same thing when he repeated the same words again and looked as if he was actually living that very faith at that time. well said I to my self you have more faith than I have for I really thought that to be trusting in what is called dead works: but nevertheless it had its affect on him in the long run for he did at last imbrace that love which works by faith and purifies the heart and overcomes a wicked world: so he had that blessed hope long before I did and left me a poor miserable sinner which circumstance made me look a round myself more than ounce I tell you: but he was not living at home when he found this prescious jewel and I heard it by letter and when the time of his probation was exspired it appears to me that his return would be more terrible than the law itself to me but neverthless when the time come he came also—and he was a perfect new man and soon after he had been home he called for me whose words fell on my ears like those words did to our forefather in the garden of eden when it was said to him where art thou and I like him might have said very striking I heard thy voice but was afraid of thy presents such was the effects of his convertion on me: but he with all the calmnes of a christian called me to his room and would not expose me publicly but took me and talked with me like a brother whose words was louder to me that a sermon would have been from any one else: and I made another attempt but failed again and so I went on for years trying and stoping again until finally I gave the notion out altogather as a bad job and my friend was now living a way from home and I had gotten over my first scare and therefore I was like the man out of whom the unclean spirit had gone out of and walked to and fro through the earth and could fiend no resting place so he had returned to me again and now it appeared to me that my last state was worst than the first seven fold: and now for my conduct and gods preservation is the next thing I shall give you for your consideration well in relation to my conduct I can only say that I done every thing that was bad I sometimes felt really agravated with god himself and thought that I had done all that I had a right to do for him and that he had not done his part toward me and therefore I tried to insult him by every wicked action that I could think of and even thought by so doing I should spite the great god of heaven and make him bow to my own will and notions but oh: how differently was I made to feel when concientes began to work with in me which brought me back to a sense of my duty to him who was my creater and my benifactor and who had watched over me with a paternal care from my very earlyes exsistance up to the very time that I was thus acting: in his presents at one time I went on the dancing florrer which thing I had not done for a long time before and while I stood on the floorer I all at ounce felt such a gilt and shameful feelling come over me that I could not hold myself still and the very first chance I got to slip a way from my partnor I done so to go out of door and there I stood looking up toward heaven which appeared to frown vengence upon my head and there I stood and trembled with fear while I was fully senable from my very feellings that I had sined in the sight of a holy god to whom I had to give an account of the deeds done in my body: and here let me say that this had a great enfluence over me in future years although I did not stop dancing at this fright but all ways after had a dread on my mind about every thing I done wrong all of these things happoned while I were young and before the evil daies had come upon me. for I had not at that time began to think much about the female sex which thing was a great troble to me in the first part of my manhood but not in the way as some might supose for I grew up a very chaste young man. but my fonness of being where they were and of chatting with them was a very henderance to me in doing that work which god had called me to do and which work he was determid I should do for his church all thought I was at that time ignorant of it myself but I have said the seed was sown early which took root and therefore I could not do anything but yeal to its growth and though I played off for a while nevertheless that hook had me from which I could not release myself and like the great rock fish that is hung by the gills and runs off with the line untill he is over come by that power which is above him and then taken into the canoe so are we the instriments of god’s grace when we fought against him all we know how he at last conquores us and brings us into his sheep fould that we may see what we are to suffer for his namesake and to enjoy by yealing to his will: but I have said that I would give you a detail of events which preserved my life in those accidents. some of them you my reader may think incredible but let me say to you that they are all facts the first of which is that I use to have to go to mill ounce a week and had an old grey mare which I had to ride ever I went and she (the old mare) had I think as much sense as a great many people has and when ever she took it in her head not to be rode she would not suffer you to come near her and she would go nowhere but in the middle of the fields where she would run a person a half a day to catch her so she got this notion in her head one day and appeared that she was determid that I should not ride her so I had the same notion in my head and was determid that I would ride her and so we began our race which we kept up for the space of about 2 hours at which time we were both very well beatting for she