Now, this is from a horse race in tampa bay on saturday. And it would seem that we have a winner in our midst. King guillermo now going to the lead. Inside the final furlong, do you believe this . King guillermo. He wins impressively. Look, im a jockey jimmy i had no idea you were racing. Whats your horses name, guillermo . Pepe. [ laughter ] jimmy pepe. Its also his dogs name coincidentally. The coronavirus this coronavirus is all i hear about from whoo . [ laughter ] people are selling off stocks and buying up toilet paper. And if you are buying up toilet paper, i have a question. Why are you buying up toilet paper . I think youve got the body upside down because people are canceling events. The south by southwest festival in austin was canceled over the weekend. Theres talk they may hold nba games with no fans in the crowd. Italy the country is closed. For real. I try ton get too worked up about this sort of thing, but then i saw this headline over the weekend, and for me now this is serious. Costco is pulling their free samples. [ laughter ] trump needs to send mike pence to costco to figure this out right now. This is also scary news for costco shoppers. This was from the weekend too. O. J. Posted, coronavirus . Whos afraid . [ laughter ] i dont know. Are those two separate questions or one . Because whenever youre out in a mask were afraid, all of us. [ laughter ] ive been doing my part to fight the coronavirus. The virus we are trying to spread is called the elbump. There it is. Elbump. We branded this last week. And it seems to be catching on. For instance on kelly and ryan, theres Whitney Cummings doing the elbump very elegantly. Mike and tony from pardon the interruption. Djimon hounsou. Coach k and roy williams. Even Vice President mike pence is participating. Put it there, soul brother. Keep doing that. Just get in the habit of doing it. The president publicly seems determined to keep shaking hands. He has said that and that he will not cancel his rallies. But a report today from vanity fair says he is privately terrified about getting the virus and thinks journalists will try to purposefully contract coronavirus to give it to him on air force one. [ laughter ] well, that doesnt seem paranoid at all. On friday the president signed a funding bill from congress to help combat the virus. And really Pay Attention to what he says here. So were signing the 8. 3 billion. I asked for 2 1 2, and i got 8. 3. And ill take it. Jimmy he only asked for 2 1 2 billion. Congress said we authorize 8. 3 billion. And hes bragging that he wanted less . I dont know. It doesnt he somehow finds a way to brag about everything. And at the signing somebody asked him about Elizabeth Warren and whether sexism played a role in her campaign not working out. And youre going to be surprised to hear he doesnt. She destroyed Mike Bloomberg very quickly. Like it was nothing. It was easy for her. People dont like her. Shes a very mean person. And people dont like her. People dont want that. They like a person like me, thats not mean. [ laughter ] jimmy see you, losers. I like when he unbuttons his shirt a little. Trump was up bright and early this morning trying to downplay the virus. He wrote, so last year 37,000 americans died from the common flu. It averages between 27,000 and 70,000 per year. Nothing is shut down. Life and the economy go on. At this moment there are 546 confirmed cases of coronavirus with 22 deaths. Think about that. No, you think about that. [ laughter ] youre the one whos president. 546 and 22 deaths is not good news. If you found out 546 of your friends were on tik tok you wouldnt be like, okay, well, glad thank god thats over. [ laughter ] the president stopped by cdc headquarters on friday. That is the center for disease control. To explain to the experts who are working on the virus that hes an expert too. I like this guy. You know, my uncle is a great person. He was at m. I. T. I taught at m. I. T. For i think like a Record Number of years. He was a great super genius. Dr. John trump. I like this stuff. I really get it. Theyre surprised that i understand. Every one of these doctors said how do you know so much about this . Maybe i have a natural ability. Maybe i should have done that instead of running for president. [ laughter ] jimmy yeah. I agree with that. Theyve all the nobel prizes you would have won by now. [ laughter ] everyone relax. Trumps uncle was a super genius. The president then treated these Health Officials to another helping of humility. Watch the guy on the right here. This is dr. Steve monroe. Hes one of the top experts on lab science and safety in the world. And watch his face as the president speaks. Theyre making millions of more as we speak. But as of right