This was a fun combination of politics and basketball. Last night after the debate, hassan whiteside, of the portland trail blazers tweeted and then deleted, i cant do this for four more years. F america bro. Im moving to hawaii. Which very recently, in 1959 became part of america, but. Then he claimed he didnt write it, using the time of posting as evidence. He said it was photoshopped fake news. And its not even 9 36 where im at. And then everyone pointed out how time stamps work. But i do understand the aloha spirit of what he either did or did not tweet. Meanwhile, the lakers, because they play in la, have a lot of celebrity supporters. But the heat have their share of famous fans too including one, dj khaled. Who was blessed up and fired up when his team beat the celtics sunday night. Thats chicken. They got, it dont matter. Its called ac in the locker room, [ bleep ]. [ bleep ]. Jimmy dj khaled loves the heat. I am a lakers fan. He says they the best. I say we the best. And so i thought it would be fun to make a friendly wager. Joining us now is the dj known as khaled. How are you . Kimmel man, nice to see you on this screen, man. Everything good with you. Jimmy im still using cocoa butter, thanks to you, and i think of you every time i put it on. Why live life when you can live it smooth, know what i mean . Jimmy as were taping this before game one starts, so we dont know anything yet. Whats your prediction. I want to say congratulations to the lakers and miami heat. They have rings. They have banners. And this is a special finals. This is very special in so many ways, know what im saying . Miami heat, thats my team. Of course im rooting for miami heat, and im ready to put whatever we need to put on it. I also want to bring up king james. King james was once a miami heat, know what im saying . Hes always going to have love, and thats my friend, and shout out to mamba, kobe. Im happy for the lakers and very happy for miami heat, but of course im going miami heat, 305, dade county all the way. And im ready to put what have we got to put on it, lets go i aint playin. Im a heat. Hold on. Jimmy i have a bet in mind. Can you see the logo . Miami heat, baby. Jimmy im starting to think i would like to have that hoodie youre wearing. Im feelin fly every day. Im one of the greatest that ever did it, straight up. Jimmy well, clearly. Im sorry, utilizing this time, i got the album, i dont know when, but when it comes, just know, and ive got the podcast comin too. Go ahead, kimmel. Jimmy if the lakers win the series you have to give me your beloved jet ski. Is that the same jet ski you were riding when you got lost at sea in the middle of the night . That was in the Beautiful Island of turks and caicos. Im going to give you the ski that actually, the famous ski. Jimmy on the off chance that the heat win, i will send you one of my most cherished possessions. This is my 1982 donkey kong arcade game. I was playing at 7eleven while everyone was at the prom. Do you accept this wager, dj khaled . Are you sagittarius . Jimmy no, im scorpio. Thats why we winners, know what im saying . All i do is win, my brother. Jimmy all right, i will check back with you at the end of the series. Bless up my friend. By the way, im going to be really bummed if i lose that donkey kong jr. Machine. He the best. [ applause ] oh, the heats on donald trump after donald trump in cleveland. We had the wee ms. America pageant brought to you by a loud, angry and obnoxious president of the united states. This is how you know it didnt go well for trump. This morning, he complained he was ganged up on by the moderator from fox news. There was an audience of about 80 people last night. Which was rare for the president. Usually when trump appears before a crowd that small, its at his inauguration. And this is the world we live in now. Depending on which cable news channel you watch, it was either the worst thing youve ever seen on television or a refreshing breath of fresh air from a president who tells it like it is. This was the most chaotic president ial debate ive ever seen. That was the worst president ial debate ive ever seen. I know people will feign, this was the worst ive ever seen. Let them go. A night of chaos and interruption. That was crazy, what was that . Who said anything was solved by people sitting around a table pleasantly disagreeing with each other. What a dark event we have just witnessed. Painful to watch. This short of debate shouldnt happen in a democracy. The president is being the kind of guy who goes into the