The neighborhood which was a nice idea, clever idea, but as those of you who lined up on hollywood boulevard know, there has never been a beautiful anything in this neighborhood. [ laughter ] this neighborhood, this is where homeless spidermen gather to steal wallets from canadians. Thats what we do here. [ laughter ] a lot of the focus going into the show last night was on the lack of diversity. All the acting nominees but one were caucasian. And what do you do when you have a diversity problem . Well, you hit them with the worlds most famous white rapper, eminem. Thats what you do. [ laughter ] i actually learned a lot last night. For instance, that song from frozen 2, equally annoying in every language. [ laughter ] there were plenty of controversial moments. I think trump gained another 15 of the vote after those acceptance speeches last night. Bottom line, dont expect to see the joker doing a got milk commercial anytime soon. [ laughter ] the big winner last night was parasite. The movie won four oscars, including best picture. Parasite, if you havent seen it you should. Its very good. Is a south korean film that tells the story of a family who cons their way into a house they have no business living in and things go very wrong from there. The american version of it is called the trumps. [ laughter ] [ cheers and alause ] its also known as parasite. As well as tanning with just a bucket. Bong joon ho won best screenplay and best director. Its the first time a nonenglish language film won best picture. And the first time a guy named bong won anything other than a hackie sack contest. [ laughter ] this guy, he was the highlight of the night. He used a translator for most of his remarks, but he also made the most of the english he does know backstage. It was the same process making this film where weve had these amazing results. It still feels very surreal. I feel like something will hit me and i will wake up from this dream. Its really [ bleep ] crazy. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy to put it succinctly, yes. Anyway, move over large glass contraption on seth rogens nightstand. Hollywood has a new favorite bong. [ laughter ] the show last night was the lowestrated oscars ever by a lot. They had a parasite and no host, which makes no sense. But while the ratings were down here in the united states, this is a show thats seen all over the globe. And many of the 225 countries that air the oscars sent correspondents. This is red carpet coverage from sweden. And keep an eye on who shows up at the end of this clip. [ speaking Foreign Language ]. Hello, salma. How are you doing . [ bleep ]. [ bleep ]. Look at that. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy i dont know whats more embarrassing. What was more embarrassing, the swedish guy mistaking Penelope Cruz for salma hayek or al pacino mistaking guillermo for a real reporter on the red carpet . [ laughter ] did you have fun guillermo . Guillermo a lot of fun. Jimmy you had a lot of big stars. Well show you that in a moment. All the big stars are part of this. Attorney general william barr has confirmed that the Justice Department is conduct a review of whatever nonsense Rudy Giuliani dug up or digs up on the bidens in ukraine. And that brings up an interesting question, which is how many times can we impeach the same president . Maybe it will be four. I dont know. But trump is shaking his tiny fists at his enemies. Hes acting to punish those who testified against him. Over the weekend he fired gordon sondland, the ambassador to the eu, and he also removed Lieutenant ColonelAlexander Vindman from the National Security council. He had him escorted from the building where he worked. I guess Susan Collins was right. He definitely learned his lesson after the trial. But both men who were fired testified under subpoena, which means trump is now firing people for obeying the law. Lieutenant vindman is a highly decorated officer. Hes the recipient of the purple heart. And the president weighed in on him on twitter. He wrote, fake news cnn and msdnc keep talking about Lieutenant Colonel vindman as though i should think only how wonderful he was. Actually, i dont know him, never spoke to him or met him. I dont believe. But he was very insubordinate. Reported contents of my perfect calls incorrectly and was given a horrendous report by his superior, the man he reported to, who publicly stated that vindman had problems with judgment, adhering to the chain of command and leaking information. In other words, out. Hes firing the people who testified against him. And no