I have a terrible urinary tract infection. Nothing comes out. You know, guest hosting a talk show in a Global Pandemic isnt a job many people would say yes to, but it could be worse. I could be hosting the peoples Choice Awards again. No okay. Nice crew you got there, jimmy. Theyre yelling through masks, by the way. A lot of soft droplets are flying. It was a dark time. I apologize. Im here because jimmy is gone for the summer. He bought part of wyoming, and its way more responsibility than he thought it would be. Hes currently on horseback in a dumb hat like an extra on that show yellowstone. Jimmy, stop trying to impress kevin costner. Its embarrassing. But fear not, jimmy will be back in a couple of months, probably sporting his look from the early 2000s. Oh, my lord. Did you have an apartment above a Hometown Buffet . This whole situation is very weird but im not the only person in l. A. Performing for absolutely no one. Last night the dodgers played the diamondbacks in a completely empty stadium. But for some reason they still had creepy, disembodied cheering. 22. Bellinger turns on it. Down the line to right. Towards the pole. To the wall, a grand slam the lights turn on, another team comes in, and the mvp launches a grand slam. Terrifying. Those are the ghosts from way back in 1962. They all died from eating tainted dodger dogs. Id like to now go live to my courtordered sidekick, live from his pool in chatsworth, where they used to shoot a bunch of porn, its guillermo. Hey, everybody i havent seen your nipples in a long time. Are you in the deep end . Kidding, i know youre on the first step. Since theres no audience here, im going to need you to give me feedback. How do you think my jokes are going so far . Its not great, not bad. Just try your best. And keep it cute. [ laughter ] so guillermo gets a laugh track and i dont . I see who youre loyal to. At least he thinks im cute. Id like to take a moment to wish a happy 24th wedding anniversary to my wife sarah. For real. I always had the feeling id spend our 24th wedding anniversary in a questionable pool in West Hollywood being filmed by two adult men in plastic helmets. Sarah and i have learned a lot. And its important to keep up intimacy after 24 years of marriage. If anything, just to gross out our kids. Oh, we dont know why the doors locked. Come back later. Quarantine has been a time of selfdiscovery for us all. Like this man, who decided to try his hand at making limoncello at home. Im about to sample for the first time my homemade limoncello. Now i havent tried this yet. Im a little nervous. I havent made it before. But i figured it was as good a time as ever to try it. So, chin, chin. [ bleep ]. So how was it . Shocker that a british person made something that tastes terrible. I blame his dentist. The coronavirus has impacted many areas of our lives, and now families are being forced to cancel their Family Reunion plans. So, see . Theres a Silver Lining to everything. But despite warnings that people should not be gathering in large groups, lots of families are doing it anyway. There are Even Companies that are selling custom Family Reunion face masks. You see that . Thats real. Its the perfect way to say hi to grandma, and also cause her death. Come for the reunion, stay for the funeral. Which i think is also the slogan of olive garden. Jimmy would know. Last night, kanye west held his First Campaign rally in south carolina, because, you know, [ bleep ] it. Kanye felt less like the president and more like a frazzled substitute teacher who couldnt control his class. Heres him yelling at them for talking. If you guys want to whisper, go outside and talk. We need absolute silence, we need absolute order. Somebody is talking right now. If you see someone next to you that tries to whisper, hold your hand and say this person is distracting me from what someone is saying right now, and well have them escorted out. This person is distracting me. They want to know what is going on with your haircut, kanye. I would love to see footage of kanye telling kim he wanted to run for president and kim going, okay, honey. Thats fine. Now put your pants on and come back inside the house. Kanye also used the rally to talk about the issue that matters most to him, how smart he is. I understand everyone is excited. Its a new world. You have someone who is not afraid of anyone and only afraid of god and will honor god. Someone not afraid of anyone, and in honor of god, and is a 132 iq genius, who went to the hospital because his brain was too big