Dont touch the doorknob if its too hot. This could be quite a mess. There are already long lines. Voting is under way in several states, including california, where not only are people casting their ballots, theyre also cleaning them. Sacramento county officials are asking people to stop disinfecting their mailin ballots. The registrar of voters says they have received at least 100 ballots damaged by disinfecting alcohol spray. In one case the registrar says someone microwaved their ballot. Jimmy well. That makes sense. What set doing you use to microwave a ballot . Potato . I have to say, if youre purelling and microwaving your mailin ballot, im okay with you sitting this one out votewise. There are brazen attempts to steal this election going on already. After months of trump yammering about how the vote is rigged, the vote is rigged, the vote is rigged, the California Republican party stands accused of setting up illegal ballot boxes to collect votes. More than 50 unofficial ballot boxes have popped up around our state. The california secretary of state and attorney general warned republicans that if they do not remove those boxes by thursday, they will face prosecution. But trump is encouraging them to keep the boxes there and keep on trucking. Can you imagine, setting up boxes and telling people to drop their votes in . I think the best way to prove theres voter fraud is to commit voter fraud. Its easy to get confused. What your dropoff box looks like, who knows what it looks like, it varies state to state, county to county. This is what an official ballot box in Orange County, california, looks like. That is the official box. And this is a filing cabinet. This is not this is what the california gop in Orange County would like you to use. The guy in the picture is the regional field director for them. They should stuff him in that box is what they should do. Make no mistake about it, theres no limit to what these people will do to steal this vote. These boxes are not official, no matter what they say on them. You must make sure, this is so important, you have to make sure youre using an officially sanctioned ballot box. For instance, this is not official. This is not official. This is not official. And there are no official ballot boxes in the mens room at buffalo wild wings, okay . Guillermo, you voted already, right . Guillermo yes this morning, i dropped off my ballot. Jimmy i want to talk to you about that because i watched the video you posted to instagram. And im worried about the drop box you used. Lets look at that video. Im so excited, i just filled out my ballot. Now im going to drop it off at the official ballot box. Right there [ shredder sounds. Thats the sound of democracy. [ laughter and applause ] jimmy one less vote for kanye, i guess. This is a weird one. Heres news that doesnt involve trump for a change. A new development in the world of fruit. You know, this is something called the pink glow pineapple. It is a pineapple thats pink on the inside instead of yellow. Took them 15 years to develop, which makes me think they probably werent working that hard on it. Looks like a regular pineapple on the outside. On the inside it looks like ham. [ laughter ] del monte is selling these for 49 a pop. 49 each. We were able to find one today. Oh, there it is. Wow. Oh my gosh, ladies and gentlemen, say no more guillermo miracle jimmy it as miracle, the pink glow pineapple is here, wow. All right. So they cut off the crowns, apparently they do this because then they replant them immediately. But its supposed to be sweeter than a regular pineapple. Sorry to ruin the cgi magic. It comes with this certificate saying that this is the real thing, its not a bogus, counterfeit pine glow pineapple. It has actual a thing that goes along with it. But here we go, all right. So lets if you dont mind, im going to cut this up. Im sure youre all impressed my knife skills. Yeah ive been to hawaii. Okay, all right. Well get that there. And then guillermo, you want to come over here and try some of this . Guillermo of course. Jimmy all right, here we go. I didnt wash my hands, but go ahead, yeah. Guillermo its okay, boss. Jimmy take a bite and well try this together, well see what we think. Guillermo wow, this is real good. Jimmy you know what it tastes like . Pineapple, right . Guillermo yeah. Its good pineapple. Jimmy its exactly like pineapple. Does it taste any different to you than a regular pineapple . Guillermo not at all, jimmy. Jimmy me neither, all right. Finish this up. Take that over there. There you go. Dont say nothing good came from 2020. By the way, if trump loses, this is the kind of thing were going to be doing every night on the show. [ laughter and