Leonard klinerock at ucla and his graduate student wanted to send a transmission from a computer at ucla to a computer at stanford to something called arpa net. It took a computer the size of a room to tell you which golden girl you are. So the actual message they sent was interesting. They wrote, lo. And then the system crashed. The full message he was trying to send was supposed to be look at this picture of my penis. We made that up . They actually were trying to send the word login. But now our president is using that very technology on a daily basis, with [cheers and applause] to tweet gems like this. Today he tweeted nervous nancy pelosi is doing Everything Possible to destroy the republican party. Our polls show that its going to be just the oppodite. Is that the new eddie murphy movie oppodite . Even with all the madness, the president and first lady were handing out candy. What kind of music do you play when you have a bunch of little kids coming over . Jimmy thats right, michael jackson. Maybe they dont get hbo at the white house. I dont know. But the kids got candy, songs. The rare opportunity to see Rudy Giuliani bite the head off a pigeon. It really was a wonderful day. Trump and melania hung in for about an hour. And some of the kids skipped right by the president. They were handing out bars of commemorative white house chocolate. Hes like, hey, how about me over here . Really kind of sad. Now this is, what youre about to see here, this is, people just walkin by. Thats one of the minions who doesnt work for him. Watch, trump just puts the, yeah, stick the candy on his head. That was the treat part. And then the tricks kicked in. And to his credit, the president took it all pretty well. Ah, the old, some of these kids, i dont know, maybe their parents are journalists . Let ate just say the respect for the office of the presidency is not what it used to be, okay . This is shaping up to be [cheers and applause] another tough week for president quid pro combover. On thursday the house will vote to formalize the impeachment process. For the last two weeks, democrats have been meticulously gathering evidence to show us what Everybody Knows he already did. Today they heard from trumps top ukraine expert, a guy from the National Security council, and hes an especially pertinent witness because he was listening in on that call. He did not like what he heard and relayed those concerns to his superiors. And so of course trump lashed out at the lieutenant kcolonel. Just read the call transcript, and the impeachment hoax is over. Ukraine spelled wrong says its all over. This morning alone i tweeted four times that people should raid t raid t read the transcript. Thats why youre getting impeached right now. Thats like bill chilinton sayi look at the spot on this dress. Its ridiculous. It makes me wonder if he has read the transcript. Telling people to read it would not be my approach. Id be like, dont read the transcript. Go outside and play, its a beautiful day. Go throw a ball around with your kids. And maybe the most disgusting thing going on today, the president and his sycophants are questioning the loyalty of a combat veteran. Alexander vinman served multiple tours of duty and was awarded the purple heart. Of course the first question for these republicans is how do we destroy this man. The patriots over at fox news found it very suspicious that our top ukraine expert is from ukraine. And it is suspicious when you find someone in the Trump Administration has actual expertise in his field. They keep saying hes from ukraine. His family emigrated here when he was 3 years old. This is him with his twin brother just after they left. Somehow the ukrainians managed to indoctrinate a toddler to use our potties and bring down the president of the united states. Its really ridiculous. [ applause ] and i guess, i dont know. It comes down to who do you believe . The guy with the purple heart or the guy with the orange face . More government officials are scheduled to testify tomorrow. Meanwhile, the president s lawyer, Rudy Giuliani, is complaining that trump isnt getting enough credit for killing the leader of isis. He wrote, contrast the reaction to the killing of bin laden. Wait a minute. Did we get the wrong guy . I mean, if this is, this is how did Rudy Giuliani, i man who based his entire career on the events of 9 11 not know how to spell bin laden. Hes the one who said never forget. I guess he forgot. I dont know. Speaking of goblins. Halloweens only two days away. A lot of people are asking me, are you going to do the thing where the painrents pretend to t their halloween countandy. Of course were going to do it. Its our most cherished tradition. Some kids get mad. I ate all your candy. Why . Because it was good. You ruined my life jimmy some kids get madder. I ate it all. [ screaming ] here, theres a couple pieces left in there. Jimmy and some hit back in an emotional way. Im so sorry,dasher but i ate your candy, all gone. I dont love you anymore. Jimmy so here we go again. This is your official invitation to take part in our ninth annual halloween candy youtube challenge. Tell your kids you ate their halloween candy, not some of it, all of it. Post it to youtube with hey, jimmy kimmel, i told my kids i ate all their halloween candy. You get messages on your youtube account, check those and well put our favorites on the show next week. It will be fun for everyone other than the kids. Tonight was game six of the world series, and Major League Baseball handed down a major league punishment to a couple fans. Two women, i dont know if you saw this. They flashed their naked breasts during game five. In the seventh inning, they crackerjacks to the Television Cameras and have now been banned indefinitely from stadiums. Great, the two people who finally figured