Anyone here from hermany tonight . Any her manians . I was off last week. Officially i was off because my son billy was supposed to have a heart surgery but we had to postpone it because we all had colds in the house. Truth i was waiting in line for the new iphone all week. Then i spent the weekend trying to figure out how to type the letter i in my phone without a weird symbol and the letter a popping up all the time. Anyway, my son is doing fine. I want to thank everyone who filled in for me. Some list of guest hosts last week, jennifer lawrence, channing tatum, dave grohl, shaquille oneal, i want to thank shaq twice because hes enormous. Weird sitting home and watching other people host the show. And you guillermo, you cheated on me. Guillermo sorry, jimmy, wont happen again. Jimmy good to have time at home with the kids, but there is such a thing as too much time at home with the kids. Last night at 6 00 p. M. I reach that limit. My daughter jane refuses to eat anything. Shes 3 years old. Its hollywood. Shes concerned about her weight. That was a joke. Dont tweet me about it. She doesnt like to eat and she doesnt like to sleep. Which are two of the basic things to stay alive. Rice, beans, Peanut Butter and pasta and candy, cake, cereal and cookies. Yesterday my wife promised her they would make Chocolate Chip Cookies together for dessert while i was making risotto for dinner. Risotto is rice that takes the whole day to make. Youre toasting and reducing and stirring. By the way, when its done, not that much better than regular rice really. [ laughter ] but rice is one of very few things that we will all eat as a family. I cooked for hours. When i was done i put it in a bowl and she wouldnt eat it. I told her it was pasta, i told her it was wonder woman food. She refused to even try it. I begged her, bribed her. She wanted cookies before dinner. She just kept saying no, no. Shes relentless. Finally i reached my breaking point. I snapped. I didnt know what to do. So i went over to the tray of freshly made Chocolate Chip Cookies. I said if you dont eat this rice, im going to throw these cookies in the pool. And she said no and so i picked up a Chocolate Chip Cookie and i chucked it into the pool. And i did. [ cheers and applause ] and i said, are you going to eat the rice . And she said no. So i picked another cookie up and threw it in the pool. My wife walks in, shes like what is going on in here . Its amaniac. Im throwing cookies in the pool. I had no good explanation for what was going on, but guess what . She ate the rice. [ applause ] and ill tell you something, to pick a freshly baked Chocolate Chip Cookie up and it was one of the heavy ones. It just came out of the oven. To pick it up and throw it into the pool on purpose. To will your body to do that its like i imagine its similar to what it would be like to intentionally drive your car into a mailbox. But she did eat the rice. And this, by the way, is exactly how they should handle President Trump at all times. [ cheers and applause ] you like this part . The president is on a tour of asia right now, which shouldnt be a problem at all. Im sure that will go great. But hell be out of the country for two weeks. Hes in south korea right now, hes in japan today and yesterday meeting with Prime Minister shinzo abe. The president arrived in japan with his wife melania. And this is how they were greeted when they got off air force one. Listen to the music the band played as they exited the jet. Uptown funk dont give it to you jimmy uptown funk as played by a bar mitzvah band. Dont believe me just watch dont believe me just watch dont believe me just watch up town funk you up jimmy what happened to hail to the chief . Wouldnt it have been great if he heard that song and turned around and went right back up the stairs and flew home. But no trump meeting with a foreign leader would be complete without an awkward meet and greet. Watch this. Heres Prime Minister abe and his wife. Starts fine. They shake, melania shakes, everybody says their hellos and, okay, now, as they turn away, reality sets in for the abs and just look at the looks on their faces as they realize theyre now going to have to spend the next 48 hours oh, no. Yes. And they did spend a lot of time together. [ applause ] some of the stuff. They signed hats together. Yeah. They played a round of golf together. Look at that. They fed a group of orphans who gathered down below. [ laughter ] there you go. Thats our