Eddie was a very nice and very funny guy. He lost a long and difficult battle with cancer. He will be missed by many, and i know we all send our best to his family and friends. What a rotten year this has been. Every day its just another punch in the gut. But this morning our president woke up and tweeted feeling great so thats good news. He is all hopped up on dexamethasone right now. And to prove it he put out another im physically marvelous video today. I just left walter reed medical center, and its really something very special. The doctors, the nurses, the first responders. And i learned so much about coronavirus. And one thing thats for certain, dont let it dominate you. Jimmy right. Just run out there and breathe it all in. Be a man, will you . Typhoid donny made a trumpumphant return to the white house last night with a dramatic balcony scene that only an egomaniac on massive amounts of drugs would ever even think to stage. Which is why people, you know, take great pains to protect themselves in the hospital. But this is obviously here its going to come. Here we go. A very different takes it off. An incorrect message. You see him here. He takes it off. And hes getting ready for his pictures. Jimmy i havent been this confused by a masked man on a balcony since Michael Jackson dangled that baby off one. [ applause ] doucholini followed that performance with a video, a highly produced video celebrating his return from the hospital where, lest we forget, he was laid up because he is too dumb to wear a mask. [ laughter ] jimmy you know what . That was either the covid or melania got hold of some blow darts. I dont know which. That video is a bit much for even for them. That is literally what they do in north korea. [ speaking Foreign Language ] jimmy the only difference is our president cant get up on a horse. [ laughter ] but trump was very anxious to leave the hospital. He was said to have been desperate to change the narrative, which that i can understand. Because hes laying in bed in the hospital watching this. The president , 74 years old, not known for his healthy diet and exercising, considered obese. He is technically deemed obese in terms of his weight. President trump is a man in his 70s who is obese. He weighs 244 pounds, which means that he is clinically obese. Which does make him obese. The medical definition of obesity obese. Technically obese. He is obese. He is obese. Obese. Obese. Obese. He is obese. Clinically obese. Hes clinically obese. Clinically obese. Hes clinically obese. Okay . Hes a heavy guy. Hes too heavy. Morbidly obese. He is morbidly obese. Im in great shape. Jimmy and that shape is pear. So thats why he got out of the hospital. Trump says now that he learned a lot about covid. He said, i learned it by really going to school. This is the real school. This isnt the lets read the book school, and i get it and i understand it. Oh, good. This guy has been surrounded by all the top Infectious Disease specialists, teams of scientists, hes had all the research, all the information, all the everything at his disposal since january. More than 200,000 americans died. Now he gets it did you notice that when it was his life in danger he didnt consult that crazy doctor he retweeted who said covid came from demon sperm . He didnt pop hydroxychloroquine, or inject bleach or bring diamond and silk in to sass the virus away. No. He relied on science to save him. Lets not forget that. When the man wanted to save his own life, he went straight to science. He had ten doctors pumping his body with every drug available and we paid for it. Id say he got his 750 worth of tax money. Right . [ applause ] but the good news is he understands it now. He gets it. He gets it now. My mom shouldnt know more about this virus than you do. As president of the united states. And then later in the day he pulled the plug on the deal for a stimulus package that would help people who are still out of work. He says he wont even talk about a deal until after the election. Its like the country is being run by a monkey. Trump says dont be afraid of covid even though that is exactly the opposite of what the experts are saying, but hes not alone with that sentiment because his old pal Rudy Giuliani, guess what, agrees. Do you agree with the president s recent message of do not be afraid of covid . Wow. Well, i mean, thats a message that could be historic. I mean, reminds me of roosevelts message, you know, beginning of his administration. The only thing you have to fear is fear itself. Jimmy yeah. Right. Except roosevelt was getting us out of a depression, not into one. Im worried about Rudy Giuliani. They say the virus doesnt affect vampires, but after seeing him on tv im not so sure. I hear that response [ coughing ]. Everybody questions the polls. That cough is not anything bad. Youre waiting for your test to come back. We hope youre going to be healthy and well. I hope so too. Jimmy Rudy Giuliani puts the sick in sycophant. Do you think trump would even care if he gave the virus to rudy . I cant help but feel like the answer is no. And by the way, in the theres a tweet for everything category, this is what then pretend millionaire donald trump had to say about a doctor who was carrying ebola around new york back in 2014. I consider that doctor extremely selfish, who came back and then he toured new york. He went on crowded subways during rush hour, had dinner in brooklyn, went to a Bowling Alley and bowled. And went all over the place. I think hes a very selfish person frankly. Jimmy i agree. By the way, another very selfish person is already planning to return to his rallies. He wrote, will be back on the campaign trail soon. The fake news only shows the fake polls. Right. So hes headed back out on the road. It would appear that trumps new Campaign Strategy is to kill his supporters before they are able to vote for him. Joe biden right now is polling well ahead of trump but anything can happen between now and election day and if this year has taught us anything its that anything