Something you could do on a green screen. Im pretty sure somebody could figure it out. I cant believe people are concentrating on that and not how crazy my hair looks. My wife had to help me tame it today. You cant get a haircut. You cant go out to eat. You cant run up to a stranger and lick their face. It very much feels like were living in the opening scene of a zombie movie. And yet, humanity is still happening. We have seen videos from italy and all over the world of families isolated in their apartments belting out songs from their balconies, playing instruments to lift their spirits and the spirits of those around them. And nowhere have these fire escape artists been greeted with more enthusiasm than new york city. [ bleep ] shut the [ bleep ] up and that was mayor diblasio new york is the best jimmy sadly, the death toll in new york city is over 900 now. The governor is asking doctors and nurses from other states to come and help. Last night this is how they lit up the Empire State Building. To honor emergency workers and represent the heartbeat of america. And also to scare the hell out of everyone. Pull over the Empire State Building is flashing its lights meanwhile, here in los angeles the mood is a bit less grim thanks to a delightful elf named jack. Jimmy kung fu pandemic. Thats the sort of thing we need right now. This is one of the ways theyre fighting the virus in india. A policeman there, i dont know where he got this or if he made it, but, he wore a special helmet that looks like the coronavirus. Or a character that got cut out of star wars. If that doesnt scare you off the streets, i dont know what will. Some Business Owners are trying to cash in on the demand for masks. This is an attempt that backfired. The owner of a subway franchise in calgary up in canada was offering a special deal. Free medical mask to protect you and your kids. Buy any two regular sandwiches and get one free medical mask. Jimmy of course, the community was outraged. And the company. And the guy who owns the store apologized. Heres the thing though, you dont need to offer me a mask. Its not necessary. The reason im buying the sandwich in the first place is so i can get the napkins for my bathroom. You wanna sell turkey . Give the people toilet paper meanwhile, our government may be doing an about face about the face. The center for Disease Control is discussing whether or not to recommend that we all wear masks in public. Which would mean that after all this time, turns out Jimmy Michael jackson had the right idea all along. If he was alive today, hed be alive today. Im ok with this. To be honest, theres something kind of fun about wearing a mask to the store. Youre like a superhero. A super hero whose only power is to buy up all the spaghetti os. And while the cdc figures out what we should do, the president doesnt sound so sure about this plan to wear masks. I saw his suggestion on that, so well take a look at it. For a period of time. Not forever. We want our country back. Were not going to be Wearing Masks forever, but it could be for a short period of time. Jimmy he cant wear a mask. It would mess up all the bronzer on his face. And not only isnt he enthusiastic about masks, after all this talk about being careful about washing your hands, avoiding saliva, etc, etc, he still does a lot of touching the White House Community microphone. Thank you. So, we are in the midst of something. Yesterday i announced that we would be i have to say, you look at louisiana. For a long teaime, it was just i hope it doesnt happen. Id like to ask seema to come up. You did a great job. Thank you, steve. Hes a great friend of mine. Thank you. Scott, thank you. Jimmy we just watched a battle between ignorance and germaphobia. And germophobia got knocked out. Trump also had strong words for his least favorite reporter jim acosta of cnn. What do you say to americans who are upset with you over the way you downplayed this crisis over the last couple of months . We have it very much under control in this country. Were doing a great job with it. It will go away. It will go away, and were going to have a great victory. And its people like you and cnn that say things like that, its why people just dont want to listen to cnn anymore. You could ask a normal question. The statements i made are i want to keep the country calm. I dont want panic in the country. I could cause panic much better than even you. I could make you look like a minor league player. Jimmy that was our president boasting about his ability to terrify us. Dont worry, we know youre really good at that. You dont have to brag. This kind of tells you all you need to know about how things are