guy. This is kind of funny. For lunch yesterday before they played golf, they served trump a hamburger made from american beef. Thats what they said. Its made from american beef. I always wonder why when leaders of other countries visit they do that. When the Prime Minister of italy was at the white house, they served him pasta. Hes like, oh, go, pasta again. Why give these people what they already get a better version of all the time. Theyre not hamsters that can only eat pellets. Theyre people. If you are going to make donald trump a hamburger in japan, make him a hamburger with japanese beef. Maybe this is crazy. Maybe pull him off the childrens menu for five seconds and serve him a bowl of noodles or something. Its japan. [ applause ] we have a burger for lunch and a steak for dinner. Beef is Donald Trumps favorite thing to eat and start. [ laughter ] this is a 12day trip. The longest asia trip by a president since george h. W. Bush back in 1991. Basically the republicans are trying to get this tax plan passed, and theyre like, you know what, mr. President . Go to asia, eat steak, try not to start a war. We have billionaires who need money over here. Remember Anthony Weiner . He began a 21month prison sentence for sexting with a minor. Oh, you didnt hear about that . How long until he gets a little trunk on toilet wine and tries to send a picture of his penis through a prison pay phone . [ laughter ] congratulations are in order for Shalane Flanagan who yesterday became First American woman in 40 years [ applause ] to win the new york city marathon. [ cheers and applause ] its a 26milelong race. She finished it in 2 hours, 53 minutes and 26 minutes. She beat a threetime winner from kenya, mr kary keitany. She may have been a little overconfident. She stopped at shake shack and had some women. Nice to see an american women win something this year. We have a jam packed show for you tonight. From the battleship iowa down in san pedro, california, music from brad paisley and john fogerty. And from the world series champion Houston Astros, shortstop Carlos Correa is with us tonight. [ applause ] by the way, l. A. Is the only city where Carlos Correa wouldnt get booed after winning the world series. Moments after the game, he did this. Taking another big step in my life. Daniella rodriguez, you make me the happiest man in the world. Will you marry me . Oh, my god. Will you marry me . Oh, my god. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy they got engaged on the field. By the way, ten seconds later security came and made her go back on the other side of the gate. [ laughter ] so carlos is here tonight with his new fiancee and this is good, too. This is from the astros victory parade in houston on friday where a woman accidentally dropped her hat from the seventh level of a parking structure. Watch here as her fellow fans pitch in to return the hat to its Rightful Owner. Okay. Here we go. See the hat . Its going up level by level. This is really teamwork right here. And they wait. We still have oh oh, but wait. Its like donkey kong jr. Here. And they keep throwing it up. And but wait . She snatches it and throws it up, and the Rightful Owner of the hat once again has it. [ applause ] i dont know why that was exciting, but it was. Carlos correa will be here shortly. Idris elba is here with us tonight. [ cheers and applause ] in the new thor movie which was number one a the box office this weekend. Thor ragnarok. Its very good. The best marvel movie yet. Whenever theres a big blockbuster film like this, we run it by our inhouse movie critic yaya. Yaya loves movie stars and has a lot of time to stalk them. Here he is talking about the movie thor ragnarok. Action. Action. Hi, its me, yaya. Im talking about the new movie. The new movie behind me toro ranjerrikon. Here we go. The movie like a lot of action, a lot of magic, a lot of everything. This australian guy, hes going to win something. That doesnt sound right. Thats true. Like a cow, too much, you know, something in his head. Thats cate blanket. Shes the fat lady from the movie and this guy jeff golding is in the movie too and he kill the alien in the white house with willy smith. Hes in the movie flier. You know the flight outcome and you swat, oh. And you know, the guy mark ruffalo. And he do movie, mark ruffalo, he do movie with leo. The movie is called butter island. The long time the green guy, the wrestling guy is joe frogono. You know him. And then the hulk, the