The patel lochlt for short. This is how were fighting the coronavirus. Lets get this going. Lets have this go across america from knee to shining knee. Or if thats i have another one weve been working on too. It goes like this. Its called the hellobo. Thank you, guillermo. While everyone else is sitting around paying 80 fire 45cent mask were coming up with ways to stop this thing. I had an interesting revelation this weekend. I was hanging out with the kids my kids this weekend. Not just random kids at the park. [ laughter ] my son billy is 2, my daughters 5. I dont know what exactly prompted this but while we were playing it occurred to me that jane, my daughter jane is a lot like donald trump. I mean, they have shes totally selfcentered. The world as she sees it revolves around her. She wants everything. You take her to target, forget about it. She gives nothing to charity. And even when she does give something to someone else you have to make a big show of complimenting her. Oh, you gave your brother one skittle from the pack, what a great sister you are. She has tantrums regularly. When she doesnt get her way, she yells. She even told me i was fired once. She doesnt know the names of any foreign leaders. All she wants to do all day is watch tv. You tell her not to do things, she does them anyway. She lies and doesnt think you know shes lying. She claims she has a lost money in her piggy bank. Really not that much. 11. Her spelling is atrocious. She always orders chicken fingers no matter where we are. She puts ketchup on everything. And she has tiny hands. Shes got tiny hands. Just like the president. [ applause ] you take out the cute part, theyre almost the same person. The president had his tiny little hands full this weekend. He took some time at cpac, the conservative Political Action conference, to once again sexually molest the american jimmy betsy ross just filed charges against him. [ laughter ] who does that . How is that Human Behavior . Anyway, trump closed out black History Month in a big way. Hes been trying to drum up support from africanamericans lately. And to do that he invited black leaders to the white house to tell them how great he is. I am standing next to the greatest president since abraham lincoln. The greatest president. Yeah. The greatest president for the africanamerican community, black community, brown, mocha. You truly are the best president since abraham lincoln. Thank you. Man, youre the first black president. Jimmy i guess orange really is the new black. [ applause ] and then since he was on a roll the next day he had a rally in north charleston, South Carolina during which he shared an important lesson he learned during that meeting. And finally settled a debate hes been having with himself for what i assume is quite some time. Young africanamerican leaders, one of the things i asked them, and ive been thinking about this for a long time. Great people. Great people. Some of them are here tonight. Do you like the name africanamerican or black . And they said black. All at the same time. True. Jimmy im glad someones been working on clearing that up. [ laughter ] then he tweeted like 42 times today. He is the big winner in South Carolina on saturday was joe biden, who ran away with the primary there. He beat Bernie Sanders by 20 points. This is interesting. This is the first president ial primary joe biden has won in over 30 years. Over three different campaignss this is the first time he won. I dont know if he should be proud of that or very depressed. [ laughter ] President Trump congratulated biden. He tweeted Vice President biden led a Formidable Campaign and should he prevail on super tuesday i look forward to challenging him in wait, no, he didnt write that. He wrote sleepy joe bidens victory in the South Carolina primary should be the end of mini Mike Bloombergs joke of a campaign after the worst debate performance in the history of president ial debates. Mini mike now has biden split up very few voters i guess he got that one he wrote confused with one we wrote. [ laughter ] but joe biden celebrated with a victory lap on the sunday morning news shows, and as you can see, he is a little rusty when it comes to celebrating. Thank you. Thanks for your time. Please come back in less than 13 years, sir. All right, chuck, thank you very much. All right. Its chris. But anyway. Chris. I just did chris. No, i just did chuck. I tell you what, man, these are back to back. Jimmy right. Back to back. Theyre so back to back. Is it possible he thought he was talking to chuck norris . I dont know. Then today in houston briiden h another senior moment riflg the declaration of independence 37. Fight for the proposition we find these truths to be selfevident. Sounds corny. Think about it. We hold these truths to be selfevident. All men and women created by you know you know the thing. [ laughter ] jimmy you know the thing. And believe it or not, joe biden is now officially the youngest man running for the democratic nomination. For real. So Tom Steyer Amy Klobuchar dropped out. Tom steyer and mayor pete all dropped out. So i guess we learned how to pronounce buttigieg for nothing. Pete buttigieg was an important candidate, the first openly gay frontrunner for a major party and also the first candidate to dress like he worked at office max every single day. [ laughter ] mayor pete is expected to go back to his job working as a mannequin at gap kids. And one of the two billionaires in this race, tom steyer, the poor one, tom steyer dropped out to spend more time explaining who he is to his family. And while tom may be out, he is not down. He did his best to put a positive spin on all this. When the lord closes a door, he opens a window. I will find that window and crawl through it with you. I promise you that. Jimmy what . We dont know. With her . We dont want to crawl through a window. [ laughter ] is he climbing, breaking into peoples houses . Whats going on . [ laughter ] tom steyer during what turned out to be his final rally in South