now and yesterday anybody that needs a test thats the important thing. And the tests are all perfect. Like the letter was perfect. The transcription was perfect. This was not as perfect as that but pretty good. [ applause ] jimmy thats a look of some kind of a mix between i wish i was dead and oh, my god, were actually going to be dead. But the tests are perfect. Everythings perfect. Thats why trump fired his chief of staff over the weekend. He was too perfect. Mick mulvaney, trumps fourth chief of staff in three years, is out. Hell be replaced by congressman mark meadows. Mick mulvaney, now mark meadows. Hes working his way through the ms. Keep your fingers crossed, matthew modine. [ laughter ] meanwhile, trump was apparently upset that mulvaney went to vegas during this corona emergency. Which would make himself if he himself hadnt been upset from his Vacation Home in florida, where he went during the emergency. Now, efforts are being made to slow the virus on a local level. The mayor of new york, bill de blasio, is urging new yorkers to stay indoors and stay off the subway. Basically the mayor is telling new yorkers to avoid new york at all costs. [ laughter ] de blasio also said new yorkers should refrain from shaking hands, which that one shouldnt be a problem. Most new yorkers dont even like to make eye contact with one another. [ laughter ] but this report to me it shines a light on how the coronavirus is being received in the big apple. Im not doing anything different. I still wash my hands when i go eat or go out. And i still wash up. Im washing my hands for at least 20 seconds. Often. Im washing my hands more. But not for 20 seconds. I dont have the patience for that. [ laughter ] jimmy but she did have the patience to tie that scarf into six giant knots. [ laughter ] thats why i always say be patient or be a patient. Its been my motto since 1973. This is interesting. Senator ted cruz announced yesterday hes placed himself under selfquarantine because of the virus. So every cloud has a Silver Lining i guess. Ted calls it a selfquarantine. Others call it having no friends. [ laughter ] but ted cruz decided to put himself under house arrest because he shook hands with a carrier at cpac the week before last. And i am worried about ted. Hes actually spending his quarantine backstage at our show. Can we bring him out for a second . Oh, here he is right here. Okay. There he is. Well, hey [ applause ] senator, i do want to ask, is everything okay in there . Im doing fine, jimmy. Just doing my part to keep america safe. Jimmy okay. Well, thats what i like to hear. I hope youre okay. I really do. Thanks, jimmy. Can i get a sprinkle of that food . Jimmy oh, yeah. Absolutely. Ill give a little. There. Eat it all. Okay . [ laughter ] hey, hes got some algae on his belly. Lets get that cleaned off. Hes a senator. Have some respect, for gods sake. Ill see you later, senator cruz. Good luck. [ cheers and applause ] is that more than youre supposed to give . Joe biden is not under selfquarantine. He is out there spreading his brand of kooky common sense to anybody who will listen, including this confused crowd in kansas city. Turning this primary from a campaign thats about negative attacks into one thats about what were for because we cannot get reelect we cannot win this reelection excuse me. We can only reelect donald trump. If in fact we get engaged in this circular firing squad. Jimmy oh, boy. I dont know. It feels [ applause ] its kind of its like hes losing a debate against himself. [ laughter ] the main event on abc tonight was part one of a twonight Season Finale of the bachelor. Were down to the final two loves of peters life, madison and hannah ann. And this is the time on the show when the last two get vetted by the family of the bachelor. But this season was a very strange team effort. Peters little brother got things going by asking whether the fact that madison, who is saving herself for marriage, he asked if that might be a problem for his sexloving older bro. Obviously, youre very physical in relationships. And edilets assume you go with maddie. And tonight youre talking about this whole period of not actually still having sex until youre fully married. And do you think thats something that you realistically see yourself doing . Jimmy and if not could you maybe show me some pictures of what youre doing . [ laughter ] who glued the facial hair onto that kids face . He just wants to hear some sex stuff from his brother. But he wasnt the only one involved. Peters whole family made it very clear that they are not on board with the virgin madison. Everyone just kaupt on this. And i can see past this. Im not someone that just gets caught up in this. Peter, were not pushing you. Im