applause ] jimmy the president is on the road this month. He is burning massive amounts of jet fuel to spread his message and germs all over big crowds of supporters in swing states. Even as we learned today that his son, barron, tested positive for the virus earlier this month. He is negative for it now. Look at this map. Cases of the virus are going up in every state thats colored red, which is almost all of them. None of the states are going in the right direction. The second wave is clearly under way. And while youd expect Something Like this might make the president think twice about these unmasked, ego mania or gys hes involved with, donald trump doesnt think twice about anything. Most of the time he doesnt even think once. The president was in iowa tonight where cases are surging. Over the last 24 hours, the Positivity Rate in iowa is almost 22 . 10,000 strong were expected tonight. Sadly, 2,200 infected people. Even though his own white house put out guidelines saying there should be no gatherings in central iowa with more than 25 people, theyre doing this. That applies only if its not a tribute to him. I wonder if the president passed this on his way into des moines, though. They put up a billboard outside the location of the rally. [ cheers and applause ] trump covid super spreader event, that way. That is literally a sick burn. So last night the president had a rally in zones town i mean, johnstown, not that theres a difference. [ laughter ] he was feeling the pennsylvania love and once again promised to shower affection on the crowd, whether they want it or not. I could have stayed in the basement of the white house, or maybe the top floor of the white house. I could have done that, but im the president of the united states. I cant do that. I got to get out and i have to meet people and i have to see people, and i know its risky to do that. But you have so do what you have to do. Im the president. I cant sit in the basement and say, lets wait this thing out. Im not going to do that. And now im immune, they tell me, im immune. I could come down and start kissing everybody. Ill kiss every guy, man and woman, man and woman. Look at that guy, how handsome he is. Ill kiss him not with a lot of enjoyment, but thats okay. Jimmy hes dancing to ymca, hes kissing guys. Is it possible that we might be gearing up for the greatest october surprise of all time . [ applause ] mike pence is my boyfriend it was a very sexy rally. A lot of pillow talk last night. Obama used to send them pillows. Maybe from the pillow man on fox. Did you ever see a mantis so much . Ive never seen ive never seen the biggest i think hes the greatest advertising genius, mike. If i gave him our budget, you wouldnt be able to do anything else but watch trump ads. The pillow man, i tell you. I never saw so many ads in my life. Every day its a pillow, the pillow. Now he came out with a sheet and im going crazy, thats all we need now is a new sheet. Jimmy thats right. Some of your friends could use new sheets. They cut eyeholes out of the hold ones. [ laughter ] i mean, does this man do anything but watch cable news . All the pillow ads, its too much. The president is trailing joe biden bigly in every poll. I think its starting to get under his thick orange rind. Im running against the single worst candidate in the history of president ial politics and you know what that does . That puts more pressure on me. Can you imagine if you lose to a guy like this . Jimmy yes, i imagine that every night as i go to bed. As i fall to sleep, i imagine it, and i hope you will understand it soon. There was a lot of biden bashing at the rally last night. His new line of attack is to claim joe biden isnt nice. He has no clue, and hes not a nice guy. Just so you understand, not a night guy. If he was a nice guy, i wouldnt hit him, but hes not a nice guy, hes a bad guy. Hes always been a dummy, but hes always been no, no, in his best of years, he was considered a dumb guy. Jimmy take it from me, i looked right into an eclipse, i know dumb guy. [ laughter ] trump had a lot to spout about in johnstown last night, so we slowed it down for another fun edition of drunk donald trump. [ tape playing slowly ] what a night that was. Remember that night . Donald trump has won the commonwealth of pennsylvania. Donald trump. [ applause ] jimmy i think we just got a glimpse of every dinner conversation after hes out of office. All kidding aside, this is an may who is spinning out. Yesterday he retweeted a Conspiracy Theory that obama and biden staged the killing of Osama Bin Laden and that bin laden is still alive. Our president tweeted this. And this is something. You know, theres supposed to be a debate tomorrow night, but since