going at the white house. Trump showed off a new covid19 testing machine. It was upside down. This is the 61divoc oh, wait covid19 thats also the way hes going to present his economic charts from hereon. See . Straight up and this is inspiring too. If ever there was a living testament to believing in yourself, it is this president who somehow, even in the middle of a devastating Public Health crisis, still manages to find time to pay tribute to himself. We have done an incredible job. We are doing a great job. I think for the most part they were saying thank you for doing a great job. Were doing an awfully good job. Myself and the administration are doing a good job. Great job. Were doing a good job. Were doing a great job. Were doing a great job. I think were doing a really good job. People like the job that were doing. I think were doing a great job, as good a job as you can possibly do. Jimmy if only his dad had said that once. To him, maybe things would be different. Speaking of great jobs today was the first of work for Donald Trumps new, new chief of staff, mark meadows. Which, can you think of any worse first day at work than in the Trump Administration in the middle of a pandemic . Id rather be the assistant manager at popeyes the day those chicken sandwiches came out. Mark meadows was a congressman from north carolina. He is one of trumps most enthusiastic suckups. In fact, the only reason he agreed to take the job as chief of staff is because he found out first lady was taken. Meadows will be trumps fourth chief of staff in three years. And we all know what the president thinks about instability like that. Three chief of staffs in less than three years of being president part of the reason why barackobama cant manage to pass his agenda. But that was 2012. He really does have a tweet for everything. As the days go on, more wellknown people have confirmed that they have the virus. A lot of reporters are working from home, which can be difficult, especially when dads around. Technology kills viruses and just what what did you do, mom. Dad, holy crap jimmy that could have been a lot worse. A lot. This morning, we got a big announcement from abc. There will be no bachelor summer games. Which wow. This suddenly just got real for me. I dont know about you. Its funny that the bachelor waited an entire week after the real olympics canceled to put the kibosh on theirs. I guess they had no choice. But the truth is corona is only the third most dangerous virus lurking in the bachelor hot tub. Tomorrow, in case you didnt know, is april fools day. And this one is very ripe because everyone is so on edge. And we have nothing but time. So we came up with a few ideas. Some simple ways to torment your loved ones. Jimmy write this down because youre gonna be glad you did. Here are some midnight, lastminute april fools ideas. This one my adult daughter katie came up with. Text your friends, all of them, individually saying, hey, answer the door. Im outside your house. You could put a sex toy in an amazon box and tell your mom a package came. You can cancel netflix and tell the family you did it so everyone could spend this time getting to know one another. Set your alexa to tell everyone to wash their hands every four minutes. Start setting up for a party. And when someone asks whats going on, say you invited some people over. Theyll be here in a few minutes. Wake up your kids up early and tell them theyre late for school. Boil a roll of toilet paper. Grab your coat and head for the door. When someone asks where youre going, say to the movies. Im hearing great things about sonic the hedgehog. For those who have a baby monitor, this one is inspired by mark rober who did Something Like this using the parking camera on his car. Print a scary photo. Jimmy like this. Then position that photo in front of the baby monitor. Once the baby falls asleep, tell your spouse to turn it on. And heres what youll see jimmy bad news, honey, our baby has rabies. And guess what . Theres nothing your husband or wife can do. Were quarantined. You legally cannot get divorced we have all been trying to get through these days of isolation as best we can. But some of you are really going above and beyond the call of duty to keep the rest of us entertained. And that being said, here is our quarantime killer of the night. Jimmy i like that. That is very good stuff. Meanwhile, when i did that, they kicked me out of home depot. Tonight on the show we have music from sean paul and tove lo. Guillermo and i learn how to wash our hands from an expert. Katy perry faces off against her own super fans. And well be right back with samuel l. Jackson. So stick around. Dicky