Trust. Jenrick says he wants a far more restrictive leave system, allowing less than 100,000 people a year. Writing 100,000 people a year. Writing in the sunday telegraph, he said the governments recently passed rwanda bill will join the graveyard of policies that failed to tackle illegal migration last 30 years. Politicians of all stripes have promised controlled and reduced immigration only to deliver the opposite. And the deliver the opposite. And the pubuc deliver the opposite. And the public are rightly furious at whats happened. Its placed immense strain on housing, on pubuc immense strain on housing, on public services, on community cohesion. Labour is pledging to overhaul the countrys Mental HealthServices Following the defection of tory mp doctor dan poulter, the former Health Minister and psychiatrist announced that he was crossing the floor on saturday over the state of the National Health service. Sir keir starmer will service. Sir keir starmer will tour doctor poulters constituency tomorrow , so hell constituency tomorrow, so hell say labour will inject resource and reform into the way that Mental Health is approached. If they win the next election. The alba party has been placed on an election footing as motions of no confidence in scotlands first minister make a general election. There look increasingly likely. Their only msp , ash regan, hasnt confirmed msp, ash regan, hasnt confirmed if shell support humza yousaf , if shell support humza yousaf, but its thought that her vote could be crucial. Mr yousaf is asking leaders of rival parties to find Common Ground after the collapse of the snps power sharing deal with the greens, and finally, more human remains have been found in two locations in greater manchester. Weeks after the discovery of a torso in a salford nature reserve, the new body parts were found by officers at blackleach reservoir and a dog walker at linnyshaw colliery wood, both in salford. Colliery wood, both in salford. Police say they believe the victim was a man in his 60s. Two men were arrested on suspicion of murder on thursday and they remain in custody. For the remain in custody. For the latest stories, sign up to gb news alerts by scanning the qr code on your screen. Or you can go to gb news gbnews. Com alerts. Now its our headliners. Now its our headliners. Hello and welcome to headliners, your in depth look at mondays newspapers and the company of three top comedians. Im Stephen Allen, joined tonight by two big names in comedy. An even bigger names in the ofcom wallchart leo kearse and lewis schaffer. Youre giving yourself a round of applause. I have to do it. I have to do it. I dont, i dont feel like it. Im on a losing streak right now. Its not a quiz show. Oh, now. Its not a quiz show. Oh, sorry. Dont worry. Theres no chance of walking away with a speedboat at the end of this. Have you ever wondered why youve been on so many times and never won anything . No wonder you look depressed. Won anything. Theyve paid me to be on this show. This is. Ive won. This is. This is the high point of my. See, the problem with you is you. You were bigger when you were younger , and this is the were younger, and this is the highest. Wow. No, im saying, im saying, im saying this is. Im saying, im saying this is. I am in the glory days of my thing. Right oh, dear. Yeah. Right. Lets take a look at the front pages. We start with the daily mail. They go with tens of thousands exploiting hidden asylum loophole to the telegraph uk attacks eu double standards on migrants. The guardian, the home office to detain uk Asylum Seekers in shock rwanda move. The times says depressed and anxious face losing their benefits to make it worse in it. And the i news says sunak to resist early election as tory rebels on manoeuvres. And rebels on manoeuvres. And finally, the daily star umpah umpah take off the jumpers and those are your front pages. All those are your front pages. All right, lets get into mondays telegraph. Leo, what they got so they they lead with the government is accused the eu of double standards on migrants after ireland, which is in the eu, vowed to send Asylum Seekers to the uk despite france refusing to take channel migrants back. So this is, this is basically since the rwanda plan is finally looks like its actually going to take off. Migrants have been or Asylum Seekers or economic migrants illegal migrants, whatever, have been leaving the uk and going to ireland because they see that as a safer place. They see that as a safer place. But thats caused all sorts of problems in ireland because they dont have the infrastructure. You know, we dont either. But, you know, were were a bigger country. So ireland is saying, well, were going to senior irish ministers who say, well, were going to change the laws so we can send them back to the uk. And the uk is saying, well, we cant send them back to france, so why should you be able to send them back to us . And, yeah, theyre basically saying theyre going to dig their heels in and not accept any returns. It does also make you think we had the ability to send migrants back when we were in the eu. Oh, here we go again. No, oh, here we go again. No, steve, you got to get over it. Ive been eight years. Ive been eight years. You lost. Just accept it. You lost. Just accept it. You lost. Just accept it. Me personally, i lost. No, but i mean, this is what it means, isnt it . We actually could have. So the reason they cant send migrants back to the uk at the moment is because were not in the eu. If we were, then its thats part of the deal that everyone had signed up to. And it is funny , the reason to. And it is funny, the reason they cant send them back to the uk at the moment is because legally were not viewed as a safe country by them. Yeah come on, thats funny. I dont view britain as a safe country either. Im trying. Im trying to get out of here before i get stabbed. Yeah. I mean, louis, is any of this made you want to go to ireland instead . Well, i mean, what it makes me think of is, why dont we just makes you think that. Yeah, it makes me think. Why dont we just shoot somebody . Thats all that needs to be done in these things. I dont, i dont i dont believe in that , really. But thats in that, really. But thats basically what should be done is we just need to pull