trump wouldnt agree to the virtual format that they wanted to have because he tested positive for the coronavirus, he backed out altogether. So because there was no debate, biden agreed to do a town hall on abc that night. So trump today announced he will also be doing a town hall. But on nbc. And at the same time as biden. So that sells it, now i know what im going to do. Im going to vote for both of them, right . Guillermo i guess. Jimmy thanks, nbc. First the apprentice, now this. Why not a new bill cosby special while were at it . Theres no good reason to hold these events simultaneously. They could delay them, they could obviously trump wants this because he knows hell get better ratings than joe biden. Of course more people will watch trump. That doesnt mean if my choices are watching a documentary about the bill of rights or a guy getting hit in the nuts with a shovel, im going shovel every single time. While donald trump is grabbing any spotlight he can find, joe biden is grabbing headlights. [ car horns honking ] jimmy joe biden is doing rallies for traffic. At least if the speech gets boring, you can listen to the radio, i guess. These are challenging times for sure, theres no doubt about that. When things get dark, i turn to a particular member of my family, someone who sees the good in every situation. Since we need that badly right now, i would like to share some words of hope from my cousin mickey. So fur needing a little bit of help to feel hopeful for the future and for your present day, i do simple things. Sometimes the simplest things are the best things. Like do things that make you happy. Like for me, sit on a unicorn. Surround yourself with balloons and lights. Drink from a lollipop straw. It can make your heart and fill your soul up. And its something so simple. Its something so simple. As simple as being kind to somebody. And you know, believe. Just believe in something. Doesnt matter what you believe in, just believe in something good. Believe in unicorns. Believe in, you know, anything in the heavens. Believe in anything that feels good. But i think believing in unicorns is realistic. And i think if it makes you feel good, why not . Dont ever give up. Jimmy thats right. Dont ever give up. And no shes not kidding. We have a good show for you tonight. Leslie jones is here. Weve got music from woodkid. And well be right back with john cusack knowinits hard. Re is hard. Eliminate who you are not first, and youre going to find yourself where you need to be. The race is never over. The journey has no port. The adventure never ends, because we are always on the way. Good mormore treatment . Were going to try Something Different today. Hi awwww, so pretty. Dogs bring out the good in us. Pedigree® brings out the good in them. fisherman vo ce how do i register to vote . Ential election. Hmm . Hmm . Hmm . woman on porch vo can we vote by mail here . grandma vo youll be safe, right . daughter vo yes four girls vo the polls voted grandma vo go out and vote its so important man at poll vo woo grandma vo its the most important thing you can do dont ever give up. Do i use a toothpaste that or one thats good for my teeth . Now i dont have to choose. Crest 3d white. It removes up to 95 of surface stains. And strengthens enamel. From the number one toothpaste brand in america. Crest. Has been amazing. Its not just a work environment. Everyone here is family. Thank you optum perks can save you up to 80 . And everyone can do it. Its from optum, a Health Care Company thats trusted by millions of people. Opt in and save big today. Have your attention. [sound fx bing] pull up a seat begin the lesson ba da bum, lets go mmm, sorry i got that, you got that, we got that boom [ cheers and applause ] jimmy welcome back. Tonight on the show, she is the new host of supermarket sweep which premieres sunday night here on abc, leslie jones is with us. [ cheers and applause ] then later, this is his album, s 16, it comes out friday. Music from woodkid. Guillermo what do you think of that album cover . You get a look at that . Guillermo yeah, i like it. Incredible hulk or something. Jimmy tomorrow night, josh gad and former Governor John Kasich will join us, and well have music from foo fighters so please join us for that. [ cheers and applause ] our first guest tonight is one of the bestloved actors you know from some of the bestloved movies ever. His new series utopia is on Amazon Prime Video. Say hello to john cusack hey, john, how are you . How are you, jimmy . Good to see you. [ cheers and applause ] you have an audience. Jimmy whats that, sorry . I yelled you have an audience. Jimmy i yelled at the crew because they were not responding to my jokes, now theyre overresponding