Carolina, he got on stage with juvenile, the rapper, and yes, this happened. [ laughter ] jimmy you know what . They say dance like nobody is voting for you. And i think thats what tom steyer did there. [ applause ] so thats not the only hiphoporiented dispute going on in politics. Public enemy yesterday announced theyre moving forward without flava flav because of a dispute involving Bernie Sanders. Flava flav of course is or now was public enemys hype man. He was upset because his fellow enemy, chuck d performed yesterday at a Bernie Sanders rally use the name public enemy. He sent a cease and desist letter. This is the real cease and desist letter he wrote. At the bottom he wrote hey, bernie, dont do this. Flava flav, public enemy. And he drew a clock. And youd think hed be better at drawing clocks by now than that. [ laughter ] in response his band put out a statement saying we thank him for his years of service and we wish him well. I like how formal as if he was removed from the board of hewlettpackard or something. [ laughter ] public enemy has already found a replacement for flavor flav. This guy comes with a snooze button, which is nice. I just hope this doesnt result in flavor flav going out and acting all crazy. You know . Maybe trump will appoint him to the Coronavirus Response team. You know, the coronavirus, this thing, everybodys talk k about it. Its the center of every conversation. For me the scariest part is the large percentage of americans who seem to be just learning youre supposed to wash your hands not a regular basis. [ laughter ] but dont worry. No one should ever worry because the president has this under control totally. We havent seen an increase and people are getting better. Almost everybody that we see is getting better. And it could be everybody. Jimmy right. It could be everybody. Since he made that statement there are now 100 cases of corona in the u. S. Six people have died. The first victim was in Washington State. And in a press conference on saturday trump said the victim was a medically highrisk patient in her late 50s and added she was a wonderful woman. Of course we found out later the wonderful woman was a man. He had it wrong. But still wonderful im sure. You know . [ laughter ] hey, speaking of viruses, this morning on Good Morning America we revealed the new bachelorette, and youll never guess who was on hand to help out. We have a lot of stories coming up here. Including the big reveal. Who will be handing out roses on the bachelorette . Look whos here. Guillermo from jimmy kimmel. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thats right. You went to new york this morning . Guillermo thats right, jimmy. Jimmy and then you flew back just guillermo yes. Jimmy were there people on the plane . Guillermo like 20 people. Jimmy only 20 people on the plane . Guillermo yeah. They were wearing masks, gloves. Jimmy was it a big plane is it. Guillermo is it was a big plane for just 28 people. It was very sad. Jimmy did you wear a mask, or did your mustache protect you . Guillermo my mustache protect me. Jimmy we may have to put you in quarantine for a week. But the new bachelorette is a familiar face. Her name is clare crawley. She was on juan pablos season. This will be her fifth time. She was on the bachelor, bachelor winter games, and bachelor in paradise two times. Shes like a stlie stallone character. Just when she thought she was out of it they put pull her in for one last job. Tonight was the women tell all special, which was really more of a women yell all special. You called me a stupid [ bleep ]. I didnt call you stupid. What did you say . I think i called you a dramatic [ bleep ] bitch. Okay. It was not the nicest i already did apologize to you. Were good. No, were fine. [ laughter ] jimmy what goes on in that studio. From a medical standpoint youre a dermatologist. Jimmy in all my life i dont think ive ever gasped in shock like this ever at any time. [ laughter ] there was so much gasping. It was like the cabin pressure had started to drop. [ laughter ] but i want to credit abc with mixing it up this year. A lot of times these tellall specials get boring. Theyre kind of the same thing year after year. But since super tuesday is tomorrow, tonight they decided they would add a bit of politics to the mix. Its a very special edition of the women tell all. All of your favorite women from this season are back. Honestly, i was pissed. And they have a lot to say. You called me a nasty woman. How dare you . I made a mistake. You did call me a stupid [ bleep ] i apologized. Its not okay for you to do that. Ive asked for forgiveness. But i cant rewrite history. The bachelor. Mike bloombergs women tell all. Only on abcnn. Followed by an all new after the final bros. [ laughter ] jimmy thats a fun show right there. We have a good show. Tonight we have music from tame impala. From the good doctor, Freddie Highmore is here. And well be right back with senator Elizabeth Warren. So stick around. [ cheers and applause ] dicky Abcs Jimmy Kimmel live, brought to you by the all new kia seltos. Yeah. Order up, its switching time. There, thats better. Switch to up to 12 hours of battery life. Switch to chromebook. Switch to chromebook. To present the flavor weve all been waiting for, the hazelnut spread m ms spokescandy clapping audience gasps oh my what did you do . . giggles we ate him. Music playing welcome to my world wont you come on in ill be waiting here waiting just for you welcome to my world vo iand there are doers. Lkers Mike Bloomberg has spent his life getting things done. Started a company from scratch, creating 20,000 good paying jobs. Thats getting it done. As mayor, he rebuilt a shaken city after 9 11, created over 450,000 jobs. Expanded healthcare to 700,000 and raised teacher pay. Elected for three terms because he got things done. Mike beat the nra, strengthening gun laws. He beat big coal, closing over 300 dirty coal fired plants. Mike is still getting things done. So ask yourself. For president , do you want a