movie with mark ruffalo. Hes the one [ growls ] the movie is like 3d. And you watch it with no glasses come in your face. And somebody wants it more like 3d, come, come, come in your face and your eyes boo theres a very good movie, but see the movie. Good luck. Cut. Jimmy thank you, yaya, thanks to your nipples too. When we come back, a major announcement that could change the face of this face as we know it and a new remix of Stranger Things. So stick around. Brought to you by Rocket Mortgage by quicken loans. Fighting robots. Own destroy. But when it comes to mortgages, shes less confident. Fortunately for sarah, theres Rocket Mortgage by quicken loans. Its simple, so she can understand the details and be sure shes getting the right mortgage. Apply simply. Understand fully. Mortgage confidently. You know how you dont talk like this play the peter, bjorn and john song called young folks on youtube music you talk like this hey google, play that hipster song with whistling. It gets that. Like only google can. Ive been watching. Now baby. S stack that beef. Lay that swiss whoa. Wrap it up. Oh, a basket instead. Ok. The reuben is back for a limited time at subway. So much reuben. People spend less time lying awake with aches and pains with advil pm than with tylenol pm. Advil pm combines the number one pain reliever with the number one sleep aid. Gentle, nonhabit forming advil pm. For a healing nights sleep. were proud to reveal that jim beam black has been awarded the worlds highest rated bourbon. Their words, not ours. Make history. make history. Grooves in your sandwich . Do you always put cheezit of course theyre chips. Chips. Plus sandwich equals the perfect lunch. Ooooh. Dont forget the pickle. Its kind of a big dill. Cheezit grooves. Chips made with 100 real cheese. Dang right its a chip [ cheers and applause ] jimmy hi there, welcome back to the show. Idris elba, Carlos Correa, music from brad paisley and john fogerty. All that is on the way. I hope youre adjusting to daylight savings. Do you adjust your clocks, guillermo. Guillermo no, they go automatic. Jimmy all of them in your house . Yes. Jimmy what kind of spaceage house do you live in . My wife jimmy thats why. It goes back to agrarian time when American Farmers needed an extra hour in the day to scroll through instagram. Now its really just microwave oven confusion day. But this was big. On saturday, on the occasion of his 48th birthday, we got very big news from sean combs who is now the artist formerly known as diddy. Hey, whats up . I have some very serious, serious news. Ive been planning on this. I decided i k risky, but i nknew it could com off as corny to some people like, hey, yo, i decided to change my name again. [ laughter ] im just not who i am before. Im something different. So my new name is love, aka brother love. I will not be answering to puffy, diddy, puff daddy or any of my other monikers, but love or brother love. Jimmy wait a minute. Did he say butt love . But love. Jimmy i think he did, yeah. Wow. [ applause ] i think he meant to say love or brother love. Diddy made this decision after carefully consulting several bottle of chiroc. This is the latest what names has he had . He started with his real name sean combs. He became sean puffy combs, then puff, puffy, puff daddy, pdiddy, sean john and wilford brimley. Isnt that right . At this point i feel sorry for his mailman. Ive got a package. You know what this means, right, guillermo . Guillermo yes, jimmy. Jimmy you got to change the sign. You know what . We had quite a streak going. [ applause ] now were starting over. Have you guys been watching the new season of Stranger Things on netflix . [ cheers ] a lot of people have. Its very popular. A great combination of new and classic. A formula that really works for them, full of references from the 80s. Now with the next incarnation of the show is taking that a step further with a new Spinoff Series that teams the kids from hawkins, indiana, with two beloved characters from the 80s, larry and balkee. Tonight on net flex, larry and balky are back. Cousin larry, my sisters uncles dogs nephew needs a place to stay. Balky, i told you there he is now. Who is this . His name is dem. Dem who . Is he irish . Nice to meet you mr. Ogorgon. You shouldnt have. No, i mean that, you shouldnt have. To his lack of boundaries. Which one of you used my toothbrush . To his zany antics. Dem, could you get that . Trick or treat anybody here . This place is