the they do that. Im not obviously im not advocating for that at all thing. Its a horrible who does that. They dont do that. They dont do that. But saudi arabia did that a bunch of i think there were eritreans or ethiopians , crossed eritreans or ethiopians, crossed into saudi arabia. Im not sure where from. Yeah so the Saudi Arabian border guards, youve pulled out machine guns and shot country in the world does that. Thats called a border. Im pretty sure its just saudi arabia got guys with guns on every border. Well, theyre possibly shoot. And so thats im not saying it needs to be done, but thats what needs to be. Well thats the thing. Our asylum system and our asylum rules are built for a completely different time and a completely different time and a completely different people. Now weve got mass travel and weve got social media. So, you know, pictures of four star hotels and people counting cash and whatever getting beamed back to wherever, everywhere in the world. So everybodys like, i want to come to britain. It looks it looks better. Theyve got stable democracy and all the stuff that we dont have in, you know, wherever we are, and the trouble is, theres only a certain amount of, certain amount of migration you can sort of deal with, especially if its people who arent culturally assimilable. I mean, if it was french people coming, that would be easier. But still, even still be bad, even a certain amount, just one, two, you know, then they get in the thing and oh my god, this guys. But youre one of them. And youre right. One is enough. One is too much. Leo. Thats a very good point. Well, mate, do you not think theres also. This is all pointless . Because if they do bnngin pointless . Because if they do bring in a law and theyll vote to say that the uk is a safe country, and then theyll be able to remove people to the uk, theyll just go straight back through again because its not like theres a border. Yeah. As long as they can get a ferry into Northern Ireland again, they just walk through. Maybe this is just like a gap year for eritreans. They get to do the full circuit tour of europe. And you know at each point the home office in whatever country is moving you on. So youre not even having to pay on. So youre not even having to pay for a ticket because theyre actually saying if ireland sends them back over, theyre going to get sent back. So this is if you love spending time on ferries, this is probably a great time for you. Good stuff. Well, lets go to good stuff. Well, lets go to the times. What are they leading with . Louis depressed and anxious face losing their benefit. Thats me. Im feeling a bit. A bit down and out. Tories playing welfare reform as election divide. Its basically. And this is didnt we. We did something the other week with another one of these stories about 9. 5 people who arent working and they just million, million, million. And, and the truth is, is that theres going to be an election coming up. And i guess the tories are trying to show that because the stories that they actually care about, the tories , supposedly they the tories, supposedly they havent been able to do anything about. So lets work on something that they havent been able to. But this is more of an Election Year thing because, i mean, the country, our economy is really facing. I mean, this is really facing. I mean, this is this is why theres a economists say, well, we need mass migration to replace the people who arent working here. But if we could just somehow get the people here to get off the couch and stop being lazy, the trouble is, if you pay people to sit on the couch, ive got friends who do it. Ive got friends who do it. Ive got friends who do it. Ive got friends who you know could work but are all like, oh no, ive got, ive got adhd. Ive got, you know, whatever, whatever thing you can just basically turn up and get diagnosed, you know what i mean . Im not saying adhd isnt, you know, doesnt exist or anything, but im saying everybody i know has it and ive got it, and we could all go in the sick if we wanted. Well, it exists if youre willing to pay people money for it, you know, its one of those things it this is this is one of those things. The elections coming. I i never paid attention to that many elections in the past. And im lucky i have havent paid attention because this is this is not going to help. Youre not going for that Political Correspondent job . No, i dont want to do i want to do it at the risk of being sensible and ruining the fun for everyone. Yeah. Whilst mel stride is right in saying there are some things that are just the ups and downs of life that are being medicalized, that doesnt mean that absolutely everyone whos going to fall foul of this system is just one of those people. So there are some people who will suddenly find themselves without access to their medication when they need it, or being forced to work when they cant. No, theyre good. They can still have their medication, but they can just eat it on the bus to work. Just yeah, have a double dose and get through a full days work. Yeah. Were all struggling. Were all struggling under the weight of, you know, existential dread. We just get on with it. If you go to if you go to third world countries, if there are any left anymore, everybodys becoming middle class. But if you go to, you know, places like india or whatever, you know, people arent sitting about being like, oh no, i cant do anymore because they dont have a they dont have a welfare system. Maybe they do know it. I dont know. But you know, you dont. If its your research watching slumdog millionaire, i just make it up. I just made it all up in my head. Fair enough. Moving on now to. Weve given you the guardian. Leo. Does it burn when you touch it . Well, luckily, this is just a photocopy, which i urge everybody to photocopy the guardian and not not pay for it, but yeah, basically, theyve got a nice picture of Nicole Kidman because the guardian objectifies women to sell more copies, and also, theyve got an interesting story about thames water. So senior whitehall officials fear that thames waters financial collapse could trigger a rise in government borrowing costs not seen since the chaos of the liz truss mini budget. So theres, argues to renationalise thames water, but its got £15 billion worth