Thursday. Jimmy what . Guillermo thirsty thursday. Jimmy thirsty thursday. Guillermo thats right, jimmy. Jimmy thank you. Last week, guillermo gave us a good tip on how to celebrate thirsty thursday. I want to see if you have another one tonight. People are looking for reasons to drink. Guillermo yes, jimmy, i have one. This ones for easter, okay . Jimmy okay, what is it . Guillermo first you bring a Chocolate Bunny. Then you break the ears off like this. Jimmy uhhuh. Guillermo then you bring the tequila, then you pour the tequila in. Jimmy okay. Guillermo then you drink it. Jimmy and what is that concoction called, guillermo . Guillermo the easter bunny is drunk. Jimmy all right, very catchy, i like it. Dont accidently put that in your sons basket on sunday, okay . Guillermo no, i wont, i promise. Jimmy easter, as you know, or you may not know, we dont know anything nowadays, is sunday. And its the second week of passover. I know people who are having dinners that are very weird. Its odd to end a family holiday dinner by pressing leave meeting. It doesnt feel at all exciting this year, probably because ive spent the last three weeks already driving around looking for eggs already. Some businesses are finding appropriate ways to celebrate. This bakery in france is making, look at this. What theyre making is edible little masks for each Chocolate Bunny. So i guess so the bunny doesnt spread the virus. The cream in the middle of those is fear. And at the white house, because of everything going on, they had to make an adjustment to the annual easter egg roll this year. So, again, happy easter. Enjoy yourselves, and im coming down right now to be with you. First lady is coming with me, and maybe ill get this great easter bunny to come with us, thank you everybody, happy easter. Jimmy sean spicer, is that you behind that n95 . The president s been playing a game for easter, its called pin the tail on everyone else. He is desperate to shift blame for the fact that we were unprepared for the pandemic. Yesterday the scapegoat was the world health organization. The world, w. H. O. , they got it wrong, in many ways they were wrong. They also minimized the threat very strongly. And not good. Jimmy no, they minimized the threat very strongly. Did they minimize the threat . Because the person who said this in january looked an awful lot like you. Words about a pandemic at this point . No, were not at all. And we have it totally under control. Its one person coming in from china. And we have it under control. Its going to be just fine. Jimmy in his defense, hes not too bright. So now theyre trying to do damage control. They trotted out the trade adviser, Peter Navarro who wrote the memos in january and february warning the president everything was not fine. Trump claims he didnt read the memos. Which isnt a good excuse. As every day goes by we see he was exactly right in doing what he did. He has a greater sense of the chessboard, i think, than anyone, and ive said this repeatedly prior to the crisis. I think he will go down as the greatest president in modern history for his positions on trade and immigration. But i think in this particular case, what were seeing is somebody playing the chess game better than anyone, and martha, weve just got to beat this virus. We are at war. Hes a wartime president , and all this stuff about memos and things like that, you know, we need to focus on getting medicines to the people. Jimmy forget about the memos warning about this in advance. Hes the wartime president , the greatest president in modern history. Where do they keep finding all these sick old white guys . Do they have a machine that makes them . 3d printing them in idaho or something . He didnt read the memos you wrote for him, warning a disaster was coming. That makes him a chess master . Trump is the only chess master who probably dont know how to play chess. Meanwhile, the vice poodle is learning trumpy new tricks about selfpromotion. These press briefings go on for a long time and cnn doesnt carry everything. And it didnt sit well with mike pence who refused to let Health Workers appear on cnn until they start covering all of what mike pence says. I dont know how we explain this to mike pence. He isnt batman. Hes robin. Nobody cares about robin. In the last 3 t9 years, they ma nine batman movies, robin only got to be in two of them. Team pence retracted that order today after much criticism. I guess hes resigned himself to existing in darkness. But, speaking of pets. This is bad news. Researchers have found that cats can get the coronavirus. Which might be the worst thing to happen to cats since the movie cats. Fortunately, most cats already have a policy of staying at least six feet away from their owners but i googled cat masks. They exist, for 3. 