Thank you. Hello. Las vegas, nevada. I appreciate it. Welcome. [ cheers and applause ] thank you for joining us on the strip for the first of five nights in vegas. Thats very kind. I dont know, how many just out of curiosity, how many locals do we have in the audience tonight . [ cheers and applause ] all right. Well, i see a lot of faces i know. I grew up here. We moved to las vegas when i was 9 years old. I went to kenny gwynn junior high school. [ cheers and applause ] i went to Clark High School. [ cheers and applause ] and then the university of nevada las vegas. [ cheers and applause ] i enrolled at unlv in the fall of 1985. As a young man i had the privilege of watching the great Jerry Tarkanian and his running rebels electrify this town. [ cheers and applause ] i started a promising career in high school at a store called millers outpost where selling parachute pants and shrink to fit jeans. I got my first job in broadcasting, unpaid of course, hosting a sunday night talk show on our local College Radio station, kunv. [ cheers and applause ] no one listened to it then either. Five weeks later the program director, a guy named ken jordan, called me into his office and he told me i was fired. And i said, but im not getting paid, how can i be fired . And he then explained how it would work. It was actually very simple. I would just stop coming in. [ laughter ] so i did. Our house was about three miles from here. We grew up in what was known as chinatown, what is now known as chinatown. We lived across the street from a family, they had a boy who was a year older than me. His name was cleto escobedo. We became best friends. And for the last 16 years [ cheers and applause ] cleto has been the leader of our band. And his dad is a saxophone player in his band. In our band. [ cheers and applause ] i dont know where the rest of the guys came from, but we like them too. Were very happy to be here. This is a dream come true for us. You know, a lot of people dont think of vegas as an appropriate place to raise a child. But we are living proof that they are absolutely right. It is not. [ cheers and applause ] children i am now a monster thanks to this city. I have a lot of friends and family and neighbors and schoolmates and parents of my friends here tonight. God only knows who else is here. And we brought our gang from l. A. Too. We brought 257 members of our crew to las vegas, and were hoping to go back with at least 220 of them. [ laughter ] isnt that right, guillermo . Wheres guillermo . Is guillermo i know he was on the plane. Guillermo . Oh, my goodness, there he is. [ cheers and applause ] wow. [ cheers and applause ] guillermo hi, everybody [ cheers and applause ] jimmy you dont have to be tall or attractive or physically fit to be a showgirl. Guillermo, is there anything you would like to say to las vegas before we begin . Guillermo thank you for having us. Have fun enjoy the show [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thank you, ladies. The ladies from vegas the show. Our thank yous. And our apologies. Im sorry you had to see that. The view from behind is absolutely frightening. [ laughter ] thank you very much, ladies. From vegas the show. We have a starstudded show for you. We have music well, not only are they one of my alltime favorite bands, theyre a hometown band. The killers are here with us. [ cheers and applause ] for two nights. Before we came into this week of shows i said we cannot do this without the killers. And they rearranged their schedules to be here. They are great, and we appreciate them being here. Also with us tonight, they flew in from los angeles. The kardashian sisters are here. Kim, kourtney and khloe. With us to teach us and to enrich our lives. And you know, las vegas is a very special place. This is the only city in the world where you can take an escalator to cross the street in order to catch a gondola ride from egypt to the circus. And its also the only city where Something Like this could happen. Nicolas cage filed for an annulment just four days after got married here in las vegas. Cage filed the annulment on wednesday. He married girlfriend erica kwok here on sunday. Court records show he was too drunk to understand what he was doing when he married her. Jimmy see that . Celebrities, they really are just like us. He was too drunk to understand he married her. If that isnt the spirit of las vegas, hell, i dont know what is. [ cheers and applause ] i also want to say congratulations to our vegas golden knights, who are headed to the nhl playoffs. [ cheers and applause ] for the second time in two seasons. And condolences to those of you who had duke to win the your ncaa pools. We dont like duke here in las vegas. Were not fond of them. The final four, auburn will play virginia. Michigan state will meet texas tech. And gonzaga sadly will play with themselves. They were eliminated from the tournament. You know, i got a lot of heat last week for floating the possibility that gonzaga might not actually exist outside of the ncaa tournament. Now that theyre out of it, count how many times you hear the word gonzaga between now and next march. Answer will be gonzero times. Thats how many times. [ laughter ] today as im sure youre aware is april fools day. And i have a Little Something to confess. I pulled a little april fools day prank on you guys. Theres not going to be the killers are not on the show tonight. The kardashians are not on the show tonight. Tonight for the next hour id like to talk to you about my lord and savior, jesus christ. [ laughter ] we have been everybody has fun on april fools day, but no one had more fun with april fools day than the gang here in las vegas this morning on channel 8. So it is april. April fools day. I dont think were planning anything weird on each other, do you think, are we . I dont think we are. But i did do a funny. I called my husband on the way to work and i said honey, my tire blew. And hes like okay, where are you . And i was like, april fools. Jimmy wow. [ laughter ] you cant just do that to your husband. So things can get pretty crazy here in las vegas. If you watch our show with any regularity, you probably know i love a good prank and i especially theres no one i love to pull them on more than my aunt chippy, who lives here in las vegas. Lets bring aunt chippy out. [ cheers and applause ] aunt chippy. Look at this. Aunt chippy, please. Stand on the stage together. Jimmy hello. Say hello to everyone, aunt chippy. Hello, everybody. Jimmy how many years have you lived here in las vegas . 