one seems to well, i guess some people have a problem with it. But not enough people. One trump adviser said the president is flushing out the pipes. Which is also what he calls ordering a black coffee and a filetofish. [ laughter ] not only did he fire one vindman, he also fired vindmans twin brother, who didnt he didnt even testify. I guess trump told his staff get rid of anyone that looks like that guy. [ laughter ] and trump is now also targeting nancy pelosi for tearing up his state of the union speech. Well, i thought it was a terrible thing when she ripped up the speech. First of all, its an official document. Youre not allowed. Its illegal what she did. She broke the law. [ laughter ] jimmy well, lock her up, right . Isnt that how we do it . And you think all that is bad. Wait until you see the budget trump unveiled today. This budget makes major cuts to medicare, medicaid, social security, food stamps, environmental protection, and Childrens Health insurance. And it would cut funding for the center for disease control, the cdc, which seems like a great idea with the coronavirus brewing. This is definitely the time to make cuts to the cdc. But be not concerned because today trump announced that he has a handle on the coronavirus too. Now, the virus that were talking about having to do you know, a lot of people think that goes away in april with the heat, as the heat comes in. Typically that will go away in april. Again, as i mentioned, by april or during the month of april the heat generally speaking kills this kind of virus. So that will be a good thing. But were in great shape in our country. Jimmy yes, yes. Dont worry. Global warming is here to stop the coronavirus. [ laughter ] its not the heat. Its the stupidity really. In other reality show news, tonight on abc we were treated to a new episode of the bachelor. Were down to the final four. Kelsey, hannah ann, madison, and amy klobuchar, i think. But i picked hannah ann to hannah ann, madison, and kelly as the final three. Kelly got the boot tonight. This was also maybe the most dramatic episode yet for the word like. By our count there were 229 likes on tonights show. Which is like ridiculous. Especially when you line them up. This is just a fraction of the likening storm bachelor viewers were forced to endure. Such a dream to be here. I think like when youve only gotten like five minutes with him for the past like forever. Like. Like. Like. Like like like like. Like, like, like, like. Like. Like. Like. Like. I feel like i just like like, like, like, like, like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like, like, like. Like, like, like, like, like. Like, like, like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like, like, like. Like like like. Like like. Like like like like. Like like like. Like. Like like like. Like like like. Like like like. Literally. Like like. I like cannot even. Like im so happy. Jimmy right. Yeah. [ cheers and applause ] this truly is the golden age of television. Without the word like that show would be 12 minutes long. So next week its on to the hometown visits. And i dont know about you but im excited. I love the its always fun to see where someone who thinks its a good idea to find a husband on tv grew up. [ laughter ] weve got a terrific show for you tonight. Harrison ford is here with us. [ cheers and applause ] wiz khalifa brought a lot of friends but before we get to them, oscars happened last night. All the stars were aligned on the red carpet. And once again who was there to realign them . None other than our amigo guillermo, who filed this report. Guillermo hi, its me guillermo. Im here at the oscars. And its time to go bananas with don julio 1942. Hi, how are you . Hi, guillermo. Guillermo how are you doing . Im good. How are you . Guillermo you look beautiful. Thank you. Guillermo are you happy for white people this year . Happy for white people . Guillermo yeah. Theyre all nominated. It seems like this is the year. [ laughter ] its their year every year. Right . Guillermo most of the time. Yeah, most of the time. Guillermo is hitler cool . No. Guillermo no . Hes an absolute psycho. Guillermo hi, al pacino. Good to see you. Guillermo how are you . Very well. Guillermo are you afraid of al pacino . Im terrified of him. Is he here . Guillermo whos more cute, baby yoda or me . Baby yoda. Guillermo you know meryl streep, right . I do. Guillermo shes not nominated this year. Im sorry to hear that. She should be nominated for walking down the street. Guillermo i saw it too. So i made her a card and i want everybody to sign