97, your cat can look like it had a terrible skiing accident. Dogs appear to be in the clear. They cannot get this coronavirus keeps Getting Better and better for dogs, especially snoop doggs. Marijuana use is at an alltime high right now. Did we really need a survey to figure that out . All you have to do is count the photos of banana bread on instagram. But it makes sense. What else are people supposed to do when theyre not writing that new screenplay or learning a new language . This is something that doesnt make sense. Even with couples stuck at home with nothing to do, were not likely to see a quarantine baby boom. Thats a shachme. My wife and i say it every day, you know what would be great right now . More kids in the house. There would be a spike in birthrates if we could stop asking our significant others why theyre loading the dishwasher that way, but we cant. Over the last few weeks weve been shining a spotlight on those of you who find creative ways to entertain yourselves and others under quarantine, and here now, in advance of easter, is our eggthemed quarantine killer of the i want to break free i want to break free jimmy what do you think of that, guillermo . Im watching guillermo on the monitor right now. Did you like that . Guillermo i like it. I think its very funny. Jimmy guillermo, have you ever thought about shaving your head, like completely bald . Guillermo you know what i was thinking that yesterday. Jimmy you were . Guillermo yeah, and i would say, i dont know if jimmys going to like it or not, and id do it this weekend for monday. Jimmy no, jimmy would like it. I think it would be great, especially on easter. You know, you wake up. You surprise the family. You have no hair at all. Just shave that head clean. Would you do that . [ laughter ] dont shave the mustache. I only want you to shave your head, okay . What do you think . Guillermo i want to, but my wife wont let me. Second, i dont have the tools. Jimmy wait a minute. Hold on a second, what do you mean your wife wont let you, have you asked her . Guillermo i mentioned it to her last night and she said i think it would look too fat. Jimmy go get her. Is she in the house . Go grab her. Well wait. Go ahead. You know what were going to do . You go get her. Im going to play something, then well come back, okay . And well meet guillermos wife. Go ahead. Go get her guillermo all right. Jimmy all right. You know, this pandemic has raised a lot of questions for everybody. Some serious, others mundane. So what i did, i asked my coworkers to go into their browser histories and share some of the most random things theyve searched for over the past few weeks. These are real. All we did is filter out the porn. So we give you now the staff of Jimmy Kimmel Lives Google Search results. Will the coronavirus cause a shortage of parmesan cheese. Can you eat expired eggs . Pictures of the worst quarantine hash cuts. How do people on house arrest pass by time at home. Does indian food kill viruses . Does vodka kill the coronavirus . Does whiskey kill the coronavirus . Is it safe to eat five year old frozen vegetables, and how do you use a bid day. How do lose weight without doing anything. Who has cleaner delivery, doordash or post mates . How do i find the perimeter of a face of a threedimensional prism . How long can i go without share showering . How soon eat lunch . How o to express your dogs anal glands yourself. Does staying indoors all day make your feet smell . Whattes at difference between a ship and a boat . Can you play the game clue by yourself . Chrissy teigens banana bred. Guy with big penis meme dead . Brendan frazier snorkeling pictures. Jimmy well, i dont know about our staff, but im happy for brendan frazier. People are supposed to be quarantining now, where could his wife be . How big is that house . What happened . Guillermo well, shes taking a shower, jimmy. Jimmy oh, great, bring the computer in there. [ laughter ] jimmy what do you mean shes taking a shower . Shes in the shower right now . Guillermo yeah, shes taking a shower. I went all the way over there, and shes taking a shower. Jimmy are you telling the truth . Or is this a little one of your guillermoisms . Guillermo no, shes taking a shower. Jimmy well take a break. And well wait for her to get out of the shower, and when she comes out of the shower well ask. Tonight weve got phoebe bridger performing music from her bathroom. And well be right back with regina hall, don cheadle and guillermos wet wife. Guillermo this is going to cost me a divorce. Dicky Abcs Jimmy Kimmel live brought to you by progressive. Ouch, okay. Huh, boring, boring, you dont need to see that. Oh, here we go. Can