Be careful, guillermo, we dont want to lose you. El president e weighed in on cinco today. Remember a few years ago, he posted this stupid picture with the message, happy cincodemayo the best taco bowls are made in trump tower grill. I love hispanics well, i guess that wasnt embarrassing enough the first time, because today, he posted it again. Remember this . Happy cinco de mayo. Of course, we remember. How could we forget . That was just before our country started cincoing into the abyss. Trump was up very late last night watching tv and ragetweeting at 12 46 a. M. His mood apparently continued into the afternoon, because today he wrote, wow congratulations to greg gutfeld, a onetime trump hater who has come all the way home. His ratings easily beat no talent stephen colbert, nice guy jimmy fallon, and wacko last placer jimmy kimmel. Wacko last placer i hope he wasnt talking about me. I think maybe this was another typo situation. I think what he meant to tweet was, i am completely devastated by the loss of life caused by this insidious virus. My thoughts are with the families of those who have passed. I pledge to spend every waking moment working to make sure our medical workers have the support they need and every american has access to tests. P. S. , congrats to greg gutfeld thats better, right . He does seem to be familiar with all the late night shows. Ive heard that if you snort enough adderall, you can watch four of them at once. The president took a field trip today to phoenix to visit a honeywell factory where they are manufacturing n95 masks. And the big question was, would he wear a mask at the plant where they make the masks . Lets find out. He did not. And i love that they didnt turn the volume on the guns and roses down even one notch. For the president. I can think of no better metaphor for this presidency than donald trump not wearing a face mask to a face mask factory while the song live and let die blares in the background. One of the things we need to save lives and get back to business is testing. Widespread testing. Testing is how we can make sure its safe to go to work. And youd think trump would agree with that, that seems like a nobrainer. But nobrainers are sometimes hard to get a bead on when you have no brains. The antibody test, you see whats going on with that. Thats going to be something that look, we have so much testing i dont think you need that much testing, but some people disagree with me and some people agree with me. Jimmy right, doctors disagree and crazy people agree. This is a guy, by the way, who has every person who comes into contact with him tested for us, the testing isnt necessary. The president isnt the only one pushing to get things going. In an interview yesterday, former new Jersey Governor Chris Christie said there are going to be deaths no matter what, so we might as well go back to work. I like the idea that Chris Christie is telling us what the healthiest thing for our country is. This is a man who doesnt even get his pizza sliced. He eats it round. You ever notice the people saying we need to just accept deaths to save the economy are never talking about their own deaths . Open the Outback Steakhouse governor christie needs a bloomin onion on a positive note, i want to mention that today is National Teacher day, which is part of National Teacher appreciation week. And i will say that after almost two months at home with my kids, at our house, every week is now Teacher Appreciation week. They should also get shark week. They should get all the weeks. Children are wonderful to a point, and were lucky we have teachers to pawn them off on. So with that said, we asked parents to show their gratitude for our nations educators during this time of crisis and strife on this very special day. Dear teachers. Dear teachers. Thank you. Thanks for all you do. Every single day. We never fully appreciated you. We took you for granted. But having our kids at home has taught us. Beyond a shadow of a doubt. That our children. Our children. Our sweet, beautiful children. Are terrible stubborn. Selfish. Impossible monsters. Who suck our life force. Begging for snacks like zoo animals. All day on tik tok. And youtube. While im printing out 500 worksheets. Uploading videos to google classrooms. And trying to figure out what the hell the water cycle is. Theres jelly on my laptop. Thank you, teachers. Thank you. How are you not all alcoholics. You deserve more money. Much more. How does the president make more than you do. We promise to never. Ever. Ever. Take you for granted again. Thank you for teaching our terrible toddlers and teenagers. For seven magical hours every day. Dad, where are you . Shut up, harper shut up this message is brought to you by trojan, extra thick condoms. Next time, double up. Jimmy thank you, teachers for all you do for our kids. Now please, come take them back. I have no time to waste, because when we come back, we get a visit from Jerry Seinfeld. Dicky Abcs Jimmy Kimmel live, brought to you by the new fudge brownie m and ms. Well i was going to say hard why wont you. Ughhhh. Go in then ahhh [music playing] [grunting] [crying] cmonnnnn [laughing] why wont you go in. New fudge brownie m ms. No baking necessary. And ask your doctor about biktarvy. Biktarvy is a complete, onepill, onceaday treatment used for hiv in certain adults. Its not a cure, but with one small pill, biktarvy fights hiv to help you get to and stay undetectable. Thats when the amount of virus is so low it cannot be measured by a lab test. 