it. Yeah, thats sweet. I think this is really going to make her feel better. Guillermo sign over here so she can feel better. Thats lovely. Guillermo anything youd like to say to meryl streep . Yes. Youre a loser this year but youre going to get em next time. Thank you so much. I love meryl streep and i think shes always a winner. So thats why im not going to sign this [ bleep ] card. Guillermo oh, okay. What are you doing tonight . Are you presenting . Im presenting. Im so nervous and excited. Guillermo i have a joke for you. Okay. Guillermo here. Why didnt the star of joker take a limo . Because he preferred joaquin. Thats great. Why are the little women so little . Guillermo why . Because they wear spanx. What do you get when you take one pope and add another pope . Guillermo what do you get . Two popes. Guillermo i didnt see that movie parasite because i have a motherinlaw. Whats this . Guillermo can you translate . Oh. So sad. You want me to say it right now . Guillermo yeah, read it. 1917 is not just a movie. Its also the number of times i had to pee during the irishman. Then you hold like that and then you release. Guillermo how are you . Im okay. How are you doing . Guillermo are we getting back together or what . Did we break up . Guillermo yeah, we did. I didnt know that. Guillermo yeah. I have a joke for you. Okay . Look. Read it. Should i try this . Guillermo yeah. Try it. Hes a clever fellow. Guillermo try it. Ill try it. Ill try to it tonight. Guillermo ill read it. What does brad pitt sweat from . His pit. Im so funny. Guillermo Robert Robert de niro right here robert the irishman doesnt want to talk to the mexican. Hi. How are you . You look beautiful. Thank you. What are you doing here . Guillermo im interviewing you. You want to go banana tonight . What are you going to do . Guillermo here. Lets go banana tonight. Real quick. How many other lips have touched this . Guillermo youre the first one. I promise. Youre a liar. Guillermo i swear. Whats inside . I guess well figure it out. Guillermo tequila. Its smooth. Guillermo yeah. Oh, my god. Is that tequila in that banana . Yeah. Im doing it. Guillermo i always keep tequila in my banana. How many people put their mouths on this . Guillermo no one. So far nobody. Youre going to be the first one. [ laughter ] would you like a drink out of my banana . No. That sounds foul. Guillermo no . No. Guillermo hold on. Im getting a phone call. I think its for you. In this tequila. Hello. What . I cant hear you. Guillermo like that. Amazing. Did you make this . Guillermo yeah. Its mexican technology. [ laughter ] wow. Thats very good. Oh i cannot drink right now. Guillermo no . No. Ive got to work, man. Guillermo okay. What about regular one . Youre my kind of girl. Charlize, how are you . Wheres my shot . Guillermo in the banana. Oh, my god. Guillermo tequilas calling you. Oh, my god. Are you kidding me . How many of these do you have . Let me pat you down. Okay. That was good. Im so glad i met you tonight. Guillermo one more joke. This is irish. What did the irishman say to the mexican . Lets get drunk. I like you, man. What are you doing after the show . I wont be with you. Guillermo all right. But ill give you a kiss. Guillermo thank you. I just got to first base with harvey keitel. Thats it from the red carpet. Everybody loves drinking from my banana. Thank you very much. See you next year. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thats how we gave everyone in hollywood the flu. We have a good show tonight. We have music from wiz khalifa, ty dolla sign, lil yachty, science Bob Pflugfelder is here, and well be right back with Harrison Ford. [ cheers and applause ] dicky Abcs Jimmy Kimmel live, barak obama theres a new best thing. New ideas, go. Travelsized bread. Sparkle bread. Bread pets. Dear lord. Run the numbers. I ran the numbers. Well, run them again sliced bread is toast this is not happening everything is fine Little Caesars delivery. Best thing since slice sliced bread i know. Save 5 or more over other National Chains on delivered pizza. Pizza pizza. Im loooooving the allnew camera system on iphone 11 paul and i love how at sprint. sprintern . You can get the amazing iphone 11 for zero dollars a month when you tradein your iphone 6s or newer. paul in any condition. sprintern seriously, in any condition. For people with hearing loss, visit sprintrelay. Com. Tat your door, so you can get more. Feels so good feels so good target run done. Be stronger. With nicorette coated ice mint. Layered with flavor. Its the first and only coated nicotine lozenge. For an amazing