you believe my client steig had never heard of a home and auto bundle or that renters could bundle . Wait, youre a lawyer . Only licensed in stockholm. What is happening . Jamie anyway, game show, kumite, cinderella story. You know karate . No, alan, i practice muay thai, completely different skillset. To join artists from all over the globe for one special night in. We are one world together at home, united in the fight against covid19. Tune in april 18 to participate in this historic global event. I totally get how important it is to stay connected. Customers can do what they need to do, whenever they need to do it online. We care about keeping you safe. vo we are open 24 7 online, so you can keep managing all you need from home and through the verizon apps and verizon. Com. Ill turn you all byinto rock zombies. Ld tour rock and roll [ screaming ] if were gonna save the world, we need to unite all the trolls. Like k pop. Reggaeton. Yodelin. And hip hop. My whole bodys made of glitter and ill throw it in your face well, were doomed. A smooth jazz troll . I dont care for smooth jazz. The World Premiere is in your home friday. Go to watchtrolls. Com for more. Rated pg. worried im not picking it up. You pick it up im not picking it up ill pick it up theyre clean raps cuz my hineys clean. Oh yeah im charmin clean. Charmin ultra strong just cleans better. Enjoy the go with charmin. Uhoh, dead battery at your rustic rental. What if a little birdie told you its switching time . Thanks friend. Switched up to twelve hours of battery life. Switch to chromebook. Ever rand fast, reliable, secured internet from xfinity can help. We have plans to fit every budget with speeds up to a gigall at xfinity. Com. Well ship you a selfinstall kit that makes setup quick, safe and easy. No tech visit required. And our simple Digital Tools will help you manage your account online. At xfinity, were committed to keeping you connected. Find great offers and value, today, at xfinity. Com jimmy welcome back to jimmy kimp kimmel live from my house. Later on, phoebe bridger will perform from her bathroom. And some easter pranks you can pull on your family. Join us next week. We will be back at our regular time of 11 35 with shows featuring George Stephanopoulos and jack black. We have business to attend to. Wheres your wife . Guillermo shes busy. Doing the cleaning. Jimmy what is she cleaning . I thought she was in the shower . Guillermo me too. I thought shy we was in the sho. Shes cleaning everything. Jimmy she cant come just for a moment . I guess then she doesnt get to vote on this. You want to cut your hair, right . You want to shave your guillermo i was wanting to do that. Jimmy the two of us will vote on it. Its two against one, right . Guillermo yeah, thats right. Jimmy did you say you dont have the equipment . You do have trimmers, right . A trimmer . Guillermo i do have, yeah, shave my beard and everything. Jimmy use the trimmer. Get it down to the one setting. And then you finish with the razor blade. I think this is going to be great. This is going to be the best easter ever. Guillermo well see. Jimmy have a great weekend. Go ahead and shave that head, all right . Guillermo all right, have a great weekend. Jimmy our guests tonight star together on black monday. Please welcome don cheadle and regina hall. Hello don and hello regina. You look great, and i like your houses, too. Its the first time ive seen dons house. I havent been there. Jimmy how long have you known don, regina . 11 years. [ laughter ] jimmy and have you invited don to your house . Thank you, jimmy. Yes. Jimmy oh, you have. Ask her when, ask her when. Ask her when. Jimmy when . Right before this night. [ laughter ] jimmy so you invited him when none of us are allowed to go to each others houses. Now you can see how i rock with my costar. Jimmy hows it going for you guys . Whats happening . Whats your day like . Tell me. Ive been just, doing what everybodys doing right now, hunkering down, aggressively defending mycoindividual space in my house. Trying to learn to do everything left handed. Everything. Everything lefthanded. Jimmy oh, everything. Like what . Like what . Like anything you can imagine. We call it the stranger. So you can let your imagination run wild. Jimmy like youre preparing for a broeng arm ken arm or som like that. I think thats wise. Sure. Jimmy regina, what are you doing . Are you doing anything weird . You know, im a juror in the tribeca film festival. Ive been watching a lot of movies. Jimmy oh, all right, were you going to do that before this happened . Or is this something you took on because you knew you would be home. No, i was going to do did it new york. And now, no. Jimmy is there one film you like better