spooky. Its halloween. Its supposed to be spooky. Hey, guys, the candys over there. Yeah, lets take some and leave. Not again. Hes turning both of their lives dem, we need you to leave. Just because you kill all our friends. Upside down. Were kidding. We were just kidding. Just an american joke. Of course you can stay. Dont be ridiculous. Cousin, now we are so happy. We do the dance of joy. Da da da da da da hey hey hey hey [ laughter ] standing tall by the wings of our dream s rise and fall on the wings o our dreams the three of us are stuck with each other were perfect Stranger Things our life and our dreams nothings going to stop us nothings going to stop us now perfect Stranger Things tonight at 8 00 followed by a whole new full house of cards. Wait, im a single dad of three kids. Ah only on netflix. Jimmy real perfect strangers is on julio. From the Houston AstrosCarlos Correa is here and well be right back with idris elba. Dicky portions of Jimmy Kimmel Live are brought to you by the kmart blue light special. Find amazing deals now at kmart. Com. Every time you call on me i drop what i do you are my best friend and weve got some things to do do you wanna, do you wanna, do you wanna do you wanna, do you wanna, do you wanna yeaheaeaeah [ america by the 7seater volkswagen atlas. Lifes as big as you make it. I got it from the same place i bought your present from last year. Its the thing from the link you sent us. And the year before. I found the perfect gift for you. But it wouldnt ship in time. So i just. Texted you a photo. I bought it with one click. I included a gift receipt. Its the thought that counts . Dont shop like everybody else. This year shop ebay for brand new, nearly new, and totally you gifts. Zplnchs im Award Winning artist brad paisley. Im guillermo. Were here on the battleship iowa where volunteers have been stuffing bags of great things to send to our troops. Thanks to crown royal were sending hundreds of care packages for veterans day to our men and women overseas. One lucky troop will get a surprise, a signed picture of me in a bathing suit. Wow. What else can you ask . Youre a good man. You too brad lacy. Stay tuned because in a minute me and john fogerty will be out here singing in front of the battleship iowa. Stay tuned. Crown royal. Live generously and life will treat you royally. Well its a perfect nespresso hold on a second. Orge. Mmm. [mel torme sings comin home baby] hey there. Want a lift . Where are we going . No dont tell me. Let me guess. Have a nice ride. How far would you go for coffee thats a cup above . I brought you nespresso. Nespresso. What else . Jimmy welcome back. Tonight on the show, he won a world series ring and then gave one out and got engaged within minutes. From the Houston Astros, Carlos Correa is with us. [ cheers and applause ] then a special performance for members of the armed forces from the battleship iowa down in san pedro, california. Brad paisley and john fogerty on the crown royal stage. [ cheers and applause ] you can see john fogerty live at at the wynn hotel in las vegas january 209. And wednesday brad paisley cohosts the cma awards here on abc, for the tenth time. So please watch that. Tomorrow night, carey mulligan, gael garcia bernal, and music from darius rucker. And later this week, josh hutcherson, Dale Earnhardt jr. , jesse williams, plus music from luke combs and dan auerbach. So please join us for all that. [ applause ] our first guest tonight is an emmynominat emmynominated, golden globewinning actor whos played everything from paper salesman on the office to the gatekeeper of asgard in thor. Next, he costars alongside Jessica Chastain in mollys game. Im refusing you permission to invalidate my entire career. Im uncaring. I built a successful you interested in having a family. Very much. I dont get you some point reductions in the sentencing recommendation guidelines say eight to 12 years and thats before they try to jam you up more for money laundering. Find me 12 men and women who will believe that you werent aware of exactly who was sitting at the table and where the money came from. So thats it. You were a cocktail waitress. Mollys game opens christmas. Please welcome idris elba. [ cheers and applause ] idris. Hi. Jimmy first of all, welcome. Its good to see you. Jimmy i know its the dumbest thing in a world but im always so impressed when a brit can do an american accent. Im very nervous about doing, antis now because when i was in the wire coun