Captain coverup, Mitch Mcconnells hoping to have it all wrapped up by tomorrow. Mitch mcconnell has done everything he can to kill this, despite the fact that the majority of the country, 53 of americans say they are increasingly convinced that donald trump did something wrong. The poll was done by researchers at noduh university. But the president s lawyers have argued that not only did he not do anything wrong he literally cannot do anything wrong. Ojs guy, Alan Dershowitz says if he does something that he thinks will help him get elected, that could not result in impeachment. Hes basically saying his reelection is in our best interest. By that logic, he could start eating bald eagles for breakfast saying i need my strength for the campaign trail. Tomorrow they will vote on whether to allow witnesses at the trial. Metropoli they keep arguing that if they have the right to call their witnesses, trump will have the right to call his witnesses, too. Yeah, right, thats how trials work. Thats if the 49ers send out their special teams. You kick off, i swear to god, we will try to run it back. The other big argument is if they open it up to witnesses, the trial could go on for months, preventing the senate from getting business done, as if they get business done. Blockbuster has done more business than the senate has. They asked for one week of limited witness testimony. All this fuss is over one witness in particular, that is trumps now former National Security adviser, john bolton, who says hes willing to testify that the president specifically told him he was holding back hundreds of millions of dollars in aid to ukraine in exchange for dirt on hunter biden. That is especially problematic for republicans because their big argument in the house was all this were hearing is a bunch of hearsay. Democrat case is based on second hand opinions and hearsay. Impeachment based on hearsay. Hearsay, hearsay. Hearsay. Hearsay. Hearsay. Hearsay. Hearsay. Hearsay. Hearsay. Hearsay. Hearsay. Hearsay. Hearsay. Hearsay. Hearsay. Hearsay. Hearsay. Hearsay. Quadruple hearsay. Jimmy all right, well, lets hear what he has to say. [ applause ] no, they dont want to hear what he has to say. Democrats need four republicans to join them on the witness vote. They may be able to get three. Thats where its going to get interesting. In the event of a tie, if the votes 5050, john roberts could cast the tiebreaker, but he doesnt have to. He can also do nothing. He can elect to not vote, in which case the tie would go to are you following this, guillermo . Donald trump would then get off. Guillermo a little bit. Jimmy thank you. Weve been doing our part to shore up support for one republican in particular. Mitt romney of utah, who has indicated that he will likely vote for witness testimony. And to help push him over the top, ive been bribing the bejesus out of him this week. Ive been promising two of his favorites. Twinkies and milk. I offered him a whole dairy cow to mitt or get off the pot. Tonight were going to sweeten that pot. Senator romney, if come tomorrow you vote in favor of witnesses, you will receive not just the milk, not just the twinkies, a vip package at the resort in Beautiful Lake charles, louisiana. Spend the night the dancing awkwardly in place to the mormon madonna herself, marie osmond. Party till lights out at 9 00 p. M. Only at the lauberge casino resort, retail value, 189. 99. So thats, there you have it. The ball is in your court, mitt. Time to dock her up. Dock her up eventually, we are going to hear from john bolton when his book comes out in march. And he goes on tv to promote it. The books called the room where it happened this hamilton reference. Hes also written a book for kids. Would you like to see it . We spent all day making it. Its called a bushy boltons bombshell. Ill read it to you. Bushy bolton wrote a book, proving Donald Trumps a crook. The prez told bushy that he made a quid pro quo for foreign aid. Now bushy wants to take the stand, exposing president tiny hands. No testimony that is that, as Mitch Mcconnell stroked his cat. Rudy g was so upset, he strangled mitchs little pet. Djtj was so scared he shot a baby polar bear. Melania got on a horse and rode to get a quick divorce. If bushy bolton testifies about the donalds many lies, say goodbye to the defense and welcome president mike pence. Thats what will happen, you know. [ applause ] sunday, im sure you know sunday the chiefs play the niners in super bowl liv, kansas city versus san francisco. This