Position of all obligatory. [ laughter ] if youre smart, youll do what i do on valentines. You dont have to make a big deal out of it, you dont have to spend a lot of money. Just hand your wife a single rose and say this means you get to stay. [ laughter ] but i thought you loved the bachelor this is something i learned today. You know those little candy hearts that have the messages on them that taste like a mix between rubber and chalk . Originally, they were called wedding candies. Now we call them sweethearts. But they were invented in the mid 1800s by a man named daniel chase who invented a machine that stamped words onto candy. But the messages on the hearts in 1860 were different. There were things like the saloons on fire. [ laughter ] pas dead. Your blanket has pox. [ laughter ] richmond has fallen. Trains been blowed up. Bear ate lil joe. Youre my favorite prostitute. [ laughter ] and cobblepot. The cobblepot talk got people going back then. If youre still looking for a lastminute Valentines Gift, former White House PressSecretary Sean Spicer has you all hooked up. He is on this theres a personal celebrity video website. Theyll make videos for people. Its called cameo. For a new low price, your special lady or fella will love you in ways you probably never imagined possible. Hey, guys, its sean spicer with an amazing deal. This month, for the entire month of february, my videos that normally cost 400 are over 50 off. 199 is giving to give you the best Valentines Gift ever. [ laughter ] jimmy will it, though . I dont know. Hes doing it to raise money for the independence fund, to benefit veterans, which is nice. But getting your wife or girlfriend a valentines message from sean spicer, seems to me like a better way to tell her you want a divorce, right . [ laughter ] ive been thinking a lot today about what President Trump does for valentines. What does he get the first lady, melania, and the second lady, Lindsey Graham . [ laughter ] what does he get them, flowers . Chocolate . Taco bowls . What . Donald trump as you know is a man of great passion. He cannot contain emotions of any kind. And in fact, he celebrates valentines all year long with a major focus on hugging and kissing. There was hugging. There was almost kissing. I just love the guy. He was hugging me, kissing me. The heads of these companies are coming up and hugging me and kissing me. Hugging and kissing. She was hugging akissing. Hugging and kissing. Hugging and kissing and crying. Theyre all hugging and kissing. Everyones crying. Hugging and kissing and crying and laughing. I said wait a minute, i just said hello to the guy 15 minutes ago, and hes kissing me. Hes hugging, hes kissing these people, its bad. Jimmy if that doesnt get you in the mood, i dont know what is going to. [ applause ] so today trumps attorney general william barr made an unexpected statement this afternoon. As you may know, earlier this week four prosecutors for the Justice Department resigned after barr overruled them and said he would lower the seven to nine years of prison time they recommended for trumps friend and former Campaign Adviser roger stone, who is convicted of lying to congress, witness tampering and obstruction of justice. This came after trump angrily tweeted that he thought stones sentence recommendation was unfair. Barr told abc news today that he thinks its time for the president to stop tweeting about department of justice criminal cases. In other words, hes like listen, moron, how am i supposed to do your dirty work if you keep telling people about it . [ laughter ] and some people are applauding him. I dont know. I think its a pr move. If barr did this without trumps okay, if he went down and sat down with abc news to say this without trumps permission, hed be covered in tweet vomit right now. [ laughter ] he would be covered in Little Orange fist marks all over his face. Trumps former chief of staff john kelly is also speaking out. Last night in new jersey, john kelly defended the newly fired Lieutenant Colonel alexander vindman, who testified against the president , and criticized the president s position on many subjects, which is all well and good, but its now a year since he left the white house. This is like a Smoke Detector that goes off after your house burns down. Trump lashed back at kelly on twitter and is continuing to unload on former new york mayor Michael Bloomberg. It would appear Michael Bloomberg has managed to get under the president s trumplestiltskin. This morning he tweeteded that mini mike is a 54 mass of dead energy who does not want to be on the debate stage with these professional politicians. No boxes. He hates crazy bernie. Bernies people will go nuts. To which bloomberg replied real donald trump, we know many of the same people in new york, behind your back they laugh at you and call you a carnival barking clown. They know you inherited a fortune and squandered it with stupid deals and incompetence. That is going to make him mad. So [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] i mean, thats but i will say this. If i was Mike Bloomberg and i had 61 billion, which is what he has, this is how i would get in trumps head. Id buy every ad on fox news from now until november. I would ruin his precious hannity time. His fox friends in the morning. Maybe instead of an election we should put these old billionaires on a jungle island with sharp sticks and force them to hunt each other. You know . Put it on payperview. All proceeds go to the homeless. Its a good idea. [ cheers and applause ] its settled then. I dont know if we have any baseball fans here tonight. But the Houston Astros had a press conference this morning. The owner of the team, jim crane, addressed the media today to answer for the signstealing plot that helped them beat the dodgers in the world series in 2017 