had beat me runing and I had beat her witting by toaling her with an ear of corn into an old smoke house which stood in the field, so after we both got in there I had determid as soon as we got togather to settle the matter between ourselves without carioing it any further but I suppose that she had made up her mind quiete to the reverse as she showed by her action after words. for when I had done all I had to do by giving her about 30 lashes with a large whip which I had with me and add to her persicution I had put on a very nice spur which I had slipt out of the harness room now when all of this was done I was perfectly sattisfied in my own mind that the thing was done with nor did I intend to say any more about the matter but to my surprise when I led her out of the smoke house and mounted her she just showed me what she intended to do and that the thing should go further before it could be done with and that it should go there sooner than I would like: so off she went with me on her back as hard as she could go the distance of half a mile when she came to an apple orched when again to my suprise she turned into it and ran right under a limb and struck my head right smack dash against it which blow knocked me out for dead upon the ground and there I laided I know not how long but when I come to myself my antigonist was still standing by me waiting for my recoverry that she might perform the duty which she had delayed so long by this great combat between myself and her. it was god’s mercy she did not kill me in that affear so that is one thing, and now for the next in which I was preserved when I was a boy I was very much afraid of dogs and it appears to me that all the dogs in the neighbourhood knew it so every where I went the dogs were all ways after me. and poor me I use to run myself almost to death to keep them from catching and sometimes I would be constrained to climb a tree to get clear of them which I would do comparatively speaking as quick as a squarrel. and thus was I hanted day and night a thinking of the danger I was in of being bit by some dog so my mother would say to me some times that I was of no account what ever and I would say to myself how strang she talks because I will not let the dogs bite me. I think to myself as strang as you may think of me for running and climing I am determid to keep it up for as sure as I live a dog never bite me and this is the only way that I can save myself so I mean to keep it up; well my old mother was one of those women that would go to see her friends some times at night and would always take some of her children with her—and I being very found of sleep she would be sure to carie me this she would would keep my eyes open. so one night she took the notion in her head to go to see a neighbour who had two of the worst dogs of any one in the whole neighbourhood well I had heard her say that she intended to make that visit and as soon as it was night. I rolled myself up in bed both head and heels and snowered a way for life pretending that I was asleep and that she would take some of the rest with her and at the same time I thought let whosoever will go they will be in great danger of being bit by those dogs and I had no idea it would be me but to my great suprise when the time for her departure come who should she call for but poor fields who was at that time almost entirely out of fears as to his haveing to go but the louder she called the more I endevorent to make her beleave that I was asleep but she was not to be fooled in this way so I had to dissist from my couset and obey the call of mother who had brought us up to stand greatly in fear of her so I arose from my lodgeing and prepared for my jurney and all my troble was those terrible dogs with which I had to come in contack. well at length we set out for our vissit which was done with great reluctance on my part but howsoever I had to follow on as on we went until we came very near the place of our destiney when mother began to show as if she was not altogather sattisfied in her own mind so she happened to fiend a large hoe laing by the way side which she took in her hand and walked on towards the house to which we had to go and when we had gotten to the gate in she went and stood upon the steps of the door while I with fear and trembling stood out side of the gate. waiting to hear the voice of the dogs when just as I expected out came both of them and no sooner did I hear their bark but off I went runing and hollowing at which one of the dogs ran through the gate right after me and there being no trees any where near I had to depend altogether on my heels which I made very good use of for about a quarter of a mile at which place I was caught by the dog and thrown down and bit to his own sattisfaction or at least untill the man of the house came to my releafe which appears to be a long time to me. and the dog had me all this time on the ground trying to tear me all to peaces if possible and I was so near exhausted that I had given up for dead and this every body said was gods mercy for said they if the other dog had followed me he would have cut my throat for said they that is the place he always aimes at: but from the bites which I got from the one like to had killed me for I could not walk the next day and was sore for a week afterwards so you may judge what was my opinion of dogs after this: a burnt child dreads the fire and this is the second event in the history of my life which I beleave that the hand of god did preserve me from death and now for the third which is this: when I was a boy I was all way very high minded, and one of my young m