is the super bowl that could finally answer the question, will j. Lo get an interception. Kansas city is favored by a point and a half. But really, we dont know. Only the dogs know whos going to win this game for sure. Ill explain. For the past four years in a row, weve checked in with a pair of prognosticating pugs. Who picked a winner correctly four times. We reached out to their owners, leon and pat. And here they are again, live from eugene. Say hello to ella and petunia. Hi, ella and petunia. [ applause ] petunia . Hey, guys, yeah. Its that time of year. And were wondering who you like in the big game. Who do you pick, the niners or the chiefs for this thing . What do you think . Petunia, bark once if you say oh, my goodness, all right, well, i guess i picked a bad time to check in. You know what . Well check in next week for their oscar picks. Football fans are a passionate bunch. From time to time, we enjoy putting that passion on display, and it is time once again for an allnew, allnfl edition of mean tweets. Hi, im tom brady, and im a crybaby, and i have a butthole in my chin. I imagine Patrick Mahomes barber is a super hero who has to run out and save the world every time he gets halfway through mahomes haircut. This dude, travis kelce, looks like the notre dame leprechaun. Cory, hold my [ bleep ], now you hold mine. His nose is so big it looks like hes been lying every day for his whole life. Thats a good one. Pray for devon. Aint nothing wrong with him. He just [ bleep ] sucks. More like panasonic michelle so far. Ty girly is a [ bleep ] snowflake loser bitch. [ bleep ]. [ bleep ] you tom brady, you fat bitch. I hope you cry. I do cry, too. Why is he running look like forest gump running when he had the braces on his legs . Thats [ bleep ]ed up. Clay matthews is a guy who farts into a bottle of sunny d, puts it in the fridge and consumes it the next morning. Joey goff throws the football like hes got a [ bleep ] in his pants. He looks like every old timey tablecloths in america got together and had an orgy and made that outfit. Your brain fell out with your hair kicking [ bleep ]. Why dont you bite my angry rebel [ bleep ]. [ bleep ] you, tom brady. I hope your dog eats chocolate and gets really sick and throws up on your sock. Thats [ bleep ]ed up. Jimmy you know, when youre attacking [cheers and applause] the pets youve gone too far. Its thursday night, and that means its time to bleep and blur the big tv moments of the week whether they need it or not, it is this week in unnecessary censorship. Oprah winfrey is facing criticism and calls for her to reconsider the choice of the controversial new novel american [ bleep ] for her book club. Are you still the president s personal attorney . Yes, i am. When was the last time you [ bleep ]ed him . Two days ago. Is there anything of significance to giuliani . He [ bleep ]ed me for 20 minute. Hes a big [ bleep ] . I always tell young people my motto is study hard, [ bleep ] harder. There aint nothing like grabbing a dude and you [ bleep ]ing a dude. And i swear, this is the godhonest truth. It might be a better feeling than scoring touchdowns. Later on, dale sureno has some tips for you. Big [ bleep ] on that one. You know what . Im good. Peters going to [ bleep ] you in cleveland, ohio. Okay. Thats why i always say you have to [ bleep ] yourself, because nobody else is going to do it. I made something for you. Oh, how to [ bleep ] baby [ bleep ]. Thank you. Jimmy youre welcome. We have a good show tonight. Music from caroline polachek. Curtis 50 cent jackson is here. And well be right back with Renee Zellweger. [cheers and applause] dicky Abcs Jimmy Kimmel live, brought to you by allstate. Its the next one. You always drive this slow . How did you make someone i love . That must be why youre always so late. I do not speed. And thats saving me cash with drivewise. My son, he did say that you were the safe option. And thats the nicest thing you ever said to me. So get allstate. Stop bossing. Where good drivers save 40 for avoiding mayhem, like me. This is my sons favorite color, you should try it. [mayhem] you always drive like an old lady . [tina] youre an old lady. 