for his skull. Absolutely no clapping. Welcome to the hospital, mr. West. Would you like to try the size 13 skull . Its a wide. To end this incredible monologue, i bring you this from the fox affiliate in baltimore. Its that tender moment when a news anchor utters the thing that his coworkers will remind him about every day until he retires. The first question, when you talk about that and compare it with lyme disease, how long does a dick, a tick, have to be biting you in order to transmit that . Guillermo, remember when you got bitten by that dick . Oh, yeah, it was a long time ago. It was. You had quite a reaction. The shows back to being highbrow, everyone. We have a good show for you tonight. Weve got music from Billy Strings and well be right back with the greatest human being currently walking the face of the earth Seattle Seahawks quarterback russell wilson. Dicky Abcs Jimmy Kimmel live, brought to you by neutrogena rapid wrinkle repair. Not just any retinol. Accelerated retinol sa. For not only smoother skin in one day, but youngerlooking skin in just one week. And thats clinically proven. Results that fast or your money back. Unless youre attached to your wrinkles. One week is all it takes. Neutrogena®. Sweetnsour, spicy buffalo, tangy bbq. Each mcnugget, a chance to diversify your sauce portfolio. Ba da ba ba ba i felt gross. People were afraid i was contagious. I was covered from head to toe. I was afraid to show my skin. After i started cosentyx i wasnt covered anymore. Four years clear. Five years now. I just look and feel better. See me. Real people with psoriasis look and feel better with cosentyx. Dont use if youre allergic to cosentyx. Before starting, get checked for tuberculosis. An increased risk of infections and lowered ability to fight them may occur. Tell your doctor about an infection or symptoms, if your inflammatory bowel disease symptoms develop or worsen, or if youve had a vaccine, or plan to. Serious allergic reactions may occur. Five years is just crazy. See me. Learn more at cosentyx. Com. Scratch that, baby, im grateful got to say its really been a while but now ive got to crack that smile smile, hey check everything off the list with contactless ways to get ready for school at target. Crunchy oat clusters with a hotouch of honey. Ombine. Plump, juicy raisins. And tasty fiber. Into one delicious cereal . It took a lot of branstorming. Get it . Kelloggs raisin bran crunch. Two scoops of delicious. Hi. Whats on your mind . In. Can you help keep these guys protected online . Easy. Connect to the xfi gateway. What about wireless data options for the family . You can customize and save. What about internet speeds that can keep up with my gaming . Lets hook you up with the Fastest Internet from xfinity. And now with our stores reopening, were putting Healthy Practices in place. Come visit a store today. Stop in or book an appointment online at a time that works for you. Now thats simple, easy, awesome. Ask. Shop. Discover at your local xfinity store today. Hi. Welcome back to Jimmy Kimmel Live. Im joel mchale. In a little bit, his album is called home. Making his network tv debut, Billy Strings will perform from nashville. And tune in for the rest of the week with guest hosts nikki glaser, george lopez, and magical forest sprite sean hayes. My guest tonight is the greatest thing to h nortessince fir trees. Hes a super bowl champion, seventime pro bowler, and my favorite russell ever. Joining us now the quarterback of the Seattle Seahawks, number 3, russell wilson. Joel, good to see you. I see were doing something very similar. Youre in the suit and tie, im out here getting the rays, while youre sipping on, i guess thats coffee. Whatever you want to call it. This is pool water, russell. Its very nice. Sure it is. Its too bad youre not staying in shape during covid. Im sorry that you let yourself go. Hey, listen, i see youre covering yourself up, is what i see. I thought you were guillermo for a second. I joke. Russell, first of all, thank you for bringing a super bowl to seattle. It was greater than the birth of my children. And my children are watching. So thank you, thank you, thank you and i have to ask you, now that Patrick Mahomes is going to make half a billion dollars, hes the highest paid player in the nfl. Are you pissed off . Am i pissed off . No, im celebrating hes making this much money. Its a good thing. Sounds like the money is going up, the stock is rising, you know . With you making so little money now, and youre about to be a father of three, can