to things. [ laughter ] i wouldnt call them an audience as much as have you played with the laugh track yet or no . Jimmy no, no laugh track, but were this close, real close. [ laughter ] im the guy could use a laugh track. Jimmy i would appreciate it, could use all the help i can get. By the way, i know its a few months back, but i enjoyed seeing you in the last dance, the Michael Jordan documentary, talking about michael and the bulls, just as a fan. Youre a longtime fan, obviously. Absolutely. Absolutely. I was lucky enough to grow up in chicago when jordan first came into the league. And watched his rise and watch him kind of conquer the detroit pistons, then start his reign as the best basketball player ever, with all due respect to lebron and all the others. Theres never been anybody like michael. Jimmy in your mind, is there any possibility that lebron could surpass michael . Say if lebron were to win four more titles, would he pass jordan . Theyre all so good, its just the thing for me, which i dont know if its a good thing or bad thing, but like hockey used to be a lot tougher, like they used to fight all the time in hockey. Jimmy right. When michael was coming up, if somebody went into the paint to try to get above the rim, like Anthony Mason was going to hit you and you were going to go down. So it was a lot tougher game. So i just remember that. So it makes his accomplishments, to me, seem even more incredible. Jimmy you became friendly with Michael Jordan. Would you say hes a friend of yours, an acquaintance . I would say so. Yeah. Its a i would say acquaintance, friend, chicago guys. Jimmy what does that mean . Do you hang out together . Do you go places . Do you meet places . Yeah, you know, we went out a couple times. Back then it was a time when there was no, you know, cell phones. Jimmy yes. And there were no pictures so you could kind of get lost in a bar pretty well. So you could roughhouse with guys like that. I went out one night with jordan, and lets see, the super bowl mvp, richard dent. They started roughhousing. Before i knew it, rich abandon dent had lifted me over his head with one arm. Jimmy really . Yeah. I thought he wife thrown me through the ceiling. Great peril. Jimmy did you do anything to earn that, or was it just a feat of strength . It was just a sort of a bit of roughhousing and alcohol with people who were really big and strong. [ laughter ] jimmy when you talk to Michael Jordan, im just interested in your friendship. Because i think you are a chicago icon in a similar way that he is. No, no, no. Jimmy yeah, but you are. I mean, listen [ applause ] jimmy its not Michael Jordan, but i tell you one thing. For me, i just fan out, geek out, right . I say, michael, who is the toughest heres a question. If you asked who was the toughest person to defend against the great Michael Jordan in his whole career, who would he answer, without a splitsecond, who is his answer . Jimmy interesting. God, i dont know. Do you have it . Without a seconds hesitation he says, kevin mchale. Jimmy kevin mchale of the celtics, wow, really. Were talking about oldschool. I would just geek out with that stuff. Jimmy was kevin mchale even on jordan a lot, i wonder . Remember when he first scored i think 63 or 70 points against the celtics back when larry bird and parrish and mchale was on that team, he said that he was thats why he developed his fadeaway jump shot, i think, was to get away from kevin mchale. Jimmy wow. Thats wow, thats got to be exciting for kevin mchale, i would think, huh . I was amazed. Then, you know, its like, if you have in chicago, if you hang out used to hang out and pick greg madduxs brain, the great pitcher. What can you tell me that no one knows about your hall of fame career . He said, i want to give up the most 02 hits in history, im never wasting that 02 pitch. Jimmy wow. Just a sports geek. Jimmy hes from my hometown of las vegas, greg maddux. Youre talking my language there. Theres a photograph i want to ask you about. Because this is the last time that michael and kobe played against each other in a game. Michael was with the wizards. And there you are, the big gulp or something in your hand. [ laughter ] yeah, it is a big gulp. Jimmy and everyones laughing. Do you remember anything about this moment . I know it was just something that was snapped, and maybe you dont. No, of course i remember. I remember every game that i think michael played, all of it. When he came back with the wizards, i would go to as many as i could. Go off the bench, come ba in, he would say, no, no, no, im done, ice up his knees. At that moment, some point in the game everybody knew michael and kobe were going to go one on one. So kobe got the ball