lions den. And he comes out with a pelt over his shoulder and tie shat. A low point in political discourse. Can we really have two more of these debates . Id like to see ten of these debates. It was a train wreck. That was a hot mess. An apex predator. Inside a dumpster fire, inside a train wreck. That was a [ bleep ] show. Jimmy there were quite a few tv news people who were like, ive never seen anything like this. Really . Because ive been seeing it almost every day for about four years. Maybe the most egregious lie trump told was when he said joe biden played more golf than he does. Phil mickelson doesnt play more golf than he does. Trump attacked bidens family. He refused to commit to accepting the results of the election. When asked about victims of the virus, he bragged about the size of his crowds, but none of those moments were his lowest. This was. When specifically asked to condemn white supremacy, he wouldnt. Im willing to do anything. I want to see peace. Then do it, sir. Do it, say it. You want to callem, what do you want to callem, give me a name. White supremacists and proud boys. Stand back and stand by, but ill tell you what, somebodys got to do something about antifa and the left. Jimmy thats what hes worried about. They asked him to denounce the proud boys instead he said something needs to be done about antifa. Even the president s foxy friends had a problem with this. Donald trump proved the biggest layup, by not condemning white supremacist, i dont know if he didnt hear it, but hes got to clear it up right away, thats like, are you against evil . Why the president didnt knock it out of park, im not sure why. Jimmy i think i know why trump by the way, still, hasnt come out against white supremacy. They asked him to do it again, and he just wont. Will you denounce them . Ive always denounced any form, any form, any form of any of that. Jimmy now the reason he refuses to denounce White Supremacists specifically is not what you think. Its just because he isnt the kind of person who feels comfortable saying mean things. You know . You know who refuses to condemn White Supremacists . White supremacists. Its hard to say. Maybe thats why he wont do it. Many Trump Supporters are said to be very upset with him. They think he did a bad job last night. But, as badly as things went, he did score a rave review from a very prominent republican. We, by every measure we won the debate easily last night. I thought he was very weak. He looked weak. He was whining. Yeah, we won the debate by almost every poll that i saw. Jimmy that he saw. I wonder who is in charge of picking which polls he sees. You think they give that job to ivanka . Trump was so out of bounds last night, the commission on president ial debates, the people who organize these, had to put out a statement, saying theyd make some changes. They wrote that it was clear that more needed to be added to the format. I have an idea. At the next debate, they should give the moderator a garden hose. And she can use it the way you do when you try to stop dogs from having sex. Joe biden spent the day aboard his train, the build back better express. Meanwhile, trump is going full steam trying to build that wall he promised. He wants to get it done before the election. Hes like a High School Kid who just realized his senior project is due. Do we need a border wall . I mean seriously. Are we really convinced people are still coming here for a better life . Maybe the wall is to keep us in. Today is a notable one in television history. Today marks the 60th anniversary of the flintstones. Did i watch the flintstones . Guillermo yes, jimmy, i did. Jimmy whats your favorite character . Guillermo whats his name . Fred. Jimmy fred. Do you remember his friends name . Guillermo i dont remember. Jimmy on september 30th, 1960, turned out to be of the longest running and most beloved shows of all time premiered, and to mark this milestone, we took audio from last nights debate and mashed it up with scenes from the cartoon. And his is what happens when fred and barney meet donald and joe. People out there need help. Why didnt you do it over the last 25 years. Were you a senator. Youre the worst president americas ever had. Why dont you agree to the ground rules. Radical left will you shut up, man . Gentlemen dont ever use the word smart with me. Theres nothing smart about you, joe. Jimmy weve got a quality show for you tonight. We have music from my morning jacket, Lamorne Morris is here, and well be right back with julie bowen. [cheers and applause] dicky Abcs Jimmy Kimmel live, brought to you by lexus. Live, brought to you by lexus. Only lexus asks questions like these, because we believe the most amazing machines are inspired by you. Experience the rewards of our curiosity. I like big jeans. Ittybitty jeans. Feelin trendy yall, with the straight jeans showin off those curves, cause you the queen everyone go slay in your Old Navy Jeans welcome to denim america. With fits for the whole fam. Only at old navy and oldnavy. Com tonight, try pure zzzs all night. 