you afford them . The more kids you have, the less you have to spend. So i think that its, this is why im trying to get as much relaxing time before the baby comes, whenever that happens. Im trying to get as much relaxing time, im going to have to be doing baby duties while trying to play football. Its an interesting balance. You look really stressed out. How is ciara feeling . Shes doing well. Shes excited, and has a lot of Amazing Things going on. Its crazy how hard she works. While being pregnant. Were not too far away, every day shes working, working, working, getting things ready. Its pretty amazing. Shes got some new things coming up. Were excited about that. Does she ever yell, bring me four pickles and a milk shake . She doesnt yell at me, no. But when she doesnt talk to me, thats not a good thing. Im not sure which one your wife does. Im sure she probably yells at you. Because you talk too much. My wife is yelling at me right now, because its our anniversary and im in jimmys abandoned house. Will you be able to go to the hospital when shes giving birth. We dont know. Thats kind of the crazy part of it. I hope so. Covid is so crazy. Do you think she wants you in a hospital room . I think she needs me. Last time, she grabbed my hand, almost broke it. She was squeezing my right hand, i said, baby, use the left. Hopefully, shell know this this time. Is that when the general manager burst into the room and yelled at her to let you go . No, it was you dressed as the general manager. Ive met pete carroll a couple of times. An important question, what is going on with his hands . What happened . Have you seen his fingers before . Hes got dinosaur fingers. I dont know whats going on over there. Theyre all crossed up. He looks like a gargoyle in a church. Thats a great example. Is the medical term super [ bleep ] up . [ laughter ] russell, i know Training Camp starts in a week, right . Something like that. Are you going to go . Ill go if you go. If youre there, ill be there. You know. Its been kind of crazy with the nfl season coming up, and the nba, what those guys have gone through and everything else. Its been an interesting time for sure. I hope that, you know, i hope we can figure it out. You think a helmet with a mask will work . That will be crazy if we have to do that. Ive been practicing with it every day so i can get used to it if we have to. Were already out there. So maybe its a little bit late for that. Yeah. So we cant take this time for granted. Health and safety, its such an important time. Its really important that we do it the right way at the highest level. I think thats what the concern is. Especially for families. And like i said the other day, shes pregnant, were going to have a new baby in the world at some point. I know so many others have family and loved ones and everything else. At the end of the day, we want to play and us seahawks want to go to the super bowl and win it all. Thats our focus. But we want to do it in a safe way. You should try it with no helmets. That said, what do you think of no fans in the stadium . Do you think that will help with away games . Well, that will be crazy. Just to see it. I know some teams are doing no fans at all. Were doing a smaller amount, i believe. And its just going to be kind of a crazy time. You know what will be interesting . Being under center, calling plays where they can hear everything, and theres no real effect. So there will have to be some interesting learning there and it becomes just like practice . Yeah. That is going to be very interesting. And i think at the end of the day, we want to play, we want to score touchdowns and make plays. And you have a brandnew pair of shoes. Im wearing your shoes right now. Youre wearing them, huh . Youre rocking them . Can you tell me about these . Theyre cleats . They just dropped, man. Its cool. When youre a young kid, you always have dreams of having your own cleats and everything else. So the new cleat just dropped today, actually. I was pretty excited and fired up. We have some cool gear on nike. Com. Its a blessing to be a part of heourney. I remember looking up to guys like Michael Jordan and so man i think as a young athlete you always hope kids can wear your gear. Its cool. Were out of time. Russells new alpha menace cleats from nike are available now. Well be right back with music from Billy Strings. Thanks, russell. Joel, see you. Go hawks, baby. Go hawks. Dicky the Jimmy Kimmel LiveConcert Series is prese presented by mercedes benz, the best or nothing. Theyeah, theyre