Transcripts For KGO Jimmy Kimmel Live 20240712 : vimarsana.c

KGO Jimmy Kimmel Live July 12, 2024

Hes currently on horseback in a dumb hat like an extra on that show yellowstone. Jimmy, stop trying to impress kevin costner. Its embarrassing. But fear not, jimmy will be back in a couple of months, probably sporting his look from the early 2000s. Oh, my lord. Did you have an apartment above a Hometown Buffet . This whole situation is very weird but im not the only person in l. A. Performing for absolutely no one. Last night the dodgers played the diamondbacks in a completely empty stadium. But for some reason they still had creepy, disembodied cheering. 22. Bellinger turns on it. Down the line to right. Towards the pole. To the wall, a grand slam the lights turn on, another team gram. In, and the mvp launches a terrifying. N 62 they all died from eating tainted dodger dogs. Id like to now go live to my courtordered sidekick, live from his pool in chatsworth, where they used to shoot a bunch of porn, its guillermo. Hey, everybody i havent seen your nipples in a long time. Are you in the deep end . Kidding, i know youre on the first step. Since theres no audience here, im going to need you to give me feedback. How do you think my jokes are going so far . Its not great, not bad. Just try your best. And keep it cute. [ laughter ] so guillermo gets a laugh track and i dont . I see who youre loyal to. At least he thinks im cute. Id like to take a moment to wish a happy 24th wedding anniversary to my wife sarah. For real. I always had the feeling id spend our 24th wedding anniversary in a questionable pool in West Hollywood being filmed by two adult men in plastic helmets. Sarah and i have learned a lot. And its important to keep up intimacy after 24 years of marriage. If anything, just to gross out our kids. Oh, we dont know why the doors locked. Come back later. Quarantine has been a time of selfdiscovery for us all. Like this man, who decided to try his hand at making limoncello at home. Im about to sample for the first time my homemade limoncello. Now i havent tried this yet. Im a little nervous. I havent made it before. But i figured it was as good a time as ever to try it. So, chin, chin. [ bleep ]. So how was it . Shocker that a british person made something that tastes terrible. I blame his dentist. The coronavirus has impacted many areas of our lives, and now families are being forced to cancel their Family Reunion plans. So, see . Theres a Silver Lining to everything. But despite warnings that people should not be gathering in large groups, lots of families are doing it anyway. There are Even Companies that are selling custom Family Reunion face masks. You see that . Thats real. Its the perfect way to say hi to grandma, and also cause her death. The funeral. Which i think is also the slogan of olive garden. Jimmy would know. Last night, kanye west held his First Campaign rally in south carolina, because, you know, [ bleep ] it. Kanye felt less like the president and more like a frazzled substitute teacher who couldnt control his class. Heres him yelling at them for talking. If you guys want to whisper, go outside and talk. We need absolute silence, we need absolute order. Somebody is talking right now. If you see someone next to you that tries to whisper, hold your hand and say this person is distracting me from what someone is saying right now, and well have them escorted out. This person is distracting me. They want to know what is going on with your haircut, kanye. I would love to see footage of kanye telling kim he wanted to run for president and kim going, okay, honey. Thats fine. Now put your pants on and come back inside the house. Kanye also used the rally to talk about the issue that matters most to him, how smart he is. I understand everyone is excited. Its a new world. You have someone who is not afraid of anyone and only afraid of god and will honor god. Someone not afraid of anyone, and in honor of god, and is a 132 iq genius, who went to the hospital because his brain was too big for his skull. Absolutely no clapping. Welcome to the hospital, mr. West. Would you like to try the size 13 skull . Its a wide. To end this incredible monologue, i bring you this from the fox affiliate in baltimore. Its that tender moment when a news anchor utters the thing that his coworkers will remind him about every day until he retires. The first question, when you talk about that and compare it with lyme disease, how long does a dick, a tick, have to be biting you in order to transmit that . Guillermo, remember when you got bitten by that dick . Oh, yeah, it was a long time ago. It was. You had quite a reaction. The shows back to being highbrow, everyone. We have a good show for you tonight. Weve got music from Billy Strings and well be right back with the greatest human being currently walking the face of the earth Seattle Seahawks quarterback russell wilson. Dicky Abcs Jimmy Kimmel live, brought to you by command. [baby giggles] vo command strips remove cleanly so you can make your space your own. Command. Do. No harm. The dog with antioxidant vitamin c the winner is. Yah given the choice, why wouldnt you choose the one with antioxidant vitamin c . Choose vizzy hard seltzer. And your friend says they dont want fries. Get them the fries. Or else, your fries. Will be their fries. Ba da ba ba ba will be their fries. vo verizon knows how to build unlimited right. Start with americas most awarded network. Give people more plans to mix and match at a price built for everyone. With 700 off our best phones when you switch. Because everyone deserves the best. This is unlimited built right. So heres to the strong, who trust in our performance and comfortable, longlasting protection. Because your strength is supported by ours. Depend. The only thing stronger than us, is you. Because your strength is supp rted by ours. However you go back, weve got your back. Hi. Whats on your mind . In. Can you help keep these guys protected online . Easy. Connect to the xfi gateway. What about wireless