This happened. No no no the day after i taped that, i decided that instead of going back to my place in new york, id go to my parents house in st. Louis where i could stay for a week or two until this whole corona thing blew over. Heres footage of my reaction when i realized viruses dont blow over. No no no its honestly not been so bad being stuck living in st. Louis with a couple in their 60s it could be worse, at least its not these two. My mom would never wear horizontal stripes. I gotta say though, not much has changed since the last time i lived at home. I still sleep late, my room is a mess, i steal their weed. The main difference is now if im going to my room to masturbate, i say mom, dad, im going to my room to masturbate. I cant watch any more down to earth with zac efron with you guys. Ol glaz dogs gonna finish this ep alone. As grateful as i am to have this time to get reacquainted with both my parents and the zack morris poster over my bed, im not pretending that any of this is worth it. I love how so many girls are making this crisis about themselves. I keep hearing some version of this. Honestly, this pandemic was a sign from the universe that i needed to slow down. And its like, no becca, i dont think a half a Million People died so you could recommit to your yoga practice. Ive even been guilty of this reasoning. Before covid hit, i was getting laser hair removal. I was halfway through my 12 sessions and had to stop. And i swear the other day i looked down was like, i guess i was never meant to have a hairless vagina. That wasnt gods plan. Apparently, his plan was for it to look like a south american soccer field. I dont even care what it looks like anymore. Who cares . Its not like anyone is seeing it. And when they do. Im guessing i know their reaction. No no no and dr. Drew will be there i cant even date right now. If i meet up with a guy, i risk exposing my parents to covid. I dont want my mom getting intubated so im not getting intubated. And can i even trust a guy i meet online to keep six feet away . Do they even know what six feet is . Or am i going to show up and its going to be more like 58 and three quarters . And even if dating didnt put my parents lives at risk, every social distance date sounds like its putting my life at risk. They have the same setting as every true crime podcast. Lets go for a hike in the woods or lets meet up at the southeast corner of the best buy parking lot. I guess im down for a picnic at the abandoned quarry, but why do i need to bring zip ties and garbage bags . So in order to date during quarantine, ive actually been speed dating live on my instagram. Which is depressing but also humiliating and i thought you might enjoy coming on an internet date ride along with me, so its time for nikkis quickies. Yeah, lets do this. Hi hey, nikki, hows it going . Im good, how are you . Thank you, great to meet you. His background kind of intimidated me at first. It looked look he was shooting a beheading video for al qaeda, then he was the nicest guy ever. Can i meet your mom . You want me to get her right now . Yeah. I got to get up carefully. I dont have pants on or anything, hold on. Oh, my neither do i there we go. Hey. Hi. Hello. What kind of girl are you looking for, for your son . A girl who would treat him well. Who would be his sister, his friend, his lover. I hear you have a nickname . Yeah, boots. All right, well, what do you like to do for fun . I still do a Little Research work on the computer. Investigating big foot . I like that it looks like boots has been in quarantine since 1977. Are you ready to play [ bleep ] marry, kill. Which one would you like to do to me . Marry. Doesnt marry apply to the other one . If you marry then i [ bleep ]. Lets be honest, a lot of them end in murder. What do you do besides hang out in a basement . Im a test engineer for panera. There are a few things im looking for in this job. One, im looking for the Chicken Salad recipe. Right. Because they have a Chicken Salad, fantastic, and then they changed the recipe, and they added walnuts, and almonds and grapes, and im like what monster did this to me . What else are you looking for, other than someone to stain the rest of that fence . I dont know, someone you could be comfortable doing nothing with. Are you ever going to be in im actually there next week. We should hang out. All right. Mark paul is up next. Lets see who this is. Oh, my, uh, Mark Paul Gossler . You must be nikki. Hi. I cant believe im on a date with Mark Paul Gossler right now. That youre calling this a date, thats so cute. Thats what this is. Im speed dating with people. Wait, this isnt a charity thing . Cause no. The producer said that by doing this i was granting a wish to a very sick woman, is that not what this is . Um, well, yeah, i guess in a way thats exactly, thats exactly what this is. Thanks. Weve got a good show for you tonight. Paris hilton is here. Phoebe robinson is with us. And also my house band tonight literally live from their house in st. Louis are my parents ej and julie glaser. Play us out, guys. A one, two. Yeah, yeah, oh, yeah, my condition, my in i woke up this morning with the sundown pouring in dicky Abcs Jimmy Kimmel live, brought to you bit all new, volkswagen atlas cross sport. Hey man, youre here you dont trust me here in vegas, do you . Uh, well, i thought we had a breakthrough with the volkswagen. We did, yeah we broke through. Thats the volkswagen . Thats the cross sport. Wow. Seatbelts please just tell me where were going. Tomorrow can only be better with wendys breakfast. 