out how to make baseball exciting again are banned. Theyre not allowed to come to the game. So these flashers now are part of an elite group of people banned from facebook. The list goes like this. Lefty williams, jackson, lauren summer, julia rose and pete rose, her father. But just a recap, women are not allowed to expose their breasts at a ball game, this is still perfectly fine. [ laughter ] someone take his halloween candy away. Apple yesterday, the company, not the fruit. Apple released a new crop of emojis yesterday that are meant to be more inclusive and diverse. For instance, the popular Couple Holding hands emoji can now be customized with any combination of genders and skin tones, but they will continue to look surprise t surprised for no reason. This is a man secretly watching porn at starbucks. And this is the most important. There are eight new food emojis, including garlic and onions. Now our phones need breath mints. Once again, they didnt include an emoji that im very passionate about. For a year now, ive been lobbying for the creation of a meatball emoji. Last year i even met with an official from the uni code emoji sub Code Committee to try to explain why a meatball emoji is so long overdue. Recently, we passed the fill all of falaufl emoji. Jimmy how did they make it . Some areas are underrepresented. Jimmy they all have meatballs. In china, the meatball is called wonzi. In greece, in mexico, people of the world love both emojis and meatballs. I mean, including the vegetarians . Jimmy yeah. So that was in december of last year. And you know whats happened since december of last year . Nothing, a giant doughnut emoji of nothing. They claim one of the reasons why theres no meatball is because they just came out with this falaufl. Theyre worried the meatball might look too similar to the falaufl emoji. That, to me, is very offensive. This is one of the falaufl emojis. It looks nothing like a meatball. It doesnt even look like a falaufl. I dont know what that looks like. I have a hard time believing anyone would think this is a falaufl. We did an experiment. We sent guillermo to a restaurant, called joes falaufl, to see if people at the falaufl place would recognize this little brown blob as a falaufl. Hi, its me, guillermo, the meatball. Im here at joes falaufl and ask people what the hell is this. Follow me. Oh, [ bleep ]. Im going to show you a picture of emojis, okay. You got to tell me what they are, okay . What is this . A dumpling. An onion. Thats bacon. Kiwi. Like the actual thing . Or the dirty thing . No, the actual thing. Oh, cherries. Okay. What is this . A mango. You work here, right . Yes. Keep guessing. . Rotten eggs . That a croquette . Concentrate, youve got this. I dont know. What is this . You . Uh, coconut . Pineapple . Coconut. Meat loaf. Its not an avocado . I dont know. You tell me. Bread . Eggs . Pop rocks. I dont know. Potato . Baked potato . You got it, almost. Empanadas . No, not empanadas. Well, as you can see, no one at joes falaufl was able to identify the emoji falaufl. And yet we still dont have emoji meatball, [ bleep ] damn in this reporters opinion, something must be done, something must be changed. We will never stop fighting until we get the meatball emoji we deserve. Jimmy, back to you. [cheers and applause] jimmy thank you, guillermo, for that brave and thorough report. And i, on behalf of the world, we demand a meatball emoji. If i have to get arrested like jane fonda to get it, i will. Were going to prison, guillermo, so go get your things. Damn it, you better give us a meatball emoji or well, nothings going to happen, but we want one. I can see everyones pretty fired up about this. Lets continue on. Tonight, we have music from camp. From the new terminator, Linda Hamilton is here and well be right back with Ewan Mcgregor. So stick around. Abcs Jimmy Kimmel Live, brought to you by jeep. Kermit Fozzie youre on my tv fozzie Kermit Fozzie and youre on my tv dr. Teeth and im on both your tvs. miss piggy and of course, moi is on tv. Statler Waldorf nobody cares hahaha dr. Teeth woah woah woah. How are we all on each others tvs . animal me on tv fozzie oh i believe i have the answer. You see. miss piggy the thing on the tv is a portal tv and it lets you video call. all on your tv dr. Teeth ah animal me on tv hahahaha fozzie vo portal. From facebook. Sleep this amazing . Thats a zzzquil pure zzzs sleep. Our liquid has a unique botanical blend, while an optimal melatonin level means no nextday grogginess. Zzzquil pure zzzs. Naturally superior sleep. Burrito. Raw kitfo. Fried shiso. French fry. Iced chai. Tasty. Pad thai. Baked pie. Half stack. Taco pack. Lobster mac. Baby back. Pork chop. Soda pop. Kebab. Soursop. Hot pot. Im hungry now. Noodle soup. Cantaloupe. Ice cream scoop. Whipped cream bloop. Dumpling. Chicken wing. Peking. And those crispy onion rings. We are americas kitchen. Doordash. Every flavor welcome. We are americas kitchen. Whats the time . Device a dime is ten cents. Severe cold or flu . Take control with theraflu. Powerful, soothing relief to defeat your worst cold and flu symptoms fast. Device sneezes theraflu. The power is in your hands. Jimmy hi there. Welcome back to the show. Tonight, from terminator dark fate, sarahhconnor herself, Linda Hamilton is here. Then, their album is called by by caamp from the mercedesbenz stage. Tomorrow night, rob lowe and Mackenzie Davis will join us, with comedian chris porter. And on thursday, Antonio Banderas and natalia reyes. With music from big boi, sleepy brown and ceelo green. So please join us for that. Our first guests onscreen adventures have taken him everywhere from a galaxy far, far away to fargo. Next, he checks into the overlook hotel for the muchanticipated sequel to the shining, doctor sleep opens in theatres november 8th. Please say