will happen. I still feel like kanye could pull this out and win it. [ laughter ] some Trump Supporters have been competing to see who can come up with the most idiotic take on all of this. Honorable mention goes to senator Kelly Loeffler of georgia who wrote remember, china gave this virus to our president and first lady flotus. We must hold them accountable. Right. China flew over here and forced trump to not wear a mask and go to a bunch of packed events. Blaming china for the fact that trump has covid is like blaming the fried chickens of kentucky for getting him fat. Okay . But that wasnt the topper, the award for weakest spin of the week goes to press Communications Director erin perrine. He has experience as a businessman. He has experience now fighting the coronavirus as an individual. Those firsthand experiences, joe biden, he doesnt have those. Jimmy wow. You know what . Lets just take a minute to appreciate that because its so stupid its almost genius. Since joe biden stayed safe and listened to the experts, he didnt get infected, and so he doesnt have the experience now required to fight how can you fight a disease if youve never had it . It would be like trying to fight a fire if youd never even burned your own house down. Its impossible. But its an original spin and with not much else to point to, team trump is running with it. America needs an experienced leader. Donald trump knows how to fight the coronavirus. Because hes done it himself. Trump knows how to help failing american businesses. After six bankruptcies no one has failed at business more. Trump knows not to say nice things about nazis. Very fine people. On both sides. Because he did it one time and it didnt go well. Trumps experience running a Fraudulent University taught him the pain of student debt. And only donald trump has the handson experience of paying off a porn star and then lying about it. So maybe thatll come in handy. When it comes to experience, only one man can make America Great again. Because only one man [ bleep ] it up in the first place. It is what it is. Donald trump. Experience counts. Bing bing, bong bong, bing bing bing. [ applause ] jimmy i dont know about you but im sold. Meanwhile, the cases of covid are piling up in washington. Another white house aide tested positive today. Stephen miller, the evil slug that advises the president , tested positive today. Yesterday press secretary kayla macaronigrill announced that she has covid. Which makes this nonsensical statement she made in february extra footinmouthy. Absolutely, this president will always put america first. He will always protect american citizens. We will not see diseases like the coronavirus come here. Jimmy oops. Although in fairness to kayleigh, she actually is right that you cant see the virus. Its tiny. Its even smaller than his hands. But now that shes got Covid Kayleigh has been forced to lie to america from her home. So the novel virus that came in from china, no one had seen it, there were no tests, there were no therapeutics. In short order President Trump developed them and this vaccine is on pace to be the fastest vaccine for a novel pathogen in Human History and we can thank President Trump for all of that. Jimmy we can . Really . This woman should not be working in the white house. This woman should be doing the weather in jonesboro, arkansas. [ applause ] i mean, if youre going to lie on tv every day just tell us its going to be sunny. At least 13 people in the president s circle have tested positive. There is said to be fear and anger in the west wing. Which is a shame because the white house seemed like such a happy place to work before this. Staffers are worried that the president could potentially expose them to the virus. Remember what a president exposing himself to the white house staff used to mean . Those were simpler times. [ laughter ] they really were. The number of those infected keeps going up, which makes it especially challenging for the contract contact traders or tracers. What are they, guillermo . Guillermo uh, tracers. Jimmy thank you. Guillermo i dont know. Jimmy you split the difference on me. Contact tracers that are assigned to the job. And we have one of them with us tonight. Dr. Edward miller. Hello, dr. Miller. Thank you for joining us. Dr. Miller . [ applause ] yeah, hey, jimmy. Im sorry. Im just fielding a lot of calls right now. Jimmy oh, im sorry. I dont mean to interrupt. No. Tell kayleigh that under no circumstances is she allowed to go to a Bachelorette Party in cancun. Jimmy oh, my goodness. My god. Sorry, what was your question . Jimmy i didnt have a i was just wondering if you have an idea of how now the outbreak started. Hmm, yeah, i wonder how it started. I wonder how a highly contagious virus managed to slip out into a group of antimaskers at their say goodbye to healthcare garden party jimmy okay, but do you know who do you have any idea who patient zero was . It could have been any of these imbeciles. I mean, take a look at this. If we assume that the person who spread the infection wasnt wearing a mask, it could be him, her, her, him, him, her, her, him, or any of them. Theyre shoulder to shoulder like its coachella [ phone rings ] jesus. Jimmy you need to get that . Okay, go ahead. No, governor christie, you cannot have your Birthday Dinner at souplantation. Jimmy oh, my goodness. No, not there either. The Hometown Buffet isnt even open jimmy okay. It seems like at this point i guess the goal probably is to identify who is infected and then quarantine them to make sure nobody else gets it. Right . Yes, were trying to protect the white house essential workers. Housekeepers, chefs, secret service, we want to make sure that every american knows to keep their distance from the entire Republican Party until we have a vaccine. [ phone rings ] jimmy okay, i see. Sorry. Jimmy yeah. I have to go. This one is going to take a while. Jimmy okay. Sorry. Mayor giuliani . For the last time, there is no medical reason why you should be drinking blood. [ phone rings ] jimmy that didnt take long at all there, doctor. Eric . I dont know why your dad hugs ivanka and not you. Maybe because he has covid jimmy okay. Thank you, dr. Miller. I appreciate your time. [ phone rings ] dr. Miller . Yes. Hey, kellyanne. No, dont lick that jimmy okay. You know what . Thank you, dr. Miller. [ applause ] you know, a lot of people thats dr. Miller. Hes a doctor. He works at the white house. And hes getting a lot of calls right now. Guillermo hes super busy. Jimmy yeah, super busy. Really busy. Phones are ringing off the hook. A lot of phones for one desk, right . Guillermo yeah. Unbelievable. Jimmy you know, people are saying a lot of people are saying and writing a lot about this situation with our president and the pandemic right now, but no one, and i mean no one, summed it up better than Wendy Williams today, who said what i think were all thinking right now. Oh, President Trump. Dont be afraid of cornova . Dont let it dominate your life . Sir, are you serious . Mm. Mm. We are here out in the field. We are frightened of cornova. [ laughter ] jimmy now we have to be frightened of cornova too . What the hell is cornova . [ laughter ] thank you, wendy. We have a good show. Marlon wayans is here with us tonight. We have music from jaden. And well be right back for an inperson visit with armie hammer. So stay with us. [ applause ] dicky Abcs Jimmy Kimmel live, brought to you by allstate. Smooth driving pays off with allstate, the safer you drive the more you save you never been in better hands allstate click or call for a quote today have your attention. [sound fx bing] pull up a seat begin the lesson ba da bum, lets go mmm, sorry i got that, you got that, we got that boom we got that the calming scent of lavender by downy infusions calm. Laundry isnt done until its done with downy. fisherman vo ce how do i register to vote . Ential election. Hmm . Hmm . Hmm . woman on porch vo can we vote by mail here . grandma vo youll be safe, right . daughter vo yes four girls vo the polls voted grandma vo go out and vote its so important man at poll vo woo grandma vo its the most important thing you can do its everything to me to be able to love them and experience them every day. Its a proud feeling. Being able to order stuff online, i can just go straight to the app. It helps out a lot. We get to use that time that we would be at the grocery store. That time is priceless. Come on tucker, lets go. K . That time is priceless. Tuck, tuck, do you want a walk boy . Tucker, do you want to go out . When the whole family needs an excuse to get out, nutros clean recipe will help your dog keep up. Hey mama, whats up . Im confused. Confused about what, everything ok . I only see one price on my phone bill. That doesnt sound confusing mama. Youre on tmobile, taxes and fees are included. Oh come on, its always extra fees not on tmobile mama. Why cant all my bills be like this . I dont know mama. Bye mama, love you. Anthony . Umph at tmobile,taxes and fees are included. Get 4 free 5g Samsung Galaxy s20 fes with 4 new lines. Proposition 16 takes some women make as little as 42 of what a man makes. Voting yes on prop 16 helps us fix that. Its supported by leaders like Kamala Harris and opposed by those who have always opposed equality. We either fall from grace or we rise. Together. Proposition 16 provides equal opportunities, levelling the Playing Field for all of us. Vote yes on prop 16. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy welcome back. Tonight on the show, his album is called cool tape volume 3. Music from jaden is on the way. You know, he used to be known as jaden smith. But now he goes by jaden, which is a real time saver. Tomorrow night weve got a brand new show after the Vice President ial debate with billy crystal, South CarolinaSenate Candidate jaime harrison, and music from natanael cano. Right, guillermo . I got that right . Guillermo perfect. Jimmy thank you very much. And later this week, liam neeson, killer mike, norah jones, and we will be in primetime once again alongside game 5 of the nba finals with the great jamie foxx. So please join us. I think thats friday night. [ applause ] our first guest tonight is no stranger to a mask. He was the lone ranger after all. His presence in this studio breaks a sevenmonthlong streak of very distant interviews. His latest film is the psychological thriller rebecca. It opens in theaters october 16th and is on netflix starting october 21st. Please say hello to armie hammer. [ cheers and applause ] [ applause ] if you can, have a seat. Welcome. How are you . Thank you for coming. Thats very nice. [ applause ] wow. Where did you get this . This is a great look for you. Well, how far are we right now . Jimmy i think were like eight feet apart. Okay. The thing is, i know where ive been. Jimmy uhhuh. I dont know where youve been. [ laughter ] this is a global pandemic, jimmy. This feels a little irresponsible. Jimmy youre right. You cant be too careful. You really cant. Its true. They were out of the outbreak costume, so i had to settle. Jimmy i have been tested on a daily basis. So i think youre pretty safe with me. Then you should be wearing this. [ laughter ] jimmy yes. They say its good to thats not nasaissued footwear that youre wearing there, is it . Well, it depends on which Space Mission youre talking about. I think they did try to use it for one of them but they kept falling off in launch. Jimmy what happened . Looks like you got half of a pedicure there. Yeah, yeah, i got half a pedicure. Thats what happened. The a. D. D. Kicked in halfway through and i was like get your infected hands off me. Yeah. Basically. Jimmy what have you been doing . Have you been productive during this down time . Were there things you wanted to do . Just buying costumes. [ laughter ] no, funny enough, ive been very productive. Jimmy you look like a baked potato. [ laughter ] like after youve eaten half of it and you kind of wrap it up in foil and stuff it in your car and forget about it for a month. That baked potato. Jimm