taste. That outlasts your craving. Nicorette ice mint. For an amazing taste. That outlasts your craving. Start maxximizing today in store and online. vo i want to rock rock i want to rock rock i want to rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock i want to. chris rock whod you expect . Sylvester Stallone i dont know. Me . vo i want to rock rock rock rock rock i want to rock tomtrump on the economy. Ald his people over profits plan makes a living wage a right. Creates thousands of good paying green jobs in california. And provides a 10 tax cut for everyone making under 250,000. Toms plan also makes health care a right, by adding a public option to obamacare. Protects union negotiated plans. And ensures californians can make their own health care choices. Im tom steyer and i approve this message. Dicky Abcs Jimmy Kimmel jimmy hi. Welcome back. Tonight, he is a teacher from boston and lover of explosions. Here he is at work. Science Bob Pflugfelder is here. And who knows what hes got up his lab coat sleeve tonight. Look at that. All right. He is going to Mushroom Cloud this stuff tonight. Then with their song from the movie sonic the hedgehog, wiz khalifa, ty dolla sign, lil yachty, sueco the child from the mercedesbenz stage. [ cheers and applause ] tomorrow night, amy poehler and david daris will join us tomorrow, with music from super m. And later this week from American Idol katy perry, Lionel Richie and luke bryan. Chris pratt, lucy hale, huey lewis, and music from andy shauf and sam hunt. Please join us for all of that. Our first guest tonight is one of the great actors and one of the rare white men who looks good in a hat. His latest Motion Picture is the call of the wild. It opens in theaters february 21st. Please welcome Harrison Ford. [ cheers and applause ] how are you . Very good to see you. Did you watch the oscars last night . They were last night . [ laughter ] oh, man. Jimmy you missed it again. You didnt even go when you were nominated for best actor, right . What . Jimmy yeah. You were nominated for witness. The movie witness. You were nominated in 1986. You did not attend the oscars. Well, i had a lot of homework. Jimmy last time you were here its old news. Jimmy or maybe it was the time before. I dont remember. You were almost pleading with the star wars people to kill han solo. Youd had enough of han solo. You wanted him dead. And then were putting a different complexion on it. I figured that his utility had been exhausted, bled out, and i was well, and i was willing to die for the cause. Jimmy for the cause. I didnt realize. Bring some gravitas. Some base. Jimmy and you did indeed die for the cause. I did. No good deed goes unpunished. Jimmy yeah. Like jesus han solo rose again. I like jesus. Jimmy maybe a little less dramatically than jesus and it took more time than it took jesus, but its still like jesus. How did that happen . Who convinced you to do that . Because i would imagine it took some convincing. J. J. Said this is a good idea. I, j. J. , have decided that this is a good idea. Jimmy uhhuh. And i would like you to do it. Jimmy and you trust him enough that when he says Something Like that youre on board . Dont you . Jimmy yes, i do. Absolutely. Yeah. But im not Harrison Ford. Quite a distance from it. Im actually not either. [ laughter ] jimmy guillermo, remove this man. Im little harry ford. Im harry ford. Jimmy what kind of music are you do you like in general . I generally like the kind of music that nobody is liking at the time. Jimmy i see. Because this is something that was posted by sergio mendes. On facebook. And there he is. Sergio mendes. He did a lot of very popular songs. And thats me. Jimmy he wrote the force awakens before han solo, a great carpenter named Harrison Ford. Here he is with his crew the day they finished building my Recording Studio back in 1970. Thank you, harrison. May the force be with you. And there you are, baked out of your mind, yes . [ applause ] no, im not baked out of my mind. Im working. [ laughter ] jimmy when you were working as a carpenter and building these kind of places here in l. A. , would you charge more to a celebrity than you would to a regular civilian . Wouldnt you . [ laughter ] jimmy yes. Sergio spent 6 million on that Recording Studio. Do you still fix things around the house . Do you still put those skills to use . Yeah. If its not too complicated. Jimmy if its not too complicated youll do it . Yeah. Jimmy and are people overly impressed by that . Not my wife. Jimmy she expects it and you do it. Yeah. Jimmy you worked at the was it the first