43. Jimmy 43 years. Aunt chippys hobbies include video poker, smoking and yelling at people, right . Especially you. Jimmy so ive been doing stuff to aunt chippy since i was a kid, since i was a child. I used to put little explosives in her cigarettes and the cigarettes would explode. On occasion ive sent crazy letters pretending they were from other members of our family. Which always makes you mad. I would crank call you at work all the time. In a way you are my muse. And then i got a television show. And then the limit the ceiling went way, way up. I found out youd never seen a sonogram before. So my cousin sal and i colluded with my aunt chippys daughter, my cousin micki, who was pregnant at the time with your grandson, to stage a fake sonogram. Take a look at this. [ laughter ] i didnt know they stood up. [ laughter ] wah. Wah. Jimmy. Theyre twins. Wah you son of a jimmy you believed that for real. Of course i believed it. Why wouldnt i believe it . Im so excited im going to see a sonogram for the first time in my life. And its my grandchild. Jimmy and its doing jumping jacks. And its doing jumping jacks and its clapping its hand and tips picking its nose. Its doing little disgusting things. But we think we figured that out. Jimmy and once when you were at work i sent a crew over to paint your house orange and green. Do you remember that . Very well. Jimmy in case you dont we have a clip of that too. Whats going on . [ speaking spanish ]. No, no, no, no you dont paint my house. Stop painting stop get that truck off my lawn [ laughter ] what are you doing . Dont you touch that [ bleep ] tree. Ill kill you. [ laughter ] jimmy was that one of your favorite of all the pranks . Was that the best one . It was your favorite. I know that. Jimmy i know youve been expecting something. Shes been all week like what are you going to do to me . Well, guess what . Its april fools day. But im not going to do anything to you because it would be too obvious to do something to you on april fools day. And in fact, im going to do the opposite. I know you have a crappy car. I know you have the plastic taped up on your car. So what im going to do tonight to maybe, i dont know, make amends for the many pranks is im going to give you a brand new mazda cx3 tonight. A car. [ cheers and applause ] hold it. Does it have a motor . Jimmy it has a motor. It is brand new. Does it have tires . Jimmy it is a beautiful car. In fact, lets see it right now. It is well, thats your house. Its supposed to be out front of your house. Where is the car . My house is still there. Jimmy okay. Theres cousin sal. Hey, sal. Hey, jimmy. Jimmy this is aunt chippys house. Aunt chippy, you really should lock up. Its too easy to get in the house. Jimmy so sals in the house. This is your actual house. Just confirm that for everyone. Yes. It is my kitchen. Jimmy show us around a little bit, sal. Youre scaring the crap out of me. Well, we have all sorts of awards and proverbs on the wall here. I dont know if you can catch it. Theres a lot going on. Theres the refrigerator. Shes got every Christmas Card since 1976. Jimmy boy, the first time i was on the David Letterman show was like 1998 or something. And i showed a picture of a jackolantern that my grandfather carved. He put it in the freezer to save it for the next year. And so it was in the freezer for a whole year. That was more than 20 years ago. Is it in there . No. Theres no way its still in here. Whoa. Look at that. Jimmy oh, yeah. There it is. Go into grandpa sals room. Okay. Jimmy 20 years. 20 years that has been there. I dont know if you guys have eaten but this is either a beef stroganoff or brownies. Well deal with that later. Jimmy you always were a great cook, aunt chippy. Come with me. Jimmy this is our grandfathers room. Hes deceased. He was killed by beef stroganoff. But you can see grandpa used to paint on beer cans. And theres sammy davis jr. He took his talents then to egg shells. I dont know if you can see. But he would paint on egg shells. That i think is aunt chippy right there. Jimmy uhhuh. Thats either i think thats elton john. Saddam hussein. He really got everybody. Then he would go to eyeglass frames. Right . I dont even know jimmy no, theyre eyeglass lenses. Oh, lenses. Right. Im sorry. And theres tark. You talked about Jerry Tarkanian. Eating a towel. Jimmy yeah. We cant really see him. What about the car, though . We forgot about the car. Oh, the car. Yeah. Hold on. Follow me. Theres a picture of you. Jimmy theres a big painting of me in your room. This big. We were going to put the car in the driveway. We figured thats stupid. So we led it right in here in the living room. [ cheers and applause ] what the hell is wrong with you . You and your cousin are two psychopaths. [ laughter ] what is wrong with you . I cant hear you. Jimmy you mean you moron. You too. Jimmy im hearing you say what is wrong with you. Im not hearing