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For people with hearing loss, visit sprintrelay. Com. And i see this jean jacket. I put it on, popped the collar and looked at the brand. And when i saw the price tag i was like, oh yeah, this is a keeper. It goes with everything. If im wearing yoga pants, i wear my jean jacket. If im going out, i wear my jean jacket. I can go on a dinner dates with my husband, like to the movies, and it just works. Its my, its my go to jacket. Brands that wow. Prices that thrill. Marshalls. Your surprise is waiting hey guys want to stack different pringles flavors to create new flavor combos . Here ill. Go first. Pizza, barbeque and jalapeno. The spicy barbecue pizza stack. Get him grandpa whats going on . Were trapped in a pringles commercial, they must have taken us in our sleep. Stack pringles flavors make new ones. Dad not cool. O, son. You know whats not uncool . Old spice after hours. And jazz. Dad, i prefer ultra smooth, it handles sweat without all that. Jazz. Youre right son. Schools are having acrto cut sports. Y, im tony the tiger and im on a mission to fix that. Bring back the tigers. Your mighty, mighty tigers. [cheering sounds] buy a box and help all kids be tigers. Music playing welcome to my world wont you come on in ill be waiting here waiting just for you welcome to my world othroughout the country for the past twelve years, mr. Michael bloomberg is here. Vo leadership in action. Mayor bloomberg and president obama worked together in the fight for gun safety laws, to improve education, and to develop innovative ways to help teens gain the skills needed to find good jobs. Obama at a time when washington is divided in old ideological battles he shows us what can be achieved when we bring people together to seek pragmatic solutions. Bloomberg im Mike Bloomberg and i approve this message. Jimmy hi, everybody. Welcome back to the show tonight. Tonight, from power, on starz, and he has a new show called for life coming to abc february 11th. Curtis 50 cent jackson is here. He got a star on the hollywood walk of fame today. Did you go out there to see him get a star on the hollywood walk of fame today . Guillermo i went and had a drink. Jimmy what did you have . Guillermo we had an apple martini. Jimmy for real . He loves them, yeah. Jimmy little ladies lunch, huh . Then, her album is called pang. She has written many songs you know and love, including for beyonce. Caroline polacheck from the mercedesbenz stage. [cheers and applause] next week, we have new shows with will arnett, senator al franken, nick kroll, billy crystal, paul reubens, tika sumpter, the tenderloins, [cheers and applause] plus music from hot country knights, big thief, and russ. So please join us for all of that. [cheers and applause] our first guest is a beloved oscar and golden globewinning actress who will elbow you in the throat if you tell her she completes you. She is nominated for her performance as judy garland in the movie judy. Its in theaters now. Please welcome Renee Zellweger. [cheers and applause] how are you . Jimmy its great to see you. You look fantastic. Thanks. Jimmy i like that dress. [cheers and applause] how are you . Im great, thanks. Jimmy you really look great, i like that. Its very sparkly, and really, you could wear that to the oscars, or is it not fancy enough for the oscars . Well, you know what . I hadnt thought about it, but it might be too late now. Jimmy are you already thinking about what youre, do you know what youre going to wear to the oscars . I dont, actually, hmmm. Jimmy somebody else will figure that out, though, right . Id like to be part of the conversation. Jimmy you won the sag award, the golden globe. I know youre going to the baftas in london. Mmhm. Jimmy is it true youre driving yourself to the airport . Mmhm. Doesnt everybody . Jimmy and youll park yourself and then go in . Thats usually how it works. [ laughter ] jimmy at l. A. X. , i know to most people in normal places that sounds like no big deal, but thats a real commitment. Yeah, no, it really is. Its a sojourn. You may never come back. Youre asking like a Million People to go into one circle and be polite to each other. Jimmy theyve closed off almost all the parking. So you drive in a circle, curse and go away. You know what . Its nice to see you, i got at that go. Jimmy you won in 2004. I cant remember. Jimmy for cold mountain. It was 2004 . [cheers and applause] jimmy i think so. Thank you. Jimmy do you have like something that stands out in your memory above all others besides winning the oscar itself . Its such a weird moment, you know . That you just remember that your plan to not do that spiral that you see people do on tv when you roll your eyes, it just goes out the window. Youre not going to be the geek person who freezes up and cant hear anything and gets emotional