and the yankees in the playoffs. Mr. Crane, what do you have to say to the yankees and teams that you beat in 17 . Listen, the yankees had a few comments out there. You know, our opinion is, you know, that this didnt impact the game. We had a good team. We won the world series, and well leave it at that. Jimmy yeah, of course youll leave it at that. You did the cheating. [ laughter ] and what a halfastros apology that was. The idea that the batters on the astros, knowing the pitchers knowing what they were going to throw before they threw the pitches didnt impact the game is ludicrous. Fortunately, one reporter followed up. Jim, when talking about the yankees there, did you say you feel like this didnt impact the game . And what do you mean by that . I didnt say it didnt impact the game. Jimmy you didnt . [ laughter ] what about two seconds ago when you did . Isnt sign stealing a distinct advantage for the hitter . So doesnt it automatically impact competition . It could possibly do that. It could possibly not. Jimmy yep, those are the two options that [ laughter ] its the old there are fine people on both sides argument. I want to say thank you to President Trump for creating an america in which no one ever has to take responsibility for anything again. This is a wonderful time were living in. Luckily, there is still one athletic event we can count on. And that is the Westminster Kennel Club dog show. They had the 144th dog show wrapped up tuesday in new york. We have an annual tradition here. Every year we have our Graphics Department painstakingly remove the dogs from the westminster dog show, and here now is the 2020 installment of westminster without dogs. [ laughter ] jimmy all right. [ cheers and applause ] wait until you see the daytona 500 without cars this weekend. One more thing before we forge ahead. It is thursday night. That means it is time to bleep and blur the big tv moments of the week whether they need it or not. It is this week in unnecessary censorship. [ cheers and applause ] a man that ive gotten to know too well. I [ bleep ]ed his wife. I mean, his wife, she was with me before he was with me. I have to say it. Two old men eating [ bleep ] isnt funny. Two popes eating [ bleep ] is funny. Yeah, yeah. Leo, ill ride on your [ bleep ] any day, man. Madison, i think youre [ bleep ], peter. I want to ask you about something Hillary Clinton said this week. She would [ bleep ] you again, believe it or not. This time she said shed [ bleep ]. Shed [ bleep ] me again . She did. Weve been asking people at home to send in photos and videos of your [ bleep ], and michelle and myself sitting here having a great time seeing everybodys [ bleep ]s. Lets get something straight here, i didnt [ bleep ] pete. Petes been [ bleep ]ing me. Oh, no, i [ bleep ]ed [ bleep ]ed your wife. Yeah. Ah, come on. We came to see some action [ bleep ] the squirrel [ bleep ] the squirrel [ bleep ] the squirrel [ bleep ] the squirrel [ cheers and applause ] jimmy weve got a great show for you tonight. Weve got music from sam hunt. Huey lewis is here, and well be right back with chris pratt. Dicky Abcs Jimmy Kimmel live, brought to you by microsoft teams. Ker phone. The missing files. Not in the room . Then youre not in the know. Well, this has been nice, but can we not . Microsoft teams invites everyone you work with to work together. Be seen, be heard, be there when youre not. Share your files, and your opinion. And maybe even a happy little fruit guy. When youre ready to unleash the power of your team, open teams. [ natural drums and [ music begins to build ]] [ drums beat faster ] unlimited coffee for 8. 99 a month. Panera, your cup is always full. Tat your door, so you can get more. Feels so good feels so good target run done. 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And works twice as hard when you take it again the next day. Zyrtec muddle no more. The family has to share one. Step up with boost mobile and get 4 free Samsung Galaxy a20 phones when you switch or dont and prepare to lose some furniture. Ooo. Got it step up with boost mobile and get 4 lines for 25 per line per month or dont and remodel the living room switch to boost mobile and get 4 lines for 25 per line per month with unlimited data, and 4 free Samsung Galaxy a20 phones, all on our super reliable, super fast network. Step up with boost mobile. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy all right. Tonight on the show, he is a bona fide american treasure. This is his first new album in quite some time. Its called weather. The one and only huey lewis is here. And then music from another man with a new album, southside comes out april 3rd. Sam hunt from the mercedesbenz stage. Our first guest tonight is a hugely popular movie star, a terminatorinlaw and allaround delightful guy. His new movie from disney and pixar is called onward. It opens march 6th. Please say hello to americas valentine, chris pratt. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy hows it goin . Good, how are you . Jimmy im doing well, thank you. Are you ready for valentines day . Im ready, im ready, yeah. Jimmy are you one of those guys who plans it in advance . Oh, yeah. You got to. Do you . Jimmy i do. You know whats funny . I learned my lesson. You have . You learned the hard way . Jimmy yeah, i have. Those cvs runs at like 5 00 and all those sad guys picking out glitter. I feel bad because someone somewhere in america is a man watching right now jimmy somewhere . So full of anxiety because he just now realized its valentines day tomorrow. Im sorry. Jimmy if hes lucky, he realized it now. Youve got to be ready. What are you ready with . Whats the plan . Oh, man. Heres the deal, guys. Youve got to go flowers. Jimmy for sure. But the classy move is youve got to go flowers for yourself, flowers for her mom and flowers for her