thank you for the car at all. In my living room . Jimmy where else are we supposed to put it . [ laughter ] you know, im not ive only got a couple months till i get to 80. Im not going to make it. Im not going to make it. Not with these two in the family. Jimmy well, youre going to make it in style in a brand new mazda cx3. [ cheers and applause ] for real . Jimmy its for real. Leather seats. Sixspeed automatic transmission. And its right there in your living room. Take it anywhere you want. Take it into the kitchen. Take it for a spin in the back yard. Sal, be careful. Im careful. Jimmy sal. Please do not sal, do not knock the house down. Oh, he cant hear me. Well, anything you want to say, aunt chippy . [ honking horn ] get him out of my jimmy there you go. Happy april fools day to you. [ applause ] im shaking. Jimmy we have a great show tonight. We have music from the killers and well be right back with the kardashian sisters in fabulous las vegas. So stick around. Dicky Abcs Jimmy Kimmel live, brought to you by the maker of frontline oral defense. Daily oral health chews. 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Paintblock reacts with the water in latex paint to form a microbarrier against paint bleed, giving you the sharpest lines possible. Get professional results with frogtape. No messy lines, no paint bleed. For sharp lines every time, frog it jimmy welcome back. [ cheers and applause ] this is our first night of a week in las vegas. Tonight, a hometown band, they have a box set called the killers career vinyl box. The killers live from the mercedesbenz stage. Look at how las vegasy this box is. Interesting fact. Two of the killers worked here in this hotel back when it was the aladdin. Ronnie drove a pedicart, one of those little carts. And Brandon Flowers was a ventriloquists assistant. He worked for his uncle wayland flowers. And his job was to keep the dummy clean. Thats true. Tonight the killers will be joined by the student choirs from brandons high school chaparral and from mine and ronnies high school, Clark High School. We brought the kids in. [ applause ] to sing. Cleto, do you remember the Clark High School fight song . Cleto i do not. Jimmy it was fight on, fight on keep fighting till we have won thats right. And as i recall, our Football Team won no games that season. Cleto right. Jimmy but we kept fighting on. Cleto we fought on, yes. Jimmy and we were hoping to win eventually. This week we have quite a week ahead with tiffany haddish, seth rogen, kevin hart, celine dion, mike tyson, iggy azalea, marshmello, churches will be here and maybe even surprises, who knows . You know what they say, what happens in vegas gets immediately posted to instagram. Our three guests tonight may be the only people on the planet who could make this town look quaint by comparison. You can follow every minute of their lives on keeping up with the kardashians, sunday nights on e . Please welcome khloe, kourtney and kim. [ cheers and applause ] how are you . Welcome to las vegas. How amazing. Jimmy you guys look fantastic. You look like the avengers coming out. [ laughter ] did you come to las vegas when you were children . Did you ever take a family trip here . We did. Kourtney and i did. We would go water skiing at lake mead, houseboat trip. Circus circus. Our dad would put a quarter in and wed run up and pull the thing down and run out. Jimmy on the slot machines. Yeah. Jimmy thats illegal. You can be arrested for that. Yeah. Jimmy they have a special jail for children that they put the children who go near the gaming my kids were like you know, kids walk in here and theyre like oh, my god, look at all these games. And its like yeah, these are great. You cant touch them. Theres no touching any of these games. Theyre for adults even though Willie Wonkas on them. Thats crazy if you think about it. Its very tempting. Jimmy you came here with your dad. Would you guys go to any shows . I saw the white tigers. Dad would take me to siegfried and roy. Jimmy oh, siegfried and roy. Yeah, i saw that. Jimmy did you come here on a plane or by Greyhound Bus . We drove. Jimmy you drove . Good old road trip. Jimmy did you really . Yeah. Well, this trip or back in the day . Ts ipno. Jimmy oh, okay. I was like wow, thats something else. Who gets to control the stereo . Who does control the stereo if the three of you are in a car together . Kourtney. Kourtney has the worst i love her playlists. Thank you. Because the rest of the songs you you ruin jimmy yes, fight. I like this. You ruin it. Who has the best playlist . Me. No, no. Me. And then the second trip you stole half my music and then the rest is like i made us a playlist for you and i together. Horrible. You should be thankful i dont have time to make playlists anymore. Jimmy you have another you have a fourth child coming anytime soon. Yes. Jimmy does everybody weigh in on the name of the baby or is that just between you and kanye or does kanye come up with that on his own . No, we all weigh in. I definitely take a family survey. But its usually after the babys born or were trying to figure out what the baby looks like. I usually go about three or four days nameless until i feel that it really connects. Jimmy i like that plan. I dont think you can name a baby until you see the baby. Yeah. I did a week the last time. Jimmy a full week of no name. I would try out a different name on different days. The whole day. One day rain, his name was preston for one full day. Jimmy and how do you know if its working or not . I was like i know in my soul his name is rain. And scott didnt believe me. And i was like, no. I know his name is rain. And hes like his name is preston. So i was like fine, lets call him preston for a day. An