hello to Ewan Mcgregor. [cheers and jimmy hey, thanks for coming. Thanks for having me again. Great to be here, how are you . Jimmy im doing well, thank you. Is this an obiwan beard . Sort of a practice obiwan. Not the real deal yet because i have something to shoot before i shoot that, but its a little practice, a little lazy beard. Jimmy i see, just testing it out to see how its going. Yeah. Jimmy and do people like it . Do you find people are reacting positively to it . To the period . Jimmy yes. People dont say much about it. Jimmy i think its good, i think its a goodlooking beard. Thanks, man. I put a lot of work into it. Jimmy could you use it for halloween . Do you dress up for halloween . Or as an actor, is that nothing something that you no, we really dress up. Thats what we do. Ive done it over the years, many very successful costumes. Jimmy are you going to have one this year . This year im not going to be here, i have to go away, but i do enjoy it. In scotland, we used to do it. And when we were kids, it was so different there, there wasnt trick or treating. We called it guising. Youd have to i suppose like trick or treating. You had to do a little song or a dance not a dance, but a song or poem or tell a limerick and the person would give you a sweetie, a candy. You had to earn it. Jimmy what would you do, like a sheena morning train . Maybe a little jethro tull . Whats the best candy you would get in scotland . Do you remember . Like the thing that you prized more than anything. There was a little bar, i dont know if it still exists, but there was a little chocolate, toffee chocolate bar called a texan. It was really difficult toffee to eat with chocolate around it and you would like that. It made you look like a texan. Jimmy like a piece of jerky or something. It would take you 20 minutes to eat because it was so hard to get through this toffee. That was my favorite. Jimmy how about that . Thats so interesting to me when you have these perceptions of regions of the united states. Texan is a thing over there. I guess otherwise a cowboy, but no, we had the texan bar which was really hard to eat. Jimmy maybe youll get a texan. Maybe santa will bring you some texans down the halloween chimney. Now i want to talk about this. I know youve been hiding this Obiwan Kenobi stuff. You havent been able to talk about it for a long time, right . Yeah. [cheers and applause] jimmy i imagine it became annoying. Its got difficult. I was brought up to tell the truth. And i was in a situation where i wasnt allowed to. The studios, the big franchises, and rightly so, they want to keep everything secret and as closed as it can be. And, but at the same time, theres this overwhelming amount of speculation on social media and what have you, and wherever i went for the last years, people would ask me, would you do it again . Once they started doing spinoffs, everyone was like, are you going to do an Obiwan Kenobi spinoff, and i was talking to lucasfilm and disney about that, but i couldnt say that i was, so id have to go, well, you know, id be, if they wanted to do one id be quite interested in doing it, and it started to look as if i was just trying to get the part. So for a man of my standing was kind of humiliating. Jimmy we could go back to those tapes and see what it looks like when you lie. Im quite good at it. Jimmy its what you do for a living. Im starting to hurt my pride. People actually think theyre considering someone else. Jimmy its sad. Theyre looking for someone else to play the part. Jimmy so they had this big event at disneyland. Yes, which was nuts. Which was crazy. Ly a William Shatner moment on there. Jimmy what do you mean by that . It sounds a bit like something else, doesnt it . Jimmy did you change your pants after your William Shatner moment . Hello, rrrrr. Jimmy you know, i never thought about that, but yeah, its a weird last name. No, William Shatner wrote a book. [ laughter ] [cheers and applause] shatner. Oh, dear. Jimmy the shatners are coming over tonight,ow the windows he had a real william. No, William Shatner wrote a book called get a life, where he describes going to i think his life was in a difficult place. And he went to his first, what are they called . Convention. Jimmy star wars . Star trek convention. And he was overwhelmed by this sense of love from the people. And it changed his life. I mean, he wrote this book about it. Jimmy wait a minute, you ra read William Shatners sfwhoboo . Where were you, at the airport . Theres shatner looking back at you . How did this happen . What kind of what no its worse. Its worse than that. Im im, we ordered it and had it delivered on set of star wars, and we would read it. Jimmy you would . Wow. Just because we heard, i love the idea of a book by William Shatner called get a life. I think we thought at that point, it would be funny to read because of the star wars. But it turned out about him getting a life. Jimmy you know what the message was to his fans, get a life stop talking about star trek all the time i was tj hooker for gods sake. Lets talk about that, a convention for that stuff. Jimmy wow. So anyway, back to me and disneyland we announced that we were doing this obiwan thing. I walked on stage and was greeted with that sort of lifechanging noise of excitement. And it was just, it just was a big moment for me. Like a real shatner moment. Jimmy this would be a great book. Shatnered well come up with a title. Jimmy more with Ewan Mcgregor after this. Dicky portions of Jimmy Kimmel Live are brought to you by geico, 15 minutes could save you 15 or more on car insurance. Ah come on lets hide in the attic. No. In the basement. Why cant we just get in the running car . Are you crazy . Lets hide behind the chainsaws. Smart. Yeah. Ok. 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