mom. Thank you. Jimmy excellent. I am. But heres the thing. Youre going to screw this up more than once. Youre going to forget an anniversary. Youre going to forget a valentines day. So what you do is you set yourself up by periodically giving just just because flowers. Jimmy oh. Heres a bouquet of flowers just because. Jimmy ah. Flowers dont have to be expensive. Could be a little card, a little note. Learn her love language. Learn to speak it. And periodically do something, so when you inevitably forget shell go, oh, well, they did that thing in march. Jimmy oh, thats nice. Its an insurance policy. It is, its insurance. Jimmy this is your first valentines day with your bride, as man and wife. Oh, yeah, yeah. Jimmy so you really have to deliver. [ cheers and applause ] yeah, ive got to deliver, but i also knew that i was going to be basically working through this weekend, promoting the movie, so we celebrated our valentines day last weekend. Jimmy oh, you did . Yeah. Jimmy thats good. Thats always better. Easier to get a dinner reservation. Everything is easier. Yeah. Completely. But i did get her a little something. Jimmy oh, you did. For tomorrow. Jimmy for tomorrow. For tomorrow. Jimmy and now i guess the surprise is ruined. Oh, she doesnt watch your show. [ applause ] secrets safe here, jimmy. Jimmy when do you start Jurassic World, the next one . Very soon. Im in it. [ cheers and applause ] thank you. Yeah, were gearing up. Were getting ready to go here very soon. Jimmy how do you get ready for that . You starve. Jimmy you starve . Yeah. I have to starve. Jimmy why do you have to starve . Well, because i have to put myself on a really strict code. Because im 40 now. So if i eat like, i dont know, a starburst, i gain like 15 pounds. Jimmy star lord cant eat a starburst . No. Jimmy theres no such thing as dinosaurs anymore. They make those come out of nowhere. Cant they do that with your body . Cant they just cgi you . Why would you even burden yourself with this . You know what im saying . If there could be a trex yes, i know what youre saying oh, my god jimmy you didnt think of that, did you . Yeah jimmy maybe its something to talk to your agent about or Steven Spielberg or Something Like that. Theyre pumping a lot of money into the thing im not running from. Why cant i why cant they dial this in, too . Jimmy i think they can. I think weve solved a lot of problems. I think you can eat a lot of candy now, tomorrow. You just cost universal a lot of money. Jimmy on parks and recreation, were you encouraged to be pudgy on that show . I was. Yeah. Thank you. [ laughter ] i was. I remember, in the first couple seasons, just unintentionally, i had gotten a little fat, and i was watching the episodes, i was like, oh, god, chris, youve really let yourself go. And then i was, like, this is some of the funniest stuff youve ever done. And i went to the mike chur, our creator, and i said i want to gain like another 30, 40 pounds. And he was like, okay. And so i did. And then it became a challenge. Everyone wanted to see how much i could eat. I was, i remember a scene. This is funny. There was a restaurant in parks and rec called the jurassic fork. Jimmy yeah, right, oddly. That was where we would go to eat. They gave us dinosaursized portions. I didnt have anything to say in the scene. So inevitably, i wanted to get some screen time, so i decided i would eat one rack of ribs per take. And if the camera happened to catch me i would absolutely just be inhaling ribs. Jimmy the whole rack. The whole rack. The whole rib. I went through the equivalent of six pigs. Jimmy yes. I dined on the ribs of six different pigs. And every time, after every take, nick offerman, whose laugh is like this he goes [ laughing ] if i can make him laugh it tickles me to no end. I knew it was making nick laugh. I was making myself sick. But i had 12 racks of ribs, and then at lunch because our Catering Company was creating the ribs, they cooked ribs. And at lunch i sat down with another four racks of ribs right next to nick and ate the ribs. I got a big laugh. I think i gave myself, like [ cheers and applause ] jimmy yeah, you shaved. Thank you. Jimmy you shaved maybe 3 1 2 years off your life. But its worth it to make nick laugh. The years i shaved off my life are the boring ones. Jimmy were going to do something a little bit different tonight. Great. Jimmy we thought it might be fun to open the interview up to the audience and have a little bit of a q a. Thats nice. Jimmy because there are a lot of people who have questions for you. Okay. That guy right there, look at that. Okay. Hi there. Hi. I know youve worked a lot with dinosaurs. I was wondering, could you tell me what a velociraptor smells like . [ laughter ] my guess is that its chicken. Okay, well, i mean the dinosaurs in Jurassic World are all cgi. Jimmy yeah. So so you dont know . Thanks a lot. Jimmy okay, sorry about that. We have another, yes, this lady right there. Hi there, whats your name . Hi. Im donna. I think youre so talented. Jimmy oh, thank you. Oh, chris. I just think youre super, you know. And youre so handsome, too. I was just wondering, what was your inspiration for the song hip to be square . [ laughter ] donna, do you think that i am huey lewis . [ laughter ] no, i believe hes the next guest. Jimmy yeah. Okay. Is he going to be here soon . [ laughter ] jimmy yeah, yeah, hell be here next. Did you have a question for chris pratt . I dont, no. Jimmy okay. All right. Yes. This gentleman right here. Whats your name . Hi. Hi, everyone. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy i think people like this segment, i guess. Its a good segment. I have a question. Jimmy whats your name, sir . Hi, my names tom, by the way. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy oh, okay. Hi, chris pratt. I have a question for mr. Chris