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For all of us. [ applause ] jimmy welcome back. [ applause ] jimmy welcome back. Tonight, their album is called the waterfall ii, music from my morning jacket. Tomorrow night, from the walking dead, lauren cohan will be here. Travis scott will chat with us and rap for us too. Our first guest is a former dunphy and twotime emmywinner who reunites with adam sandler 24 years after happy gilmore in the new movie hubie halloween. It premieres october 7th on netflix. Please welcome julie bowen. Hi, julie. Hi jimmy how are you . Im good. Im really glad you covered some of the debate. Ive got some thoughts. Jimmy oh, good, go ahead. Well, just what do you think of this, for the moderator, maybe a little dj khaled. You can air horn every time theres a problem. Jimmy its not a terrible idea. And by the way, is that dr. Fauci on your pillow . Right here . That guy . Thats fauci on the couch. Jimmy that a product youre marketing . Fauch on the couch is great. No, someone else is marketing it. I bought several and the socks. Big fan. Jimmy when you bought several, you bought several for your home or gave some out as gets . My son stole one and put a mask on it, because he thought that was hilarious, and i gave one to a friend as a gift, and im saving one, maybe its for you, jimmy. Play your cards right. Jimmy i hope so. You dont think you want the used socks, the fauci socks are pretty sweet. Jimmy they might not fit me. Ill go with the pillow. The last time you were on the show was with your cast mates from modern family. Have you spoken to any of the people since that night . Not one. Of course. Ive spoken to lots of them. Ive gone to visit sarah hyland and the wells, over at their home. Ive chatted with a lot of them, but theyre happy and successful and doing their own thing. Not all of them have as many children as i do. So they dont seem to suffer in quite the same way. Jimmy what are you up to . Whats going on in your life . Well, jimmy, i thought you would find me in a different place. I had been saving this story for you for when i moved. I was going to move. My kids are here and they cannot hear this story and never watch this show. I was supposed to move right before covid. I was going to have escrow on a super cool house where the kids could run around and they could have friends over and i could spy on them and see who was doing bad things. I was just about to go into that and all of a sudden we went into covid, which was really sad, because now i was trapped in this house. Its a beautiful house. Very important architectural house. One major problem. I came home one night towards the end, right before we spoke last time, and there was in my bathroom, i was completely alone, a scorpion this big. Jimmy oh, wow, a scorpion. And it looked like a fleshcolored jumbo shrimp. And its like, shhhh. And my kids were here. I was thinking, its fake, its got to be fake. So i look at it, and i go hccc, and it goes hccc. This is a dumpster fire. Inside a train wreck. Jimmy yeah, this is trouble. I dont know anything about scorpions. I want to kill it, or no, i dont. I want to save it. I go to the kitchen and get something to put over it, and im just about to leave the room to do that and i think, if i come back and the scorpions gone, im going to have to burn the [ bleep ] house down. [ laughter ] and then how am i going to explain that to the kids . Jimmy thats going to be a tough one. So i did not want to hurt this creature of god when he wanted to hurt me, so i took my boot off and that fleshcolored jumbo shrimp with his articulated arms went like this. I gave myself five minutes to look at him. Yes, you dont want them in the house, i now sleep next to my bed, the open toe, nothing can hide in there. Jimmy but you dont want an open toe if theres a scorpion around, it will sting the toe. Have you ever watched any western . The scorpion gets in the toe of the boot and then you put your foot in there, and it goes hccc. Jimmy so you think there would