of debt, which would then have to be moved on to the governments balance sheet, i just £15 billion worth of debt. How do you lose money selling water like everybody. Everybody uses water. You use it a drink it, a make tea out of it, a wash my armpits with it. You know, its every part of my life involves water. I put it on my plants so they can live. You know, water is just you know, i use it all the time. I put it, pour it on my car with some soap to clean it. So were all using water. Youve got to use the water. Youve got to use the water that comes out of the tap. The thames water give you because you cant, like, run a hosepipe from redding. So yeah, thats probably still thames water as well, isnt it . Probably still is. Probably still is. Yeah. Because theyre using victorian water pipes. Thats it. You, you know, you leave out the most important thing. Its the most important thing. Its the victorian. Everything is the victorian. Everything is victorian water pipes. So its great great pipes. So its great great pipes. Then its their old pipes. They need to be fixed. The point is that somebody made some money off of this. And, because they, they, they gave it to a private company to handle it instead of having the government hand. Yeah. And thats the thing. The important thing is that people have walked away with profit whilst leaving the company 15 billion in debt. And now theres nothing you can do about it. Like they they serve as our own poops back into our water. And if you think, well, you know what, i hope they, i hope they go under. And then wed somehow get a worse mortgage from it. So there is no way to get revenge on these people. Thats the annoying thing. Its like the financial crash all over again. Yeah, theyre too big to fail because theyre big water. Yeah. So £15 billion. Thats thats insane. Is there can they claw back any money from, from at least from the, you know, chief execs or whatever . Yeah. Well, no, but because yeah. Well, no, but because theyll just swan off with the money because theyre allowed to. Not that you can be a swan anymore because you probably. You know what . Its 15 billion. That doesnt even sound like a lot of money nowadays. Well, i lot of money nowadays. Well, i dont know how much you get paid at this show, but its certainly more than im getting these days. Well because you because you didnt ask for much because youre english and finally, whats the daily star going with lewis . The daily star , which is lewis . The daily star, which is actually an amazing paper that from the cover , i wouldnt want from the cover, i wouldnt want to read it, but you open it up. I actually theres a theres a copy outside and its just so brilliant. It says, oompa loompa take off the jumpers, the jumpers 21 c plume from germany is there some warm weather from germany . But it didnt just come from germany, it came from somewhere else. It doesnt work that way. We can send it back legally. It says its going to be warm because its 21 degrees in germany, but 21 degrees is only 70 f. Yeah, its not warm warm. Its not warm warm, but its been very cold. Cold , cold. It has been cold. Cold, cold. It has been cold. I was just in i was just in, in folkestone. Yeah. And hythe. And folkestone. Yeah. And hythe. And it was really my friends, the people who saw me down there. And it was cold. Good anecdote. I mean, not only we were hoping for, but still nevertheless, well take it. Well go. I mean, leo, anything to add to a weather story . Theyre always the trickiest ones, arent they . Yeah. Its been cold, and now its going to be a bit warmer, so thats nice. And also, i went to germany once and it was warm. To germany once and it was warm. Yeah. So it must be true. Yeah. So it must be true. Yeah. So theyre not lying when they say this. I believe it when they say this. I believe it could have happened. Well because its continental climate. Thats what it is in climate. Thats what it is in germany. Its part of its in the inside. Its not like here which is close to the water, which is close to the water, which gets gets cold and rainy. Yeah. And its, i think summertime is coming too. I think. I havent checked my calendar. Britains very damp. Britains very damp. I think i preferred the folkestone anecdote. Yeah. Thats weird. That one. Now i look back on it. It was a highlight. It was really lovely in folkestone yesterday for about three, four hours in the morning and then it turned my fault, my fault for bringing it back up, i do apologise, thats the front pages sorted. Coming up. Theres one thing that could keep humza yousaf in a job and is zelenskyy becoming the new lord next. Welcome back to headliners. Im Stephen Allen here with leo kearse and louis schaefer. And we go to the i newspaper. Leo. Just under half of voters want an early general election. So the headline could read just over half of voters enjoy watching rishi sunak suffer. Yeah well i think i think more than half of boris enjoy that. But yeah, half of voters want an early election as rishi sunak refuses to rule out a july vote. So theyve done this, this poll that shows that 40, 47 of the pubuc that shows that 40, 47 of the public would like the elections to be held before the autumn. And interestingly, if you dig into it, youd think maybe the tories wouldnt want a vote because they know that the tories are going to get voted out. A third of tories are like, yeah, im sick of these tories, get them out. So, you know, but i can kind of understand that being a, you know, a right leaning person myself , being a, you know, a right leaning person myself, id rather either have, you know, proper tories or at least, you know, somebody like labour. Dont say that. Theyre tories and then act like labour, like the tories do. But anyway, so this is, this comes as ex Health Minister dan poulter , announced minister dan poulter, announced on saturday he was defecting from the tories to labour, and he urged mr sunak to call a general election as soon as possible. And i think, dan, you know, hes all like, im doing this because im so principled. No, youre doing it because you want a job after, you know, at the end of the year, like hes, you know, i cant look my constituents in the eye. No, you dont want to look people in the eye down at the job centre. You know youre going to lose you