Abcs Jimmy Kimmel live, brought to you by geico. There is a bit of a clogging problem. clog dancing at least geico makes it easy to bundle our renters and Car Insurance. Yeah, helping us save us even more. For bundling made easy, go to geico. Com way more than you think. Check out this game. Yes. Galaxy 5g means you will beat your friends what if i want to show my friend this little guy . Calling the whole gang is even better with galaxy 5g. Wait a minute, are you bored . Obviously imagine a future where the best seats in the house are in your hand. With galaxy 5g yelling its like being there. Without being there. The fun cant be beat. S, without being there. With little candy noses, bunnies are so sweet. Rice krispie treats make easter hop how many ways can you. Snap, crackle, pop . Find these treats and more at ricekrispies. Com. This is gonna be americas favorite breakfast. They just dont know it yet. ding these are a few of my favorite things. You order a breakfast sandwich and thats when wendys makes it. Not weeks. Or months ago. Try your new favorite. Order by 10 and well even deliver it. vo command picture hanging strips hold strong and remove cleanly. Command. Do. No harm. Rand fast, reliable, secured internet from xfinity can help. We have plans to fit every budget with speeds up to a gigall at xfinity. Com. Well ship you a selfinstall kit that makes setup quick, safe and easy. No tech visit required. And our simple Digital Tools will help you manage your account online. At xfinity, were committed to keeping you connected. Find great offers and value, today, at xfinity. Com hey allergy muddlers. Achoo . Do your sneezes turn heads . Try zyrtec. It starts working hard at hour one. And works twice as hard when you take it again the next day. Zyrtec muddle no more. Jimmy kimmel live from his house welcome back to Jimmy Kimmel Live from his house. Him being me. Coming up later we shot music with them at our studio before it got boarded up so dont yell at us. Their single is called calling on me. Sean paul and tove lo from the Mercedes Benz stage. Katy perry will compete against a super fan in a trivia contest about herself. And we are also going to revisit probably the most important video we ever made. A few years back, guillermo and i learned the proper way to wash our hands from an Infectious Disease specialist at the mayo clinic. Do you remember that guillermo . Guillermo yes, i do, like four years ago. Jimmy yes, and how to you wash your hands . What does it look like . What do you do . Guillermo i do this like here for 20 seconds. Jimmy no. Thats not what you do. Tomorrow night we will celebrate april fools day in style. We went to the set of modern family so that Jesse Tyler Ferguson could pull a big prank on Eric Stonestreet. But somehow that all got turned around. And we will have music from the bathroom from jessie reyez. You know, i was thinking the other day about a simpler time when our only concern about getting on an airplane was that there might be snakes on it. And with that said, please say hello to the coolest man in quarantine, or anywhere, for that matter, via cisco from his home somewhere in the universe, samuel l. Jackson. Hello, sam. How are you . Im good, man, whats going on . Jimmy i like that shirt, where did you get that shirt . This guy, j pierce. He is an artist, lives in arizona. Does really cool renditions of me and other things. He sent me a really nice batch of tee shirts i was waiting to wear with you on vacation this summer, but now im bustin them out. Jimmy do you think thats not going to happen . Every year, magic and sam go on a vacation to italy. It looks great. You post pictures on instagram. And i have been bugging both of you to bring me along on this vacation for i dont know, ten years now. This was your year. Jimmy what do you mean it was my year. This is my year. We have to go. Even if we get a raft and put it in my pool in the yard, we have to do this. Okay, we can get on a jet ski and go around your pool, but were not going to italy this year. Jimmy youre not going to italy. Youve talked to magic already . Weve had that conversation, yeah. Jimmy i would love to be included in those conversations, i feel like maybe i could help sway you guys to say hey, if the virus is toned down, italy could use some help this summer, no . Wouldnt that be a wonderful place for us to go . Okay, we can zoom about it. How about that . Jimmy i see movie posters, is this your screen room where were visiting right now . Yeah, its a small screening room. Theres only about eight chairs in here. I come over and watch things. Its actually in the guesthouse. So i can come over here and play the