identical. E. Actually, theyre not. House 2 also has antioxidant vitamin c. Antioxidant. Then well take house 2. Congratulations given the choice, why wouldnt you choose the one with antioxidant vitamin c . Choose vizzy hard seltzer. However you go back, weve got your back. Fenow theres more to wlove with xfinity x1, . The ultimate entertainment experience. Like live sports. Theyre back with the best way to watch. And more streaming apps all in one place. More classics. More premiers. Hello, more. Where have you been all my life . Xfinity. The future of awesome. Dicky the Jimmy Kimmel LiveConcert Series is presented by mercedes benz, the best or nothing. Welcome back to Jimmy Kimmel Live. Im jimmy kimmel. Our musical guest tonight is raising awareness for the National Independent venue association. Niva is asking congress for help, because without it, 90 of the music venues we love will close forever. The website below will send an email to congress to show your support. Now, from one of those iconic venues, nashvilles station inn, the incredible Billy Strings. Cold cold ashes on the ground nothing lost and nothing found friends and loved ones falling down cant you hear that mournful sound nothing left but memories of things i still cant stand to see theres an empty spot in me where my hometown used to be this old boat is taking water it wont be long till it goes down weve had enough to push us over time to turn the wheel around neighborhoods left to decay people died or walked away nowhere left for them to stay and we just look the other way this old boat is taking water it wont be long till it goes down weve had enough to push us over time to turn the wheel around waves keep pounding through the night lost without a ray of light going down without a fight is there still time to make it right this old boat is taking water it wont be long till it goes down weve had enough to push us over time to turn the wheel around this old boat is taking water wont be long until it goes down had enough to push us over time to turn the wheel around take the good, with the bad live the life you want to have send it off, with a bang whistng [ indistinguishable muffled words ] preorder now and get up to 150 samsung credit. This wget 10 kohls cash for every 50 spent. Earn it on everything like fitbit. Spend it on anything like converse. Plus, take an extra 15 off. Shark vacuums plus, save on your backtoschool purchase. Plus, store drive up. Kohls sweetnsour, spicy buffalo, tangy bbq. Each mcnugget, a chance to diversify your sauce portfolio. Ba da ba ba ba another bundle in the books. Got to hand it to you, jamie. Your knowledge of victorian architecture really paid off this time. Nah, just got lucky. So did the thompsons. That faulty wiring couldve cost them a lot more than the mudroom. Thankfully they bundled their motorcycle thre protected 24 7. Mm. What do you say . One more game of backgammon . [ chuckles ] not on your life. [ laughs ] when the lights go down we took the fullsize bar, and cut it. In half. So, the next time its 3 oclock and you want some delicious dark chocolate, grab a dark chocolate nuts sea salt mini. With whole almonds and just 90 calories, its a kinder way to satisfy. With whol scratch that, and j baby, im grateful. Got to say its really been a while but now i got back that smile. Smile. Check everything off the list with lower prices and hundreds of deals. Get ready for school at target. With this one little nexgard chew comes the confidence, youre doing whats right, to protect your dog from fleas and ticks for a full month. Its the 1 vet recommended protection. And its safe for puppies. Nexgard. What one little chew can do. Well, thats all the time we have. Id like to thank russell wilson, Billy Strings, and fly tyer magazines amateur angler of the month, jimmy kimmel. Nikki glaser will host tomorrow with guests paris hilton and phoebe robinson. Nightline is next. Its hilarious. Im going to go stick my body in a bag of rice now. Thanks, everybody. Thanks for having me. Good night. Tonight, lovers forced apart by the pandemic, an expectant mother rush being ing to the ho. She a u. S. Citizen but her foreignborn fiance stranded overseas. I would have loved to been there. Kept apart by covid19 for six months, now forced to watch and wait. So im just praying that sean can get here and we can be a family. Plus, longdistance couples half a world away, taking extreme measures to reunite. You dont know when youre going to see your partner next, when you havent seen them in five m