data options for the family . You can customize and save. What about internet speeds that can keep up with my gaming . Lets hook you up with the Fastest Internet from xfinity. And now with our stores reopening, were putting Healthy Practices in place. Come visit a store today. Stop in or book an appointment online at a time that works for you. Now thats simple, easy, awesome. Ask. Shop. Discover at your local xfinity store today. Welcome back to Jimmy Kimmel Live. Im joel mchale. In a little bit, his album is called home. Making his network tv debut, Billy Strings will perform from nashville. And tune in for the rest of the week with guest hosts nikki glaser, george lopez, and magical forest sprite sean hayes. My guest tonight is the greatest thing to happen to the Pacific Northwest since fir trees. Hes a super bowl champion, seventime pro bowler, and my favorite russell ever. Joining us now the quarterback of the Seattle Seahawks, number 3, russell wilson. Joel, good to see you. I see were doing something very similar. Youre in the suit and tie, im out here getting the rays, while youre sipping on, i guess thats coffee. Whatever you want to call it. This is pool water, russell. Its very nice. Sure it is. Its too bad youre not staying in shape during covid. Im sorry that you let yourself go. Hey, listen, i see youre covering yourself up, is what i see. I thought you were guillermo for a second. I joke. Russell, first of all, thank you for bringing a super bowl to seattle. It was greater than the birth of my children. And my children are watching. So thank you, thank you, thank you and i have to ask you, now that Patrick Mahomes is going to make half a billion dollars, hes the highest paid player in the nfl. Are you pissed off . Am i pissed off . No, im celebrating hes making this much money. Its a good thing. Sounds like the money is going up, the stock is rising, you know . With you making so little money now, and youre about to be a father of three, can you afford them . The more kids you have, the less you have to spend. So i think that its, this is why im trying to get as much relaxing time before the baby comes, whenever that happens. Im trying to get as much relaxing time, im going to have to be doing baby duties while trying to play football. Its an interesting balance. You look really stressed out. How is ciara feeling . Shes doing well. Shes excited, and has a lot of Amazing Things going on. Its crazy how hard she works. While being pregnant. Were not too far away, every day shes working, working, working, getting things ready. Its pretty amazing. Shes got some new things coming up. Were excited about that. Does she ever yell, bring me four pickles and a milk shake . She doesnt yell at me, no. But when she doesnt talk to me, thats not a good thing. Im not sure which one your wife does. Im sure she probably yells at you. Because you talk too much. My wife is yelling at me right now, because its our anniversary and im in jimmys abandoned house. Will you be able to go to the hospital when shes giving birth. We dont know. Thats kind of the crazy part of it. I hope so. Covid is so crazy. Do you think she wants you in a hospital room . I think she needs me. Last time, she grabbed my hand, almost broke it. She was squeezing my right hand, i said, baby, use the left. Hopefully, shell know this this time. Is that when the general manager burst into the room and yelled at her to let you go . No, it was you dressed as the general manager. Ive met pete carroll a couple of times. An important question, what is going on with his hands . What happened . Have you seen his fingers before . Hes got dinosaur fingers. I dont know whats going on over there. Theyre all crossed up. He looks like a gargoyle in a church. Thats a great example. Is the medical term super [ bleep ] up . [ laughter ] russell, i know Training Camp starts in a week, right . Something like that. Are you going to go . Ill go if you go. If youre there, ill be there. You know. Its been kind of crazy with the nfl season coming up, and the nba, what those guys have gone through and everything else. Its been an interesting time for sure. I hope that, you know, i hope we can figure it out. You think a helmet with a mask will work . That will be crazy if we have to do that. Ive been practicing with it every day so i can get used to it if we have to. Were already out there. So maybe its a little bit late for that. Yeah. So we cant take this time for granted. Health and safety, its such an important time. Its really important that we do it the right way at the highest level. I think thats what the concern is. Especially for families. And like i said the other day, shes pregnant, were going to have a new baby in the world at some point. I know so many others have family and loved ones and everything else. At the end of the day, we want to play and us seahawks want to go to the super bowl and win it all. Thats our focus. But we want to do it in a safe way. You should try it with no helmets. That said, what do you think of no fans in the stadium . Do you think that will help with away games . Well, that will be crazy. Just to see it. I know some teams are doing no fans at all. Were doing a smaller amount, i believe. And its just going to be kind of a crazy time. You know what will be interesting . Being under center, calling plays where they can hear everything, and theres no real effect. So there will have to be some interesting learning there and it becomes just like practice . Yeah. That is going to be very interesting. And i think at the end of the day, we want to play, we want to score touchdowns and make plays. And you have a brandnew pair of shoes. Im wearing your shoes right now. Youre wearing them, huh . Youre rocking them . Can you tell me about these . Theyre cleats . They just dropped, man. Its cool. When youre a young kid, you always have dreams of having your own cleats and everything else. So the new cleat just dropped today, actually. I was pretty excited and fired up. We have some cool gear on nike. Com. Its