just being real. Would you rather us lead you down the wrong road . I hear you guys, but you guys also have to trust me as much as i trust you guys. And you guys have not been dating these girls for the last two months. Jimmy thats right. And it would be weird if you had been dating them. It was quite a scene. And it was highlighted by this emotional outburst from peters mother. Hannah ann loves you with all of her heart. Dont let her go. Dont let her go. Bring her home. Bring her home to us. Shes a dream come true. And god has placed her there for you. Thats what love stories are made out of. Someone that is so madly in love with you. Youve got to stop doing this. Youve got to stop doing this. Youve got to stop doing this right now. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy i tell you what. It took i think 24 seasons, we finally found the craziest woman ever to be on the bachelor. [ laughter ] it turns out to be peters mother. God placed her there for if god doesnt have time to stop the coronavirus, hes not placing women on the bachelor for peter. Okay . [ laughter ] so now peter had a real dilemma on his hands. Should he spend the next three months being engaged to and breaking up with hannah ann or with madison . And that decision got a little easier when madison eliminated herself, leaving hannah ann to run unopposed. We will learn more about that tomorrow night on the big Season Finale. But first i had my own heart to heart with the bachelor. Its time for three ridiculous questions with pilot pete. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy if you had to eat one animal at the zoo. Okay . A zoo animal. Which one would you choose . If i had to . Jimmy mmhmm. This is so bad. But probably a panda because i love panda express. I just like thats one of my favorite restaurants. So if i had to pick one i would say panda. Jimmy would you marry a woman who wears a shirt that says its wine oclock . 100 . Jimmy you would . Yeah. Absolutely. Jimmy okay. [ laughter ] youre a pilot. I am. Jimmy will people clap at the end of the flight, can you even hear that . No, actually, you cant. Jimmy so theres no point theres no reason. Because we have noise canceling headphones on to kind of help with all that air going over the windshield. And we have that cockpit door which is reinforced like crazy. So yeah, its just pretty much useless. Jimmy this is a great piece of information. Yeah. I mean, keep doing it because it makes us feel good knowing that it happened. But jimmy well, you know what . Heres to positive reinforcement no matter how ridiculous. Cheers to that. Smirnoff seltzer. The answer to all of lifes ridiculous Smirnoff Seltzer is the official seltzer of the bachelor. Drptd a dicky Abcs Jimmy Kimmel live, brought to you by door dash. Pad thai. Baked pie. Half stack. Taco pack. Lobster mac. Baby back. Pork chop. Soda pop. Kebab. Soursop. Hot pot. Im hungry now. Noodle soup. Cantaloupe. Ice cream scoop. Whipped cream bloop. Dumpling. Chicken wing. Peking. And those crispy onion rings. We are americas kitchen. Doordash. Every flavor welcome. Find something incredible, from somewhere amazing. Unique selection, unbelievable prices. Homegoods. Go finding. Yeah. Order up, its switching time. There, thats better. Switch to up to 12 hours of battery life. Switch to chromebook. Switch to chromebook. When you have nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, diarrhea. Try pepto liquicaps for fast relief and ultracoating. Nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, diarrhea. Get powerful relief with pepto bismol liquicaps. Im the founder of the honey pot. My name is beatrice dixon. To have a retailer like target see you and believe in you, is everything. The reason why its so important for honey pot to do well is so the next black girl she could have a better opportunity. That means a lot to me. Noand, silly question ki is nwont it sink . alright, im going to get back to you. Im going to get back. People ask me what sort of person should become a celebrity accountant. And, i tell them, nobody. Nobody should. Theres nothing wrong with liking privacy, but i just dont think you need a separate private plane. But i, but i want it you cant claim that as a dependent because its inanimate thats what the pay me for. Not enough, though. Not nearly enough. Hey, buddy. Whats the damage . I bought it the waterfall . Nope a new volkswagen. A volkswagen . wow i think were having a breakthrough here welcome to caesars palace. Wait, youre in vegas . Sure looks like it wha, what, what . What are you doing back there . Do you recall, not long ago we would walk on the sidewalk all around the wind blows we would only hold on to let go blow a kiss into the sun we need someone to lean on blow a kiss into the sun all we needed somebody to lean on all we need is someone to lean on you know, the happiest place on earth, but. Have you flown the fastest hunk of junk in the galaxy . Or channeled your inner jedi . You gotta love that. Have you raced through radiator springs . Or struck a power pose with them . Now is the perfect time to feel like this. And this. And definitely that. Kids enjoy the magic for just 67 per child per day, with a 3day 1park per day ticket. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy welcome back to the show. Tonight a very funny woman from saturday night live and she has her own show on hulu too. Its called shrill. Aidy bryant is here. [ applause ] then, the album is called it is what it is. Thundercat from the mercedesbenz stage. [ applause ] and he brought friends. And this is kind of funny. So thundercats name is steve. Youre listening to this, guillermo, as if you care about what im saying. Thundercats name is steve. All the guys, all three of the guys in the band tonight are also named steve. Its like Christmas Steve here tonight on the show. [ laughter ] tomorrow night, emily blunt and jake johnson will be here. Well have music from christina aguilera. And later this week, david spade, sir patrick stewart, eiza gonzalez. Mayor Pete Buttigieg will be filling in for me as host on thursday night, and we will have music from grace vanderwaal too. So please join us for all that. [ applause ] our first guest this evening is a Worldwide Box Office champion who has the body of a greek god and the smooth head of a greek olive. His new superhero movie is called bloodshot, it opens friday. Please welcome vin diesel. [ cheers and applause ] these people risked their lives to come see you here tonight. Thank you so much. Jimmy and vice versa, by the way. [ cheers and applause ] thank you. Thank you so much. Jimmy now, you are what is your mentality about this . Are you shaking hands with people . Are you taking selfies . What are you doing to protect yourself . What a good question. Jimmy im going to put it a different way. What are you doing to protect vin diesel . [ laughter ] who in a way belongs to all of us. So true. I belong to you guys. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy are you being careful . I literally belong to you. When im doing a stunt or when im doing a combat scene, just last week we were filming. And im doing this big scene with 15 people and theyre trying to stomp my head. And you know, sometimes people are a little off and they kick me in the jaw while im doing this scene. And im thinking about you guys because i belong to you guys. Jimmy you get stomped in the head for us. I get stomped in the head for you guys because i belong to you guys. Jimmy another personal question. Where do you stand on daylight savings time . For or against . Or saving time, as they call it. Okay. So just yesterday its about 11 00. And uncle ludacris is there. Uncle larenz tate and all our kids are there. And at about 11 00 i look at everybody and i say, these kids should be sleeping. Jimmy right. And theyre getting away with murder. And theyre not acting like theyre tired. That daylight savings is a really i think we should rethink that. Jimmy i think youre right. We have to get rid of it. I think we should rethink that. Jimmy how old are the kids now . You have three kids. Pauline turns 5 next week. Jimmy oh, okay. Your little one. Yeah. On saturday. [ applause ] jimmy so what do you, like load the car up with clorox wipes and head to chuck e. Cheese . Or what will you do . No. I have to think about the guest list. Last year she wanted post malone and swae lee to perform. I dont know what shell ask for this year. But when i said who do you want to come to your party . Oh, i dont know. My friends like uncle ludacris. Jimmy she wants uncle ludacris to be there. But whats sweet about that is his daughter cadence and my daughter, they were first friends together. Jimmy thats nice. Thats kind of cute. Jimmy they can yeah. When you see them playing together, youre just aw. Jimmy and the pressures a little bit off you. And the pressures off me a little bit. Jimmy totally. Its good to see you by the way. Jimmy its good to see you too. And youre always so amazing. Jimmy oh. Thanks. [ cheers and applause ] not always. I mean, think about it. With the state of the world right now all of you are here and you all look so excited to be here. [ cheers and applause ] thats a testament to him. Thats got to Say Something. Thats got to Say Something about jimmy youre making me blush. Im really proud of him, and im not going to point any fingers, guys. Jimmy hey, this is the new flaunt magazine, which its the home issue. And in the home iss