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With more towers, more engineers, and more coverage. Youll get the best 5g network, and the best prices. Welcome to tmobile. Americas largest 5g network. So as you head back out on the road, well be doing what we do best. Providing some calm amidst the chaos. With virtual, realtime tours of our vehicles as well as remote purchasing. For a little help, on and off the road. Now when you buy or lease a new lincoln, well make up to 3 payments on your behalf. Now when you buy or lease so were working 24 7 toected maintain a reliable network, to meet your growing internet needs. Were helping customers who are experiencing Financial Difficulties stay connected. Were increasing internet speeds for low income families in our internet essentials program. And delivering selfinstall kits to your door. Nos comprometemos a mantenerte conectado. Were committed to keeping you connected. For more information on how you can stay connected, visit xfinity. Com prepare. Jimmy welcome back to Jimmy Kimmel Live from my house. My guest tonight is making his first appearance on our show. He is one of my and everyones favorites. His excellent new standup special Jerry Seinfeld 23 hours to kill, comes out on netflix today. Please welcome Jerry Seinfeld. Hi, jerry. Hey, jimmy, hows it going. Jimmy now i feel underdressed. Youre the first person whos dressed up on the show from home. I am a real, professional comedian, and this is my first time on your show and i thought this was kind of a big moment, and i wanted to dress. Jimmy how are you handling your hair . Are you letting anyone touch your hair during the pandemic . It looks good. I have a clipper, and after the show, im going to have my wife clip it down to about a half inch, and that will last me about three months. Jimmy you trust her with that duty . No, but im going to do it anyway. Jimmy are you in the office right now or the hallway or where . Yes, this is my office in long island. Jimmy do you listen to music . Mel brooks, robber kline, George Carlin on the bottom. I set that up just for this. Jimmy did you really . Yeah. Sure. Jimmy because i, very carefully, picked which cookbooks i will have on my desk so all the chefs watching would know and be excited. Only one has been watching, though. Well see if the others tune in. Have you been watching the espn bulls, Michael Jordan the last dance . Im the last person to log onto that, but i will get to it, i know i will get to it. I havent seen it yet, but i heard about this part, but i dont know what it is. Jimmy thats great, lets play the clip so jerry can see it along with us. Good to see you. [ bleep ]. These are a couple of your good fans right here. Every day they come in and watch the game, theyre watching your show, sooner or later, youre going to get tired of seinfeld. All right, have a good game. Good to see you. All right, good to see you, jerry. All right. This is not going to work, by the way. Let me get that out of there. Jimmy were you scared of phil jackson . No, just too tall. Jimmy you know, its funny, phil jackson is an intimidating guy, especially when you feel like youre interrupting some kind of preparation. And i was wondering, because you did seem a little confused there in the locker room. Yeah, well, its not a place i would normally be. But i did, i think i had another conversation with him, because that was his last season, and i was in the middle of my last season. And i remember teasing him about who do you think is going to end bigger, him or me . Whats the most intimidated youve been with these athletes . Because its a strange thing when you meet some of these players you admire, even in some cases when they are younger than you are. You meet them, and you feel like a boy, for whatever reason i dont know, but ive experienced that, have you had that . Yes, yes. The most intimidated was when Keith Hernandez came onto my tv series, i think it was 92, and i had never met a baseball player. I think the boy thing is because were so much physically smaller than them. I remember the day Keith Hernandez was coming on my show, changing my shirt three times, thinking whats the right should i wear light blue . Too casual . Maybe white, too dressy . Jimmy i saw Julia Louisdreyfus talking about this, and she said it was funny watching you guys with Keith Hernandez, she felt like she didnt even know you. Yeah, we were very intimidated by him. It was 92. They had just won in 86, so he was still a real idol of mine. Jimmy the mets should be in first place right now, getting our hopes up. Yeah. Jimmy and then sliding along the way. Are you missing the baseball season . I mean, yeah. I mean, its like, its like the world stopped turning. Its the superman episode, i miss everything. But i dont, also. I just, i, i have, you know, nature just is like, this is a moment when nature says hey, by the way, youre nothing. Compared to me. But thats what this moment is. And i respect that. Jimmy we talked about this over the summer. You threw out the first pitch at city field. Yes. Jimmy and again, that is a situation that returns you to youth, it exposes every insecurity you have. Its a nowin situation in almost every way, because youre supposed to throw a strike or at least something resembling a strike. And how do you feel about your performance on the mound . Well, you know how i feel about it, because i told you. This is the greatest accomplishment of my life. [ laughter ] my friend says this is the greatest thing youve accomplished in your life, because you had to do all the other things just to get to that mound. Jimmy uhhuh. So i got to the mound and i really wasnt thinking that much about it. And one of the players in the dugout says hey, you want to warmup . I go warmup, what . Its a ceremonial pitch, whats the difference . He said you might want to warm up. So i warmed up in the locker room. And then i just threw this absolute beauty, which i think is maybe the greatest, i mean, that is a dead perfect strike. Jimmy yeah, the sidearm delivery. Its