a blessing to be a part of it and enjoy the journey. I remember looking up to guys like Michael Jordan and so many others. I think as a young athlete you always hope kids can wear your gear. Its cool. Were out of time. Russells new alpha menace cleats from nike are available now. Well be right back with music from Billy Strings. Thanks, russell. Joel, see you. Go hawks, baby. Go hawks. Dicky the Jimmy Kimmel Live Concert Series is presented by mercedes benz, the best or nothing. More engineers, and more coverage than ever before. And now you can get an Awesome Network at an amazing price. Get four lines of unlimited for just 25 bucks a line with 5g access included. Thats right. Unlimited and nationwide 5g for just 25 dollars per line only at tmobile. Im sexy and i know it girl look at that body Liberty Mutual customizes your car insurance, so you only pay for what you need. I wish i could shake your hand. Granted. Only pay for what you need. Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. Fenow theres more to wlove with xfinity x1, . The ultimate entertainment experience. Like live sports. Theyre back with the best way to watch. And more streaming apps all in one place. More classics. More premiers. Plus, more to easily find using just your voice. Hello, more. Where have you been all my life . Xfinity. The future of awesome. People are looking for change, for answers. One answer is at your fingertips, the 2020 census. Census takers will be visiting households to make sure we are counted. Because an undercounted community could miss out on billions of funding for schools, healthcare and job assistance each year for the next ten years. Shape your future. Start here at 2020census. Gov. Dicky the Jimmy Kimmel Live Concert Series is presented by mercedes benz, the best or nothing. Welcome back to Jimmy Kimmel Live. Im jimmy kimmel. Our musical guest tonight is raising awareness for the National Independent venue association. Niva is asking congress for help, because without it, 90 of the music venues we love will close forever. The e wien support. Now, from one of those iconic venues, nashvilles station inn, the incredible Billy Strings. Cold cold ashes on the ground nothing lost and nothing found friends and loved ones falling down cant you hear that mournful sound nothing left but memories of things i still cant stand to see theres an empty spot in me where my hometown used to be this old boat is taking water it wont be long till it goes down weve had enough to push us over time to turn the wheel around neighborhoods left to decay people died or walked away nowhere left for them to stay and we just look the other way this old boat is taking water it wont be long till it goes down weve had enough to push us over time to turn the wheel around waves keep pounding through the night lost without a ray of light going down without a fight is there still time to make it right this old boat is taking water it wont be long till it goes down weve had enough to push us over time to turn the wheel around this old boat is taking water wont be long until it goes down had enough to push us over time to turn the wheel around however you go back, weve got your back. Step up. Prep up. Up. Prep up. To help keep you free from the risk of hiv. From the makers of truvada, theres another prep option descovy for prep. A oncedaily prescription medicine that helps lower the chances of getting hiv through sex. Its not for everyone. Descovy for prep has not been studied in people assigned female at birth. Talk to your doctor to find out if its right for you. Step up. For health and body. Prep up for your one and only love or many loves. For kings, this queen, and you royals in between. For my now. Our now. And my future. Our future. Step up. Prep up. Descovy is another way to prep. Descovy does not prevent other sexually transmitted infections, so its important to use safer sex practices and get tested regularly. You must be hivnegative to take descovy for prep. So you need to get tested for hiv immediately before and at least every 3 months while taking it. If you think you were exposed to hiv or have flulike symptoms, tell your doctor right away. They may check to confirm you are still hivnegative. Serious side effects can occur, including kidney problems and kidney failure. Rare, lifethreatening side effects include a buildup of lactic acid and liver problems. The most common side effect was diarrhea. Tell your doctor about all the medicines and supplements you take, or if you have kidney or liver problems, including hepatitis. If you have hepatitis b, do not stop taking descovy without talking to your doctor. Ask your doctor about your risk of hiv and if descovy for prep is right for you. Words are loud but actions are louder. Step up. Prep up. With descovy for prep. Get help paying for descovy for prep. Learn more at stepupprepup. Com vo verizon knows how to build unlimited right. Start with americas most awarded network. Give people more plans to mix and match at a price built for everyone. With 700 off our best phones when you switch. Because everyone deserves the best. This is unlimited built right. Well, thats all the time we have. Id like to thank russell wilson, Billy Strings, and fly tyer of the month, jimmy kimmel. Nikki glaser will host tor with guests paris hilton and phoebe robinson. Nightline is next. Its hilarious. Im going to go stick my body in a bag of rice now. Thanks, everybody. Thanks for having me. Good night. Tonight at 11 00 well have the details of a drug ucf doctors are adding to their trial for covid19 patients helping them fight this virus. Hundreds of thousands of cases stuck in a county backlog. Not just a technical issue experts say it presents a Greater Health issue. Welcome to the new normal. Live music at the Alameda County fair grounds. Youll feel the heat this weekend. Ill have the temperatures coming up. Abc 7 news at 11 00 starts right now. California now the third state where covid19 deaths have exceeded 10,000. More than 8,400 new

© 2025 Vimarsana