violent movies as much as i want as loud as i want without disturbing people in the house. Jimmy what violent movies are you watching lately . Ive been watching kingdom, which is like a zombie, korean series, and i am finally catching up on who killed ghost, so ive been doing that, watching power. Jimmy uhhuh. And my daughter and i have been watching tiger king. Jimmy how did you like tiger king . You know, i thought id met all kinds of people, but that subset, i have not run into. Even in the snakes on a plane. Id never run into these cat people. Jimmy very specific, yeah, more than just cat people, cat people with issues. Cat people with real cats, not those toy cats that people have in the house that use litter boxes. These are real cats. Jimmy yeah, and its funny, because one of the things about these big cats is their teeth and how dangerous their teeth are, and yet their owners, many of them, are toothless. Yes, you notice this, yes. I did. Jimmy i do notice that. And they literally stick their arms and things in these things mouths. And you look at them, their heads are three times bigger than them. These things are huge, huge. Its, its, it was funny. Its funny to watch. And its crazy to know that we have more big cats in captivity than there are in the wild. Jimmy yeah, i guess thats not a good thing. Y but i tell you what, the cats did get their revenge in a number of ways. Sort of kind of, yes. Jimmy who is with you . My wifes here and my daughters here from new york. Everybodys here thats always been here, but everybodys in their different part of the house. So different stuff. Jimmy who cooks in the house . Um, my wife cooks. My daughter is a chef, because she produces those cooking shows. Jimmy right. Theres two people that can really cook. I cook when i want stuff, stuff that i specifically want. Jimmy do you have a speciality item . A sam jackson food special that the family enjoys . No. Jimmy no. I have one that i enjoy more than anybody else. Jimmy whats that . Kobe beef hot dogs with onions and coleslaw. Jimmy tomorrow is april fools day. Does anybody mess with you . Do you have anything to fear . Or do you play tricks on anybody in your family or your friends or any of those types of things . If i was playing golf, i would expect that to be happening at the golf course tomorrow, people giving you balls that explode when you hit them, stupid stuff like that. But otherwise. Jimmy now you have a new project that i think is very interesting and a lot of fun. But before i get to that, i to wa do want to mention that each night im making a donation to charity and want others to do that as well. Each night, the guest picks the charity. Feeding america is the charity that were targeting tonight. Go to feedingamerica. Org, and all the information is there. So now, what youre about to do for us is a sequel, isnt it . Sort of. People thought this would be the perfect time to kind of bring that back and i got a call the other day from adam, the guy who wrote the original, you know, go to sleep. Jimmy the Childrens Book that isnt really for children. It would remind people of what social distancing and where we are in these times now. So he wrote a new poem. I read it, and we want to present it to the public right now. Jimmy beautiful. Here we go. Sam jackson with a new poem, and ill, take it away sam, here we go. Stay the [ bleep ] at home. The runner is spreading, its no joke. Its no time to work or roam. The way to fight it is simple my friends, just stay the [ bleep ] at home. Now technically, im not a doctor, but most [ bleep ]s listen when i read a poem. So here i am, sam [ bleep ] jackson, imploring you, keep your ass at home. If you want things to get back to normal, dont panic, just use your dome. Wash your hands. Stop touching your face and stay the [ bleep ] at home. Mother [ bleep ], its no time to gamble. Look around, youre not at a casino. Just stay the [ bleep ] home as if your name was trenton quarantineo. Sure, can you still see your friends. Use the [ bleep ] app on your phone. But, unless you just ran out of groceries, please, stay the [ bleep ] at home thank you for doing your part to flatten the curve, because that [ bleep ] is steep. And now that youre home, please be a freak. To go the [ bleep ] to sleep. The end. Jimmy i love it. I think youve got another classic on your hands. Thank you, thank you. Jimmy sam, were going to have another discussion about this vacation over the summer. Im not leavin, im like a dog with a bone. I feel like this is the only year youre going to possibly let me come, and i dont want it to pass. Okay, were tired of hearing this. He got to have real pictures, were going