and then somebody says your name and you hear this, like, dooo. And then, you know, you do the geek spiral. Do you. You do the geek spiral and hope you dont stumble on the way up. And i couldnt hear anything and i didnt remember anything. And i remember somebody was talking, and i guess it was me. And i was looking out at the audience, you know, my coworkers for so many years and friends and people ive admired forever and ever. Fan, yes, geek fan in that room, big time. And i remember thinking, my gosh, its like sergeant peppers album cover. All these people were frozen, staring and i remember sean penn was at 12 00. He was just smiling. I was talking, going thats sean penn. I dont remember what i said. Jimmy you got spakolid in the middle of your speech. Thank you for pointing that out. Jimmy i assume youve seen this. But you were on the cover of vanity fair this month with jennifer lopez. As part of the worlds least scary biker gang. [ laughter ] you are really on his back or is this photo shopped . Im tellin you, thats the way to meet somebody. Jimmy how long did it take to do this . It wasnt that long. Jimmy not too long . It was long for my left thigh, because i was balancing on my tippytoe. Jimmy did you say id like to be one of the people driving the motorcycle . I didnt really care. Because eddie murphy was going to be there and j. Lo. Im like, whatever. Jimmy was he fun . He was so nice. Fun. Just playing some music and singin. Hes got a lovely voice. He was fine. I was just trying to not put all my weight on him, because you know, ladies, you know what im talkin about. Im trying to be, you know. Jimmy hes a sturdy man. Im sure he could have handled the task. But we just met. So i figured, you know. Jimmy do you recognize this home that is currently for sale . [ laughter ] we built that house. Jimmy this is, this home wont last. Once home to famed actress Renee Zellweger. This was your childhood home . It was one of them. That was my dads dream. My dad is a swiss engineer. So he was always building things with his Soldering Iron on the dining room table. Jimmy he built it with that . One day, one day, he bought that land from one of his coworkers, and we planted some little baby pine trees. Jimmy that are big now. I dont think they made the cut in the photo. But we put the septic system in. We were out in the yard with the ditch witch. Jimmy is that right . Oh, yeah. Dad wants to do it right. If you want it done right you do it yourself. Jimmy is that how he . So we did it. We built a septic system together. Hey. Oh, the things can you do. Jimmy does your dad, does your family have a little party and watch the, like the oscars and these shows when youre nominated for them . Yeah, actually. Jimmy they do . Yeah. Jimmy and do you call them right afterwards . In 2000 and jimmy well, you won the sag award and the golden globe. Do you call them up . Well, yeah. I dont bring my phone in with me, but after i do, yeah. Jimmy you check in with them in and everybody screams and all that kind of stuff . Its very sweet. Jimmy you know maybe one of them could drop you off at the airport. Jimmy the movie is judy. Well be right back. With chicken or shrimp fajitas now on chilis 3 for 10. ita is a little bit. sizzling oh, so delicious. And a whole lotta. crunching thats a fajita, starter and drink for just 10 bucks. So lets go out to ita aveeno® with prebiotic striple oat complex balances skins microbiome. So skin looks like this and you feel like this. Aveeno® skin relief. Get skin healthy™ sorry, sliced bread. Save 5 or more over other National Chains on delivered pizza. doorbell rings. pizza, pizza. On delivered pizza. doorbell rings. introducing wendys 2 for 5. Yeah the only 2 for 5 with wendys fresh, never frozen beef and the spicy chicken you crave. Choose from the daves single, spicy chicken sandwich, 10 piece crispy, or spicy nuggets. Pick any two for 5 bucks only at wendys. Not one, but two donald trump beat the democratic vo establishment. O, and then he outlasted democratic insiders in washington on impeachment, despite his obvious crimes and corruption. Romney the president is guilty. Vo now, if we dont do Something Different this time around, hell win again. Thats the hard truth. We simply cant afford to nominate another insider or an untested newcomer who doesnt have the experience to beat trump on the economy. We need to think different. Tom steyer is a progressive businessman who left his company and is using his time and money to beat big corporat