than the others . Go ahead and announce it right now and ruin it. Oh, yeah. For real, the winners going to be jimmy when you go outside, are you Wearing Masks at all . Assuming you go outside at all . Yeah. I was going outside with a bandana on, trying to bring rocket back a little bit. And my neighbors were very, i mean, these are the neighbors i see all the time. But there was a shift in my neighbors, you know, when i went out with the bandana on. Jimmy really . Interesting. What kind of a shift . A physical shift. First of all. There was more social distancing. They were very polite and a lot kinder than they tend to be. What color bandana . Is it was blue. It was a crip affiliate. Jimmy if you go on urban dixtr dictionary, your name is a euphemism for smoking marijuana. Did you know that . Yeah. Jimmy why is that . I think probably somebody who really is steeped in the culture decided that, so im going to say seth rogen came up with it. Jimmy i siee, and in what wy was it used . The derivation was cheadle, wheedle. Jimmy its not based on a true story . No. Jimmy if you google your name does anything come up . First id like to say that means don qualifies as an essential item. Thank you. Thats kind of amazing. Jimmy i think he already did. And i, regina hall is a very famous adult film actress or porn star. Is another name. Jimmy oh, wow. Oh, no. Space balls. Jimmy really . Did you ever think about using your middle name just to differentiate yourself . No, i like the comparison. I like it. [ laughter ] jimmy wow, very quick with the google there, don. I assume youre quick. Maybe you already had that on your phone. Now youre into the left hand theme. Were back, were back. Jimmy by the way, speaking of, not that its porn or anything, but there is a great deal of nudity on black monday. Its male nudity. Thank you for that is what im saying. And, is that, do you like that, regina . Oh, you know she likes that. Go ahead, regina, tell them about your, go ahead. Listen. There are other people i think should have been naked already and they wont do it. It depends on who you ask, but i think its good, i think its, its important to important . Yeah, to see variations. Hmm. And to celebrate the male body. Yeah. Yeah. Jimmy i see. I heard that you guys have a workplace dispute, and i was wondering if i could help mediate it or settle it in some way, and im offing my servicmmr services if youd like them. Whoever wants to explain whats going on, go ahead. Im sure you both have a side. We may both have a side, but only one side is valid and ill tell you what that is. When regina and i as we have to every year, jimmy, you probably have to go through this process as well. You have hr meetings where they explain what Sexual Harassment is and explain dos and donts and you have to watch a video. Regina thought this was an instruction video on how to harass. We had to keep reminding her as she was touching all of us as we were going through the meeting, no, these are whatnot not to d not how to do it better. Jimmy is that what happened . This is what happened. The meetings, i think many of those things don is talking about are open for interpretation, but most importantly, don continues to wear tank tops to work with his arms out. And i think that what he is suggesting to me is, please touch. Thats, thats the only okay. Get it . You hear where we are now, jimmy . Jimmy yeah. And so when i say, like, keep it up and see what happens, he considers that a threat of sorts, and i consider it that we are whats the word we just said . Sim pat coe. Yeah, synpatico. Jimmy i am ruling in favor of don. Its a winwin for don, really. It is, its a winwinwin. Jimmy a win for don and a lose for hr. Thats right. Jimmy each night were asking our guests to choose their Favorite Charity and i will make a donation to those charities, and youve each chose p a chari chosen a charity, so regina, tell us about your charity. Mine is the First Responders childrens fund, and its children whose parents have died, who are First Responders. Many have lost their loved ones who are serving in the front lines. Jimmy you can find out more information about that at the website at the screen. And don, your charity . The downtown womens center, the only organization in los t homeless women and women who were formerly homeless and so, you can just downtownwomenscent downtownwomenscenter. Org and learn more about that organization as well. Jimmy these both sound like great charities. Whats the plan for the rest of the day . Im going to keep sitting on my left hand until its numb again and doing [ laughter ] i could sit on it, you sigee . Were back. Jimmy regina cheadle. Well be right back with easter pranks with mark rober. During these