debater or a doer . Someone with workable, common sense plans to fix healthcare and create jobs, whos done both. Mike has the record and resources to beat trump. And it will take both. But mike will get it done. Bloomberg im Mike Bloomberg and i approve this message. The good doctor himself Freddie Highmore is here. And then his album, its called the slow rush. Tame impala from the mercedesbenz stage. You can see tame live on tour starting in san diego monday night. Tomorrow night, ben affleck will be here with Justina Machado and music from victoria monet and later this week elle fanning, dave burd, eric andre, local natives and phantogram. So please join us for all that. Our first guest tonight was a Public School teacher who became a harvard law professor, president of her local chapter of the dwayne the rock Johnson Fan Club and now, u. S. Senator from massachusetts running for president of the united states. Please say hello to senator Elizabeth Warren. [ cheers and applause ] i see that youre already making positive change. There you go. Jimmy how are you handling the coronavirus . You must shake a million hands every day. True. But you know, actually, this is a moment to be serious. Jimmy okay. Because this really is a threat. And we need to take some action and we need to start taking it right now. I put out another ive been putting out plans on this for a while now. But we need to guarantee everyone who wants to get tested for the coronavirus, you can get tested for free. When the vaccine comes out we need to make it for free. We need to set aside money so anyone who gets quarantined will have their paychecks reimbursed. All of those are things that make all of us safer. Jimmy yeah. And we need to start working right now on the economic fallout from this. Supply chains are already being interru interrupted. Cant get materials that come in from china for drugs. Cant get parts for manufacturing here. Thats going to echo through our economy, its going to go through europes economy and bounce back through ours. We need to start with a stimulus bill now. And we need to tell the fed to open up the window, to lend to companies that need help making it past a rough patch. If they agree not to lay people off. We need to at least minimize both the Health Consequences and the economic consequences. But donald trump says everybodys getting better, everythings getting better. [ laughter ] thats true. That is what he says. But this really is about leadership. And its why when Serious Problems come you cant just have a guy who believes in magic as the president of the united states. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy i dont think he even believes in magic. Oh, come on. The things he says about himself, he must believe in magic. [ laughter ] jimmy you over the last 48 hours, two of your major rivals and tom steyer dropped out of the race. Yeah. Jimmy how do you find out theyre dropping out . Are you guys on a group like text . Is there somebody texts you a ghost emoji when theyre dropping out . How does it work . [ laughter ] actually, i talked to amy right when it was happening today. Weve stayed in close touch. Pete and i exchanged messages. Tom and i talked right after jimmy were you disappointed that they endorsed joe biden and not you . You know, look, i recognize everybody sees this differently. And im somebody whos just kind of not the same whos in this race. You started out actually, you mentioned it when you introduced me. Im not somebody who looked in a mirror when i was 14 and said, mm, future president. Im somebody who looked in a mirror when i was 7 and said, future Public School teacher, yes [ applause ] that was my goal. And it was its kind of one thing led to another. Ive spent all my life in teaching and all of my life around kind of a central question in law school where ive taught about whats happening to americas middle class. Why is it being hollowed out . Whats happening to working families across this country . Why is it that people who work every bit as hard as my mom and dad worked two generations ago find the path today so much rockier and so much steeper . And for people of color even rockier and even steeper. And this is a fundamental issue about whose side government is on. And thats what drew me into this race. I never thought id be in electoral politics. So you know, ten years ago im still in a classroom jimmy ten years ago . Yeah. And id talk about what was broken and what we could do to fix it. And tens of people heard what i had to say. Reacted to it. And now, man, im running for president of the united states. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy mayor bloomberg is also running for president. Sxl i heard that. Jimmy it seems like you dont like him that much. True. [ laughter ] but its not personal. Its just everything about him. [ laughter ] heres is this guy who makes a bazillion dollars and says, well, that must mean that hes qualified to be president of the united states. And then thinks he can run for president when hes got a record of embracing racist policies, when he hides his taxes jimmy in fairness to him, though, he does look at the white house and go, well, theres one in there right now. Yeah, but thats not the test for democrats. And that he thought he could run for president at a time when he has a lot of charges against him for discrimination, for jimmy you roasted him at that debate. I mean, that was it was like a Comedy Central roast. At any point did you have any inkling of a thought that boy, when this guys out hes going to start handing out money to all the campaigns and maybe i should be a little bit nice . No. Jimmy no, you did not. [ applause ] afterwards did you speak to him afterwards . Yeah. Jimmy you did. Briefly. Jimmy was he mad . Hes a very controlled person. Jimmy i see. And we spoke about the fact that i was born and raised in oklahoma. And he is spending lots of money in oklahoma. Jimmy and everywhere really. Yes. The local tv networks absolutely love him. But this i