almost full sidearm. Sidearm delivery. Thats the style that i like to show off. Yes, youve got like a kent takofi type delivery. Yeah. Jimmy i also threw out the first pitch at city field. You and i discussed this. Jimmy yeah. And you said you threw from the we did the same. Ladies and gentlemen, jimmy kimmel now you did very well, but i dont think youre going to get a call on that. I dont think the umps arm is going to go up. Jimmy i was going for still photographs, because i feel like, unless you throw it away, they dont even show the pitch. You never see the video unless something terrible happens. Yeah. Now this is george w. , which is considered one of the greatest opening pitches. And i think hes a little high. I think hes just a bit high there. Jimmy he had some movement on the ball there. You do have to admit that. Lets look at that one more time. I think you can see, he had a little bit of movement. He really you have heard him say this was the most nervous he was in his eight years of being president was this moment. Jimmy were you nervous when you threw out the first pitch . Not until i stood on the rubber and realized, gee, 60 feet, six inches is kind of far. And im a 65yearold man who has never played any organized baseball in my life. Jimmy oh, really . Youve never played baseball . I assumed were you a Little League guy. No. Never had a uniform, never had anything. So i am more proud of that than anything ive ever done. Jimmy all right, were sharing the sad story of Jerry Seinfelds youth. When we come back, were going to see a clip from his new comedy special on netflix. Well be right back. [ siren ] doug give me your hand i can save you. Lots of money with Liberty Mutual we customize your Car Insurance so you only pay for what you need only pay for what you need. Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. People like to say those things, it is what it is, see, if you repeat a word twice in the same sentence, you can say that with confidence. Business is business. Rules are rules. Deals a deal. When we go in there, as long as we know whats what and whos who, whatever happens happens, and it is what it is. Jimmy that is Jerry Seinfeld. His special is Jerry Seinfeld, 23 hours to kill. It is on netflix as of today. I loved it, jerry. I really thought it was great. Oh, thanks. Thank you. Jimmy and it was reminding me, and i was really trying to think of what it reminded me of. It reminded me of watching steph curry play basketball, because it looks so effortless, but its so fluid, and you know watching it that even though it looks so easy that how much skill and practice and effort went into it. And i have to say, my favorite line of the whole thing, i know this is a little line. You said nobody likes anything. And i couldnt agree more. That was my favorite. Jimmy nobody likes anything. Right. Jimmy yeah. Are you and jessica, your wife, now that youve been in quarantine together for quite some time, are you Getting Along Better or worse . Um, better. I think everyone is Getting Along Better in the world right now. For the most part. Its because everyone realizes this, you know, we have a unifying enemy. And i find that everybodys trying a 10 to 12 harder just to be nice. Dont you find that . Jimmy not really, no. But im watching cnn all day, so im looking at a guy in a clan hood at the super market and people shoving a park ranger into a lake because he told them to distance themselves from each other. But, at my house, yes. I am trying to behave. I am trying to clean up after my self, which i dont do, usually. Im trying to be a better husband and roommate, more than anything. Yes, and i enjoy playing that game. I enjoy, you know, before i ask for the catsup, whats the nicest way you can ask for catsup. I actually think. Hey, if no ones using the catsup, i would love a little more catsup. Instead of just normally i would go, give me that. Jimmy im trying to do that, too. But occasionally, ill have an offbeat. And that was one of the things in your special. You said its not necessarily what you say, the way you say things. The tone. Marriage is a tone game. Jimmy yes. Yeah, i think marriage is a game of chess, except the board is water, and the pieces are smoke. [ laughter ] jimmy i like that. Thats whats going on with me right now. Yeah. Jimmy yeah. So no matter what move you make, it will not affect the outcome of the game. Jimmy each night we are highlighting a charity. And you and jessica have a charity that you started 20 years ago called the good 20 years ago. Jimmy foundation. Its to help with basic needs. Groceries, rent, all those sorts of things. Yeah. Jimmy and that is very important. You guys have been doing this. And i heard you got a big donation in a baseball player. Justin verlander and his wife kate upton. He donated his salary for the year or the day, it was a lot of money whatever it was. Jess has been doing an insane job. Shes on the phone all day long getting emergency grants, social workers to help people whose lives are really, really threatened by this. If you dont have any cushion under you, and then its rent, its food, its diapers. And theyve done an amazing job. Well, we are going to make a donation to the good plus foundation. We encourage you to go to their website and check them out. Jerry, i have to say i loved your special. I am so happy to have you here. Thank you. Jimmy i hope one day if we are ever allowed out of our homes again we can convene in los angeles on a stage with human beings around. Thanks, Jerry Seinfeld, everybody. Thanks, jimmy. Jimmy we will be right back. Thank you. Why the heart beats the pulse races why the weight of the world is carried with a smile. And where the comfort thats so desperately sought, is found. This is whats worth protecting embrac