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That could mean education for our little man and a closer bus stop for her. Shape your future. Start here. Complete the census at 2020census. Gov. Yeah, yeah, oh, nikki thank you, mom and dad. Welcome back to jimmy kimmel live. Im your host for the night, nikki glaser. Tomorrow, ill be spending even more time with my parents, but george lopez will be here hosting with his guest willie nelson. My first guest tonight is a hotel heiressturnedrealitystar turned businessmogul, with a new and unexpectedly revealing documentary that i cant stop thinking about. No one really knows who i am. Something happened in my childhood that ive never talked about with any one. I still have nightmares about it. Nikki this is paris premiers sent 14th on youtube. Hi, paris. Hello. So good to see you. Nikki so good to see you, too. How are you feeling with the anticipation of this coming out . Because there are some pretty revelatory things coming out, how are you feeling right now . Im excited, also very nervous given the topics discussed in this film, because its things ive never talked about. Really person and traumatic experiences. To talk about that publicly is obviously very hard. Nikki it s yis. You really go there. And youve really gone there in reality shows and versions of yourself. Youve peel ed it back from th simple life where we were first exposed to you. What is it like being on camera in such a real way . I really feel like we got to know who you are. How is that transitioned from being followed around all day and being you . Obviously, im used to being on camera from being on camera for so long, but ive always been a naturally shy person, so i loved inventing this character and playing that character, and to actually be myself was a completely different experience, but also almost therapeutic in some way, where i learned so much about myself that i had no idea of, you know, why i am the way i am. And now i understand myself so much more. Yeah, i feel like everyone will understand you more. I feel like i was already a huge fan going into it, i was like, i know the real her, and then i was like, oh, no, i did not. Its taken me everything not to send my secret link to all my friends and be like, we need to watch this and discuss. Im so excited for people to see it. What have you been up to in quarantine . You are at your manor which you call your house. What are you doing all day . Because are you a workaholic, which we learn in the documentary. How has this been not being able to work as much . Im used to being on a plane 250 days a year and traveling. This is the First Time Since being a little kid that im stuck in one place. So just being home, a lot of art, a lot of cooking, spending time with my pets and my boyfriend. Still making the most of it. Nikki we get it, you have a boyfriend. Stop bragging. You guys are so cute, tell me what its like to have a boyfriend in quarantine . Chill together, we watch the simple life. Hes not like a reality person. Hes an intellectual man. To see that is fun. Nikki youre such a sex symbol to me at least. I love that you were given a nickname in your life, id love if youd share that with us. Because it actually empowered me. My nickname is ms. Blue baller. Nikki now explain that an ill will bit. I think we can get there on our own. You dont give it up easily. You make them wait for it. Yes, my mom always taught me since i was a little girl guys want what they cant have. Ive always been very prude in that way. Yes, i like to kiss and make out, but thats it. So i feel that most girls are not like that, so guys are not used to it. But im so happy my mom taught me that, im going to teach my daughter the same thing. I think its way hotter. Nikki i needed you to teach me that. Its a struggle. Girls feel pressured to do something they dont want to do. Since weve had that conversation ive been making out and trying to keep it at that. I learned how to surveil boyfriends. I love that you get a new computer for every guy you date. That was awesome. You have stacks and stacks of computers, just bought trust issues that you talk about in the documentary, you kind of reveal. You have a lot of footage of them. You would set up cameras just to have them if they were at your place. Did you sit there and review footage and have to watch it for hours and hours . No, i actually only did that to one person. I just dont trust certain people. If im going to have to go out and work and theyre going to be alone in my room, i dont want then going through all my things. I wanted to see what was happening while i was at work soy dont have to worry. Nikki i love, love, loved your documentary, this is paris on september 14 on youtube. People are going to freak. Thank you so much for sharing so much of yourself and being you. I love you, paris. I love you. Nikki well be right back with phoebe robinson. Fairy tales can come true can happen to you [indistinct chatter] thisll be what they was waiting on from me thisll be the realest story that ive ever told its a trap if they say they want you to be the same yeah, yeah. Damn sure innit, everything vivid ive got one life and i might just live it ive got one life and i might just live it use yogurt or milk to soothe your skin or you could use schick hydro silk with hypoallergenic serum for the smooth shave we all deserve. Schick hydro silk okay, ive given you guys a chance to confess. This little baby can detect trace amounts of cheetle. Whaaaaat . Gloria . Kids . When did we get a cat . Its a cheetos thing. When did we get a cat . Hi. Whats on your mind . In. Can you help keep these guys protected online . Easy. Connect to the xfi gateway. What about wireless data options for the family . You can customize and save. What about internet speeds that can keep up with my gaming . Lets hook you up with the Fastest Internet from xfinity. And now with our stores reopening, were putting Healthy Practices in place. Come visit a store today. Stop in or book an appointment online at a time that works for you. Now thats simple, easy, awesome. Ask. Shop. Discover at your local xfiny or the best part you had a head start if you are among the very young at heart kimmel live. And fopeue whompnt tiny reparations books and starting next month, you can listen to her new podcast black frasier. Please welcome phoebe robinson. Hi, phoebe. Nikki, hi, queen nikki im reading your book right now, soy feel like ive been talking to you like every day. So its so good to talk to you. I want to quickly ask. Youre friends with a lot of famous people, phoebe. Little bit. I just interviewed paris hilton, and i really want to become friends with her, how do i go about doing that . How do you take it to the next level . I am very loosely friends with michelle obama, which is truly wild to kneme. The keys to that are dont be thirsty and hold in every single fart when you are around them. I have engaged my core so much when im around, its wild. Nikki do you, like how are you friends with her . What is the friendship . How often do you guys talk . Every few months well check in. We have each others phone numbers. Shes in my phone under like a code name, and im always so terrified when i text her. I proofread it. I do all the things, you know. Its scary. Nikki the whole thing. Oh, my gosh. Its so, its a delicate thing to have someone thats, id be so scared to accidently face time her. Im reading your book everythings trash right now. Ed for your new bookd. It in print that you are also releasing, youre writing a book about quarantine in quarantine. Yeah, its called six feet apart. I have essays like waive your issues like black excellence and quarantining with my boyfriend of three years, and, you know, its good. But its a lot. You know, to be in an apartment for almost five months, its like, thats too much. Nikki its so much. Its kind of like what i am looking forward to for the next time this all goes down. Id like to have a partner to end up resenting through it. Im living with my mom and dad now. What is your writing process like with him there . Youre writing from home. Everyones trying to write a book right now. Youre actually doing it. Its great. I stay home, sit on the couch, im not wearing pants. This is not sexual. This is professional. This is how i write, and i have my snacks, tonight i wanted to be nice for you, so im wearing biker shorts. Nikki no. Yes, yes, amazing. That outfit actually goes. You look great. Isnt this so great . This is the first time ive been wearing makeup or think kind of fitted thing in months and months, and its so nice to get a break from that. Have you found its nice to escape all the pressures of vying trying to look hot . Oh, my gosh, i look like trash most days. Just throwing it all out there. Nikki we got it together for all this. I always have a zit patch on just in case. Just in case. Nikki preemptively. Yeah. Nikki you have a new vice podca advice prod caodcast called bl frasier. Never seen it. Never seen it. Nikki i move that youve never seen it, and its such a great name because you have no information about frasier other than the cover of the dvd. My boyfriend loves the show, and i always give advice, so im like a black fras. Go for it, babe. Nikki i was on a flight yesterday, met a cute guy. Three hours into the flight of talking the whole time he reveals he has a girlfriend, three hours in. What would you do in that moment . You know what . If he was drinking a mountain dew, i would have poured it on his lap. That is rude as hell. We are in the age of corona. Everything is way stressful. If you are in a relationship, do not talk to me, i dont want friends right now. I dont want them. No thanks. Nikki you know what i did . Nothing. I continued the conversation until we landed and wasted more of my time. I could have used you. Since reading your book, your voice is in my head all the time. Youre so freakin funny. I cant wait for your new book. Cant wait for your podcast, thank you for being here tonight. Thank you for having me. Youre a gem. I love you im going to take my horse to the old town road im going to ride until i cant no more however you go back, weve got your back. Verizon knows how to build unlimited right. You start with americas most awarded network. The one with unbeatable reliability, thirteen times in a row. This network is one less thing i have to worry about. 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Serious allergic reactions may occur. Learn more at cosentyx. Com. This is about the next 10 years. Pero hoy, tu puedes hacer algo. You can make a difference today by completing the census. The census impacts everything from hospitals, schools and public transportation. It is more important than ever before that everyones voice is heard. The census builds america, so the census count should look like america. Shape the future of brooklyn. Kansas city. Tucson. Atlanta. Oregon. Los angeles. D. C. Start here at 2020census. Gov. Thats all the time we have. Id like to thank p