be a second scorpion hiding in the shoe as a distraction technique that the other scorpion would use . All i know is one giant scorpion was in my bathroom. All i wanted was to move and suddenly covid, im trapped in the temple of scorpion for the time being, but i got a solution, ready . Jimmy what is the solution . Im curious. Did you adopt like a puppy during covid . Everybody adopted puppies during covid19, right . Jimmy no, we did not adopt any. My daughter got like three of them. Oh, i follow her on instagram. My kids really wanted a puppy, and i was like, ah, you have to take care of a puppy, a lot of stuff involved. And then after my faceoff with the scorpion, one of my sons said, mom, can i get a python . And i said, yes, yes. Jimmy you brought a python into the house . A ball python. They are very harmless, but i feel like in a pinch, python versus scorpion, pssssh. Jimmy you think its going to protect you from the scorpion . In a pinch. Jimmy you remember the lady who swallowed the fly and swallowed a spider to catch the fly . Now youve got to get something to kill the python. She doesnt free roam. Her name is eden rrrrrr for cardi b. She came with the name, she came prenamed because shes supposedly, i really have to look. Shes supposed to be an adult and fullgrown with a bad heart, so she wont live that long. [ laughter ] but, as we speak my kids are thawing out a rat to feed her tonight. And he is growing every single week, she is growing. I was lied to. Jimmy where did you get frozen rats . Is that a costco item . You get a case of them gourmet rat. Com. Jimmy for real . Thats where i got them. Jimmy is that where you got the fauci on the couchy . I dont know where i got him. Somewhere on the inner webs. Im a hard core member of the tony fauci fan club. Sometimes my instagram feed, theyre listening all the time, theyre always watching and sometimes they send me things like that. Jimmy you know a fun thing, i assume you got that on etsy . I dont, i dont think i did get it on etsy. Jimmy that would be really cool if somebody made pillow of you and someone sent it to dr. Fauci so youd have that connection. Ah, do you think . Jimmy im going to start doing a little stitching during the commercial break. When we come back, more with julie bowen. Well be right back. Ome back, more with julie bowen. Well be right back. Its hard. Eliminate who you are not first, and youre going to find yourself where you need to be. The race is never over. The journey has no port. The adventure never ends, because we are always on the way. Ittake an extra 20 off. Ly sale get fleece for the family 15. 99 and under. The new fitbit inspire 2 is 99. 99. And get family denim 17. 59 and under. Plus, get kohls cash. Plus, free store pickup. Find a little more this fall. Proposition 16 takes on discrimination. Some women make as little as 42 of what a man makes. Voting yes on prop 16 helps us fix that. Its supported by leaders like Kamala Harris and opposed by those who have always opposed equality. We either fall from grace or we rise. Together. Proposition 16 provides equal opportunities, levelling the Playing Field for all of us. Vote yes on prop 16. For all of us. You can go your own way go your own way your wireless. Your rules. Only Xfinity Mobile lets you choose shared data, unlimited or a mix of each. And switch anytime so you only pay for the data you need. Switch and save up to 400 a year on your wireless bill. With the carrier rated 1 in customer satisfaction. Call, click, or visit your local xfinity store today. The unfair money bail system. He, accused of rape. While he, accused of stealing 5. The stanford rapist could afford bail; got out the same day. The Senior Citizen could not; forced to wait in jail nearly a year. Voting yes on prop 25 ends this failed system, replacing it with one based on public safety. Because the size of your wallet shouldnt determine whether or not youre in jail. Vote yes on prop 25 to end money bail. Everybody was safe and sound on halloween, but tonight, i have failed massively. Because a fine young man is abducted under my watch. Thats on me. No. Mm. How can i help you . You just did help me by listening to my story. When i was young, i appreciated you being nice to me. Of course. Jimmy that is julie bowen. There is the product. Its julie on a stoolie. Its going to be for people who have stools in the pillows. Shes perfect, i love it. I love it. Jimmy take us back to the year, what was it, 1996, when you and adam made happy gilmore together . We did. And hed only made one